It’s hard for me to even call what I’m about to show you a mistake, because it is absolutely glorious. While at the incredible Galpin Car Show yesterday, I ran upstairs to the Aston Martin dealership and hung out with Autopian cofounder Beau in the VIP section, where there was a harpist playing songs from Sting and Michael Jackson. There were drinks, there was good breakfast and lunch, there was delicious crème brulée (I won’t lie, I had to look up how to spell that; I’m more of a cobbler man), and there were watermelons. Engraved watermelons. Maybe you see where this is going.
This being a premium car show at a premium sports car dealership, naturally you’d expect the cars engraved into watermelons to be premium vehicles, and they were! (mostly). Of the three watermelons perched as decorations on the dessert table in the VIP area, two sat down below on either side of the tallest watermelon, which was clearly the “featured” melon meant to get all the attention. The lower melon on the left showed the front of the latest-generation Ford GT — a vehicle that had an MSRP of about $500,000, but which tends to sell for over a million these days:
The watermelon on the right featured the rear of a 2005-2006 Ford GT, a vehicle that had a sticker price of about $150,000 back when it launched — a damn bargain, and frankly, something that my 14 year-old self should have (somehow) purchased en-masse and stored in a warehouse, as this generation of Ford GT tends to sell for about a half a million dollars these days:
Two expensive, highly collectable supercars — totally appropriate for the VIP room of an Aston Martin dealership during a great car show. But what was the crown jewel of the three watermelons on that dessert table? What was the one in the middle, sitting up high for everyone to admire? Was it a rare Aston Martin? Was it a beautiful Jaguar or Lotus, since the Aston Martin building is shared by the two brands? Was it perhaps an iconic Land Rover, since that brand is also in the same building?
No.
The crown-jewel watermelon in the Galpin Car Show’s VIP lounge in the Aston Martin dealership was…
A Lada Niva.
Wait, what?!
Why the hell is the centerpiece of the car show’s VIP room a sub-$25,000 Russian off-road economy car? This is the equivalent of engraving a Subaru Crosstrek into a watermelon and presenting it proudly above two Ford GTs, except it’s even worse, because the Lada Niva — which is somehow still in production — is a 40+ year-old design!
I get the impression that the vehicle was meant to be a Land Rover Defender, since, as I mentioned before, the Aston Martin showroom shares a building with Land Rover, but what’s actually carved into the melon is very clearly a Niva. I mean, just look at those two turn signals above the headlights, with that strong hoodline joining them. No other car looks like that. Then you have the round headlights connected via horizontal grille slots. The front bumper is simple and straight, and the wheel arches are nice and pronounced. Plus, the two doors and small overall profile — this is clearly a Lada Niva.
It’s a hilarious mistake, and one that — as I mentioned in the first sentence — I’m hesitant to even call a mistake, because the Lada Niva is an awesome machine! It’s a tiny 4×4 hatchback with real off-road capability and cockroach-like longevity. The design has stuck around this long because it’s a great overall package — it’s small but spacious, it can go anywhere, and honestly, I think it looks great. It’s an honest little 4×4 — Russia’s Jeep Cherokee XJ.
I see charming little Nivas all the time when I visit my parents in Germany; Nivas, along with Suzuki Jimnys, are the ultimate alpine runabouts, and I think they’re fantastic. Obviously, sentiments towards Russia aren’t exactly high these days, but that’s not the Niva’s fault! You can like a car no matter who developed it, as Jason – our resident VW Beetle fan — can attest.
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So I take it back — this hilarious mistake by the catering company wasn’t a mistake at all, but rather a triumphant statement: Give the Lada Niva the respect it deserves, for it is worthy of that top-watermelon-spot.
I can support that.
“the Lada Niva is an awesome machine! It’s a tiny 4×4 hatchback with real off-road capability and cockroach-like longevity.”
STOP MAKING ME WANT ONE.
Now say some bad things about it so I can feel better.
(a picture is worth a thousand words)
“Russia’s Prime Minister Vladimir Putin stands next to his Lada Niva off-road car in the Black Sea resort of Sochi May 16, 2009.”
Eh. That’s like hating on German Shepards just because Blondi was Hitler’s pet. Hitler was the monster, Blondi was just a dog. Hitler owning one doesn’t mean all German Shepards are bad, BAD DOGS!!
The Niva isn’t even a dog, it’s just a machine. With an Opel engine even, which spreads any guilt by association that much more.
Sincere thanks for trying but no, I’m not feeling any better.
Me neither. I want one too.
But if you buy one, you’ll make it more popular, and more money will go into Putin’s pocket. Blondi… was just someone’s pet.
So Putin makes money on 25 YO Nivas?
The Lada Niva is an unnamable piece of crap in its original state, its longevity is only proportional to the longevity of its owner (which is inversely proportionally shortened by said ownership).
It is a piece of automotive history, it is cute looking (to this day still), it is a great idea, and it is a good offroader when it works.
Lada fans tend to mix “easy to work on” with “reliable“. There are plenty of cars at the same level that are easy to work on and are actually reliable. When you live in a country where the whole automotive park consists of less than a dozen models updated once every 15 years, everybody becomes a good mechanic and every car becomes easy to work on, just because they are the only models generations of mechanics wrench on. For a specialized airplane mechanic, a jet engine is easy to work on.
