Let’s get this out of the way first: if you’re buying your gasoline on Craigslist, maybe you’ve been making some decisions in your life that are worth re-evaluating. I’m not saying this is a universal, just a sign that’s perhaps worth looking at. What’s also worth looking at is this particular Craigslist ad from Denver, where you could buy 33 gallons of “old but goodish” gasoline! In bags!
Yes, bags. It’s the bags that are the real punctum of this ad, because the existence of gasoline in bags is always something that brings up questions, so many complicated questions. Questions like, why the hell is this gasoline in bags? How did it get into these bags? Who thought this was a good idea?
Here, look at these gas-bags:
Based on that picture, maybe there should be some written assurance that you’re not looking at bags of urine, too.
So that’s three bags of 11 gallons each. The seller notes the gas is premium, 93 octane, so that means, based on Denver gasoline prices, we’re looking at about $122.20 worth of gas! That’s a pretty good deal, for free gas! Well, again, free “old but goodish” gas, which itself brings up all kinds of questions.
Questions like, was this person just storing 11-gallon bags of gas in their house or garage somewhere? Jammed behind the hot water heater, maybe? In the living room, using them as additional seating?
Are those bags just zip-tied shut? Are they even double-bagged? I don’t think so.
Also, how did Waste Management goof up here? Maybe they didn’t want to take huge bags of gasoline?
So, so many questions. And gotten to the most interesting question here: what the fuck are you supposed to do with these bags, should you decide to toss them, sloshily, into your hatchback? Most places that make the peculiar choice to distribute liquids in unstructured plastic bags rely on some kind of extra, more substantial support structure to decant that liquid.
Take the Canadians and their weird love of bagged milk:
See what’s happening there? You need that plastic pitcher to handle that floppy milk bag. Otherwise it’d be like you’re trying to get a shaved badger to vomit badger milk into a bowl.
But an 11-gallon plastic bag of gasoline? How the hell are you going to get that into your car’s fuel tank, should you acquire these bags? I guess you could put a big funnel in your fuel filler, then wrap your arms around one of those bags, and, what, cut off a corner, like a Montreal milk bag?
Then where would you be – wrestling that big sloppy bag of gasoline, desperately trying to point that pulsing stream of gas –which, I imagine, must resemble the urine stream of a healthy adult rhino – into the funnel, where maybe, what, half a gallon out of the 11 actually makes it in? Have you ever tried holding a big bag of liquid like that? Or even a smaller bag? It’s like wrestling a jellyfish.
Maybe you could wet-dry vac the gasoline out and into a more suitable vessel, if you’re comfortable running a possibly sparky electric motor around a blob-shaped mass of gasoline constrained by a thin plastic membrane, which maybe you shouldn’t be.
I’m so baffled by all of this. I reached out to the seller to get some background or more information or even an exciting possible lie, so I’ll update if I get a response.
There’s also just something so funny about substances or objects in unexpected containers. A basket of mustard. A can of shrimp cocktail. A satchel of chili. A pitcher of meatballs. A can of hoagies. You get it.
If there’s an answer that makes me think, ohhh, that makes sense, I’m going to be very excited.
This Has To Be The Most Bonkers Collection Of Cars Sold In One Craigslist Ad Ever
These Are The Most Ridiculous Cars For Sale Near Me, Now Show Us The Weirdest Rides Near You
I Wish I Knew Who Would Buy This Homemade Wooden “Batmobile” Project
Whosoever buys gasoline in a bag also probably knows exactly how much Sudafed you can get for a stolen catalytic converter.
I believe the correct technique for decanting gasoline from a plastic bag into a vehicle involves a chainsaw-powered archimedes screw.
You are supposed to boil the gas in a still and let the vapour* drip into the tank. Takes a while but the extra distillation really makes the gas smoother.
*Anybody else see the humour in turning ‘gas’ into a vapour?
I feel like the Venn diagram of “people who put gasoline in bags” and “people who buy 375k mile Nissaxis” is a circle.
