Home » The Alpine A290 Is The Hot Hatch Renault 5 You’ve Been Waiting For But It Has A Big Problem

The Alpine A290 Is The Hot Hatch Renault 5 You’ve Been Waiting For But It Has A Big Problem

A2901 Review Ts

Electric cars are now part of the wider new car marketplace. Regular new car customers are finding that for doing the mundane stuff like ferrying their filth goblins to school, commuting to their employment cube, or weekend trips to their local big box retailer, they are perfect. Quiet, quick, easy to drive, emissions-free, and if you can charge at home or work, cheap to run, it’s easy to understand why electric cars are finding their place in the automotive landscape.

The trouble is that those characteristics that make EVs the perfect day-to-day tool make them less appealing for those who want a bit more than just mere transportation from a car. A  frequent criticism of EVs is that when there are no gears to row or an engine buzzing away under the hood, something essential is removed from a car’s personality. The car is becoming a mobile phone. Yeah, and you know what? Modern phones are fucking brilliant. Another trope is that electric cars are a white goods appliance. Great, so you’ll be ditching your soulless Whirlpool for an authentic washboard experience then? No, I didn’t think so, so shut up. What’s important is that although most new cars are good at most things, we should understand what their limits and capabilities are. You wouldn’t buy a full-size truck for commuting any more than you would buy a small hatch if you regularly drive long distances. Get the right car with the right powertrain for what you want to use it for.

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

In Europe, for a lot of customers, the right car for a long time was a small front-wheel-drive hatchback, a segment pioneered by the Fiat 127 in 1971. Bundling all the mechanical bits up front freed up space for warm bodies and led to better economy through lighter weight and lower drivetrain losses. The Honda Civic and Renault 5 followed in 1972, but other OEMs were initially reluctant to take the plunge into a smaller, more expensively engineered type of car until successive oil and economic crises forced their hand. By the mid-seventies, nearly every OEM had an offering in the Euro B (US sub-compact) segment. Chic, economical, and with three or five doors, incredibly practical, they were fun and easy to live with, but not particularly fast. Until one day in 1975, a bunch of drunk Volkswagen engineers dropped a bigger fuel-injected engine from the Audi 80 into their new baby to create the Golf GTI. Overnight, a whole new category of enthusiast car was created – the hot hatch.

How To Make A Hot Hatch

The recipe was simple: take your big-selling family hatch, bolt in a more powerful motor, stir in stiffer suspension with wider wheels and tires, garnish with plastic aero pieces and graphics, and serve to taste. Rising insurance rates, thanks to some decidedly knife-edged handling tendencies and popularity with the light-fingered, eventually killed the hot hatch by the mid-nineties, but such a good idea cannot be kept down entirely. The Golf GTI stuck around, although it’s now a more serious and expensive proposition. Ford killed the Fiesta ST and Suzuki the fabulous Swift Sport, but the ICE Mini Cooper and Polo GTI live on, along with newcomers like the Hyundai i20N.

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The Alpine A290 is the hot version of the Renault 5 I reviewed back in June, a car I liked a lot. Its modest purchase price and decent range rendered the fact that it was electric irrelevant – a more perfect way of stylishly flitting from book shop to boot shop I cannot imagine. Alpine takes that starting point and time-honored tradition gives the 5 a hotter motor, upgraded suspension and brakes, wilder bodywork, and a reworked interior. There’s a new subframe which repositions the motor lower in the chassis; power is now 180 bhp (30 up on the standard 5) and an optional 210 bhp unit is available on higher trim levels. Weight increases fractionally to 1479 kg (3260 lbs.), probably due to the nicer interior trim combined with bigger wheels and brakes. The 52 kWh battery remains the same: a good thing for weight and cost, but as I found out, not so good for range.

In July, the UK government introduced a grant that lowers the purchase price of some EVs, which both the 5 and the A290 qualify for. This knocks £1500 ($1970) off their respective list prices and means the higher power 210 bhp Alpine A290 starts at £32,745 ($44,172) on the road, including taxes. Press fleets being the way they are, the car our friends at Alpine UK lent me was a Rich Corinthian Leather spec GTS, which has the more powerful motor and every option as standard. This will see you racking up your preferred loyalty points to the tune of £37,500 ($49,355) plus £700 ($921) for the optional Blanc Nival and Noir paint – metallic white with a black roof.

A29015

There Are No Cupholders

So underneath, you get a trick new subframe, hydraulic bump stops, bespoke uprights at the front, and Brembo 4-piston Monobloc brakes. That’s the stuff you can’t see, what about what you can? There’s no point in having a go-faster car if you’re not shouting about it. The A290 gets new door skins, which on the rear doors have unnecessary Ford Mustang/MkI Capri style fake vents. There are aggressive new bumpers on both ends, which at the front reposition the DRLs as mini spotlights to better mimic the brand-defining A110 sports car. At the back, the tailgate ditches the dark infill panel of the 5 for a small spoiler, and the black trim wrapping around the lower body is slightly deeper and sharper. Finally, the more overly sporty alloys go up in diameter to 19 inches and in width to 225. These are wrapped in either Pilot Sport EV or Pilot Sport 5S tires – my GTS loaner had the latter.