Oh stop it! You’re making me want one even more!
He he he 🙂
My work here is done. Muwa-ha-haaa !!!
Ladas do have one thing going for them – they are a nearly infinite supply for Veglia gauges that can be used for restoration projects nowaday.
Identical to some much more desirable machines’ gauges, all the way to the graphics and funnily-shaped speedo and tacho needles.
The “Oil“, Water” and “Fuel” inscriptions in Russian (on non-Western-export cars) might add to the exotic though 🙂
https://partslada.com/image/catalog/PARTSLADA/NEW25/23080.jpg
The clock was also very nice, with its knob at the bottom rather than in the center of the needles
What is that picture of, the dash of a classic Ferrari?
No? That’s a LADA?
Lada 1500, 1500s and 1600 dash, before they bastardized it later.
Note the three gauges on the left, with inscriptions in Russian. Steering wheel is not stock, that one is definitely Western.
I know. Veglia made the gauges for Ferrari too.
And they rusted like an early 70s Italian car.
How could they – those things were made from salvaged T-34 armor plating and AK-47 clips!
They (Ladas, not the Niva in particular) were made in an Italian designed and built factory based on the Fiat 124 (with a lot of extra sheet metal and gussets, and a reworked engine, it is true)
There are unicorns in the Soviet automotive history, it is true, but the Lada is not one of them.
The Gaz 53 truck (not a modern engine design by any means) had sodium-filled valves.
The legend goes (I can neither confirm nor deny) that getting one, carefully splicing the stem and throwing it in a puddle to watch it explode (well, loudly pop), was a quality passtime when I was a kid 😉
They (Ladas, not the Niva in particular) were made in an Italian designed and built factory based on the Fiat 124 (with a lot of extra sheet metal and gussets, and a reworked engine, it is true)
There are unicorns in the Soviet automotive history, it is true, but the Lada is not one of them.
Oh I dunno, The VAZ 2101 had its charms:
“Some of the improvements developed by VAZ engineers were quietly applied by Fiat to the 124 in its final years of production – for example the chassis strengthening; internally within Fiat these updated models are denoted “124R”, the “R” standing for ‘Russian’.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VAZ-2101
Yup, the gussets I mentioned above. Chassis was strenghtened for Russian potholes. Engine was modified too.
Note that most of the issues on the Niva are Niva specific. Transfer case whines, front axle’s attachments are weak, front CV axles can simply slip out of the differential on their splines sometimes, the whole transmission is subject to high wear (constant 4×4 of the not most mothern type 🙂 ), wheel bearings can be an issue at 20000 miles, the shaft that connects the transfer case and the gearbox (yes, they are separate) whines from new, which is ok, but can hide other noises when things get bad, front suspension is weak, transmission shaft usually starts vibrating after 35000 miles, which breaks other stuff. The steering box makes for the heaviest steering on Earth, and it lasts about 50000 miles.
This is just from the top of my head – not mentioning engine (it has a timing chain which doesn’t mean it needs attention and tightening as early as 35000 miles), and RUST.
This are the issue by design. Issues with build and assembly (which batch would you get, did you get one of the worst ones from the mid-90’s, would you get lucky to get an assembly line worker’s “congratulations” signature tricks – they do exist, and they are priceless) are factors not factored in here 🙂
So how’s that so different from a vintage Alfa Romeo?
Perhaps a long running jab, then, at JLR’s expense.
Years ago, I understand Aston was upset about the fallout between them and JLR for the access of some facilities (like the test track) at their formerly joint facility in Gaydon UK.
David, dude. That is the most Autopian thing ever! How can you possibly think that’s a mistake? What is LA doing to you?
Misleading headline. I thought we were getting cold cuts instead of cold start today.
I mean, the most exotic car is in the middle so I don’t think it’s a mistake. I bet there were a bunch of Fords at the car show, how many Ladas were there?
Have anyone here acrually driven a Niva? I have, and I can guarantee that they are god awful as a car. Nice vintage tractor or a questionable side by side would be more accurate comparison than an actual car meant to be driven on roads.
Not a Niva but I have driven another Lada product, an early 80s 2102. I liked it, it had character. It was simple and honest. I even had to perform a high speed emergency maneuver in it packed with 4 others and a trunk full of stuff. The car handled fine even on cheap, pensioner spec tires and I avoided a nasty collision.
It was ~35 years ago so I don’t recall the speed exactly, only that I was doing the speed limit. It happened fast.
The round headlight one? I’ve never driven one, but I have travelled some distances in one and I can’t really blame it too much comparing to another cheap sedans of its era. However, the successor 2107 feels and is much worse even though it should be an update.
Yep, that’s the one.
I think whoever was in charge of carving the watermelons was clearly a car person… I’m on the side of this being a 100% intentional easter egg!
Not sorry to be that guy, americans need to stop wasting food in general, but especially this way. It’s so fucking stupid, especially in a city like LA with plenty of people starving.
No one is starving in LA over three carved up watermelons, guy. Get some perspective.
