In this morning’s Cold Start, Jason presented us with what he proclaimed The Most Impressively Filthy BMW I’ve Ever Seen On The Road. And it is undeniably, incontrovertibly, irrefutably filthy. I mean, look at this thing:
This is simply a BMW in the final phase of the German luxury car lifecycle. As I’ve said, the cycle goes as follows:
1). It starts life as a stretch purchase lease for someone who wants attention.
2). It will then be brought certified by someone who knows a thing or two about cars.
3). It will be ditched by the enthusiast who bought it when the four figure repairs start piling up post warranty.
4). It begins its slow descent to hooptie.
This one is now a hooptie that probably just rolled off the buy here/pay here lot.
We award the coveted CotD medallion to Nsane for nailing it, or at least probably nailing it, as we don’t actually know the situation of the pollen-plastered BMW or its seemingly unfazed owner. But the needle on the Autopian plausibility meter (we use a PlauseTron 850, which isn’t quite as nice as the 950, but just as accurate) is well and truly pegged. And so, winner winner chicken dinner!
Have a terrific evening everyone. Remember to sign up for The Autopian Newsletter!
Top image “before” photo: TrueCar
Don’t forget step 5: Lemons racecar.
Oh, man… I could have used my favorite Cryptid joke.
Why is it so hard to find Mothman? Because only Mothman knows where he is. His location is in-Cryptid information.
Absolutely terrible. I love it.
For BMWs and Audis, maybe.
Mercedes get Step 5) someone in California lives in it
5) Ends up on M539 Restorations Youtube channel
or 5) Hoovie takes it to the Ninja. Decides it’s the worst BMW in the country. Finds a way to dump it.
Out of all the huge car YouTubers Hoovie is one of the ones that resonates with me the least for some reason. There’s just something about his channel that I find grating. I think it’s the combination of redundant content, overall snark, and a level of privilege that’s kind of on another level. I get that plenty of these dudes are mega, mega wealthy (Doug just dropped 7 figures on a Carrera GT, Farrah has an absolutely ludicrous collection, etc.) but idk I find something about the way Hoovie is constantly talking about huge sums of money like they’re a joke to be kind of out of touch.
The Wizard and Ninja are amazing though. I can listen to either of those dudes talk me through mechanical stuff for hours.
I dislike both Doug and Hoovie, I mean I get it, it’s a schtick, and apparently appeals to someone (lots of someones) but like Amy Schumer someone must watch her shows, someone is paying the bills, it’s just not me.
Apparently we disagree on shtick versus schtick. I could look it up, but I prefer not to know if I am right or wrong.
I was just put on to Iain Tyrrell; a thousand times better than all the others IMHO. Doesn’t speak to me like I am an idiot, very little shtick, and hella knowledgeable.