Home » I Have To Go Help David Move In The Cold Oh Crap: Cold Start

I Have To Go Help David Move In The Cold Oh Crap: Cold Start

Cs Antarcticcars

I’m going to be out today and through Monday because I agreed to help our own David Tracy pack up more of the cold, frozen shanty full of sharp, cold, rusty metal things he called his house as he attempts to finally completely move to sunny, less-miserable Los Angeles. It’s going to suuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk because David told me the high will be 10° and there’s snow and everything there is a mess because he lives like a filthy animal that hordes rusty car parts and every step is going to be so cold and painful and oh god why did I agree to this why why why?

We will be having the Big Autopian Readers Party, of course, so that’ll be fun but every moment before and after that is about guaranteed to be pure frozen hell. Have I told you about what his bathroom sink looks like? Maybe the unholy life that’s developing in there will be willing to help us carry frozen transmission cases to the truck with their slimy tentacles, or something.

Those cars up there, by the way, are two Antarctic automotive firsts: the left one is the 1907 Arrol-Johnston brought by Earnest Shackleford on his Antarctic expedition, and while it was air-cooled and used non-freezing oil, it never really worked, because is was not able to get any real traction in snow, and was mostly a failure. Really, nobody quite knew how to test the car for adequate performance in the Antarctic conditions, so it’s really not too surprising it was a bust.

Cs Antarctica1

More successful was Antarctic 1, a 1963 Volkswagen Beetle that was the first production car in Antarctica, and the first one that actually worked. Fitted with VW’s cold weather package, snow chains, and some frame reinforcements, Antarctica 1 was used to great effect by the Australian National Antarctic Research Expeditions.

I’m going to use that Beetle as my Spirit Car as David forces me to haul shit through the icy muck, and contemplate that little red Beetle when I just want to crawl into some hole and be warm, warm and immobile, wishing this nightmare would end.

Anyway, wish me luck!

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66 Responses

  1. I just drove 300 miles tonight to facilitate a shady parking lot exchange that netted my friends two pug puppies. I did not mind. My friends thought I was a little nuts for offering to drive them (silly non-automobile people, how do they live without automotive freedom!). So I’m okay with a bit of altruistic assistance.

    No effing way would I approach the old Tracy household without a cattle prod and a dumpster. I’ve cleaned out hoarder houses in a past life, and I got no patience for someone who clutches handfuls of rusty bolts and valve lifters in their greasy, unclean hands for dear life.

    Cleanse it with fire!

    1. I’m assuming his saint of a landlord is going to need to burn the house down for the insurance money and start over from scratch in order to still have rental income from that property after David leaves.

  2. Cmon every one of the 100+ guests gets a door prize. Any piece of crap DT hasnt packed. He can get better parts in Callie, and yhis gets trash removed.

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