Home » Jason Continues To Be The Autopian Most Likely To Get Arrested – Tales From The Slack

Jason Continues To Be The Autopian Most Likely To Get Arrested – Tales From The Slack

Slack Tales Jason Preison
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Hey y’all! If you’re reading this it means you’re not a member. We’re a member-supported website and we need your help to keep the blogs coming. Think about becoming a member and then you, too, can read this post about all the things Jason shouldn’t be doing.

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Tim R
Tim R
20 days ago

Thanks for the link to the story about Jason bailing out his parents. I read it back then, but it’s glorious and deserves re-reading and probably an Apple TV+ miniseries

Mike
Mike
20 days ago

On a somewhat unrelated note: the sale of the lighting site closed last week and THE ORANGE LOGO IS BACK! Maybe things will be OK.

Horizontally Opposed
Horizontally Opposed
21 days ago

Shit Adrian. Was it a live salmon? Were they harmed by the handling? So many questions

Beto O'Kitty
Beto O'Kitty
22 days ago

Should we start a Go Fund Me so we can have bail money ready?

Taargus Taargus
Taargus Taargus
23 days ago

“I don’t know what cab ride videos that Adrian is talking about here.”

Uh huh. Sure you don’t.

Beto O'Kitty
Beto O'Kitty
22 days ago

Cash cab

Taargus Taargus
Taargus Taargus
20 days ago
Reply to  Beto O'Kitty

I guess you could call it that.

CSRoad
CSRoad
23 days ago

Make new stickers, that’s graphics, get Torch involved.
Swap IGX for JFK, good old Horace Williams, it might break even for $45.
Maybe it is not a Taxi, it’s a mobile venue for tail light discussion and a non-profit.

There is this to whom it may concern envelope.
It is an undercover vehicle part of an operation that can’t be discussed at this time. The Torchinski fellow is deeply involved, do not apprehend.

Scott
Scott
23 days ago

WTF actually is “handling salmon in a suspicious way?” Does that mean you’re obviously enjoying it too much? If so, I’m guilty of that at least a couple times a month.

Ah, I see (thanks for the wiki link) that it means being in possession of salmon that comes from a suspicious (i.e.: perhaps illegal) source. Like 98% of the salmon I’ve ever consumed comes from the grocery store (Trader Joe’s, etc…) so that’s probably not an issue.

Still, the over-the-hill-revolutionary in me want to scream ‘FUCK THE SALMON POLICE” even though I’m actually 100% in favor of sustainable fishery policy.

1978fiatspyderfan
1978fiatspyderfan
23 days ago
Reply to  Scott

Pretty sure either sex with or failing to store it at proper temperature. I put sex first for a reason

Tim R
Tim R
20 days ago

Maybe both

A. Barth
A. Barth
23 days ago

in many ways, Jason always lives his life a little bit outside the law

I thought he lived it a quarter-mile at a time. Maybe that was someone else.

1978fiatspyderfan
1978fiatspyderfan
23 days ago
Reply to  A. Barth

But with the changali a quarter mile is like 3 months.

A. Barth
A. Barth
23 days ago

one quarter-mile = one quarter

Now the word is starting to look funny

quarter quarter quarter quarter quarter quarter quarter quarter quarter quarter

Dead Elvis, Inc.
Dead Elvis, Inc.
22 days ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Quarter? I hardly know ‘er!

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
22 days ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Semantic satiety is a semantic satiety is a semantic is a semantic is a semantic is semantic is semantic semantic semantic semantic

Toecutter
Toecutter
23 days ago

Jason always lives his life a little bit outside the law.

I think we all do, it’s just that the vast majority will never admit it, and not always without good reason.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6611240-three-felonies-a-day

This is why it’s so hard to copy Jason. He doesn’t think like regular people. He doesn’t do what regular people do.

Regular people are boring. That has its pluses and minuses.

every Torchinsky child has to fetch their parents from jail at least one time.

I’m no stranger to this with regard to my own parents…

Glad Torch is still alive and kicking and creating chaos! I look forward to reading about the taxi cab adventures.

Root
Root
23 days ago

Is there anything in the local area with the initials JFK? Like maybe he opens a store called “Jason’s Fascinating Knickknacks”? Jason could make a lot of cash driving people there and try to sell overpriced cruft. Gotta keep up the hustle in this economy!

1978fiatspyderfan
1978fiatspyderfan
23 days ago
Reply to  Root

Screw it just don’t stop or show up then they think you are a real cab company.

Taco Shackleford
Taco Shackleford
23 days ago

It seems about time for a bail fund to be set up. Use the next membership drive to fund Jason’s future release.

Brockstar
Brockstar
22 days ago

Can you post bail with a car? Imagine trying to use the CrossCabriolet. It’s a rare and majestic beast that the owners will surely return for.

Root
Root
23 days ago

The fact that he had the CALL 911 lights on and nobody did absolutely does not surprise me.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
23 days ago
Reply to  Root

When I lived in Chicago years ago, half the cabs on the road drove around with them lit up.

MikeInTheWoods
MikeInTheWoods
23 days ago

It would be worth it to pay $45 and get to drive around with Jason for a while. Even if we ended up in a jail cell.

1978fiatspyderfan
1978fiatspyderfan
23 days ago
Reply to  MikeInTheWoods

I think Jason would end up in jail and I wonder if he would think riding around with you was worth it?

MikeInTheWoods
MikeInTheWoods
23 days ago

I would hope so. Arcane vehicular knowledge and trivia along with an appreciation for batshit crazy ideas and art. What could possibly go wrong?

Toecutter
Toecutter
23 days ago
Reply to  MikeInTheWoods

What could possibly go wrong?

Everything that can go right!

The man is a living, breathing Chaos Sigil. An otherworldly gremlin not of this realm. Great power for destruction is contained within. Respect him for what he is.

Last edited 23 days ago by Toecutter
Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
23 days ago

If you hire me, I promise to get arrested within 48 hours.

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
23 days ago
Reply to  Crank Shaft

Are you extending this offer just to The Autopian or in general?

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
23 days ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell

For everything except cocaine mule because I’m stealing it before I get caught.

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