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Inside, it’s mostly as you were with the 5, but with nicer materials. Blue Nappa leather faces the upgraded seats, front door card inserts, the passenger side of the dash, and the steering wheel, which is now hexagonal-shaped and festooned with additional “F1” style controls. I thought the seats had too much lumbar support – forcing me to sit upright like an old man with a cushion at the small of his back. A 250-mile day with my shoulders unsupported resulted in me waking up the next morning in need of painkillers. I found out after the car went back that lumbar support is adjustable, but during my time with the A290 I didn’t discover how. I would have emailed Alpine PR and asked them, but I had another more pressing concern with the interior I needed an answer for – namely why there are no bloody cup holders?

A29010

As long as I have breath in my body, I will maintain that America’s two greatest contributions to civilized motoring are right-on-red and the cupholder. Even the most committed helmsman or woman needs somewhere to plonk their vodka valium latte in the morning on their way to work, and given the standard 5 has an adjustable cupholder-cum-storage space between the seats, this seems like a ridiculous omission. The answer I received from Alpine PR was “They will be available as an optional 3D printed part, but in order to optimize the space to the preferred design layout, and given the car’s customer base, permanent spaces weren’t a priority.” Basically, to make the A290 feel more like the A110 (and the rest of the Alpine range), the gear selection buttons were moved to the center console. This makes some sense for brand continuity, but from an ergonomics standpoint, you are not constantly switching between drive, neutral, and reverse on the open road, so I think a less intrusive space could be found – like a lipstick styled stalk to the right of the steering column, as on the standard 5. The rest of the space is taken up with a small lidded cubby for your Johnny Halliday cassettes and a wireless charging pad for your phone.

A2905

The dashboard displays and graphics have been given a ‘background mountains in Tron’ makeover, but the functionality is pretty much the same as the standard car. Digging into the menus, there’s a series of driver coaching tips that feel a bit Gran Turismo. I have always felt gamification features and performance driving instructions are out of place on a road car, so those I could happily live without, but otherwise it all works well – even if it does feel a bit Serious Performance Car as opposed to pint-sized funster.

There are various driving modes, and you can save a personal setup with all your preferred combinations of noise, dynamics, and safety settings, which you can access via a button to the right of the steering wheel on startup. Speaking of the steering wheel, the blue cold water faucet adjusts the amount of regen from ‘is it on?’ to ‘facebutt the wheel boss,’ and the red OVR lever is – I kid you not – an overtake button to release an additional ten seconds worth of power. However the same effect can be achieved by simply stabbing the pedal to the floor past a kick-down point. When you do this, the Alpine does a kind of ‘warp speed Mr. Sulu’ thing by subtly emitting more noise from the speakers and changing the speedo display to red with stars rushing past. The overall idea is meant to make you feel like Pierre Gasly on a Sunday afternoon when you’re just nipping out for a pack of Gauloises and today’s copy of Le Monde.

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A2907

It Torque Steers Like A 1985 Renault 5 GT Turbo

When you do punch the throttle, you get the authentic eighties Renault 5 Turbo experience in the form of torque steer. Despite the new front subframe, stiffer suspension, and bespoke uprights, the Alpine pulls and tugs as the Pilot Sports struggle to put power to the tarmac cleanly, even with the traction control on. Switch the traction control out, and the torque steer goes from wriggling the steering wheel to requiring you really keep a hold of the thing lest you end up in the hedgerow. 210bhp is not exactly an inordinate amount of power through the front wheels these days, so maybe the geometry is still a bit compromised – a suspicion fueled by the fact that the steering itself is not much of an upgrade over the standard 5. It feels too light for a more performance-focused car despite the increase in tire width. Mucking about with the various driving modes didn’t make much difference that I could detect, either.

Likewise the ride, which is adjustable between three settings, all felt the same to me. When I drove the standard 5, one of my only criticisms was that I thought the ride was a touch firm – weirdly, the A290 felt more cushioned, probably because of better tires and more expensive dampers. Grip, as you would expect, was exemplary – even though throughout most of my week with the Alpine it was pissing with rain, a couple of afternoons spent punting it down bendy B roads revealed no obvious vices other than the aforementioned torque steer. The Alpine corners flat and fast, and thanks to its short wheelbase and sticky rubber, it turns in fast enough to fling the keycard out of its charging pad on the center console and across the cabin.

