Have you ever seen the film Koyaanisqatsi? It’s a 1992 experimental non-narrative arthouse film, and the title comes from a Hopi word that translates to something like “a world out of order” or, more literally, “chaotic life.” That’s sort of the feeling I get when I watch this viral video of a cop car and an ambulance from Cliffside Park, NJ.
I don’t necessarily think the world is completely out of order, but it’s definitely at least suggested by this strangely evocative short video. The video starts with a shot of the police Explorer well and truly crunched into a guardrail/signpost, and a delivery of the classic “you can’t park there, mate” joke. Objectively, the person shooting that video was as compelled to say that as they would be to say “that’s not going anywhere” after strapping something to the roof of a car.
The videographer is already enjoying the schadenfreude of the crashed cop car when the ambulance arrives, which leads to, well, I’ll just let you watch. Oh, I should note there are some uses of a word here that can be used as a slur, though in this context and with benefit of the doubt granted to the speaker, I don’t think that’s what’s intended here. Still, consider yourself warned. Okay, here you go:
Wow, right? The way those chips of the shattered taillight of the Explorer just come flying up like a bunch of Doritos flung out of a bowl is just sublime. And the sounds the ambulance makes as it scrapes along that cop car, and then the more crunching and scraping sounds it makes as it backs up in an attempt to extract itself all just add to the glorious sense of a situation that is deeply, richly boned.
The narrator’s teasing demand for a field sobriety test at the beginning and the shrill and very understandable inquiry of “what the fuck is going on today?” just add to the perfection of this just-over-a-minute masterpiece of documentary reporting.
Local news reporting outlet and frequent monitor of police and emergency services in the Cliffside Park area, HRG News & Resources, contacted Cliffside Park Police, who confirmed that, happily, there were no serious injuries, and the whole thing was an accident, noting “that’s why they call them accidents,” though I’m not really sure that statement actually tells us that much at all.
I mean, I kind of gathered crashing a police SUV into a guardrail and then damaging it further by running an ambulance against it like a colossal cheese grater wasn’t a carefully planned operation. No shit it was an accident.
I think why the video seems to resonate with so many people is because it shows police and emergency responders as vulnerable and fallible as any of us, and there’s a certain strange freedom in the layers of fucking up demonstrated in the video, with emergency and official vehicles all participating in delivering a massive helping of clusterfudge on your plate, and everyone playing their part in this incredible dance that is a shitshow at the fuckfactory.
The natural state of everything is entropy, after all. Maybe there’s a relief, sometimes, in having bits of that revealed to us. And that’s what we find so amusing.
I’ll end this with the trailer for Koyaanisquatsi, because why not.
Top graphic images: Mr StivenR/YouTube
DAYUM
Video was taken down. wah.
edit: no it wasn’t
The real question here is what kind of salsa do you enjoy with your taillight chips, Jason? I assume you have several bowls fully stocked at all times at various locations in your domicile to include one if not all restrooms.
At first glance, I read that as “several bowels fully stocked at all times” and it just made sense given the number of times poop references find their way into Torchy’s writing.
My drivers ed teacher always said there is no such thing as a traffic ‘accident’.
If cars collide, it’s always someone’s fault. Someone did something wrong.
A wreck on an icy road would be about the only thing she might allow as an accident.
Unfortunately, no.
Even on an icy road, a driver is obliged to understand the limits of his car, the road and himself.
Calling it ‘an accident’ is just being polite. Pointing at somebody who, with or without knowing, made a fault is not polite.
I agree that we shouldn’t just excuse car crashes as “accidents” since almost all incidents have a human, physical, or systemic root cause. Since the vast majority of car crashes have “non-negligent human error” root causes (ie. mis-judging closing speed or spacing) that “accident” really was the best term to say “you weren’t doing anything bad, but you did screw up”. Unfortunately this became the blanket term for any car crash since most people suck at basic root cause analysis…
I do agree with 06 Z33 that it is a term that should be eliminated from all drivers’ ed training.
As incorrect as beautifully sounding.
Understanding the limits of the car, the road and oneself is nice for the stuff that can be controlled by oneself.
On an icy enough road a gust of wind can drag you into the car next to you even if you both stopped. A tree falling on your car can project it in the car opposite you. A moose can ram your car into the opposite lane while you’re stopped and fully in control.
The only fault that is universal in driving is not staying at home.
