Did you see our post a bit earlier about the colossal screen Mercedes-Benz is putting into the new C-Class? Mercedes-Benz’s new EV certainly seems to be leaning in, hard, to our bold new era of screenery, even though there’s already significant backlash against the over-screenification of our precious car interiors. I don’t quite get how or why Mercedes-Benz seems to be ignoring so many people’s desire for physical controls again, but if this new massive screen is any indication, they’ve definitely picked a side.
It’s a lot. Too much, one could maybe argue, but I suppose some people must have liked it, or at least the ones that show up to Mercedes-Benz focus groups, because they’re definitely going for it. It’s at a point where these press pictures are starting to look genuinely ridiculous, and it’s hard not to want to make fun of these technological monstrosities that may seem cool when you first sit in front of them, but will cultivate resentment and frustration the longer one tries to use these heavily screen-based systems.
It does look like the C-Class has vent controls you can just move with your human hands, so I’ll give them credit for that, at least.
But back to making fun of these ginormous screens: why fight it? Our own Pete already started the process with the fast food menu screen thing, so let’s keep it going!
Here’s one thing I was thinking; what if Mercedes-Benz offered a base-model C-Class? A C-Class DX with black rubber bumpers and cloth seats and, most importantly, no massive full-color LCD touchscreen. Just a big, black plastic blanking panel with a fake leathery pebbled texture and a tiny monochrome dot-matrix VFD screen that’s new old stock from their late ’90s cars. That’d be fine!
Maybe there could be another budget option that is the same physical size as the fancy, expensive full-color screen, but is actually a cheap, low-resolution VFD screen with big green pixels that just gives you the basics. Honestly, I kind of like this sort of ’80s aesthetic.
Speaking of 1980s, you know what would have really been better on a massively wide screen? The old Atari 2600 Empire Strikes Back video game, which Pete mocked up, knowing it’d appeal to me:
That would be great, but you know what else would really make use of all that lovely width? Nintendo’s Super Mario Bros:
It’s like it was made for that! What else would benefit from a crapload of East-West real estate? Oh! Spreadsheets!
I know there’s some weird Excel pervs out there getting all squirmy at the sight of that.
Also, when you’re not really using it, I feel like the classic bouncing DVD logo is pretty much a requirement for any self-respecting screen.
Don’t tell me hardcore Trek fetishists wouldn’t love some sexy LCARS action on there. Honestly, you might be able to make a more usable, actual interface for car controls using that system.
It’s such a big screen, it feels like a waste to just use it for climate controls and navigation or Sirius XM or whatever. You could read on that thing without your old-person glasses! maybe it could auto-scroll based on your speed for, you know, safety?
Also, I’m curious to see the CarPlay/Android Auto implementation. That up there is likely worst-case scenario and I’m sure that’s not what it actually looks like, but that is funnier. Especially if they rigged it up with accelerometers so it smacked into either side of the screen as the car moved and shifted.
A more dystopian – even if plausible dystopian – take would be something like this, where the screen just gets populated with pop-up ads for all the car subscription features you could be buying. I hope this doesn’t happen, but it’s not like we haven’t seen it on some carmaker’s products already.
I think we all know what the ideal use is for a screen this size, anyway. I’m not even sure why I brought up anything else.
When looking at the Super Mario render, I thought at first that it would also work great with Contra, but then I remembered the vertical-scrolling waterfall level, and the 3D levels, which wouldn’t work nearly as well.
I also have to say The Empire Strikes Back is one of the more engaging 2600 games I’ve ever played. It’s just difficult enough to make destroying the walkers feel like a real accomplishment and keep you coming back. I may have to fire it up this weekend…maybe even on the Sears Tele-games Arcade!
Out Run. I think if you cut off the above-the-horizon it would work in widescreen and you could tie in the GPS so that the streets actually reflect what you’re seeing– a great (terrible) way to deliver driving directions.
View of the road in front of you, with first-person perspective of a horse running beneath you. Add a soundtrack of clopping hooves that gets progressively faster as you accelerate and a nice “whooooaaa horsey” when you hit the brakes. Then you could do other conveyances the same way…ostrich, bicycle, rollerblades, sandworm, Big Wheel…..?
Or hyperrealistic simulations of a dashboard that doesn’t have a screen, letting you choose between Vinyl, Cloth or Rich Corinthian Leather (or Nappy Alcantara, Vast Expanse of Piano Black, Hard Pebbly Plastic, Scandisnob Wood…..)
