Home » What’s In The Bag? Cold Start

What’s In The Bag? Cold Start

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If you went to design schools in both Brooklyn and downtown Detroit in the late eighties, you learned some situation awareness. Both of these places were at their lowest points then; I’d walk past stripped-out stolen cars to a local KFC where you put your cash onto a lazy susan made of inch thick clear plexiglass; your food would then be rotated around to you. Consequently, I tend to be on the lookout for nefarious activity. I never thought I’d see it in a car listing.

While surfing my phone this evening for life-destroying used automobiles, I happened upon the site of a Queens-based classic car seller that seems to have some interesting rides. What’s almost more interesting than the vehicles themselves is the imagery the seller is using.

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Let’s browse through a few examples and I can show you. First, we see some project cars that are in need of essentially everything. There’s nothing strange about that, but look at the way they’re posing this Jag:

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I’m guessing it’s supposed to look like the thing is stopped for a scenic view, yet it’s painfully obvious that there is no way in hell that the car got there under its own power. In fact, it looks like it hasn’t run since Reagan was president:

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I’ve always liked this particular version of the Aston coupes: the William Towns facelifted four-headlight DBS:

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Gorgeous car, yet scrolling through the images you again find some odd snaps; could they not have parked the car a few feet forwards or backward so that the Port-A-Johns are not the focus of the shot?

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The strangest images, though, are for one of the sold listings I saw of a car that is on my dream list: the Lamborghini Espada. Actually, my kid deemed this as “the sole Lamborghini we could consider” since it’s the only one the family will fit in, other than the LM002 (which he said seats eight but four will be sitting outside in back) and the Urus (which the kid thinks is a dolled-up Touareg and not worthy of our interest- he’s quite opinionated for an 11-year-old, don’t you think?).

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This good-from-afar-but-far-from-good example is photographed not in front of some stately home or upscale club, but instead trolling through the drive through at Mickey Dees. Why?

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Ah, but it gets even more strange. Look closely at the image below, specifically at the service window itself:

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What’s going on here? What’s the driver handing the McDonald’s attendant? It looks to be a soft package like the tool roll from the back of the Espada.

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Is it cash for narcotics? Is the restaurant a cover or a means to launder cash, perhaps akin to that Gus guy in Breaking Bad with the chicken restaurants? I truly don’t know, but I’m very intrigued.

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Actually, I kind of like this sort of photography. This vendor is taking what’s usually a very mundane task of cataloging merchandise and making it interesting.

There is some truth to the last image set of the Espada. Honestly, if I were to purchase such an example of this car, this staging would be rather fitting; after paying for the 11 MPG thirst and five-figure repair bills of this thing, the only outside dining I could afford would be Extra Value Meals.

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The F--kshambolic Cretinoid Harvey Park
The F--kshambolic Cretinoid Harvey Park
3 months ago

I bet the Espada still runs better than the ice cream shake machine

Hugh Crawford
Hugh Crawford
3 months ago

I always wondered if there was a car size wormhole connecting Beverly Hills Car Club and Gullwing.
I’d love to visit both.

Cerberus
Cerberus
3 months ago

Another Espada lover! It’s one of those odd, 2nd tier exotics I loved since I was barely in double digits. Almost bought an S2 in the early ’00s in great shape for $22k, but looking into the basic maintenance schedule changed my mind—one thing I remember (IIRC) was valve lash adjustment every 3k miles and they’re shims and the 6 carbs have to come off to get to the exhaust. At least they were single distributor, which has to be easier than the procedure for synching twins.

Yuck on the McDs (my stomach told me to F-off with that shit way back in my 20s), but good for him for using the car!

Cerberus
Cerberus
3 months ago
Reply to  The Bishop

I guess that was before he decided he wasn’t buying Ferraris because of how they made people buy lower end models before they were allowed to buy the flagships.

I met a guy at a gas station who (summer) dailied a 330 GTC for at least a few years. Haven’t seen him in quite a while now. I figure the values went up too high. Even cooler, was another guy who did the same with a Bugatti Type 55, but he owned a Bugatti restoration shop in Salem, MA (Leno had a car there when I visited) and that shop either moved or closed down years ago, so I haven’t seen him, either.

Gilbert Wham
Gilbert Wham
3 months ago

Your kid is correct, is what he is

That guy
That guy
3 months ago

Have none of you ever eaten at McDonalds?? It is simply the credit card machine on a handle for contactless pay- Thank-you Covid.