Some decidedly heavy-footed pedal applications failed to elicit much in the way of adjusting cornering attitude – this isn’t the tightrope between ploughing understeer and exiting stage left backwards that hot hatches of old used to exhibit. The Alpine is safe, secure, stable, and – slightly soft steering aside – a lot of fun, helped as usual by its handy size, excellent visibility, and instant throttle response. For the more powerful motor, performance figures are quoted as 6.4 seconds to 60 and a top speed of 106 mph. It certainly doesn’t lack poke at solid motorway speeds, although it’s worth noting that driving in eco mode limits the top speed to 80 or so. And I spent a lot (in fact nearly all) of my time on the motorways in eco mode – because when it comes to efficiency, the Alpine has a major problem.

That Big Problem

When I reviewed the 5, I managed 4.3 miles per kWh without even trying. That was back in June, so I had the AC running constantly. I’m not about to sacrifice comfort in the name of eking out a few more miles because that’s stupid and not representative of how people use their cars. During my week with the A290, it rained most days, but the temperature hovered around 58 – 60 °f (14-15 °c) – so not especially cold. At 100% charge the indicated range was 175 miles, but this was a case of the car telling porky pies because at one point it seemed like one mile on the road equated to two miles off the total range. This is a major bummer in terms of the A290 being a day-to-day proposition.

A29014
I ended up doing a lot of this.
A29013
The rear subframe showing the empty space that could house a bigger cell pack. You can see the inside of the RHS rear wheel in the middle of the photo.

I asked Alpine PR about the aero figures, but they have not been released for either the A290 or the Renault 5. So is the difference purely down to stickier tires and a more powerful motor? That feels unlikely, but I’m not a powertrain engineer. What majorly queered the pitch for me was the fact that the rapid charger near my house that I usually used to charge EV press loans was out of commission. So I signed up for a BP Pulse account, which is normally $10.57 (£7.85) per month. New subscribers get the first month free, but it means you can access their 7kWh chargers at 44p per kW, as opposed to the pay-as-you-go price of 52p per kW. Such a slow charging speed meant leaving the Alpine overnight in a public car park a few minutes’ walk from my house, a not entirely satisfactory state of affairs. In this situation, you are also liable for parking charges as well – although the overnight price was only £2.30 ($3.11) it’s something to think about. In the interests of doing proper journalism, I debased myself in your service by crawling around to take pictures of the rear axle and discovered there is room for a bigger battery – something the A290 desperately needs.

A2909

When I took that long drive down to Essex for a meeting (saying that makes me feel so important), I had to rapid charge twice – once before setting off at a local health spa car park (at least I could get a coffee while I waited) and once before the return journey home. In addtion when I picked the Alpine up from the press office, just outside northwest London I also needed to charge it up for the ninety-mile journey back to my house. In my eight days with the car, I covered 498 miles and charged five times, putting a total of 160 kWh into the battery. That works out to 3.1 miles per kWh, a substantial delta from the 4.3 miles the standard 5 managed. The total cost of all this pissing about was £104.55. For some perspective, the gas station where I fill up my Mini currently charges £6.27 per imperial gallon of regular unleaded. My 2010 Mini Clubman consistently gets 40 mpg, so that £104 would allow me to drive it a rather appropriate 666 miles. And EV evangelists wonder why people who cannot charge at home or work at sensible rates are not making the switch. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating – with any new technology, customers need to get the same or better than what they currently have for the same or less money.

The Emperor’s New Clothes

While I’m griping, the Devialet premium audio system, which also gives you a suite of Google connected service which came as standard on my top spec GTS loaner is a £780 option on lower models. The subwoofer kicks with enough force to make the rear view mirror jump, but the problem is it’s installed in the cubby under the boot floor, so you lose the ability to store the charging cable out of sight. All right, I know you’re going to be using the charging cable a lot more, but it’s another red cross in the practicality column alongside the lack of cup holders. The Alpine also doesn’t have the external state of charge lights on the hood that the 5 has either; this being swapped out for a simple Alpine graphic that does nothing.

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The subwoofer taking up the entirety of the cubby under the trunk floor.

My overall feeling with the A290 is that by making the hot model an Alpine, Renault has given the 5 a suit that doesn’t fit properly. It has all the requisite go-faster uplift parts in terms of powertrain, suspension, interior, and exterior but making it an Alpine it all feels a bit incongruous – something about writing checks it can’t cash. My suspicion is that the standard A290 with the lower power motor (and the better efficiency that would bring) and fabric seats (I’m not a big fan of leather, in cars at least …), without the optional sound system, would be a slightly more rounded choice. If you don’t spec any other options, that version retails for £30,245 ($40,977) on the road.

If you are the type of person who absolutely must have the fast version of a car, there’s a lot to like here. I don’t think the A290 is a bad car, just one that has a slightly confused and compromised mission. Alternatively, Renault could have bolted the upgraded suspension and motor into the standard 5, given it some racier trim inside and out, and slapped some lairy graphics down the side to create a new 5 GT Turbo.

That really would lean into the standard car’s heritage appeal and feel more in keeping with the original hot hatch ethos.

A29012
Under the hood. See what I mean about EVs still having a lot of mystery black boxes to package?

