We Are All In The Automotive Bizarro World

There’s no other way to say this other than to say it: I think we’re in the automotive bizarro world. I could probably construct a detailed analysis of how we got here, involving the Bretton Woods Agreement of 1944, NAFTA, the lack of executive-level prosecutions after the Global Financial Crisis, and the value of the Korean won relative to the Japanese yen. Or, and hear me out here, what if the cancellation of the G8 ST truck created a schism in the multiverse?

If The Morning Dump is to be published in the actual morning, I think I’m going to go with how the axing of Pontiac (and therefore of the Pontiac G8 ST sport truck–what would have been a modern El Camino) is what split us off into the bizarro world we now inhabit. Is it a bad bizarro world? That’s going to depend on your view of things, but the opposite of good isn’t always bad.

Let’s start right up top with the reality that the world we live in is one in which Michael Jordan could bring NASCAR to its knees. Then there’s the White House, which clearly loves two kinds of cars: Big trucks and… tiny EVs and hybrids. Huh.

Carvana. Remember when we were all convinced Carvana was going to die? Now it’s up 10,000% and joining the S&P 500. That’s quite the turnaround. Volkswagen has gone the opposite direction, stumbling at seemingly every turn. One of the few VW bright spots has been SEAT/Cupra, so it makes sense that the executive behind the brands has… left the company to make Gin.

Sure. Fine. Makes perfect sense.

Michael Jordan Thinks NASCAR Is An Illegal Monopoly, And He Takes That Personally

I’m surprised that the lawsuit against NASCAR by two of its teams has gone forward. The sport proudly reached back to its heritage as the progeny of moonshiners who, with no revenuers to outrun, turned to racing.

Two of the sport’s teams are alleging that the illegality has continued, this time in the form of an illegal monopoly. The two teams are Front Row Motorsports and 23XI Racing, formed by Denny Hamlin and longtime NASCAR fan Michael Jordan.

My shock comes not from NASCAR’s intrasegence, as the sport has long been run by one family that has accrued huge power over the years. Nor is the unwillingness of Michael Jordan to bend that surprising to me, given that I think Jordan might be the most competitive person who has ever lived.

I just assumed that, at some point, various lawyers would remind both sides that discovery exists, which means that a lot of information that was formerly private is going to become public. Having imbibed moonshine out of jars with NASCAR management, I cannot imagine this would go well for them.

There’s a long piece in The Athletic about the early part of the trial, and the other person who appears confused about why this trial is happening is the judge:

Kenneth D. Bell, the federal judge presiding over the legal showdown between NASCAR and the two race teams suing it, alleging illegal monopolistic practices over a dispute about the sport’s charter system, issued that warning this summer. Many times, in public hearings and behind closed doors, Bell cautioned there would be no winners in the case. His message throughout has been that the only way this case could end on somewhat good terms is for 23XI Racing and Front Row Motorsports to find common ground with the league and settle.

Bell was clearly correct, and you should just refer to this section:

They are playing with fire.” NASCAR commissioner Steve Phelps said in an email to Prime about the teams’ hesitancy over the charter agreement. “Lots of options, but all have the same theme: Pick a date and they can sign or lose their charters. It is that simple.”

Almost assuredly, it will only get messier. How could it not? There will be more animosity, more evidence that paints one party or the other in an unflattering light, and a list of potential witnesses that just happens to include team owner Richard Childress. In an exchange of text messages recently unearthed during the discovery process, Childress was disparaged by Phelps, who said Childress should be “taken out back and flogged” and called him a “stupid redneck who owes his entire fortune to NASCAR.”

I’m not sure where this ends, but if NASCAR loses, The Athletic says that it’ll potentially have to divest from the tracks it owns and give back hundreds of millions of dollars to teams. If NASCAR wins, the teams that sued are in trouble, and the sport will have gained immense power.

The President Wants Tiny Cars

President Donald J. Trump has approved TINY CARS to be built IN AMERICA! ???????? pic.twitter.com/bE4ropoDLu

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) December 7, 2025

I still don’t know what to do with this information. The White House has sent out a tweet stating that the President has “approved TINY CARS to be built IN AMERICA.” The accompanying video shows a tiny Toyota truck of some sort on a Hot Wheels track.

