Well, we’ve reached the end of another week, so you know what that means: It’s time for a runoff! Today, I’m giving you a scenario to work from, as I sometimes do, but it’s pretty straightforward. I’ll explain as soon as we get done going through yesterday’s results.
This is a day I never thought would come, and I didn’t even stack the deck to achieve it. A Chrysler has beaten a Toyota fair and square in a Shitbox Showdown! Granted, the Sebring is in considerably better cosmetic shape, has much lower miles, and is being sold by a private party rather than a dealership, but still. There’s nothing really wrong with the Solara, and yet, it lost. This makes me happier than it probably should.
Obviously, between these two, I’m going for the Sebring. It’s easier to work on, not having a transverse V6 engine, and it has almost a third as many miles on it. And it doesn’t look like someone left it out in the sun too long and it melted. Toyotas are generally a safe bet, but that doesn’t mean other cars aren’t sometimes a better deal.
All right, now that we have our quartet in place, here’s the scenario: Your mother-in-law is coming to visit, and you have to pick her up at the airport. But your car is out of commission. It’s in the shop, or something. What, I have to spell the whole thing out for you? Anyway, your neighbor has offered to lend you one of his seventeen cars. These four are the only ones that run, though, so you’ll have to choose from them. For the purposes of this exercise, let’s say the Ford pickup’s brakes have been repaired, and the Dodge Intrepid still has all the Batman stuff on it.
1996 Dodge Intrepid
The case for it: It’s a comfortable ride, and it has good air conditioning. It also has a nice big trunk, and you know she never packs light.
The case against it: She could be more of a Marvel fan than a DC fan. You’ve never asked.
1978 Ford F-150 SuperCab
The case for it: She’ll have no trouble spotting it at the curb.
The case against it: Everything else.
2009 Ford Fusion S
The case for it: It’s simple and straightforward, so she won’t complain about you “throwing your money around.”
The case against it: It’s nigh on invisible in traffic, which means there’s a good chance she’ll accidentally get in the wrong car. I’ll leave it up to you whether or not that would be a bad thing. (I kid, I kid…)
2004 Chrysler Sebring convertible
The case for it: It might make her feel special pulling up to the house with the top down.
The case against it: She might hate all the wind with the top down, and if you have to leave it up, you might as well be driving the Intrepid.
So yeah, kind of a low-effort Friday this week. I’ll make it up to you next week, though; I’ve got a couple of ideas cooking. In the meantime, you’ve got someone to pick up at the airport. Which car are you taking?
Normally I’d take the more practical Fusion but I can’t choose a rust belt car over a one from California. Chrysler it is.
Fusion. I have a MIL so this is close enough to home that I know what she’d not complain about.
I now have to pretend I have a Mother in law. It’s fine. I’m only crying on the inside.
If the Bug and/or FR-S aren’t running (and the Scion is kinda low and stiff-legged,) the Fusion is probably the safest bet. Also easy access to the backseat and her husband won’t be jealous of a convertible. It’s sensible. Would also make a great rideshare/delivery car, if you can shift smoothly.
I don’t have a mother in law and you didn’t say whether I like her or not. So I went Fusion but if I didn’t like her the 150 and put her in the back and let my dog ride up front
My MIL would have refused getting into the truck, too tall and hard to get in for the elderly. The Sebring would definitely bring a smile to her face. I miss seeing her semi-regularly.
Old ladies love Sebrings. Second place would be the Fusion. It would be first, but I’d be more tempted to have ‘fun’ in it with the manual transmission and that wouldn’t do with the MIL in the car.
Ford Fusion for me. It’s manual, has decent trunk space and it being invisible is a plus…
I chose the fusion, I don’t think my MIL would approve but c’est la vie, she doesn’t appreciate subtlety. Love the enthusiasm for the Sebring, it would be my second choice, but I am not a big convertible guy, and driving a convertible with the top up is a unique sort of punishment.
My first thought of my dear, departed MiL was her elderly self in later years, so I voted Fusion. No muss, no fuss. Make yourself comfortable, how was the flight?
But then I remembered her younger years. She got a pilot’s license and had some single-gal fun, then she left her rather large family behind in Wisconsin, moved down to Austin where she knew nobody and made her own way as an admin assistant before pairing up with my FiL.
Lived life mostly on her own terms.
So, she would appreciate at least the promise of a top-down experience at some point during her visit.
This brought a smile to my face. Well done Gen3.
My mother-in-law learned to drive in a ’60s-era crew-cab pickup, so she’d probably get a big kick out of the jumbo Ford.
My in-laws met each other at a dragstrip and they like my cars so the SuperCab is the clear choice. Given how long they’ve known me I don’t think I’d be able to convince either of them that I had only borrowed it, though.
The Sebring has the most style, but the airport is all highway from my house, so I think the Fusion would be more fun and comfortable.
Sebring! This was a little difficult, but not too much. I wanted to go w/ the only manual but I just don’t want the Fusion as much as the Sebring. It’s a fun convertible in good shape and somewhat low miles. Next choice would have actually been the truck since it’s also useful for hauling stuff. Then the Fusion (it’s stick + mostly Mazda!) Then the lowly Intrepid
I can say again that ‘none’ would be my vote in this particular showdown. Since it’s not an option, I voted for the Fusion, but only because not voting at all seemed ungentlemanly.
I feel as though this scenario stacks the deck in favor of the Sebring, which is how I voted.
Second choice would be the Fusion, but I’d have to treat my neighbor to a set of AutoZone hubcaps for it to reduce the chance said MIL would complain about its condition.
Third was the Intrepid, but only because, for the purposes of this exercise, it hasn’t been de-Batmaned. Remove the Bat Bling and it’s probably in second, provided the seats are good under those Bat Covers.
The fact that a Gen 2 Sebring Convertible is currently winning makes my heart swell.
Bravo, Mark!
My mother in law has historically been happy to ride any anything I think just happy to be around us. She loves to ride in American vehicles she has never seen before. She would probably enjoy the sebring most. Though I could see her standing and pointing at cafes or stores she wants to go to. Probably interested in the truck too. But would probably throw a blanket down on the seats. She wouldn’t care but would start asking at the cafe if there is someone that does that work well and cheap or would attempt to fix it. And want to go find material.
Going with the last-place Batmobile. Always give the MIL something to complain about that doesn’t really matter. (“You’re driving my daughter around in THIS?”) so that she doesn’t have to dig around for more substantive stuff to complain about. The truck would be another option for this, but it’s just too nasty inside.
I had a great mother in law, and she was always up for an adventure. She would probably wonder why they named a car after Jay Sebring ( you don’t think Steve McQueen’s hair looked like that on its own, do you?)
She died about 10 years ago, about the same time I was breaking up with my wife. I figured that my wife would take after her mother, but I was wrong. Somehow I ended up being a pallbearer at her funeral. That was weird.
Yeah, I miss my mother-in-law, she’d been a head nurse and was nothing but practical and fun.
I have no reason to mess with her, so I’d play nice with her ideas and preconceptions. The proletarian Fusion it is.
The ridiculous Ford, it would be hilarious.
I would have chosen the truck to be obnoxious, but she would have refused to drive it and made me cart her around instead. So the Batman Intrepid it is.
She’s dead now, and her daughter and I are no longer together, but the stripy ford for sure. She was a full-on ‘I ought to be in Vogue/live in Paris or Cannes’ fancy pants, so I’d take the truck just to be annoying. I wouldn’t even cover the seats.
She passed away over a decade ago and still She made me pick the Sebring.
If an ex-mother-in-law counts, then definitely the truck.