All photos by the author.

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Foggytrucker
Member
Foggytrucker
3 months ago

“Great, so you’ll be ditching your soulless Whirlpool for an authentic washboard experience then?”

No. Neither will I be subscribing to a magazine about washing machines.

Toecutter
Member
Toecutter
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

…and simultaneously be inducted into the greatest cult in the world. Just do not anger the chaos goblin by interrupting his tail-light rituals.

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Member
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
3 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Best not to anger the Gothfather either, lest you face one of his pithy comebacks. Actually nevermind, he dishes those out to non-members too.

Foggytrucker
Member
Foggytrucker
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Good idea, I shall. This place is head and shoulders above.

Last edited 3 months ago by Foggytrucker
Shooting Brake
Member
Shooting Brake
3 months ago

No cup holders, rules this out from ever being viable state side.

Shooting Brake
Member
Shooting Brake
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Yeah tiny sports car excuses a lot, like the ND Miata’s “cup holders”.

Bassracerx
Bassracerx
3 months ago

this is like if “your only allowed to have sex in missionary position” was a car.

Manwich Sandwich
Member
Manwich Sandwich
3 months ago

” And EV evangelists wonder why people who cannot charge at home or work at sensible rates are not making the switch”

The real issue there is there isn’t any real competition among charging networks.

It’s the same deal in North America. They act like you should be happy to just have access to a charger and should happily accept a 100+ percent markups on the electricity.

This is in stark contrast to the competition between gasoline stations where the markup on fuel is nowhere near that of electricity.

With my C-Max plug-in hybrid, I don’t bother plugging in anywhere unless it’s at home at off-peak hours (where the rate is approximately $0.09/kwh) or where I can plug in for free.

Around me, outside of places like Ikea which let you charge for free for the first two hours, the cheapest level 2 chargers charge “only” CAD$1/hour.

But given my C-Max only charges at a max rate of 3.3kw per hour, that means I’m paying CAD$0.303/kwh… a 236% markup compared to charging at home!!!

It’s a complete ripoff.

But that’s not the worst I’ve seen.

Charging $1.50 to $2/hr is common.

And the Absolute Worst I’ve seen was charging $0.50 per MINUTE… OR 30 FUCKING DOLLARS AN HOUR.

FOR LEVEL FUCKING TWO CHARGING.

And of course it’s a new car dealer that is badly ripping people off… Specifically Marino’s Fine Cars Subaru
620 Kipling Ave,
Toronto M8Z 5G1.

These fuckers are charging more than the Audi dealer (CAD$3.50/hour) down the street.

If gasoline/petrol stations slapped markups on fuel like that, people would be rioting in the streets… especially in the USA.

Last edited 3 months ago by Manwich Sandwich
Cars? I've owned a few
Member
Cars? I've owned a few
3 months ago

I have read that many stations in the States actually lose a little money on the fuel but more than make it up for with $2.50 ~500 ml Cokes and heavily marked up snacks.

For all the bitching about fuel prices in California, on my trip down Monday and Tuesday, I saw stations (mostly truck stop/travel centers) with prices lower than what I see around home in WA and about the same as in OR. The prices in CA WERE pretty high during the summer.

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago

You wouldn’t buy a full-size truck for commuting any more than you would buy a small hatch if you regularly drive long distances.”

And yet:

In the late 70’s – 80s, people bought small hatches specifically because they had long commutes and wanted fuel-efficient vehicles for that task.

And today people regularly buy F150’s to commute to the office and take the kids to school in.

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

So now they buy 10 MPG trucks for that task…..

NosrednaNod
NosrednaNod
3 months ago

Does this car have a heat pump or resistance heating? I can get 4.2 miles/KwH on my Bolt all spring, summer and fall… but in winter 3.0 is the goal.

Noah Wheeler
Member
Noah Wheeler
3 months ago

As an EV engineer, it’s almost certainly the stickier sportier tires doing the efficiency drop. I would bet the different motor makes almost no difference to efficiency it’s probably almost all tire

Needles Balloon
Needles Balloon
3 months ago
Reply to  Noah Wheeler

The very open thin-spoked wheels probably hurt aero quite a bit too, especially since the hub opening on the inboard side gets much larger with low profile tires.

Jakob Johansen
Jakob Johansen
3 months ago
Reply to  Noah Wheeler

I did my homework, found the right EV for me and at the last moment, they offer me a larger battery size for the same price. What is not to like.

The larger battery size did however come with larger brake calipers, and thereby larger diameter rims, that are also wider.

Do i like my added 16% battery capacity, sure.
Is half of that lost with the wider tires? Yes.
Do I have a 7 year warranty that is voided if I replace the original rims with skinnier ones? Yes.

Looking forward to the next generation of small hatch back EVs that will come with skinny tires and an ugly but efficient no frills exterior.

