Good morning, and welcome to another fabulous episode of Shitbox Showdown! This week, we’re doing something special. While I’m never, ever going to offer a “neither” choice again after seventy percent of you chose it a couple weeks ago, this week I’m giving you another way out – if you’re brave enough to try it. Every day this week, there will be a third “mystery car” that I won’t reveal until the next day. At the end of the week, the four-way runoff will be among all the winners, including the mystery cars. Sound like fun?
Friday’s runoff was a solid win for the little Fiat 500, with the Ford pickup taking second place. A lot of you bemoaned the Fiat’s automatic transmission, but the consensus seemed to be that it would still be more fun than the Prius. Oh, and there was a Mazda crossover thing as well. Can’t forget that.
I tend to look at these choices in terms of which one would complement our existing vehicle stable, rather than replacing one of them, and in that regard, the Fiat is the best choice. It would get better mileage than anything else in our garage, and it would be a lot easier to park too.
Remember the TV game show Let’s Make A Deal? The basic gimmick of it, for those who don’t know, is that you could choose your prize: Will you take the Hawaiian vacation, the jet skis, or “what’s behind door number three?” Sometimes it was something even more fabulous than the other two prizes, and sometimes it was something ridiculous, like a live donkey. You just never knew. We’re going to try something similar here. We’ll discuss two cars, like always, but there will also be a third choice that I won’t reveal until tomorrow. All I will promise is that the mystery cars will, in fact, be cars.
1990 Pontiac Bonneville SSE – $2,900
Engine/drivetrain: 3.8-liter OHV V6, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Marion, OH
Odometer reading: 51,000 miles
Operational status: “Runs and drives” is all it says
It didn’t seem like it at the time, and I remember hearing a lot of complaints from old-guard GM fans, but replacing the rear-wheel-drive B-body with the front-wheel-drive H-body was a bit of a stroke of genius. The H-body was lighter, more efficient, and honestly nicer than the old RWD car. Even better, it turned out to be a tank. These cars are possibly the best example of the whole GM “runs like crap forever” ethos. You don’t see as many Bonnevilles as you do Buick LeSabres, especially SSE models like this, which makes this one a little bit special.
The secret to this car’s success is the now-famous 3800 V6, which steadily improved over the years. This 1990 model makes 165 horsepower and will do so until the rest of the car rusts away from under it. The transmission is a Turbo-Hydramatic 440-T4, the precursor to the 4T60/4T60E, which holds up well as long as you keep clean fluid in it. This one only has 51,000 miles on it, which can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how much downtime there was in between those miles. All the seller says is that it runs and drives. One photo shows the dashboard with the ABS brake warning light illuminated, which is a bit worrisome. I seem to remember that the ABS module in some of these early ’90s GM cars is known to fail, and is either no longer available or ridiculously expensive.
The SSE is the top-of-the-line Bonneville, which means lots of buttons inside. The steering wheel center pad is a mass of buttons that control the sound system, with two small buttons on either side for the horn. I’ve always worried that if you aren’t familiar with the car, and someone cuts you off, you run the risk of blasting your stereo at them instead of honking. The interior is in good condition, but not great. For a sub-$3,000 car in this day and age, though, it’s pretty nice inside.
Outside, it looks pretty good, but since the SSE includes plastic cladding on the rocker panels that can hide rust, it’s worth looking underneath to make sure the metal is still sound. Also, it may be my imagination, but I think the rear is sitting a little low. The Bonneville SSE features self-leveling air suspension in the rear, and it can sometimes lose height when the engine is off. My old Coupe DeVille did the same thing, though it always did come right back up when the engine was started.
1994 Chrysler Concorde – $2,500
Engine/drivetrain: 3.3-liter OHV V6, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: New Lebanon, OH
Odometer reading: 165,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
After a dozen years of making basically the same car over and over again in different wrappers, Chrysler sought to wipe away all memories of the letter K with its new LH sedans. Sleek and aerodynamic instead of blocky and angular, these cars were a hit with critics and customers alike, and they made the old cars look positively ancient by comparison. This Chrysler Concorde is a second-year model, with a lot of small improvements like more power, and improved suspension and steering.
Two V6 engines were available: a pushrod 3.3-liter and an overhead-cam 3.5-liter. This one has the 3.3, which is rated at 161 horsepower. It’s mounted longitudinally, a design taken from the Renault-designed Eagle Premier that Chrysler inherited when it bought AMC. If nothing else, it eliminates most of the maintenance hassles found in a FWD car with a transverse V6 engine. We don’t get much useful information about this car; all the ad says is that it has been well-maintained and runs great.
One concession Chrysler did make to more traditional tastes is the availability of a split bench front seat and a column-mounted gear shift, and this car has that option. One other throwback that this particular car has is a CB radio. Does anybody besides truckers still use those? The interior looks like it has held up well over the years, and those seats look really comfy.
It looks really good outside, in a very ’90s shade of green. As with the Pontiac, the lower plastic cladding can hide rust, so look carefully under the rocker panels and along the bottom of the doors to make sure everything is in ship-shape. It looks like this car was garaged, so as long as they kept it clean, rust shouldn’t be much of an issue.
Mystery Car – $?
All I’ll tell you about today’s mystery car is that it is another domestic four-door sedan.
So, we have a doggedly reliable GM sedan that’s low mileage but a little rough around the edges, a Chrysler “cab-forward” sedan that looks to have been well-kept, and … something else. Are you dissatisfied enough with the other two choices to gamble on an unknown? Will I be really mean and choose something horrible, or give you an even better option? You’ll have to come back tomorrow to find out.
My parents had one of these Bonnevilles, though a lower trim level. And my grandparents had a Concorde in this same color, though I think they had hubcaps instead of alloy wheels. I’d pick the Concorde, it felt like a much nicer car in every way. The Bonneville just felt old fashioned, the interior design was ugly, and while the engine might run forever, everything else on the car will break. Actually, despite the 3800’s reputation, my parents got rid of the Bonneville because the engine developed rod knock. I don’t know how many miles it had on it, but it wasn’t a ton. I’d guess 150k.
The comments below are making me reconsider my vote, but I I thought the LHs were very handsome cars. But the Buick 3800 has its own draw. I had an Olds 88 company car with that engine and it was certainly compelling in that era.
I’ve owned versions of both. They both are sort of couches. The Bonneville had less trouble for sure. And of course a 3800 will run just about forever. The Concord I had and just about everyone I’ve ever ran into had strange electrical issues. So Bonneville by a long shot. Especially a 50k mi example that’s as clean as that for that price.
Growing up, we had an 88 Bonneville, although the low swag version. Hands down the best car we ever owned. It made it past 250K on the first transmission, and past 350K on the engine and rest of the car until my brother bent the hood – the insurance company totalled it, or it might still be running today.
It was a great road trip car, handled great in the snow – I chained it up one time and drove it home up a narrow mountain back road in 6″ of unplowed snow, and that was only one of several times I drove it in winter storms.
I took my driver’s test in it (twice – don’t ask…), learned snow driving in it, towed a little utility/motorcycle trailer, and learned how to back it. Many of my wrenching skills were learned on that car.
So, for old times sake….Bonneville.
Younger brothers wrecking cars. Am I right?