I’ve got a Toro snowblower from the 1990s that will outlive any ICE on the planet.
I bet it would run great on this stuff.
Everyone knows shrimp cocktail belongs in an EV Frunk
Not that this whole situation needs even more reason for astonishment, but it is worth noting that gasoline weighs around 7 pounds per gallon, so these flimsy plastic bags of high vapor pressure flammable solvent also weigh just shy of 80 pounds each.
I don’t know if you invented the adverb ‘sloshily’, Jason, but you certainly just popularized it, and for that I salute you!
Hmmm. . .so how does one get the gasoline into the bags without making a mess?
Just saying, these bags of milk are not exclusive to Canada. Or weren’t. We had them in Germany, both East and West. We had some of these hard plastic pitchers in this house, but I think we disposed of them at some point.
They are also used for BK and other milk shake machines and in cafeteria milk dispensers
This reminds me of an Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode when Dennis, Charlie, and Mac went around town selling gas stored in trash cans.
“We’re just a couple oil men, in from Dallas, and well, we’re a’ itchin’ like a hound to give you a’ sommin you want.”
The Gang Solves The Gas Crisis is one of my favorite episodes! I too thought exactly of that when seeing the article!
Wildcard, bitches! YEEEHAW!!!!”
Craigslist Tags: “hazardous material,” “arson,” “insane”
You’d have to swing by with a very large portable gas container. I looked them up online, you can apparently get a 52 gallon portable gas container on Amazon (of course) made by the brand….King Chao Foo
Or just a large trash can.
Those Texas oil men were smarter than you’d think!
Just be careful what kind of trash can. HDPE’s fine, and PP is probably OK, but if it’s polystyrene you’re just gonna end up with a pile of flammable snot.
Think it was a questionably acquired copy of “Ragnar’s Big Book of Homemade ….s” taught us to make garage napalm this way in Jr High. Accidentally set a friend’s shed on fire while testing in the adjacent sandbox. His dad wasn’t very impressed.
No thanks. If I want a bag of gas I’ll go to Taco Bell.
Now I’m craving a pitcher of meatballs with a side basket of mustard for dinner. Thanks, Torch…
Also, I feel sandwich bags of salsa from taquerias needs to be up there with bags of milk. First time you get one as a gringo you are so confused….
“It’s like wrestling a jellyfish.”
New Autopian idea:
Jellyfish Wrestling
“AND IN THIS CORNER…”
“LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!”
Adrian described driving a large van as wrestling an octopus in today’s piece.
Oh yeah, ha ha! That was a great article too
Also obligatory…Cheech and Chong stealing gas using trash barrel
https://youtu.be/2ccAx792uoI?si=vrJcsQZF3UvJkx4i
“Hey maaan, you got trash in it!”
Hey! Canadian geniuses are putting milk in bags. As a New Yorker with family in and around Kingston, Ont that spent significant amounts of time in Canada as a kid I can tell you first hand that bags of milk are the bomb. Must less plastic waste. I wish we would bring that to the USA.
Reducing plastic waste is unamerican!
Do the bags recycle? Because plastic jugs do.
The jugs *can* be recycled, but if you’ve been paying attention you know that plastic recycling isn’t going very well.
Well, this is largely the exception. Undyed types 1 and 2 have well established recycling that’s frequently cost effective. Milk jugs are usually HDPE, which is type 2.
Any other number you’re probably just as well burning as far as environmental impact unless a dedicated recycling facility for it is in your town and you drop it off yourself.
Yes, in most municipalities the bags can be recycled, but they do ask you to rinse them first. They also require less energy to recycle, but yield a less useful material to reintroduce into the chain. The biggest benefit is probably lower overall shipping weight.
“How much to ship to New Jersey?”
Would you be allowed to pour it into your tank yourself, or do you need a qualified attendant?
Ha! I’m not originally from the Garden State, so I am the qualified attendant.
The attendant is in its own bag. With any luck someone poked some air holes in it.
