So we’ve reached the end of a whole week of weird custom cars, which started as a reader request and spiraled out of control from there. Next week we’ll get back to more normal cars, I promise, but first we have to crown a winner from this lot. And I do have a specific scenario to help you choose.
I really had no idea how yesterday was going to go. Would the Corvette’s hot-rodding pedigree make up for its high price? Would the Morris-Prius mashup prove just too damn weird? As it turns out, the vote was pretty close. The Corvette won by a nose – ironic, since that’s the part of it that’s missing – but a surprising number of you stood up for that widebody hybrid Minor.
For me, it’s the Corvette, without hesitation. The only part I really like about the Minor is the tiki stuff. A stock Morris Minor Traveller, or one with a less severe engine swap, would be a different story, but that concoction is just too much for me.
Now then: Acme Corporation, famed maker of anvils, rocket jetpacks, and foldable tunnels, is branching out into model car kits. You have just been hired as director of marketing for the new division, and it’s up to you to choose the third car produced as a model kit. (The first two are, of course, a Plymouth Roadrunner and a Ford Mustang powered by a Coyote V8.) Your team has narrowed it down to these four possibilities, and it’s up to you to make the final decision. The only catch is that whichever one you pick, you have to drive the real car to the launch party for the model. Let’s take a second look at your choices so you can make an informed decision.
1979 Chevrolet G10 Van
At one time, custom vans were pretty well represented in the model car world. But as their popularity waned in real life, the model vans started to fade away as well. Probably the most popular custom van model these days is radio-controlled: the Tamiya Lunch Box. But since it’s an RC model, it doesn’t have an interior, and that’s where the opportunity to really add some detail to a model comes in.
A skilled modeler could really have some fun with this kit, I feel. Add blue flocking for the carpet, install a couple of little LEDs in the ceiling to show it off, and make sure that side door is openable. At 1/25 scale, it might be a little hard to see everything, but maybe if it were 1/12 or 1/16?
2015 Polaris RZR with VW Beetle body
This one I almost feel might be better as an RC model than as a static display kit. I mean, nobody wants the hassle of dealing with the real thing, but you’d chase your dog around the back yard with an RC version of this, wouldn’t you? Sell it as a kit, though; ready-to-run RC models are lame. You gotta build it to earn it.
You could sell a whole line of action figures to sit in the driver’s seat, too. Maybe even with interchangeable body panels in matching colors. That’s where the real money is anyway: the accessories. Collect ’em all!
Slammed 1993 Ford Ranger
As popular as the old Ford Ranger pickups were, they are underrepresented in the model car world. AMT made a couple of versions back in the 1990s, but they’re long out of production and hard to find. This could sell well just due to the scarcity of those old AMT kits.
I feel like this is crying out for the “2-in-1” treatment. Include parts in the kit to build either a stock Ranger, or this slammed, big-wheeled version – molded in metallic blue, of course. You’d have to have someone design a decal sheet with some stripes for it, though – no model truck ever looked this plain on the box lid.
1973 Harry Bradley Corvette
I’m actually surprised there isn’t already a model kit of this one. C3 Corvettes are incredibly common model car subjects, and it’s not hard to find customized ones; I have a couple in my own collection. But the closest thing I can find to this car is the MPC “Vette Van” kit. It’s a little past its prime; this would have been a big hit as a model kit in the 1980s, but most fans of this style of car need powerful reading glasses to build models these days.
Rumor has it that the hardest model car kit to build correctly is the 1/25 scale model of Ed Roth’s “Mysterion” show rod. I own that kit, and it does look like a doozy. I think, if you did this one right, it could rival that kit for complexity. Make the doors and the rear hatch open, and include two front clips: one with the original six-headlight bar, and one stock C3. The T-tops would be removable too, of course.
Any one of these you like could come to life as a pile of plastic trees inside a brightly-colored cardboard box, but you have to be willing to drive the original to the big party. The fate of the Acme Corporation’s model kit endeavors rests in your hands. Which one gets the model kit treatment?
Maybe it’s the Cragars on the van, but it just yells Hot Wheels to me.
Ranger because I actually built darn near the same thing with one of those AMT kits back in the day (I built mine black, not blue). If you hit up Ebay for one of the kits, you could pretty easily replicate this actual slammed Ranger.
FYI, there were four Ranger kits from AMT: 1993 STX 4×4 LWB curbside, 1993 STX, 1993 Splash, and 1995 XLT. Yes, I did buy all of them, why do you ask?
The van is the one I would want, so I’ll pick that one.
The Boogie van would most likely make it there with not much if any work. and it would be epic to through the crew in the back and they get let out on the red carpet via that swing up side door. Definitely need some large lapel pink and baby blue tux’s for this event.
I think the Vette would be the coolest model and its still my favorite car from the week. The Van is a close second and I think there is a younger version of me that would have really enjoyed getting stoned endlessly in the big cookie monster van but per the mission dossier this is about launching a new model car, not getting high!
Can’t it be both?
Only if you brought along enough party favors and model cars for everyone.
Does “party favors” include model glue?
Van all the way. The customizing and kitbashing options are endless.
Van. It’s the only one that would need its own kit, the others can be kitbashed together. I’d still prefer the ‘Vette for myself.
How far do I have to drive? The Polaris would be fun but not for long distances. The van would (likely?) be better suited for a trip.
You don’t. You only have to make a plastic model kit of one and put it on the shelf. I know, I missed that part too.
The only catch is that whichever one you pick, you have to drive the real car to the launch party for the model.