LarsVargas
Member
LarsVargas
3 months ago
Reply to  Jakob Johansen

Do I have a 7 year warranty that is voided if I replace the original rims with skinnier ones? Yes.

Wow. They’re that specific about it?!

How did you find that out, and which part of the warranty is voided if you get different rims, or is it the entire warranty?

Jakob Johansen
Jakob Johansen
3 months ago
Reply to  LarsVargas

Generally the warranty only allows for OEM replacement parts.

I have picked some aftermarket winter rims that are the exact same dimensions (offset and all) as the originals, only a bit lighter.

FleetwoodBro
Member
FleetwoodBro
3 months ago

Stiff ride, no cupholder. Maybe Alpine is what France would be like if the Germans won.

Ppnw
Member
Ppnw
3 months ago

“In Europe, for a lot of customers, the right car for a long time was a small front-wheel-drive hatchback”

I think this tradition is not a reason to keep the same recipe going forward. FWD was a good compromise in the ICE era because of packaging and efficiency, but that’s irrelevant for EVs.

Not making the 5 RWD is a huge missed opportunity. The A290 should either be RWD or AWD. It would solve the torque steer problem, too.

250hp also seems like the correct number, 210 is a smidge stingy.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
Member
Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
3 months ago
Reply to  Ppnw

Do they make hot hatches in the Fiesta/Polo size at 250 hp? I thought 210-220hp was the norm in that segment

Last edited 3 months ago by Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
Member
Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

That’s what I thought, wasn’t sure if the segment creeped into the 210s yet.

I do miss this segment in the states. I know it wasn’t popular but I liked it dammit!

Needles Balloon
Needles Balloon
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Have you had a chance to try the Firefly EV yet? I forgot if the RHD version has reached the UK already. It’s RWD, has a deep but narrow frunk, and while possibly not having an underfloor compartment in the trunk, it has clever underseat space under the rear and passenger seats (unless equipped with ventilation). Depending on how usable the frunk is vs. a potential underfloor compartment, it could make the case for RWD being a (potentially superior?) option for a compact hatch with clever packaging.

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Member
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Given that you’re known for your diplomacy, I can’t imagine what you might have done or said to upset the Chinese OEMs.

NosrednaNod
NosrednaNod
3 months ago
Reply to  Ppnw

Front wheel drive is very important in EVs because that is where the greater braking energy to be captured during regeneration is. It is so important Formula E now puts regeneration on it’s front axle.

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago
Reply to  Ppnw

Packaging is still packaging – whether the motor is a small 4 cylinder or an E motor.

You can’t get a flat load floor in a small hatch when you drop the back seats if there’s a motor in between the rear wheels.

Last edited 3 months ago by Urban Runabout
The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
Member
The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
3 months ago

“As long as I have breath in my body, I will maintain that America’s two greatest contributions to civilized motoring are right-on-red and the cupholder.”

As an American, I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. When I turn right on red while sipping Mountain Dew from a 32 ounce disposable plastic cup that fits comfortably in any of my truck’s 6 cupholders, I can’t help but mentally salute the flag while a solitary tear runs down my cheek. If that ain’t freedom, I don’t want to be free.

“You wouldn’t buy a full-size truck for commuting…”

I’m very confused by this statement.

The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
Member
The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I’m confused as to why you are confused that an American might dispute that statement.

The Alpine looks nice (as do a lot of small European cars), but if I drove something like that here in Florida I would probably get deported. At minimum I would end up on a watch list for suspected Communists.

Also, per Florida law, driving anything smaller than a 1/2 ton truck is evidence the driver practices witchcraft. Technically I should be burned at the stake every time I drive my Tesla instead of my F250, but fortunately the law is rarely enforced.

Last edited 3 months ago by The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
Member
The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I’m aware of that. I was joking based on the number of F450s I see in the parking lot of my local grocery store. If you live in the South, Midwest, or Florida, you might forget there are places where a 3/4+ ton truck is not the default transportation method.

I personally love 3/4 and 1 ton trucks, but they aren’t great for commuting (hence my Model 3 daily driver).

Rick Cavaretti
Rick Cavaretti
3 months ago

I see the first issue. Florida.

The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
Member
The Stig's Misanthropic Cousin
3 months ago
Reply to  Rick Cavaretti

It is 75 degrees and sunny at the moment. I’m debating whether I want to play golf or go walk to the beach this afternoon.

Florida really is a miserable place to live…

Howie
Member
Howie
3 months ago

Hurricanes and red ants. And politics.

Howie
Member
Howie
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

That’s a pretty good reason to be there. Free NFL is okay, especially if you don’t care about the local team.

Howie
Member
Howie
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Oooh. Sorry. Glad they won. Love your work

Manwich Sandwich
Member
Manwich Sandwich
3 months ago
Reply to  Rick Cavaretti

+1

Was about to say something similar… LOL

Joke #119!
Joke #119!
3 months ago

Technically I should be burned at the stake every time I drive my Tesla… 

In time, the Tesla will do this for you.

