Have you looked at photos of people taking a breathalyzer test online? No, of course you haven’t. Given how precious every minute of existence is, that would be a waste of an hour. Unless it’s your job to photograph people taking a breathalyzer test, then I suppose it’s ok.
It’s not my job, technically, to do that. This is why I have to write this post, because I’ve spent way more time than I want to admit looking at photos of people taking breathalyzer tests, and it’s not great. Why have I done this? Well … I have this theory that our collective memory of cars has a massive gap around 2004-2007 due to the transition from physical press releases to purely digital ones. Because of this automotive lacuna, people forget many mid-aughts concept cars and production vehicles.
There’s a car news press release repository that has images going back to 2004, which means that it has a lot of photos from this era that just slightly predates the beginning of the automotive blog era, and I go back there when I have a minute to see if there’s something the Internet doesn’t remember.
And it was there that I saw this:
That’s a strange photo, right? He’s kind of holding the breathalyzer (this one for Volvo Trucks) like a hookah. It feels unnatural. The model (?) in this case also looks surprised and, I don’t know how I know this, but they made him change ties. His original tie was almost certainly a keyboard. It’s just a mega bummer of a photo.
Conveniently, near this photo there was a similar breathalyzer image from Ford:
The problem with this image is the guy looks too cool taking the breathalyzer. Admittedly, the press release predates the popular adoption of vaping, so it maybe wouldn’t look as cool in the context of the early 2000s. As Heraclitus said, you can’t view the same press release photo in the same spot twice. Still, it looks like he’s taking a fat hit off that device.
Here’s another one. He’s had a long day at work. The boss is yelling at him. Nothing can calm him down like a sweet, sweet drag on that Volvo-branded alcohol meter.
I don’t think this is just the era, as the company Alco Sense also provided an image of breathalyzers past that also look less than great.
Oh man, the bobbies do not look happy here, and that guy doesn’t look like he’s taking a test. He looks like he’s huffing something, which seems like the opposite of what you want. What’s the car though? Is that an MG? Looks pretty cool.
AlcoSense did provide a newer image, and it looks slightly more normal:
I think it helps to not be able to see the face of the person in one of these photos.
Obviously, limiting myself to press photos in a specific British news database isn’t going to yield a representative display, so for the rest I went to our stock photo source.
Honestly, not so bad. The odd stop sign he has to try and flag her down seems like a long extension of the machine, which makes it a little awkward. Let’s try another one.
Off. This is bleak. Maybe bleak is accurate? Drunk driving is a serious issue, and credit to this person (or anyone) who is taking it seriously enough to use one of these devices before they drive. He looks beaten down by life in a way that implies maybe this was not his choice.
I guess this one is pretty norm … yikes! Did she hit a guy? Oh no. That gentleman appears to be bleeding from his arm in the background. I don’t like that. Also, it’s not quite uncanny valley, but there are certain stock photos you just know were shot in a former Eastern Bloc country. First guess? This was shot in Poland.
By the way, while Ford and Volvo were out showing breathalyzer photos, in that same rough time period Toyota put out this image:
If you want to make yourself laugh, say the phrase “Wine merchants enjoy the taste of Prius” out loud. It doesn’t sound right. It sounds very wrong. It tracks, though, given that this is the same company that clearly put a wine bottle holder in its cars.
I’m happy to be wrong about this. If you’re able to find a normal photo of someone taking or using a breathalyzer, drop a link below. I’m also happy to be right about it, which means you can put links to those images below as well.
Top graphic images: Volvo Trucks, Ford via Newspress
I would have once been the perfect model for an excellent breathalyser photo.
Deepest Yorkshire, I was driving back from a thing in my 86 mk1 MR2. The roads were empty and had great visibility, so I was driving enthusiastically, because mk1 MR2s were brilliant. This went on for miles, until I came over the crest of a hill, and at the bottom was a police road block, about half a mile away. I was doing definitely-a-ban-and-maybe-going-to-prison mph at this point. So I gently braked to a stop with rising panic and dread.
Police officer walk over to my car, which was ratting me out with loads of hot-metal-cooling tink tink tink noises and says “we’re trialling a new kind of breathalyser, the results won’t be used either way, we’re just collecting data. Would you mind being part of our survey?”
No one has ever looked so happy and relieved to be blowing into one of those things. I really thought I was going to the station in the back of the police car.
Did Volvo make their breathalyzers out of leftover Nokia phone enclosures?
This is no different from how people look (even more) ridiculous while dancing to no music. These photos just need a little bow chicka wow wow accompaniment.
Adam Savage playing the breathalyzer like a flute was pretty cool.
I got breathalyzed recently for the first time. The way the interaction started, I knew there was no avoiding it. Just a very obtuse officer.
Despite me actually being honest, saying I had a couple of drinks a few hours earlier, he seemed very surprised when I passed.
When I said I wasn’t surprised, he said “well, there’s still SOME in your system!” (0.039 for those wondering). To which I replied, “Yes, as I said earlier, I had a couple of drinks several hours ago. It would be odd if it was zero, no?”
Then he forgot to give me back my license before dismissing me, so I asked for it and headed on my way. All in all, one of the most frustrating R.I.D.E. programs I’ve ever rolled through.
Never take the road side breathalyzer test. It is not required, and is wildly inaccurate (You have to take the one at the station after an arrest. That’s different). Never admit you had anything to drink (just don’t say anything other than “I invoke my 5th amendment right to remain silent” – and then stay silent). Do not consent to a field sobriety test – it is also not required and is designed to be unpassable.