I wonder how long it took to turn in this article. I can picture DT dropping hint after very pointed hint as Torch puts the finishing touches on the list of substances or objects in unexpected containers. Definitely worth it to end on “can of hoagies.”
I’m sure half the editorial team was thinking, hmmm, plastic bags, well it’s better than a rusted out gas tank. The other half was, hmmm, plastic bags, free fuel cells!
Probably the same person that drilled my cousin’s GX460 gas tank, broad daylight right in his driveway in Denver last spring.
“Montreal Milk Bag” is now my new favourite insult.
You can literally take any common item and append Montreal to the front of the name and it somehow makes it unique and better than the same item from anywhere else. Unlike, say Chicago Pizza, it actually sort of works.
All we need now is a sketchy van, an oil tycoon, and a fire breather to sell gas door to door.
Wild card b*tches! Yeee-hawwwwwww
I would 100% use that in my lawn mower.
No, you would get <10% into your lawn mower. The rest would be on the lawn mower.
Dead grass needs no mowing.
I would think a siphon used to get gas out of the tank would work fine
Look at fancy man talking tanks over here. This is a gas bag conversation, buddy. Show yourself out…..
Hard to believe that’s 93 octane. Premium in Colorado is 91. Did he bring it to CO from somewhere else? The mystery just gets bigger.
I feel like crossing state lines with bags of gasoline must be some kind of crime..
When you are getting gas by the bag, you don’t ask those types of questions.
No, the project car that needs a new fuel pump he drained it from came from somewhere with 93
Serious question, anyone know how long 93 is actually good for? I know the shelf life is generally fairly short, but in a sealed container does it every actually go so bad it won’t burn?
I don’t know what’s in Sta-bil, but if you put the recommended amount in a red gas jug it’ll still be good months and months later. Used to use it for left over 87 we’d buy for like the tractor and snow blower back in the day.
Depends on the gas
I used to put Sta-bil in my bike’s tank for winter, but then one time I forgot.
Over 3 months later I push the starter button and it started right up; never bothered with Sta-bil ever again.
Same with my track car, let it sit through the winter with whatever gas is left in its tank, then it starts right up in the spring.
It’s no different than any other grade of gasoline. It’s all about the additives and the environment where it’s stored. if it contains ethanol, and it’s in a humid climate, not long. In colorado though, I’ve had gas be fine after three years, but I considered that to be exceptional.
I inadvertently left my Firebird stored for about 3 years with 93 in the tank. I want to get it running this spring, debating on whether I should try to drain it, add a few gallons of fresh 93, or just fire it up and let it run. All the options will include a few filter changes after the tank is run through.
A coworker told me he did similar with his old BMW track car, he just fired it up after 3 years and it ran, but I’m afraid this is fucked.
This idea that gas goes bad in a couple of months is obviously a conspiracy between Big Gas and Big Hazmat. I’ve started cars with gas more than a year old, and my boat sits every winter and fires up every spring.
Depends on the vintage of your car. Shellac in your carb(s) might be less of a pain than shellac in your injectors.
It’s a 2000, LS1. Finally eligible for classic plates this year.
In CO I’d worry more that all the lighter parts of the gas evaporated off and you just have the heavier components.
Grab bags of gas, place on ground far from house/garage, cover with yard waste (branches, dried leaves, off cuts of wood, etc.), light on July 4th. Stand away and wait…
Better yet, you place an artillery shell beneath the bag and light that off. It vaporizes the gas and then you get the big mushroom cloud. People around here do that on the 4th by the sandpit lakes. They electronically detonate the explosive under the bag so it’s slightly safer.
Please tell me where you live so I can never go there.
Please tell me where you live so I can
nevergo there.Fixed it…
Please give time for the festivities to commence!
I’m sure someone’s planning a gender reveal.
Let me guess. It’s a boy. It’s gotta be a boy.
Finally a similarly sketchy way to gas up that sketchy Twingo from yesterday 🙂