You eat the rind?
“I eat the whole apple. Core, stem, seeds. Everything.”
Clown take. Farmers and grocery stores throw away more produce than they sell on a daily basis. They are watermelons, chief.
I see more (probably) edible tomatoes along the roads out of Sacramento than in the grocery store.
It’s harvest season, and they are spilling from the trucks because they do not cover their loads. I wonder if anyone ever pulls over to pick up some free tomatoes…
Oh I’m sure something gets a free meal.
And the angel of the lord came unto me
Snatching me up from my place of slumber
And took me on high and higher still
Until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself
And he brought me into the vast farmlands of the California valley
And as we descended cries of impending doom rose from the soil
One thousand nay a million voices full of fear
And terror possessed me then
And I begged Angel of the Lord what are these tortured screams?
And the angel said unto me
These are the cries of the tomatoes,
You see, Reverend Maynard
Tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust
And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat
Like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared
“Hear me now, I have seen the light!
They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul!
Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!
Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah?” Thank you.
Ooh! Free tomatoes!
Hallelujah!
They’re still edible, so what’s the waste? Carved or no those babies would have hit the trash though. No one wants to deal with a watermelon, what a mess.
Don’t get me started on the wastefulness of ice sculptures and jack-o’-lanterns.
Someone obviously needs to have their melon examined.
In Russia, watermelon carves chef.
The Niva has long had a cult following. You can drive it in the once popular pubg online battle Royale game. I remember a family friend’s son bought one in the 90’s to putz around in Toronto with when he was in his 20’s. If you’re going to love a Russian car, this is high on the list.
Tacos from a truck at a car show is a worse Culinary Mistake
Worse than a Shrimp-barrow?
Did anyone besides you actually notice? I expect most would have said “Oh look they carved two fast looking cars and a boxy off road thing into those melons. Anyway, where are the cocktail shrimp?”
One of these things is not like the other.
I like the Lada Niva. It’s simply styled and just looks good.
Here’s another crazy thought:
The Watermelons were placed on the podium Olympics-style. So when the Gold medalist in the center was presented with the medal and the Russian national anthem started playing, Aston Martin execs would be seen going berserk.
I guess if the silver medalist (Ford GT) won gold then the American anthem would play.Wait what does this have to do with Aston Martin?
During the financial meltdown in 08 there was a 06 Ford GT at a RV dealer for sale. It was maybe late 09 and he had it for $75,000. I called him and he told me he took in trade for a RV and just wanted to get out of it. At the time I went back and forth, but having 3 kids under 10, I figured I needed to save for college. If I had only know that the GT would have been the better investment.
Yep, there was a brief window of opportunity, which I was in no position to jump through.
I scrolled down this one slowly so I could get to see the middle melon before you gave the answer and the first thing that jumped into my mind was, “it’s a Suzuki Samurai!” While it might be wrong, it would have been even more awesome.
I read “Lady Niva” all the ’til the last paragraph, and was about to start googling what features designated it as the Lady version…
Face, meet palm.
“Didn’t you notice it’s little balls?”
Those carved watermelons are cool!
How does one go about finding a melon carver? How does one get into the field of professional melon carving? Do they just love carving pumpkins at Halloween so much that they decide to expand to other produce so that it could be done year-round?
“Can you please carve a Land Rover into the watermelon for this event?”
Of course!
“Do you need reference photos?”
I think I know how to carve a fancy off-roader, thank you very much! *Looks out at the Niva in the driveway*
During setup:
“Dammit, that doesn’t look like a Land Rover. Oh, well, no one will look that closely. We don’t have anyone from the Autopian slated to be here, right?”
Typically that process is called carving. 😉 That would have been great (and appropriate) here as it includes the word ‘car’.
Having nitpicked, I must say that the watermelon-modder did a really nice job: we’re here debating Torch-level lighting details rendered in fruit!
Hi, I am you person in law to be, er, if thats OK with you you sir I mean I would like to marry your offspring
Very well, you seem like a passable sort of young person, what do you do for a living?
I carve watermelons.
“I work in event based organic graphic design and multidimensional physical visual installations”
“I like my work to emphasize the integrity of the process of a medium’s passage through time.”
“I am an event installation craftsperson specializing in cucurbits.”
Their dyslexia kept them out of other creative fields.
Oh well, when life gives you melons…
LOL !
Hey, just wait until you see this guy’s Halloween jack-o-lanterns!
They are Niva gonna live that mistake down.
Yeah. And that’s a Lada watermelon.
Have you no shame?
Niva gonna give you up
Niva gonna let you down
Niva gonna run around
And desert you
Take your star.
you literally rick rolled us lol, take your smile!
Missed opportunity:
“And dessert you”
No. I thought about it, but the carved watermelons were not meant to be eaten.
Besides, the [parody] lyrics were not speaking too favorably about the Lada; it wouldn’t fit to add something pleasant like dessert.
Yeah but the melons were the decoration for the dessert table, right?
COTD
This kind of thing happens when you’re Russian to get those watermelons done in time for the event.
Can we get a Panda 4×4 vs Lada Niva comparison test?
Watercooledmelon.