Just to be safe, I checked the Federal Register this morning to see if there was any new action from the federal government that could make this a possibility. There is not. There is, however, an application for a habitat conservation plan for the Sand Skink and Blue-Tailed Moke Skink in Polk County, Florida, if you are interested.

Obviously, you all care about this because we got more than 300 comments on the original article last week, but the how remains uncertain. This is very obviously a result of the administration realizing that cars are not getting any cheaper, which is going to be difficult given everything that this administration is also doing. So the answer to “what does winning look like” is, I guess, getting people to buy tiny cars.

I’m a new urbanist, and I like tiny cars, which means I’m all for this. No matter how we got here, I am exactly the kind of sicko who is tentatively on board with the idea. As everyone is pointing out, however, this seems unworkable on the surface. I think Axios summed it up nicely:

Even if the U.S. finds a way to legalize them, as Trump has instructed Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy to do, the laws of economics and physics will almost certainly ensure it never happens.

• They don’t meet U.S. safety regulations.

• Automakers can’t build them profitably in the U.S.

Yes, but I want small cars, so perhaps this isn’t the worst thing to ever happen if it happens. It’s still bizarre, though.

Carvana Is Joining The S&P 500

When Carvana got hit with a bunch of investigations back in 2023, there was an assumption that the company might go under. In fact, we went so far as to speculate about how we could take Carvana’s car vending machines and turn them into Autopian clubhouses.

That didn’t happen, and the lack of affordability in new cars has meant that Carvana’s relatively easy online car-buying process has translated into it now joining the elite companies in the S&P 500.

Per Bloomberg:

It’s a milestone for Tempe, Arizona-based Carvana, which has jumped to around $400 per share currently from a 2022 low of less than $4 — a 10,000% gain — as its efforts to cut costs and restructure debt have helped boost earnings. The company said it sold a record of about 156,000 vehicles in the most recent quarter.

What a ride.

Wayne Griffiths Has A Gin

I didn’t expect this one. SEAT/Cupra is VW’s Spanish offshoot. They’re also a pair of brands that represent a mix of fun, affordable cars and a mix of hybrids and electric cars. It’s sort of everything that the actual Volkswagen brand hasn’t been in a while.

At the center of that, as Automotive News reports, was Wayne Griffiths:

Griffiths, who became CEO of Seat and Cupra in 2020, was a well-regarded automotive executive within VW Group. He was selected as an Automotive News Europe Eurostar in 2023.

The British executive had large ambitions for Cupra. The Spanish brand last year revealed intentions to sell vehicles in the U.S.

By November 2024, Cupra said it had begun preliminary talks with auto retail giant Penske Automotive Group for an exclusive partnership to retail sporty crossovers to younger U.S. consumers by 2030.

Griffiths left, and thanks to his LinkedIn page, we now know why:

I’ve wanted to do something like this for years, but the timing was never right. Now, I finally had the space to follow an idea that had been quietly growing for a long time. Because sometimes in life you have to follow your passions, wherever they take you.

This really is something truly unique: a gin that dispenses with anything that isn’t 100% natural, to create a precious distillate using only the quintessence of natural alcohol and botanicals.

No shortcuts, no artificial flavourings, nothing added. Only real ingredients, carefully selected and treated with the patience they deserve.

I love a good botanical gin. Wayne, if you’re reading this, please send me some. Also, respect. I respect it. You only have so much time on this planet, don’t waste it.

What I’m Listening To While Writing TMD

There’s a new documentary on the singer-songwriter Jeff Buckley, and it’s got me revisiting his catalog. Here’s “Lover, You Should Have Come Over.”

The Big Statement/The Big Question

I want to thank all of you for supporting this place by reading, sharing, commenting, and becoming a member. Today is the anniversary of the launch of our membership program, which means a lot of you are renewing this week. Thank you! It’s an incredible dream to keep doing this, and it’s impossible without all of you.

Ok, question time. It’s bizarro-world, but it’s not all bad bizarro. What’s the best piece of unexpected good news that’s come out of the post-G8 cancellation world?

Top photo: Carvana