Matt Hardigree
A long-time writer and editor in the car space, you may have read my work in Wired, Jalopnik, and the newsletter for my local Ultimate Frisbee team. I love writing about the car industry, driving minivans, and dreaming about owning various European Fast Fords. I drive an E39 530i Sport (with the stick) and a CR-V Hybrid. You can email me at matt@theautopian.com or follow me
on Instagram. Oh, I'm also the Publisher of The Autopian. That seems less interesting than the European Fords thing, though.
DAVID. THE ANSWER HAS A PARSH CREST AND IT’S RIGHT THERE: Cayenne! It’s not a three-row, but let’s face it, your friend’s kids can walk. They have little feetsies and should learn to use them.
Also, high-five to the fellow bowel sufferer.
How much is one of those Jeff Gordon jackets? I have a great idea for this year’s membership drive.
Old bowels are a pain in the ass, literally.
Mine haven’t been right since I had my gall bladder removed six years go.
Ah, failed careers.
Tried computer engineering, but dropped out. Twice.
So I became a diesel mechanic! Then and instructor and curriculum developer.
We started to transition to EV buses and my computer engineering venture is coming back around to haunt me in my work.
It’s actually really hard to teach a bunch of diesel heads how to diagnose EVs.
*Frank Grimes getting electrocuted to death gif*
You joke, but the majority of what we’re teaching them is how to not get tagged by the high voltage systems.
Trying to convince men who think nitrile gloves are “bitch mittens” to wear high voltage gloves is…annoying.
Please use the term “bitch mittens” in the accident book when one of them gets his pubic hair straightened.
Yea that last comment of Adrian’s cut a little close to the bone, as a failed studio potter and academic, among other things.
At least it’s better than being a failed Harry Potter in Wizard academics.
Unsure. That sounds like it might not have taken me 11 years.
I’ve just realised Peter put me on the bridge of a Klingon Bird of Prey.
Seem appropriate.
So uh… how does one become an Autopian writer?
By failing at every other career you’ve tried, or by being a handsome, witty and debonair goth car designer.
So you’re telling me I should sink my business to write for the Autopian? Alright then.
I’m witty and goth-adjacent, for what it’s worth.
Watch your step sunshine.
Adrian’s answer is better. But if you are serious, the official answer is here: https://www.theautopian.com/how-to-pitch-stories-to-the-autopian-so-you-can-get-published-on-the-ultimate-car-culture-website/
I’m half-serious and so I appreciate the link greatly.
Best race car livery? Gulf Oil GT40.
That’s the Starbucks answer.
OK. Parnelli Jones’ Boss 302, Trans Am. Simple school bus orange. Or the gold Big Olly. Plymouth Superbird in Petty blue. Ivan Stewart’s Toyota Trucks in Castrol livery. Smokey Yunick’s black and gold. Unmistakeable.
Bwahahah. What about the Pink Pig Porsche 917? I guess it wasn’t exactly beautiful…
Yes and forever. That French blue with orange haunts me. Can I have have the Del Sol repainted to mimic that?
Metallic blue with a white stripe across the front,
The drivers included David Murray, the owner of the team The drivers included David Murray himself; Jimmy Stewart; his younger brother, three-time F1 World Champion Jackie Stewart; fellow F1 drivers Jim Clark and Innes Ireland; Masten Gregory; Ian Stewart; Leslie Thorne; Ron Flockhart; Ninian Sanderson; Roy Salvadori; Ivor Bueb; John Lawrence; Jack Fairman; Bill Stein; Edward Labinjoh, Willie Forbes and Tom Walkinshaw.
Yes I pinched that from Wikipededia where I wrote it years ago (which was odd,my thought process was, understated race car livery cooler than the obvious!)
Basic
David, I just bought a used Highlander 3 row – it is a Lexus in all but name. Look at a Pilot or MDX as well for family use. And living in snow-free SoCal just buy a damn Pacifica and be done with it.
Absolute gold final exchange!
Yay! More Adrian is coming!
Err…. celebrating on the pages of Autopian, and not in the loo…
Yeah, well dr I lost all that weight, so was hoping we could drop the blood pressure meds
dr – well, you’re also getting older
real uncomfortable conversations.
Actual conversation that happened:
Me: “my cholesterol is the same as it was five years ago!”
Doctor: “yes but you’re five years older now”
It is like the game is rigged…
I just hope that Adrian’s bowels are okay and continue to produce the high-quality material that they have for all these years.
Yes, any fully-depreciated Land/Range Rover will destroy you financially.
