I see a lot of car ads doing this job, and some of them are just so intriguingly weird that I have to show them to someone. Luckily, I have a perfect audience. Today we’re going to look at an old Chevy van and a beat-up Dodge sedan, both of which look like they’re being sold by, let’s say, colorful characters. Which one would you feel less worried about going to check out? We’ll see.
Yesterday we looked at two cool little old cars that were both burdened with automatic transmissions. I kind of expected the Honda Civic to do better than it did, but as it turned out, it was no contest. The Opel Kadett blew its doors off. Coincidentally, I imagine that’s what would happen in a drag race between the two of them as well – though it would take some time to find out.
The car my parents had when I was born, and therefore the first car I ever rode in, was a ’71 Opel Manta, which I think means I’m honor-bound to vote for the Kadett. But even without that connection, I prefer it. Early Civics are cool, but that one doesn’t present very well, and I think I’d get annoyed with its automatic very quickly. The little Kadett wagon is charming enough to get away with it.
Back in the days before the internet, going to look at a used car was a much less informed proposition. You got maybe twenty words, a tiny photo if you were lucky, and a phone number, and that’s it. You had to call a stranger cold, arrange a time, get the address, find it on a map, and go into a neighborhood basically blind. It worked – I bought a lot of cheap old cars that way – but it’s so much nicer today, getting a bunch of photos and knowing roughly where you have to go before you even decide to contact a seller. You can weed out a lot of sketchy situations with that information. But in my line of work, dealing strictly with hypothetical purchases, I can intentionally look for the sketchy ones. I doubt I’d even consider going to look at either of these cars in person, but from the safety of my home office, they’re fascinating. Let’s take a look.
1989 Chevrolet G20 Van – $1,800
Engine/drivetrain: 5.0-liter OHV V8, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: New River, AZ
Odometer reading: 205,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Old vans are an intriguing possibility – for the right kind of person. They’re cheap and durable, and with some lumber and plywood, and a carpet remnant or two, you can sleep in them in reasonable comfort. If, that is, you’re the sort of person who would want to sleep in a van. This old Chevy probably started out as a work van for a plumber or electrician or something, but its current owner has converted it into a camper. It’s perfect for driving out into the desert and getting away from it all. If that’s your thing, that is.
This is technically the third generation of Chevy van, following two generations of the “Scooby Doo” style van, which only lasted a couple years each. Those earlier vans placed the engine between the front seats, similar to the Dodge A-series and early Ford Econoline vans, but this generation moved the engine forward into an enclosure between the front footwells, commonly called the “doghouse.” Inside the doghouse of this van is a 305 cubic inch small-block V8 with throttle-body fuel injection. It runs well, according to the seller, and the 700R4 automatic behind it shifts like it should. It will need new brakes and shocks before too long, but otherwise it drives fine.
The camper conversion is pretty typical: a raised platform in the back acts as a bed and allows for storage underneath. It’s insulated and has a 110-volt power hookup, but the seller doesn’t mention anything about a sink, a stove, or any other RV features. It’s enough for a campground, I guess, if you cook over a fire. It’s simple and a bit rustic, but it’s not in bad shape. I’m sure I’ll get plenty of comments about weird smells and stains inside, though. And I have to admit, there’s a chance you’re right.
Surprisingly for an Arizona van, it’s a bit rusty. The sliding door in particular is pretty crispy. It also has a broken roof vent that is currently taped shut with plastic over it, but those are cheap to replace. The biggest problem with it, of course, is that it’s a plain white van, with all the negative associations – fair or not – that go along with that.
2006 Dodge Charger – $2,000
Engine/drivetrain: 3.5-liter OHC V6, five-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Maplewood, MN
Odometer reading: 191,000 miles
Operational status: “I would drive this car anywhere”
As the owner of an LD-platform Chrysler 300, I like to see cars like this. This LX-platform Dodge Charger is similar to it mechanically, but while mine has been carefully maintained by me and by my dad before me, this one has clearly seen some things. And it has more than double the mileage mine has. Seeing it still running and driving makes me feel good about the future of mine.
It has a different engine than mine has, a 3.5-liter V6 instead of a 5.7-liter V8, but uses the same Mercedes-derived W5A580 automatic transmission, and the same basic chassis architecture. The 3.5 is a decent engine, though it has the same dumb water pump design as some other Chrysler (and Ford) overhead cam V6s: a failed water pump can dump coolant into the engine’s internals, rather than just making a mess on the driveway. The fix is to replace the water pump at every timing belt change, whether it needs it or not. Someone clearly kept up with this one’s maintenance, or it wouldn’t be closing in on 200,000 miles. The check engine light is on, but the seller says it runs and drives well, and they claim they’d feel confident driving it anywhere.
The biggest issue with these early LX cars is the cheap plastic interior, though this one seems to be holding up pretty well. The floor is dirty, but it’s winter, and this car is in Minnesota; it’s almost impossible to keep a car floor clean. It has some electrical issues in the dash; the temperature gauge doesn’t work, and it looks like the speedometer reads 40 MPH when the car is standing still.
When I first saw this ad, I thought the outside of this car was in worse shape than it is. It turns out that it’s just shiny, and reflecting all the weird stuff in the seller’s yard. (Yes, that is a piece of old McDonald’s playground equipment behind the car. Officer Big Mac, if I’m not mistaken.) There is a pretty serious dent in the right front fender, but it’s not rusty, as far as I can tell.
So on the one hand, you can go out to the middle of the desert to look at a DIY camper van, and on the other, you can check out a high-mileage Charger in a yard full of playground equipment and old carnival attractions. Feel free to consider the vehicles on their own merits, or on the sketchiness of their locations. I leave it up to you.