VS 57
VS 57
3 months ago

Florida is obviously a different place from what it was in the ’80’s when I had a blast driving my ’82 R5 “Alpine Turbo”, a US spec car with Alpine and aftermarket turbo bits, around PB County. It’s in storage waiting it’s turn, along with too many other treasures.

PB County in the early ’80’s, when you could drive along A1A, stop, get out and relieve yourself, hop back in and drive away without seeing another car.

Howie
Member
Howie
3 months ago

Uh, Florida.

CuppaJoe
Member
CuppaJoe
3 months ago

Oh AC – Where have you been? I was in need of a few dark chuckles today. And you more than delivered. Filth Goblins is 100% a term I’m going to steal and use over and over.

Toecutter
Member
Toecutter
3 months ago
Reply to  CuppaJoe

I learned two terms relevant to your post directly from The Autopian:

-filth goblins, from Adrian Clarke
-crotch goblins, from Jason Torchinsky

Jay Mcleod
Jay Mcleod
3 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Adrian is one of the two authors on this site who know how to use da King’s English Goodly.

Three guesses on who the other one is, and the first two don’t count.

Wagen Volk
Wagen Volk
3 months ago

Hi Adrian! Glad you are finally back! I missed you in the most exciting moment this year… The firing of Gerry McGovern. I was hoping you would write something about it but as it turned out that whole story was kind of fake news?! Also could have written an email but did not want to bother you in your Offtopian time.

Wagen Volk
Wagen Volk
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Yeah. I thought something like that. Anyway, he is close to 70 years now and JLR should have the guts and let somebody younger do a fresh start.
I was very surprised that G. Wagener is stepping down voluntarily at a much younger age.

Ppnw
Member
Ppnw
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

He’s had some hits over his Merc career, but the current lineup is a huge indictment.

Not only is the entire lineup undesirable, it’s increasingly cheap/low quality looking (I’m not even talking about the materials, which have also nosedived).

They’re letting BMW run away with it and it’s deserved. BMW takes risks (some don’t pan out), and it’s putting them far ahead.

Thomas The Tank Engine
Member
Thomas The Tank Engine
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Land Rover have denied that Gerry was fired (link) and yet he was allegedly seen “being marched from the building”

So if he wasn’t fired, and hasn’t resigned, that only leaves me other option : could he have been suspended, pending some kind of investigation?

Al Camino
Al Camino
3 months ago

Adrian, what is your tasteful solution to the auto manufacturer obsession with just plopping a non-instrument cluster screen on the dash? Every single one is an abomination, yet they continue to do it, and even worse, they keep making the screens larger.
Is there a current production car that integrates a screen tastefully?
You are the only designer who can save us. Help!

Last edited 3 months ago by Al Camino
Groover
Member
Groover
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

the new Mercedes’ screen integrations look like something you’d see in the early 1980s, formed from fiberglass to be installed at a bowling alley

Canopysaurus
Member
Canopysaurus
3 months ago
Reply to  Groover

Well, that’s a strike.

Canopysaurus
Member
Canopysaurus
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Now that flexible screens are a thing, shouldn’t they allow for some more creative and aesthetic designs?

Al Camino
Al Camino
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Thank you. I’m anti bad screens. I liked them much better when they just controlled music and nav and all other physical controls were retained. That was back when screens were smaller and tastefully integrated. The Nissan Z has a nice integrated screen.

Toecutter
Member
Toecutter
3 months ago

I like that it weighs less than most current ICE-powered cars. 3,200 lbs is still a bit on the porky side, but by today’s standards, it’s lighter than the vast majority of cars available.

Toecutter
Member
Toecutter
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

The A290 has a 0.30 Cd. That’s not all that great, but its efficiency is helped by how light it is relative to other EVs when coupled with a reasonable frontal area.

Now consider what happens when/if they build a new Alpine sports car with a focus on CdA reduction, getting the value somewhere near to or better than a GM EV1. You could cut that pack down to 35 kWh for the same range this A290 gets and get a 2 in front of that curb weight, in a pure EV.

Last edited 3 months ago by Toecutter
Toecutter
Member
Toecutter
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

My mistake. I did a quick search and relied upon what the AI shit out. You’re right, there is no official released figure.

Toecutter
Member
Toecutter
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke
Manuel Verissimo
Manuel Verissimo
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

If you want that figure I’ve got a cheap 3D scanner and a CFD software.

Drive By Commenter
Member
Drive By Commenter
3 months ago

I’d blame the tires and possibly the wheels. The snow tires on my Model Y add 50 watt-hours per mile onto energy expenditure. Same size as the all seasons but different winter compound and lots of grippy siping. Non-aero wheels for highway driving make a difference. If they’re heavier than regular ones city driving is impacted too.

Ppnw
Member
Ppnw
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Are you telling me we could have had pretty aero wheels all along but got horrific discs because they “look” aero?