If it’s MSRP was $100K, and its now $20K – you have a $20K paperweight for your driveway.
BTW – Why do you need three rows when there’s only three of you? Are you getting a dog?
Who is Bette? Wife or daughter? Assuming daughter.
When Adrian Clarke’s bowels fail, the entire restroom has bats flying everywhere, an indication with regard as to how goth he is.
That’s strange. I’d expect ravens. Maybe crows. Unless the bats were already there and are fleeing the storm.
I’m so goth I piss eyeliner.
So THAT’S where Diva Destruction gets hers from!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66GKEy6nSHM
I also aspire to be a failed writer! So glad to have an inspiring role model like Uncle Adrian to follow.
My aspiration was to be a failed CEO. They get paid, a lot, to leave and get hired quickly. My dream was to be Ovitzed (ex Disney) $100M or the head of the NYSE, forgot his name, who got $195M. It was never going to happen. I’m not a TWM, tall white male.
There’s also Jeff Nardelli (Home Depot) and Jon Lovitz (Stellantis).
Stellantis should have kept Jon Lovitz around purely for our Morning Dump entertainment – kind of a community outreach thing.
True story: Company I once worked for fired the CEO with a $64M golden parachute. The could have fired me for 10% of that and saved money! And noone would have never heard from me again as I would be sipping margaritas on a beach in the Carribean.
The best Jeff Gordon bit, for those who haven’t seen it, is IMSA racer Jordan Taylor’s Rodney Sandstorm alter ego, this crazed social media Jeff Gordon super fan who’s usually decked head to toe in such attire.
He does it IRL too, the best ever being crashing a 2018 or so live network tv interview Gordon’s doing with Brad Kesolowski in the pits before a NASCAR race. He then tries to get Gordon to sign his shoe.
Nobody but Gordon knew what was going on (they’d co-driven a car in the Rolex 24 once apparently), so everyone freaked out – Kesolowski’s about to swing at him, the other annoucers are increasingly loudly calling for security, and the network goes to commercial. They come back more calm and relaxed, and explain it all to the viewers. Epic.
TIL. Why Autopian keeps my attention, so many TILs…
Adrian knows exactly the goth girl specific look I’d be giving him right now over this whole “failed” thing…
Hey you drew one of your eyebrows higher than the other one.
Oh.
“Oh” is right…
I can relate. I’ve failed at all the things. 1 or 2 more and I’ll be ready to retire!
Failed (unpublished) writer, semi-failed lawyer here. Not so bad, all things considered.
Honestly, I’d probably still subscribe to this site if it was only Adrian and Torch bantering.
Alternating between arguing about the VW Beetle and the state of their bowels.
and which sounds worse
Adrian, you are neither a “failed car designer” or a “failed writer” , the only thing that has failed you is your bowels! ( evidently) 😉
Bring skinny and high-motor means that aging hits you harder. Instead of a long, slow decline starting around 40, it all comes down at once, somewhere close to 60.
So I guess I should be happy that I’m short and fat! 😉
Hey Adrian. Just 3 meds? Pffft. Also aging isn’t to be feared, it is joyous if you live your goth ( or in my case late 1960’s hippie) lifestyle with appropriate childlike abandon. Tho getting in and out of the Del Sol isn’t as easy as the 914 was 40 years ago
Torch’s comment is perfect!
I’m ready for the long form Adrian content! When do we get that?
Soon. It needs a LOT of cross checking and rechecking. And finding images. I was out today picking up my new MacBook Pro so I’ll endeavour to hammer it into some sort of shape over the weekend.
Hooray!
Hopefully the content, not the MacBook Pro.
I’d forgotten how much of a pain setting up a new laptop is. My old MacBook Pro was not my daily driver, but dates from 2015. So yeah it’s been a tedious process.
I wish they still made those MBPs, just with the newer display and upgraded specs. The one I had was a tank, not only the best hardware of any other mac I had (they all had all kinds of issues that reflected an apparent level of engineering that went into boutique cars of the ’60s, but I hate Microsoft’s software even more, so I stick with them), it survived far more abuse while being dead reliable and having the best keyboard. My current M2 Air has been pretty good except for the common issue with sleep mode where it won’t wake and requires a restart if it’s on battery (or something like that), but setting the sleep time to never has “solved” it.
That 2015 Pro replaced the last of the 17” MacBooks. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.
I’m ready. It’s been a while.
I (don’t?) believe in you, Uncle Adrian. There are always exciting new ways to give up, fail, flounder, wash out. You’ll be the best damn wastrel we’ve ever known.
.. Once you get out of the bathroom.