I see a lot of car ads doing this job, and some of them are just so intriguingly weird that I have to show them to someone. Luckily, I have a perfect audience. Today we’re going to look at an old Chevy van and a beat-up Dodge sedan, both of which look like they’re being sold by, let’s say, colorful characters. Which one would you feel less worried about going to check out? We’ll see.
Yesterday we looked at two cool little old cars that were both burdened with automatic transmissions. I kind of expected the Honda Civic to do better than it did, but as it turned out, it was no contest. The Opel Kadett blew its doors off. Coincidentally, I imagine that’s what would happen in a drag race between the two of them as well – though it would take some time to find out.
The car my parents had when I was born, and therefore the first car I ever rode in, was a ’71 Opel Manta, which I think means I’m honor-bound to vote for the Kadett. But even without that connection, I prefer it. Early Civics are cool, but that one doesn’t present very well, and I think I’d get annoyed with its automatic very quickly. The little Kadett wagon is charming enough to get away with it.
Back in the days before the internet, going to look at a used car was a much less informed proposition. You got maybe twenty words, a tiny photo if you were lucky, and a phone number, and that’s it. You had to call a stranger cold, arrange a time, get the address, find it on a map, and go into a neighborhood basically blind. It worked – I bought a lot of cheap old cars that way – but it’s so much nicer today, getting a bunch of photos and knowing roughly where you have to go before you even decide to contact a seller. You can weed out a lot of sketchy situations with that information. But in my line of work, dealing strictly with hypothetical purchases, I can intentionally look for the sketchy ones. I doubt I’d even consider going to look at either of these cars in person, but from the safety of my home office, they’re fascinating. Let’s take a look.
1989 Chevrolet G20 Van – $1,800
Engine/drivetrain: 5.0-liter OHV V8, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: New River, AZ
Odometer reading: 205,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Old vans are an intriguing possibility – for the right kind of person. They’re cheap and durable, and with some lumber and plywood, and a carpet remnant or two, you can sleep in them in reasonable comfort. If, that is, you’re the sort of person who would want to sleep in a van. This old Chevy probably started out as a work van for a plumber or electrician or something, but its current owner has converted it into a camper. It’s perfect for driving out into the desert and getting away from it all. If that’s your thing, that is.
This is technically the third generation of Chevy van, following two generations of the “Scooby Doo” style van, which only lasted a couple years each. Those earlier vans placed the engine between the front seats, similar to the Dodge A-series and early Ford Econoline vans, but this generation moved the engine forward into an enclosure between the front footwells, commonly called the “doghouse.” Inside the doghouse of this van is a 305 cubic inch small-block V8 with throttle-body fuel injection. It runs well, according to the seller, and the 700R4 automatic behind it shifts like it should. It will need new brakes and shocks before too long, but otherwise it drives fine.
The camper conversion is pretty typical: a raised platform in the back acts as a bed and allows for storage underneath. It’s insulated and has a 110-volt power hookup, but the seller doesn’t mention anything about a sink, a stove, or any other RV features. It’s enough for a campground, I guess, if you cook over a fire. It’s simple and a bit rustic, but it’s not in bad shape. I’m sure I’ll get plenty of comments about weird smells and stains inside, though. And I have to admit, there’s a chance you’re right.
Surprisingly for an Arizona van, it’s a bit rusty. The sliding door in particular is pretty crispy. It also has a broken roof vent that is currently taped shut with plastic over it, but those are cheap to replace. The biggest problem with it, of course, is that it’s a plain white van, with all the negative associations – fair or not – that go along with that.
2006 Dodge Charger – $2,000
Engine/drivetrain: 3.5-liter OHC V6, five-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Maplewood, MN
Odometer reading: 191,000 miles
Operational status: “I would drive this car anywhere”
As the owner of an LD-platform Chrysler 300, I like to see cars like this. This LX-platform Dodge Charger is similar to it mechanically, but while mine has been carefully maintained by me and by my dad before me, this one has clearly seen some things. And it has more than double the mileage mine has. Seeing it still running and driving makes me feel good about the future of mine.
It has a different engine than mine has, a 3.5-liter V6 instead of a 5.7-liter V8, but uses the same Mercedes-derived W5A580 automatic transmission, and the same basic chassis architecture. The 3.5 is a decent engine, though it has the same dumb water pump design as some other Chrysler (and Ford) overhead cam V6s: a failed water pump can dump coolant into the engine’s internals, rather than just making a mess on the driveway. The fix is to replace the water pump at every timing belt change, whether it needs it or not. Someone clearly kept up with this one’s maintenance, or it wouldn’t be closing in on 200,000 miles. The check engine light is on, but the seller says it runs and drives well, and they claim they’d feel confident driving it anywhere.
The biggest issue with these early LX cars is the cheap plastic interior, though this one seems to be holding up pretty well. The floor is dirty, but it’s winter, and this car is in Minnesota; it’s almost impossible to keep a car floor clean. It has some electrical issues in the dash; the temperature gauge doesn’t work, and it looks like the speedometer reads 40 MPH when the car is standing still.
When I first saw this ad, I thought the outside of this car was in worse shape than it is. It turns out that it’s just shiny, and reflecting all the weird stuff in the seller’s yard. (Yes, that is a piece of old McDonald’s playground equipment behind the car. Officer Big Mac, if I’m not mistaken.) There is a pretty serious dent in the right front fender, but it’s not rusty, as far as I can tell.
So on the one hand, you can go out to the middle of the desert to look at a DIY camper van, and on the other, you can check out a high-mileage Charger in a yard full of playground equipment and old carnival attractions. Feel free to consider the vehicles on their own merits, or on the sketchiness of their locations. I leave it up to you.
I have been consistently voting with the losing side here. I went with the charger just on the feeling the seller might be more interesting, and less likely to murder me and leave me in a shallow grave.
The cop chargers are abused with tons of hours and terrible things done to them and can get up there. I suspect both of these the interiors are the real thing to be afraid of. But that era of Chevy van freaks people out still from their prolific use in movies and actually people doing terrible things. Plus some deadhead has been living in down by the river who knows how long maybe he died in it. So the changer scares me less because it probably didn’t have some dead in it.
A 2WD Charger in MN seems like a brave choice. But I’d take it over a van that is disintegrating before our very eyes. The Charger with its cool steelies gives me some unmarked cop car vibes as well. Being mistaken for a detective rather than a pedophile seals the deal for me.
The water pump on that 3.5 engine doesn’t dump coolant into the oil pan because it’s timing belt driven and not timing chain driven (you’re thinking of the completely different 2.7 V6 which does have a timing chain driven water pump). But it IS an interference engine which means taking great care when changing the timing belt.
Obviously van. Though this one needs, at a minimum, some paint.
I’m sure I’ll be buying a hat at some jam band festival from a tent in front of this van this summer. Again, really needs paint.