As you’re likely quite aware, tomorrow is Christmas, a shortening of Christ’s Mass, which, for those of you unfamiliar, is somewhat similar structurally to Michaelmas and Candlemas, but focusing on some very different liturgical elements. I’m sure you can learn more about the holiday at your local library. However you choose to celebrate, just know that we’ll have the day off most of today and tomorrow, and, let’s be honest, probably most of Friday.
But still check in; we’ll have some stories up, and I’d hope you’ll want to break in all the fun new presents you get that are capable of going online by visiting the Autopian! I hope we see a surge of internet-connected refrigerators and shoehorns and personal massagers and pneumatic drills pinging the site tomorrow!
For today, though, I just want to wish you a very happy, peaceful, joyful day, whether you’re celebrating Christmas or not, and to remind you of one of my favorite examples of Ford throwing Christmas Shade at Chevrolet. It’s part of this dealer-training filmstrip from 1959, comparing the Ford Falcon to the Chevy Corvair:
Of course Ford wanted to show the Falcon in a better light than the then-new Corvair; the Corvair was a revolutionary (well, for American cars) rear-engined, air-cooled design, and Ford’s very conventional Falcon looked pretty tame next to it. I went over all of this before, but since it’s Christmas, I wanted to revisit one significant frame of this filmstrip:
In trying to show how the Corvair’s front-mounted trunk was a disadvantage, Ford brought up the example of buying a Christmas tree, and then trying to shove it into the trunk to get it home. The front trunk absolutely introduces some real visibility issues, and the tree lot owner is a pretty opportunistic old dude, attempting to sell the Corvair owner a periscope to drive home.
Was this guy getting so many Corvairs (and, perhaps VW Beetles and Renault Dauphines) that he started to stock periscopes?
I think it’s time to really scrutinize this idea, a mere 66 years later. Was this really a valid concern? Let’s see:
Hm. While there’s no question that there would be significant visibility issues in trying to transport a Christmas tree in the front trunk of a Corvair, I think it barely matters, because you’d have a pretty precarious tree-in-trunk situation in the Falcon, too, with over half the tree bouncing around outside the back of the trunk, which is also hardly ideal.
Both cars had fairly high lift-over areas to get into the trunks, so the angles those trees would be sitting at would be fairly dramatic, which could cause trunk breakage where it rests on the trunk’s lip.
The truth is the only sensible way to transport a Christmas tree is on the roof, trunk first, and well-bound in, very likely, a shibari-style. With this in mind, I think we can call this petty rivalry done, with both cars happily capable of taking a tree to your home to prop up in your living room and cover in lights.
See? Finally, peace between Ford and Chevy! Let this be an inspiration to us all, and, once again, have a positively delightful holiday.
As a long time owner of cars with small clearance, I am stunned by the worry about the front clearing curbs. Did they mean planters? Just where are they driving this?
But overall is like a warm up comic, its not funny enough to stand on its own.
Yeah sorry Jason but AI videos are annoying, AI narration is infuriating. I made it through 20 seconds of that before I noped right the hell out. Maybe just post the film strip without the extraneous bullshit?
I want my MTV…. “Money For Nothing” quality leadin video.
‘Course it was AWESOME in ’85
The final deciding factor is which car is easier to get into once you discover that, in the process of tying the tree to the roof, you’ve tied your doors shut?
Dad’s already asked for a new suspension design, but unfortunately the only tucking under is from the rear tires.
True Celebratariates know you WEAR the shade, never throw it.
Merry Christmas to all Autopians. In the spirit of car culture worldwide I’m in Scotland, and of course I’ve rented a car. I was hoping for something we don’t get in the US, but I’ve been given a Nissan Juke. Driving on the Adrian side has been interesting, especially during our trip from Inverness to Skye. A 2 plus hour trip? No problem, right? I drive an hour and half one way at least once a week, so it shouldn’t be an issue.
Driving back to Inverness was the biggest white knuckle drive of my life. Pitch dark. Wrong side of the road. Single lane roads. Mountains. Trucks. 60mph speed limit. Finally getting back to Inverness meant dodging insane drivers in the traffic circles. I needed at least 2 glasses of scotch when we got back to our place.
Car spotting has been fun. Biggest shock a full size Ford Raptor. How they keep it in the narrow lanes is beyond me.
Merry Christmas, and thank you to the Autopian staff for everything.
Agreed. The “national speed limit” of 60 when it’s not otherwise posted on cart track B roads is completely mental. So was the seemingly randomly parked cars in the lane all over the place. Enjoy! The highlands in the dead of winter is certainly a choice (albeit one I would also make.)
Your way is how Clark Griswold transported his, in his less-noticed-except-here late 80s Wagon Queen Family Truckster.
Always wondered why he doesn’t have that one in the garage when he loans a vehicle to adult Rusty.
The Vulcan V6 likely blew a head gasket and the transmission disintigrated.
Chaos in the streets, dogs and cats living together.
Happy belated Haunukkah or Festivus to you too Torch. Thank you for all you have done over the last year.
The steel was likely going to bend anyhow. These things had the structural integrity of a wet noodle. Part of why we have tanks of cars today and had to specifically write out that injuring pedestrians too severely is a no-no*.
*does not apply to anything considered a “light truck”.