Home » A Corvair’s Worth Of Apples: Cold Start

A Corvair’s Worth Of Apples: Cold Start

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I’ve always liked how car brochures like to show how much stuff a given car can carry. Usually, this is in the form of extremely well-Tetris’d-in suitcases, but occasionally you find something different. Like how Chevy decided that the best way to show off the Corvair’s luggage capacity was via the universally-understood metric of how many apples it could carry. Though, really, they kind of half-assed the number of apples they put in there. That front trunk could have held a hell of a lot more apples, and the fold-down rear seatback could really have crammed in a lot of apples, too.

I’d personally have jam-packed this motherlover full off goddamn apples. Plus, I’d have had a shot of the rear seatback up to show how many apples could be crammed into the luggage well/parcel shelf back there, as well as with the seat down, because potential buyers may want to know how many apples they could carry along with a full complement of five passengers.

Really, the Corvair brochure is shamed, apple-cramming-wise, by what Eastern European apple orchardists (is that a word?) do with their old Ladas. Look at this shit:

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That, my friends, is how you cram a car full of apples. If Chevy had the ‘nads and foresight to show a Corvair absolutely crammed to the rain gutters with apples, I’m almost certain the next press car on my list would be a 2023 Corvair CUV.


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32 Responses

  1. Related tangent question brought to mind – I’m assuming the current Corvette C8 can no longer be had with a red interior, now that it’s a proper worldbeater racecar and all?

    1. The C8 that Mr. Regular reviewed was white over a red interior. It looked super sharp and modern too, and not like some half-assed effort at paying tribute to the C4. If I bought a C4 I would want a red interior to really bask in that 80’s GM kitsch. Few things go together like weirdly shaped and poorly fitting plastics, early digital gauges, and and gaudy red seats. If I bought a C8 though I would want the red interior because it looks awesome.

      1. Yes! This makes me happy, thank you!

        I always think red when I think Corvette interiors, as it’s one of the few vehicles where it feels appropriate if only b/c of the uniqueness of it in GM’s lineup means it should have some non-performance uniqueness too.

  2. Wait: I thought trunk-load units were dead hookers? Corvair looks like 1. Maybe 2 if you do some disassembly?
    But, we’re not in the 90s anymore: maybe someone should update the units. How many vegan turkeys = a dead hooker?

  3. Alright GM, it’s time to bring the Corvair back. Make it a modular RWD electric skateboard platform that you can sell as a sedan, wagon, van, 2 door convertible, and a compact pickup. Give me a call to discuss this and Uncle Regret’s many other amazing ideas to go bankrupt too.

    1. While we’re asking Santa GM for things, please stick that same powertrain in the Corvette midengine layout and make it the new Fiero. E-ero. Whatevs.

  4. Apples. Never thought about that use. We always loaded my Corvair’s frunk with ice and beer. GM was prescient with the built-in cooler drain plug, too.

  5. Ladas are not for transporting apples, they are for fermenting. They are very handy for cider production when all other semi-enclosed vessels are rationed by local apparatchiks.

  6. Peter Piper picked a Corvair of Pristine and Pink Pearl apples. If Peter Piper picked a Corvair of Pristine and Pink Pearl apples, how many apples did Peter Piper pick?

    I’d guess less than a Ford Falcon’s worth….

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