I feel like I pushed my luck with my daughter’s college Stratus. It proved to be far more staunch than I had right to expect, so I won’t go Mopar unless it’s something odd or cool enough to take chances in. This is far from that
Hippy van: I have a few sticker floating around that would compliment what I see in there
I’m buying the van and driving it to Minnesota to ask the guy selling the Charger if he has any other cool and random stuff that he’d be willing to sell. If that Officer Big Mac can be disassembled I would gladly take it home. Getting my wife to accept having it in the yard would be challenging though.
If you push that van’s body from side to side I guarantee pot will start dropping out of random hiding places. I don’t partake, but I could trade it for help getting the Big Mac put back together.
Gotta go with the Charger. Because whatever the cops might find when they search it will get me in less trouble than what they might find in the van.
3/4 ton van is already gone. as it should be for that price.
I will say the dodge 3.5 was decent enough to almost make it likely to be the next Altima Energy car, but the RWD mostly probably limits how many were bought by granny in the early aughts and handed down to the black sheep family members when they passed or were sent to a home.
I had a 2006 Charger R/T. I only bought it with 120K miles because it had a recent engine rebuild. 2006 is the Charger’s first year and they were notoriously buggy. Any mentioned “electrical problems” are the tip of the iceberg here. I spent my entire Charger ownership life chasing “electrical problems”. This car will invent new electrical problems. It will create electrical problems that should be written about in college textbooks. It will accidentally summon Raiden, who will challenge you to mortal combat, which you will lose because your Dodge Charger is having electrical problems. And you’re not much of a fighter. When you drive down the street, random people will shout at you “Gee, I see you’re having electrical problems!” Finally, after a short term of ownership, you will sell this car to some unwitting soul, and electrical problems will continue to haunt you as you try to live a life of austerity in a wooden cabin heated only by a coal stove, sitting by yourself, reading Tolstoy, mumbling, “I had electrical problems.”
So, I guess the van.
The van has Colorado plates which explains the rust a bit more. That said, you’re buying a cargo van unless you want to share the pad (and subsequently all the “organic materials”) of the current owner. Not worth the work for a rusty old G20.
Check the VIN on the Charger though, the Hamburglar is known for his shifty shenanigans.
That Chevy Van screams, “Can you help me find my puppy?” The Charger whispers, “It burns when I pee.”
Van asks “Wanna buy some weed?” Charger asks “Wanna know how to get that ankle monitor off?”
The Charger has much longer to live, but I’m bringing a buddy with a CCL.
Van.
I can park it in my garage, and then park my motorcycle inside the van. Can’t do that with the Charger! It’s all about maximizing storage space.
Screw the Charger. I want the Hamburger Hideout.
Back when fast food was a destination. When us sad late Xers were still optimistic children, there were birthday parties there
Old Chevy DIY Camper with rust or slightly less old rental-spec Charger with a CEL and in a weird yard. Hm.
I think the answer is the Van isn’t a Dodge, so Possum-izing or Dajiban-ifying it just doesn’t look right. Might as well take the scan tool with and have a look at the V6 Charger.
Van. Because when it stops running, shed.
Charger. A zillion made. Not ancient.
Clearly the hearing damage from clattering around ina metal box has been real bad for the van owner. If they could hear, they wouldn’t be Dead fans. (I kid, I kid, there are a few great records amidst the vast piles of noodly crap. Oh, and there’s the conjecture that they were a psyop offshoot of MKUltra – the first of a 3 ep series https://pca.st/episode/37357ff4-1f20-4103-ad78-0986235ecfd3 )
I’d be afraid of getting dosed by touching the steering wheel of the van. Or getting fleas from it.
Getting dosed is a feature
Fleas are definitely a bug
Depends on the quality of the trip, I suppose
Jesus bring in the clowns… I’ve never wanted a ‘Neither’ button more in my life.
Since my hepatitis and teatnus shots are up to date, I’ll take the van as I’ve always had a bit of a fascination with the conversion van scene. Better wheels, a halfmoon window and one of those horrible welded chain steering wheels, maybe I can even practice my airbrush skills on the crunchy sides.
Anything that rusty in Arizona, isn’t long for this world; and the powertrain the the least desirable Chevy V8 ever made. So I went for the Charger today.
Todays build:
Do nothing, drive it everywhere not caring what happens to it, when it dies, leave it behind and move on.
…I think I may have contracted herpes just by looking at these. Yikes.
The van has the better engine but zero appeal, especially if it needs any engine work.
The charger has a meh engine but some reasonable potential, especially in its relatively basic trim condition.
I’m gonna disagree with you there, a TPI 305 in a van makes about half the horsepower of a Pentastar V6..
A whole ass decade of Corvettes makes less power than the Pentastar.
This Charger has the 3.5 tho
Sorry, I meant “better” as in “likely more reliable”. Definitely not more potent!
I misread that as “the charger has a meth engine”
A reasonable Freudian slip.
I feel like both are fair prices for a change.
Yeah, that Charger has issues, but if it runs at $2k doesn’t seem bad.
The van, provided the interior isn’t horrid and doesn’t immediately hit you when you open the door, could be quickly turned into a delivery/work truck again.
If it was the V8 the Charger might be worth the known issues and chancing the unknown.
Without it though it’s just another sedan, I already have a couple V8 LX platforms in the yard, so sketchy van for me!
I’ll take the van. Buy a bunch of candy, hit the neighborhood, profit!
I hate rust, and I really hate the amount of heat that doghouse can throw off in the van. I also hate eletrical gremlins, but I’ll take the Charger over the van today, maybe out of a sense of nostalgia. I had an ’06 Charger Daytona R/T in Go Mango.