Up where I live, the excuse seems to be “black ice” implying that there was no way to see or sense that the road was slippery and they simply pirouetted off the road. I’ve been driving in far northern environments for longer than I can to admit and have yet to encounter this mythical black ice. Anyone paying attention can see that ice on the road has a different sheen to it.
“.. for longer than I can to admit “
At this age, I think you can finally admit it
Every time I hear that, I think of the Key and Peele sketch on ruthless, dangerous black ice.
Black ice is a real thing and often refers to clear ice that is very hard to see and usually only forms at very low temperatures.
Black ice can also mean ice that forms from tailpipe condensation below 0°F. It is also clear and hard to see, and is even more hazardous because it is unpredictable and doesn’t have an obvious meteorological source. In my opinion this is the more accurate usage of the term.
A crash caused by the latter black ice is often truly an accident because it can happen with no prior warning. A crash that occurs due to the former atmospherically caused clear ice is usually the fault of bad judgement.
Not sure I agree with this one.
Brakes going out. Tire blows from hitting debris in the road. Run into a water-filled pothole that looks like a puddle. Mechanical failure resulting in loss of control/power. Medical event causing loss of consciousness/control. Wildlife darting out.
Lotsa things. It’s a pretty neat saying though, and not all bad to teach kids their responsibility behind the wheel.
Totally this. I just had my Hyundai Ioniq5’s ICCU shit the bed while driving in traffic. I had no warning, no heads-up, and luckily the 40 MPH road I was on was crawling at about 10 MPH, otherwise I’d have been rear-ended. I managed to limp the car to a sideroad and continue along at 25 MPH until I parked.
I took defensive driving courses rather than pay the fine for some speeding tickets in high school. The instructor said the same thing, it’s stuck with me ever since then.
“Accident” implies a certain involvement or intent. “Crash” describes the event in a more impartial manner. I strongly prefer the term “crash” in these situations.
By definition the teacher was wrong.
accident
/ˈaksədnt/
An accident is an unexpected, unplanned, and unintended event that typically results in injury, illness, damage, or loss.
They are almost always unintended, stupid mistakes are not. The choice someone made that caused the accident may have been deliberate, but the actual collision probably wasn’t. Exception: Road Rage
That wasn’t an accident. It was two accidents.
Volunteer EMT here. In my department, if you wreck (damage, scratch, etc) a piece of equipment, you’re “awarded” a part of that equipment during the annual banquet. Usually it’s a piece of mangled chrome. For instance, the missing piece of chrome around the rear wheel of the ambulance in the video…
I kept the mashed bumper cover corner from my wife’s Outback, earned after backing into a pole. It’s on my garage wall now.
I should have kept the front license plate from my Pilot when my son slid into a pole on an icy hill. His targeting was so precise, the plate was bent into a perfect semicircle.
That’s impressive, not gonna lie!
At the end of Deals Gap (aka Tail of the Dragon) there used to be a tree covered in broken fairings from crashed bikes. I wonder if it’s still there, I haven’t been back in decades.
Not sure about Cliffside Park, but plenty of EMS departments in NJ are volunteers, so I think they deserve a pass.
Also part time EMT. I was surprised at how superficial the training was before they handed me the keys to the bus.
ACKSHUALLY there’s a movement to stop calling them accidents and call them crashes instead.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/carltonreid/2019/11/17/crash-not-accident-better-road-safety-reporting-could-save-lives-show-researchers/
But I wouldn’t expect a PD spokesperson to be with it, unless it was the 1980s Zeitgeist.
I am here to agree. We stopped calling them ‘accidents’ about 5 years ago. They are now ‘crashes’. ‘Accident’ implies that nothing could have been done to prevent it. I was at a statewide traffic safety conference a few weeks ago. The Chief of the Traffic Safety Division of the State DOT had to keep correcting each time they inadvertently said ‘accident’.
You had me at NJ.
This was the first time I physically cringed and made that air brake dump sound through your teeth in a very long time.
How long before Torch is marketing Taillight Chips (TM) as a snack? Just dye some Doritos that same red, or, failing that, actual taillights. I mean we’ve all got tons of microplastics in our veins already, so what’s a few more macroplastics?
Jolly Ranchers shaped into various taillight shapes and broken shapes. Cherry strawberry flavors make the most sense, but lemon and pineapple can be used for amber lights.
Mercedes Benz taillight Ruffles have ridges!
