Car names are hard, man. All the really great ones have long since been taken, and plenty of just-OK names are already on trunk lids too. There are also lots of not-great car names out there, but no one’s trying to come up with fresh bad-name ideas as near as I can tell.
Whether they’re amazing appellations or moniker misfires, it’s also common for names to land on what seems like the wrong car. With that in mind, let’s play a little game. Close your eyes (when you get to the end of the sentence, I mean) and imagine a car named Amazon.


It’s a pretty good name, very evocative. And what did it evoke for you? Did you imagine a rugged off-roader that might follow the banks of the mighty South American river? Or perhaps a muscular, agile, feminine machine of the sporting variety? Maybe your mind conjured a Rivian van in Bezos spec, in which case, well, you’re not wrong. But I bet you didn’t come up with anything quite like a Volvo Amazon:

Sorry Volvo, that’s not remotely Amazonian. It looks more, I dunno, a Volvo Sensible. The Volvo Steady.
Jason suggested Crown Victoria as an all-wrong choice for the iconic body-on-frame Panther platformer, and I must concur. Whether we’re talking the LTD’s Crown Victoria trim level (as seen below, resplendent in Gloss Band-Aid) or the standalone Crown Vic offered from 1992 to 2012, there’s nothing here to suggest the fur-collared velvet capes, gold scepters, and jeweled headgear that absolutely any reasonable person would imagine upon hearing the words Crown Victoria.

It’s hard to separate the Crown Vic from its cop-car fame/infamy, so I want to call it the Ford Authority or Lawman or Captain.