Kinda sounds like I’m stuck behind the wheel for at least a bit of time?
Ah. I missed that, too.
Was thinking I’d go van but I decided to roll with the Ranger. I think I made a model of something similar when I was a kid. One of those Revell kits. It may have been a Chevy Step side in blue. I also seem to remember screwing the wheels up so they looked stanced like the real truck pictured here.
I could do weirdbox showdown every week!
Get that shag deep cleaned (if that’s even possible…) and start cruising! Van all day.
I seem to recall the the shag is new (if by “new” they actually mean untouched in a warehouse for years before someone actually bought it)
Now that you mention it, I may recall that as well. Regardless, I’d get it deeeeeep cleaned!
No question – if I’m going to be making an entrance at a launch party, it’s in the van. I can just see it easing through the fake smoke, with that door slowly raising, loud music blaring. Then I emerge shortly thereafter wearing a long fur coat holding a glass of champagne with a trashy-dressed model on each arm. After that, who cares how many models get sold?
This showdown has the feel of looking in ‘fridge, realizing you haven’t gone shopping all week and making do with dodgy-looking lunch meat, a petrified tortilla, shredded cheese and lots of hot sauce.
As a scale modeler, I wholehartedly endorse the van. I’d include two sets of decals; one to replicate the patina marks and another for the alternate version with a Frank Frazetta mural
I haven’t built a model car in generations (ugh) now, but yeah vans make fun kits, lots of canvas to explore.
I don’t know if I’d want decals for the patina. Airbrush masks maybe. I forsee waterslides trying to mimic rust not looking all that great, compared to painting the rust over a brown body, then masking off the areas where you want it showing, and doing the rest in a typical primer/paint fashion. Peel the masks off, do some touch up work, and clear the whole thing.
>insert Step Brothers “did we just become best friends” meme here<
I’m surprised by the results, especially since the one I voted for is in the lead.
But I’d apply your 3-in-1 kit idea for the Ranger to the van, except I’d have all sorts of options that would allow one to customize however they want. Different suspensions for different ride heights from slammed to monster truck, various interior arrangements from 15-passenger mini bus to waterbed (using real water of course!), of course a 1/2 dozen or so wheel choices, graphics packages for a church bus, Frazetta/Valejo murals, conversion van 80’s/90’s stripes, an such.
I had an R/C Baja Bug years ago – that thing was a blast, so I would totally rock another one. Though to have fun, you really need two so you can race a friend.
My dipshit brother killed it of course. Kid was and is a complete menace.
I picked Vette because it would sell. I want the van, tho.
The Ranger kit would need to be s 3-in-1. Stock, slammed, or lifted!
My brother is super into miniatures, and he could make that van. Details like the patina and weird LED headlights would be no problem for him. He’s not a car guy though so it would be hard to convince him to stop making his sci-fi board game miniatures long enough to make any kind of real world vehicle. I still voted for the shaggin’ wagon because a skilled model maker would have a blast trying to recreate it.
As a model? The vette has the most fun hypothetical build. In real life, this is a real murderers row of bad.
I went vette for the model but in real life I’d pick van.
Van, with optional Scooby Doo and A Team graphics (assuming the licensing can be worked out).
The van is screaming for a Cookie Monster graphic. Maybe with some lens flare and a rainbow is the background. Something like this but less kid-focused. Don’t want to creep anyone out… https://64.media.tumblr.com/7292cb08554917e8da99a7c6e5a17fcd/tumblr_p39tx2TIuF1wa7o90o1_1280.jpg
Or better yet, this one: https://shirtoid.com/104673/dark-side-of-the-rainbow-chip-cookie/
Don’t drive near a playground with that first one. People will take notice and have suspicions.
Good thinking. Maybe stay away from schools too.
You can even go soviet with it if you want.
https://www.grunge.com/292166/the-mystery-behind-this-cookie-monster-mural/
Yes! I love the old-school Soviet graphic works.
I live near Peoria and saw that mural randomly one day. It’s no longer covered over, but it is pretty faded. The weird part is no one knows who impersonated the building owner to commission it.
Okay, that one also looks terrifying, but for completely different reasons.
Of these, I like the van (cue the CSI music and the use of a black light), but as a model either the van or the Vette hew close to the MPC kits of my youth.
As well, since we are working for ACME, either one has space to swap in a Wile E. Coyote V8.
…ah, dang it, I voted Ranger without reading the question. Yes it’d be the one I’d most likely spend my fake internet money on. In real life. And then get a license plate with some sly reference to fur on it. Maybe “mngymutt” or something.
But to go to spending my fake internet money in the plastic model aisle in the Hobby Lobby? That Corvette in its former Glory. There’s plenty of custom van and pickup kits (the Van seems like “I have a 40K Ork army and want to take on a new painting challenge” with its patina) and nobody wants a model of a stock Polaris RZR, (at least without a trailer and pickup like you see at Christmas at your regional farm supply chain, next to all the model tractors,) much less with a Bug body on it. A one-off Corvette by a Hot Wheels designer? Yeah, surprised it hasn’t happened already as well.
Since it’s made by Acme, shouldn’t there be a Wile E Coyote model? And of course, if there was, then they would have to include a Road Runner.
u missed this would be the third car after those:
I picked the Ranger because you wrote:
“I feel like this is crying out for the “2-in-1” treatment. Include parts in the kit to build either a stock Ranger, or this slammed, big-wheeled version – molded in metallic blue, of course.”
I’d combine the options and make a slightly-lower-than-stock metallic blue one. With the aforementioned stripe package, of course.
Good idea.