Does that mean we can drop them and go back to beautiful, open spoke designs with visual depth? Say it ain’t so.

Needles Balloon
Needles Balloon
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I would absolutely love an article on this, if possible. My pet peeve is EVs being stuck with draggy wheels in their higher trims, punishing you with range loss when you just wanted ventilated seats or something. My assumptions of what might make a draggy wheel might be off.

Last edited 3 months ago by Needles Balloon
I’m trying
Member
I’m trying
3 months ago

How are people in Europe charging these things?

I feel like I read a little bit about that a couple of years ago but I haven’t seen an in depth dive into how Europeans are dealing with fast charging vs home charging. If I remember from the r5 article the charging cable storage is under the cargo floor which seems like it would be annoying if people are regularly charging at level 2 as you would need to unload your trunk to access the cable.

Is it mostly dc fast charging or are there opportunities for level 2 charging. I think Europe’s standard 220v residential electric must be a benefit over the US 110v.

Canopysaurus
Member
Canopysaurus
3 months ago

As this is an EV, I only need one hand to drive it, so I can use my free hand as a cup holder.

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

So what will go in the space between your thighs now?

Canopysaurus
Member
Canopysaurus
3 months ago
Reply to  Urban Runabout

That’s where I keep my pistol.

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

Yes! We have no Bananas.
We have no bananas today.
Yes! We have no bananas.
Bananas in Scranton, PA!

Jay Mcleod
Jay Mcleod
3 months ago

I didn’t bother to check the author at the start and was reading along and started thinking to myself, “Self, this is damn good writing. Clever. Insightful. Pulls you in. Who scribed this?”

Looked back at the top, ah, Adrian. That’s why.

Well done.

Taargus Taargus
Member
Taargus Taargus
3 months ago

Long live the cupholder!

I know someone will refute it, but cupholders simply make sense for anyone other than a camel. If I’m driving for a long distance, I want some water with me. Even if I’m not traveling far, I probably want a beverage at my destination. If I’m picking up coffee, I need a place to put it.

Food is another argument.

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

No tea?
Animal.

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I used to be able to sit on the floor for long periods of time.
Now I just roll on my back like a dead bug….

4jim
4jim
3 months ago

Yes! I am not a coffee drinker and my commutes and drives are short enough but any drive over 2 hrs I want some water and cupholders are also useful storage.

Ppnw
Member
Ppnw
3 months ago

.

Last edited 3 months ago by Ppnw
Frank C.
Frank C.
3 months ago

Anyone old enough to remember when MB bought Chrysler back in the day? The German engineers were appalled that American cars had cup holders. “Does your coffee table have a steering wheel in it” they would ask? No, it doesn’t. Then why would a car need to be an extension of a kitchen with a cup holder?

Rick Cavaretti
Rick Cavaretti
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Drunk driving is treated pretty harshly in Germany. I highly doubt they would be requiring a cup holder in their cars for beer.

4jim
4jim
3 months ago
Reply to  Frank C.

I remember. I think I saw that in an autoweek or something. Heck I think I have owned something like 10 cars that were too old to have had factory cup holders.

Rick Cavaretti
Rick Cavaretti
3 months ago
Reply to  4jim

It was either R&T or Autoweek. I remember that exact quote almost word for word…and my wife says I can’t remember anything important.

4jim
4jim
3 months ago
Reply to  Rick Cavaretti

I did not read R&T but I did read Autoweek cover to cover from 1987 to well after they went to Auto (every other ) week. Either way I also remember the MB sentiment that people should be driving with both hands.

SlowBrownWagon
Member
SlowBrownWagon
3 months ago
Reply to  4jim

Not just MB, my Outback has 8 beverage holders, 3 in easy reach of the driver. Only to be used when parked. Says clearly on page 306 of the owners manual “Do not pick up a cup from the cup holder or put a cup in the cup holder while you are driving…”

My favorite cupholder was the metal cage on a swivel that you bolted to the dash. Grampa had one in his old GMC camper special. Should have returned that Alpine back to Renault with one of those screwed to the dash.

Ppnw
Member
Ppnw
3 months ago
Reply to  Frank C.

The cupholders in my dad’s US-spec E39 are so obviously an afterthought as to be completely useless.

It became a family joke “don’t touch the cupholders” because they’d stay stuck in their open positions. Not like we’d be allowed to drink in the car anyway…

Manwich Sandwich
Member
Manwich Sandwich
3 months ago
Reply to  Frank C.

Just a demonstration of how the Germans don’t ‘get’ North Americans.

4jim
4jim
3 months ago

“They will be available as an optional 3D printed part” WTF and where will it go? If there is space for a 3d printed cupholder there is a place for a cupholder from the factory. I guess they can buy those little cupholders that fit in the space between the window glass and door trim for a few dollars like we use to in the 1980s.