All those things exist only to establish probable cause for an arrest. Consenting to them will not help you. Refusing them will not hurt you.
Also don’t drive drunk.
I’m Canadian, rules are different up here.
Same in the UK, all the above which may be solid information in the US would be hugely problematic here. Don’t drink drive is the best advice overall. But driving some time after a beer, if you get stopped then you’re not going to fail a breathaliser anyway, stating the fact just gives the expectation of some alcohol in your system even if it’s well below a limit
Here you go Matt
Let’s call it “reverse vaping”.
I thought the first one was going to have a note that they are now a writer here.
You have the engineering prowess to make a nice compact and discreet breathalyzer and you name it AlcoSense excel?
Just keep it in mind these are actual blowjobs.
It needs to be dark with strobe lights test jwe to be done on some nut wearing pj’s or overalls. Then you don’t question it. Some random guy for a pr / press photo is never going to work.
“He looks beaten down by life in a way that implies maybe this was not his choice.”
I’m hoping that weird beard trim line was not his choice.
I bought a breathalyzer a few years ago to see how much I could drink without being legally impaired. I found out that it’s much less than I thought. Make a plan for a ride home, or don’t drink was the lesson I learned.
I had an Amazon breathalyzer for a while. Pretty much useless. If I had anything at all to drink it would claim I was blowing a BAC that should have put me in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.
The one I bought was about $250. Don’t remember if I got it on Amazon or at the manufacturer’s site. It never told me I should be in a coma, but 2 to 3 beers (depending on strength and time) made me illegal to drive. I don’t think it was necessarily 100% right, but I don’t think the ones used by law enforcement are necessarily 100% either. Skipping the drinks or getting a ride is always cheaper than a DUI, even if you feel like you’re fine.
Naw. If you’re blowing 0.59 and standing, you’re one cool cat. From the internets:
A BAC of 0.40% or higher can cause a individual to slip into a coma, experience respiratory failure, or suffer fatal alcohol poisoning.
It can but it didn’t x3. Just saying.
Sober since 2020!
That’s a European model that delivers the result in per mille – the display reads 0.59 ‰ BAC if you look closely, so 0.059 %. I used to wonder about what seemed like draconian punishment for DUI in the US when I didn’t realize that the values started in the reports are basically ten times what I had understood.
Necktie guy looks like he’s plugging a radar detector into his mouth. Obviously drunkl.
That guy third from the bottom looks like he has a wired-in blow-to-go, so yeah that’s seldom a chosen accessory, in fact I think it’s pretty much always court ordered.
Is that why rural cops would rather ruin your life by trying to get you to walk backwards reciting every fourth letter from the alphabet starting with D, while both tapping your head and rubbing your stomach?
“Step, bump, step bump bump!”
As a dyslexic I’m always drunk by that standard.
Photo #9 (2nd from last) looks good.
It helps to have distraction.
The model is very attractive, but the vibes are very weird.
Screw the breathalyzers, I now want to know why here in the states our police never have these flagging down wands.
Is it b/c they’re too Playmobil at this point for us to accept IRL? If so, damn.
Imagine what something like that Morris Minor patrol car would do to their egos.
Alot of departments have them, hi viz vests and rain gear they keep in the back of cruisers for when they have to do traffic. Mainly when traffic lights are out. But they hate it and try to get out of it. Alot of times the bad boys get put on that duty and someone gets sent from the fire department to get a picture.
Mine have fluorescent gloves, which kinda takes the fun out of it all. I’d much rather annoy my passengers with things like [nudge nudge] “Police pickleball league…”
Oh a lot of pickleball is played at police associations. Most fire stations have pictures. They do love those those gloves. About 15 years ago I knew a guy that was often in the bad boy seat. He was very happy when he found those gloves. I think he bought them himself at first. Some sgts and capts make the officers use the light stick.
Was this article planned for publishing after the “here are all the articles people didn’t read” guilt trip?
I kid, I kid.
Alternative caption for the last image with the woman; “You want me to put what in my mouth and blow?”
Oh yeah, this one is going to do crap traffic. Sometimes I just write things to amuse myself.
Crap Traffic, man, you’re just brimming with good band names aren’t you?
Either that or it’s rush hour in Jasonia where everyone drives something with more character than any other automotive attributes.
I enjoyed the article myself, I just wondered if it would see unusually high traffic haha.
I read this one at my computer, but I can read it on my phone next trip to the bathroom if that helps maintain expectations about where people are reading this.
Jim Lahey from Trailer Park Boys makes a good brethalizer mascot . . . Time for a drinkypoo!
This is great content!
Feel so sorry for the two UK officers, having to use a 40hp Morris Minor as a police car. And not having really well fitting uniforms. And having to deal with that drunk MGB guy, who probably gets a much higher sallary than they do. It’s probably raining too, and Thatcher’s just raised the taxes..
The key is to make sure you’re drunk enough to not care how you look
There’s no way to make breathalyzers cool so long as they look like vapes, as vapes just look dorky no matter what. If they want a cool-looking breathalyzer, they need to make it look like what vapes are superceding – cigarettes. Everyone looks cool with cigarette.
Somebody needs to take all of these photos and edit them so bubbles come out of other side of the breathalyzer.
You’re right, they do.https://gemini.google.com/65e39682-69a3-4aaa-88c7-e8a8037470cb