That guy
That guy
3 months ago
Reply to  The Bishop

LOL

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
3 months ago

“…could they not have parked the car a few feet forwards or backward so that the Port-A-Johns are not the focus of the shot?”

Certainly not. It’s called creating a visual hierarchy. It’s called art.

https://live.staticflickr.com/7167/6511396191_0eb89ca0ba_o.jpg

https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53279073650_a6d22436d6_c.jpg

Brau Beaton
Brau Beaton
3 months ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell

Thx for the laugh!

Balloondoggle
Balloondoggle
3 months ago

The Extra Value Meals are way too expensive. It’s dollar menu for me, or if I want to splurge then a Happy Meal – the toy provides additional value to my dollar.

DialMforMiata
DialMforMiata
3 months ago

11-year-old me lusted after Lamborghini Espadas and Citroen SMs. I was a weird kid.

Mr. Canoehead
Mr. Canoehead
3 months ago

When I was in high school, (c1980) there was a Lambo Islero S that parked near the school. Being pre-internet, there was always a lot of debate as to whether it was really a Lambo, since we only knew of the Countach. Although the badge clearly said Lamborghini, what the hell was a “Jslera”? (look at an Islero badge to see what I mean).

I’d put that car forward as a suitable 4 seat Lambo at least if your kids are small.

OrigamiSensei
OrigamiSensei
3 months ago
Reply to  Mr. Canoehead

Islero is favorite Lambo in my humble opinion. I would love to own one.

Slirt
Slirt
3 months ago

The 11 year-old may have opinions, but at least they’re the correct opinions…

Sid Bridge
Sid Bridge
3 months ago

McDonald’s Manager: Sure. I’ll bring back Szechuan sauce the day someone pull up to my drive-through in a Lamborghini Espada.
(*looks outside*)
Shit.

Rusty S Trusty
Rusty S Trusty
3 months ago

When your significant other points out the impracticality of buying a classic Lamborghini you show them this pic to prove them wrong, “Here it is in a drive thru. How much more practical do you want?”

...getstoneyII
...getstoneyII
3 months ago

The worker was handing back the driver his murse after solving that damn tricky clasp and extracting the driver’s Diners Club card for payment.

Bracq P
Bracq P
3 months ago

Peter Kumar provides a wonderful service to the antique car enthusiast community. I wouldn’t mind buying tickets to wander through his eclectic assortment of automobile dreams. Where else would you find the Ex-Shah’s 6.9, armoured and providing service during his last years in exile?
We always thought of a visit more as entertainment than a shopping tour.

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
3 months ago

Actually, I kind of like this sort of photography. This vendor is taking what’s usually a very mundane task of cataloging merchandise and making it interesting.

One of the key themes of the Autopian seems to be “cars are for driving”
This guy is just following through with that belief. I approve.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
3 months ago
Reply to  Mr. Asa

Counterpoint: these pics look like “seen on the street” photos taken by people who have no connection to the cars, especially the Aston Martin/porta-potty pic. Good way for a scammer to take photos that can’t be traced via a Google reverse-image search for their steal-your-kidneys scam. So don’t blame me when you wake up in a bathtub full of ice! I warned you!

OverlandingSprinter
OverlandingSprinter
3 months ago

I think you’re onto something. Who here has ever taken a picture of their vehicle at a fast-food drive-up window? That just doesn’t happen.

If it did happen, here would be the conversation:

“I just realized I don’t have a picture of this vehicle! Honey, would you get out of the car and take a picture while the clerk hands me the bag?”

“But, why don’t we wait until we get home, or stop at the scenic overlook?”

“No, no! The overlook is a cliché. We need a picture here at the drive-up window!”

Duke of Kent
Duke of Kent
3 months ago

It sure is a bizarre photo setup. You’d have to have an accomplice… who jumps out of the car (or drives separately) at the right time. All for what? A picture in a less-than-photogenic location? I don’t get it.

I’d also be thinking it’s some sort of a scam if the ad didn’t show the door-open interior picture. As is, I think it’s someone trying to create a viral meme.

OCS-BN
OCS-BN
3 months ago

The McD guy is handing him the driver’s side mirror. It fell off during the first pass.
Looks like the other mirror is about to say farewell soon, too.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
3 months ago
Reply to  OCS-BN

After looking at the pics, I see no evidence of a drivers side mirror being still attached. I think you’ve solved it!