You can’t park there!
What pained me most in the video is the ambulance continuing to drive forward after it had already broken the cop car’s tail light. Like, in what world would moving forward be a better decision than just backing up? It’s like those videos of guys driving huge trucks into restaurant drive-throughs and getting stuck on bollards and continuing to power forward. WTF are they thinking?
I never saw Koyaanisqatsi, but I did see what was basically its sequel, Baraka, while in an… altered state… and it was a pretty intense experience that I enjoyed.
A few weeks ago, I watched a delivery truck get too close to the wall coming up out of an underground parking garage. It was amusement for minutes I tell you, as after first contact, they’d stop, sit for 30 seconds or so, and then move forward again, with this horrible shrieking of metal against concrete each time, until it occured to the driver that backing up might be the best choice at this point
I watched a semi truck run over a guardrail by turning too tight on an exit it wasn’t supposed to use. (Thanks, Nav!) That truck driver mangled that guardrail. To be fair, backing up onto a freeway exit is also inadvisable.
I remember watching “Koyaanisqatsi” in an actual movie theater when it came out. Probably best done in a nice immersive environment like that. Life Out of Balance. And lots of Philip Glass.
I saw it in an arthouse cinema in London in maybe 1986. Mind, blown.
Jason has the release date wrong by a decade.
Saw it last year with live accompaniment; they found someone who could sing the title in that really really low register. Totally worth it 🙂
J.E.A.L.O.U.S
I just watched it again on streaming. Three takeaways:
I saw it and Powaaqatsi in the theater, the latter with Reggio and Glass in attendance. And yes, pot was had… Reggio walked by and approved.
I have both on DVD. There was an animal one we also saw but I don’t recall its name.
I just finished Glass’ memoir and was planning to watch the whole qatsi series. But now I want to watch the music put to slow motion car crashes.
Those scratches on the ambulance will buff right out. I am curious as to the back story on that police cruiser’s predicament though.
Great callout to Koyaanisquatsi! Fun juxtaposition to this craziness. I haven’t thought about that movie in ages. The last time I watched it I was on drugs. Painkillers specifically, as I had three impacted wisdom teeth removed earlier that day.
At least I wasn’t out driving an emergency vehicle.
fuckin’ around on the laptop most likely
Next up: special town meeting to vote on fixing/replacing damaged emergency response vehicles and subsequent property tax increase.
They should “fix” the cop car with red lens tape or, at most, a box taillight. There’s NO reason to repair cosmetic damage to a police car since its Carfax is already red flagged just for having been a police car.
Oof
Scratch one ambulance.
I believe that was a woman driving the ambulance, though I’m sure that wasn’t a factor. Can’t blame her: after being told by men all her life that 5” is really 8” it’s hard to accurately judge the length of things like wheelbases.
That guard rail shouldn’t have resisted.
Remember when you could do something stupid, foolish, or just make a mistake, and it wasn’t broadcast for the whole world to see and comment on?
Pepperidge Farms remembers…
Despite being extremely boring in high school and college, I am ever so grateful that those years passed by with NOBODY having a high resolution camera with video capability on them at all times. There are maybe five pictures of me from the age of five until cell phone cameras became a thing, and that is more than fine with me.
Now I have a thousand pictures of me and my furry mistress (she so owns me):
https://photos.app.goo.gl/rTmogitYo4jddqPm8
Please tell the special lady in your life she has fine stripes and keen beans.
Every day my friend, every day. Or she bites me. 😉
Yeah, the downside of my alma mater putting scans of the old yearbooks online is that I’m sure some of those pictures are ones people never thought their parents would ever see. Let alone potential employers.
Sorry that whambulance driver is definitely a rookie needs to go back to drinkers Ed, no reason to take the turn that tight just block traffic to make room. Nice that the cop who wrecked was a man and the Ambulance driver appeared as a female so no sex jokes.
I can highly recommend drinkers’ ed. I passed with flying colors, of course.
I hear they don’t even offer it in some high schools anymore. Stupid modern society. In my day…
You can hardly find Country Recess or Detention on the shelves these days.
O tempora! O mores!
“Passed”? Or “Passed-out”?
Both. In reverse order.
Seriously tho, about that field sobriety test…
Isn’t a blood test pretty much SOP when first responders get in an accident? Definitely the case in my home town where my various cousins are cops and firefighters/EMS.