If were’ talking arcade games, Buggy Boy was came in pretty sweet wide-angle 3-screen models.
I would LOVE the Star Trek dash!
A friend of mine as the new Lincoln Navigator with the full width dash screen. No. Thank. You.
There is no world in which I want a screen like that in my car.
We drove a new Nautilus with the full screen. I asked the salesperson how to get the tachometer displayed and he said there wasn’t one.
You gotta make it run DOOM!
I believe that you’re required to make everything run DOOM by law
You gotta play the first Sonic the Hedgehog on that thing!
The whole reason he runs fast is that Sega was so hyped about the Genesis’ processing speed that they wanted a game that showed off quick side-scrolling.
Gotta admit I kind of liked the Excel idea. Takes care of the scroll left and right thing. But… LCARS wins. Perfect use for it.
A non-stop scrolling text message that just says: “You should have bought something else…”
I wanna play Minesweeper on this bitch.
I’mma remove the screen from the car and use it as a simulated dash for a simrig. The car can then get an aftermarket computer and a race dash. If there are aftermarket computers for EVs this complex. I guess if it bricks, oh well. Just need to install Linux on everything I guess…
I’m sure the blue screen of death will come up before too long.
Needs to have a hookup for my in-car laserdisc experience.
I loved playing Battlezone back in the day.
You can get it free for your PC here BTW –> https://apps.microsoft.com/detail/9n70c89hc1cv?hl=en-GB&gl=AU
So when this car is in an accident and the airbags pop, followed inevitably by the whole screen cracking, the car will become basically worthless. I can’t imagine that replacement screens will be available for less than a few thousand.
I get that not everybody likes repaired vehicles, but it doesn’t take a massive shunt to set the airbags off and cars are often very safely repaired and back on the road. This move from Mercedes just seems like a way to ensure that cars only have a limited lifespan. An extremely brazen example of planned obsolescence.
That screen is going to shatter like a pinata even going over a speed bump too fast. Any flex in the car it likely to stress it out.
If i had to guess, the $60B company putting this product out has planned for such exotic experiences like “speed bumps”.
Corning makes the glass, the same folks that make the glass of almost every phone worth buying which deal with massive flex and impact resistance. The panel behind it is an LG oled so it is going to be able to handle plenty of flex.
I’m not saying a monumentally large screen is a good idea, or that it wont break during a crash. But “shattering like a pinata” in a situation below actual impact seems highly unlikely.
(although now that ive typed this comment, i’ve for sure guaranteed that LG will integrate the glass in some overconstrained way that make breakage inevitable…)
It will last until exactly 60,001 miles and then an explosive bolt will detonate right behind the middle as soon as you hit a bump of sufficient G’s.
Sorry it’s out of warranty but we have a replacement part for $12,000 no aftermarket options.
Maze or pipe windows screen saver while idle could work i think
That extreme aspect ratio needs to be an all too true impossible to win game of missile command. Just got to get a track ball in the console…
That CarPlay mock up is very Apple.
Windows DEFRAG!!!!! Come on – who is with me.
Old Windows file copy? Or Minesweeper!
I’d rather see the Pipes screensaver. Watching a green pipe go alllllll the way across that thing would be so satisfying.
Winamp visualizer, anyone?
I already posted the game “Defender” (from the 80s). But my first thought was The Flintstones: when Fres and Barney are driving around in the Fred-mobile, the background scenery is just an endlessly repeating loop of mountain, trees, houses, and other scenery. Repeating, over and over. And over…
Perhaps this screen can play something like that, synchronized to the car’s current speed. Bonus points for playing the feet-slapping-the-pavement sound from the Flintstones, too.
I loved the Flintstones (in both English and spanish, too!)
Microsoft Blue Screen of Death, where the control, alt and delete buttons are randomly distributed throughout the car. Or you have to crawl under the dashboard to reboot it.
BSOD or Awe Snap!
I’m also surprised nobody has said driving simulator yet.
When I saw spreadsheets I got a tingly feeling in my pants. And then an excerpt from Moby-Dick? It’s like you’re in my head.
Moby does porn now?
Who knew?
I did.
He recently pivoted.
Well I stand corrected regarding my earlier critical post.
And actually, yeah, side scrolling 2D platformers would do great on something like this. The number of times I’ve been screwed over by an off-screen enemy or pit in something like Donkey Kong Country is many.