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
3 months ago
Reply to  OCS-BN

Judging by the state of the passenger side mirror, I think you’re on to something.

Angrycat Meowmeow
Angrycat Meowmeow
3 months ago

the Urus (which the kid thinks is a dolled-up Touareg and not worthy of our interest

I’d say dolled-up RSQ8, but he’s not technically wrong. The Urus isn’t as impressive as the cost differential between a nice Audi and a Lambo would suggest.

Angrycat Meowmeow
Angrycat Meowmeow
3 months ago
Reply to  The Bishop

My kid was the same around that age. It took a lot of correction to inspire a more “respect all builds” mentality. Kid points out a Lexus and you say “The ES is just a nice Camry” ONE TIME, and bam…kid has it out for Lexus for the next several years.

Balloondoggle
Balloondoggle
3 months ago

“Kid, if I wanted your opinion I’d have given you one.”

That’s a hard-learned lesson as a father. The most off-handed comments become Life Lessons to a kid, unless it’s “Clean up your room on the weekend.” or “No dirty dishes in the sink by bedtime.”

Cerberus
Cerberus
3 months ago

I had that attitude until I drove both ES and Camry of the same generation and they felt like cars a couple classes apart in terms of quality and ride.

Angrycat Meowmeow
Angrycat Meowmeow
3 months ago
Reply to  Cerberus

Yeah it was just the first example I could come up with. There are only so many “platforms”. The Touareg and Bentayga may both be VAG MLB, but that doesn’t mean one is just a slightly nicer version of the other, GM badge engineering style…

Cerberus
Cerberus
3 months ago

Yeah, that was my assumption: Olds vs Buick rebadges. I don’t completely discount using a cheaper vehicle platform as a factor, though, as to me, it affects value for the money. Camry vs ES, eh, it’s a boring car where the platform doesn’t really matter, so the nicer build, ride, and interior is entirely justified. OTOH, it would factor a lot more into my own calculus on something that’s supposed to be a status performance model that costs as much as the Urine does sharing a platform with a much cheaper one. I actually think the Audi is more distinctive as I always initially think “Rav4” whenever I see a Urus. Of course, that’s a price range I can’t buy in and vehicles I don’t like, so nobody is losing sleep over my opinions.

Angrycat Meowmeow
Angrycat Meowmeow
3 months ago
Reply to  Cerberus

Yeah, and even MLB/MQB isn’t a great example because that’s less of a platform and more a way of doing things. IIRC only the engine mounts, firewall and windshield rake are fixed, so aside from that you can do pretty much whatever you want.

Jonathan Hendry
Jonathan Hendry
3 months ago

That’s the Louis Vuitton. That’s the McDonalds. That’s the combination Louis Vuitton McDonalds.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
3 months ago

I think that’s some kind of credit/debit card reader being passed to the driver.

Honestly, that image is a pretty good way to sell the car. It’s sitting still with, presumably, the engine running. That tells us a lot. It made it to McDonald’s under its own power.

So it runs.

It made it into the parking lot and navigated the drive thru. Brakes and steering work!

It’s sitting still long enough to make the order, pay, wait for the order, then pull away. All without overheating and/or catching fire! Cooling system is up to snuff!

That car is in excellent mechanical condition! Quite the sales job from just a few pics!

Last edited 3 months ago by StillNotATony
IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
3 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

The joke’s on you. That car has such a large ass that you can’t see the people pushing it into the drive thru. I hope the driver at least got them some McFlurries as a thank you.

Cerberus
Cerberus
3 months ago

They’d have to be crouching pretty low, like pushing with their backs against the car.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
3 months ago
Reply to  The Bishop

When I was a kid, my dad bought a black ’69 Lincoln Continental with a green leather interior. It was glorious!

Alexk98
Alexk98
3 months ago

The Espada is just the coolest and most unknown thing. I saw one at a Cars and Coffee Pre-Covid and the dude just did two laps without parking and then leftt. At that same C&C was a guy bringing his 1-of-1 PTS Carrera GT and (at the time) brand new GT2RS and parked em nose to nose and let the crowd swarm in. Something so cool should be enjoyed by the public, not gingerly lapped around a parking lot once, especially at a respected Cars & Coffee where people know the rules.

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