In a similar vein, would any celebrity be caught dead in a Chevy Celebrity? Here’s another bogus bowtie name: Chevy Citation (above). I suppose the idea here was “citation as in a formal statement of achievement,” but who doesn’t instead think of “citation as in a cop giving you a ticket?” It’s always the latter. No one’s looking at a Chevy Citation and thinking, “What an achievement, congrats on the new Citation.”
Your turn: What Cars Are Named All Wrong, And What Should They Be Called Instead?
Top graphic image: Bring A Trailer
If I were the head of Stellantis right now, I would drop all car names and rename them to “Trump.” For example, Alfa Romeo Trumpio, Dodge Trumpster, Chrysler Trumperium, and Jeep DJT. This isn’t political, before anyone overthinks it; it’s just Marketing 101. After renaming them like this, they would get an instant endorsement, something like “the biggest, most beautiful cars the world has ever seen,” and he would do the ads too. The best part is that Stellantis wouldn’t need to do much—just change the nameplates and sell the same cars for a little bit more money. I’m not even sure at this point if I’m being sarcastic or just realistic.
The Ford Mach E should never have been involved with the Mustang name. Period
I’ll never forget David Letterman’s suggestions for car names. Ford Gelding and Hyundai Accordion. There were eight others, but those two are the ones that stuck.
The Hyundai Santa Cruz should have been named the Elantruck.
I will die on that hill.
There was a trio of Chevy names that could have been handled better. We got the Spark, but that was purely ICE-powered. You could make the case that sparks are usually a bad thing, so maybe it makes sense they didn’t save it for a hybrid or EV. Then we got the Volt, which, OK, it’s a hybrid…but when they roll out their first EV, it’s…Bolt? I guess someone thought it gave lightning bolt vibes, but my first thought is of threaded fasteners, and after that the derogatory “bucket of bolts.”
Mitsubishi Carisma.
Don’t think I need to elaborate
The Crown Vic should really have been called the Utopian Turtletop.
I’ve never really been a fan of Mitsubishi calling the Pajero Sport… the Pajero Sport. It is completely different from the Pajero (or Montero, or Shogun, depending on where you’re from) sharing more with the L200 pickup. Not that it should have been called something with the L200 either. An original, unique names would have fit better.
The Dodge Mirada should have been called the Charger instead of the 1979-82 Omni 024 version that got the Charger name.
There was also a time when I thought that the first four door Chargers would have been better named as Monaco, but that was just younger me griping about four doors.
Chevy often gives the names of beautiful cities and places to rather bland or at least unmatching cars. Malibu, Monte Carlo, Corsica, and (hot take) Tahoe, for example. Instead they should name them after cities in, say, Ohio. You could have the Toledo, the Sandusky, the Put-in-Bay, and the Appalachian.
Triumph had a Toledo in the 1970s, and SEAT has had 4 generations of Toledo, although they were named for the town in Spain, not Ohio.
Im not the biggest fan of Ford’s current naming schemes. The OG maverick was a car but Im willing to use that name for the MACH E because like the original Maverick there are some mustang styling cues. The Maverick Truck should be called the Ranchero.
We love our Niro but “playing the fiddle while Rome burns” is getting a little too close for comfort right now.
Kinda surprised that no one has brought up the Ford Escort, when a man or woman pays for an escort, They’re disappointed when this car shows up.
The Zephyr was no gentle breeze either, it was more like a fart in one’s general direction.
I’m surprised that no one else has mentioned it, but the BMW MINIs should really be called the MIDI, or even MAXI, because compared to an OG Mini, they’re pretty big.
Neither of those names would work in the UK, where the MIDI was a Vauxhall/Bedford rebadge of an Isuzu van in the 1980s, and the Austin Maxi of 1969-81, which was a bigger companion to the original Mini, has an image problem that would be hard to overcome.
Always thought some of the JDM Nissan names were a bit silly
Gloria
Cedric
Silvia
Why are we naming cars after random black people???
Also Ford doing Bronco Sport and Bronco II back in the day. Completely different trucks from a regular Bronco. Name it the Colt or Pony if you still want horsey names.
The first one is a name from the earlier Prince Motor Corporation (they also created the Skyline); they had a regal theme sometimes.
For the others (you forgot the Fairlady), Datsun had a CEO in the 60s who was heavily into Broadway theater and show tunes and the like. Cedric was a character in Little Lord Fauntleroy. And don’t forget about the Blue Bird of happiness!
Ford Aspire = Ford Despair
I owned a teal Aspire 3 door with no A/C, it was a decent car for running around in although terribly embarrassing to be seen in. I nicknamed it the Ford Perspire due to the lack of A/C
I didn’t care for Ford’s alliterative F-naming efforts in the 00’s. Five Hundred? That’s a mouthful when the Taurus name was right there.
Fiesta
Festiva
Focus
Fescort
Flex
Fusion
Faurus
Fustang
Crown Fictoria?
Frown Victoria
I guess I figured they called it Citation because Footnote was a little too on-the-nose.
And calling it the Chevrolet Complete Lemon would have been much too honest.
No one would be congratulating anyone who bought that even if had been named the Chevy Orgasm.
I didn’t see it, so I’ll add the fairly misshapen but definitely misnamed Subaru B9 Tribeca. Such a odd attempt to pair alpha-numeric and actual names.
I know it was Subaru’s attempt at an urban SUV, so why not something like the Subaru Merge?
I can’t say I’m a fan of the hierarchy of Honda and Acura’s current SUV naming strategy. Maybe it’s not the names themselves but the order in which they come.
Alphabetical nomenclature has conditioned us to assume that the earlier letters are smaller/cheaper models(think A Class) while later letters are larger/more expensive(think S Class).
Honda
HR-V-small/cheap
CR-V-medium/more expensive
Acura
ADX-small/cheap
RDX-medium/more expensive
ZDX-mediumish/more expensivish
MDX-large/most expensive
The letters are all out of order. Figure your shit out Honda. Also, this is such a minor peeve that I feel mildly ashamed sharing it, but we don’t kink shame here, right?
If you’re into Chi-Fi (Chinese audio) you’ll love the KZ and CCA sister brands. They have several dozen models mostly named with a combination of letters and digits.
https://kz-audio.com/
The Cadillac Cimmaron shouldn’t have been called a Cadillac. Does that count?
And I’ll concur on the Ford Aspire. I’m guessing the only aspiration related to that thing was the engineers wanting to move on to some other project.
Citation was too grand of a name for an X-body, and speaking of Chevy I was never able to say the name correctly after I read it being referred to as the “Corpsica”.
I don’t get the nautical naming scheme of the current Lincolns, either, although I’m guessing anybody that thinks they know what a Corsair is thinks it’s a WW2 era aircraft.
I was never really fond of Mirage, either. It worked well for the French fighter jets, but not for a car.