 4 pack for $2.45 https://shop.advanceautoparts.com/p/autocraft-enduro-cup-holder-black-4-pack-ac733-22-1-0556/25984415-P?selectedStore=7151&searchTerm=cup+holder

Joke #119!
Joke #119!
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

You know what is NOT needed in a car? Wireless charging pad. Because, as most of us know, the phone can be charged while connected to a wire, while placed in ONE of the two cup holders.

4jim
4jim
3 months ago
Reply to  Joke #119!

I am waiting for the plugless phones. I would bet Apple will come out with a IPhone with no plugs or ports of any kind.

Joke #119!
Joke #119!
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Caveman, and no, me not. Me prefer drink while drive, and not bad kind of drink and drive.

Fuzzyweis
Member
Fuzzyweis
3 months ago

Sadly I think this is the version we might maybe get in the U.S., bummer s as it sounds like the Renault hits the sweet spot on configuration. Also that may not be torque steer when you floor it but the traction control fighting for survival against the massive torque in a relatively light front end, the Chevy Bolt can act similarly and it has equal axles so also not torque steer, it does feel the same so probably easier to call it that as people will know the feeling.

Goof
Goof
3 months ago

Great, so you’ll be ditching your soulless Whirlpool for an authentic washboard experience then?

if this was another site, this is where the, “Well, ackshually…” crowd would chime in.

Toecutter
Member
Toecutter
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I like appliances that are reliable, get the job done, are inexpensive to purchase, and are cheaply/easily repaired.

I just replaced the lid switch on a 2+ decade old Kenmore 90 series, and while it was a little bit of a hassle, at least the parts were cheap. These “smart”, touchscreen-laden abominations you buy today are 100% disposable, very expensive, you can’t even use the damned thing without a smartphone and an internet connection to use the app you have to download, and are ultimately destined to end up in a landfill. When I just want to wash clothes.

When I need another washer, I’m going to get a Roper. Just look at it. 3 knobs, no touchscreens, no bullshit, and designed to be fixed with basic tools without having to hunt down parts that are no-longer made.

Failing the availability of that and/or electricity, I’ll rig up a pedal-powered system for ultimate redundancy as a backup.

Al Camino
Al Camino
3 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Speed Queen still has models with mechanical dials.

Manwich Sandwich
Member
Manwich Sandwich
3 months ago
Reply to  Al Camino

When I had to replace my dryer, I replaced it with the sister-brand to Speed Queen… Heubsch.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alliance_Laundry_Systems

It was the only dryer that has a 5 year warranty. Everything else available around me only had 1 year warranties.

Al Camino
Al Camino
3 months ago

Thanks.

ProfPlum
Member
ProfPlum
3 months ago
Reply to  Al Camino

We have the mechanical dial Speed Queen washer and dryer. I didn’t want any of the electronic BS to deal with. As a computer security researcher, I certainly don’t want my washer connecting to the Internet.

ProfPlum
Member
ProfPlum
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Fecking world domination. Get clean or else.

Boulevard_Yachtsman
Member
Boulevard_Yachtsman
3 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Ropers rock! I bought a Roper washer and dryer set new in 2000. Left them in that house when I moved in ’06 while keeping and renting out the place. I did have to replace a heating element, bearing, and a sensor on the dryer to the tune of roughly $100 total in parts, but that’s been it. Otherwise they’re still going strong after 26 years.

Last edited 3 months ago by Boulevard_Yachtsman
Goof
Goof
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

“I want to feel the cleanliness!”

”If you aren’t washing your whites in gasoline, are they really clean?”

Jay Mcleod
Jay Mcleod
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

My neighbors wife often washes their laundry in the front yard using a wheelbarrow for the water, old time powered soap, and a wash board.

She then hangs the clothes on the tree branches to dry.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
Member
Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I need this on a t-shirt

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago
Reply to  Goof

A rock and a stream is all any laundry woman needs.

D-dub
Member
D-dub
3 months ago

You wouldn’t buy a full-size truck for commuting

Well, you wouldn’t. I wouldn’t either. But a whole lotta suburban dads do just that so they can feel like “real men” for a couple hours a day.

Frank C.
Frank C.
3 months ago
Reply to  D-dub

The result of their suburban wives telling them they’re ’under performing’ in the bedroom, reacting to that by purchasing an overcompensating vehicle to feel better about themselves, and telegraphing that message to friends and family. The shrinks aren’t wrong on the issue.

Borton
Member
Borton
3 months ago
Reply to  D-dub

You beat me to this. I was going to ask Adrian if he remembers his last trip to the states.

D-dub
Member
D-dub
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I think they were referring to what you saw everyone else driving while you were here, not what you were driving.

Borton
Member
Borton
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I apologize, I really meant the ridiculous amount of them on the roads, especially in cities where they really struggle to fit. I didn’t realize you were driving one.

Urban Runabout
Member
Urban Runabout
3 months ago
Reply to  D-dub

Be careful – You’re sounding like a liberal…

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