Good morning, and welcome to another fabulous episode of Shitbox Showdown! This week, we’re doing something special. While I’m never, ever going to offer a “neither” choice again after seventy percent of you chose it a couple weeks ago, this week I’m giving you another way out – if you’re brave enough to try it. Every day this week, there will be a third “mystery car” that I won’t reveal until the next day. At the end of the week, the four-way runoff will be among all the winners, including the mystery cars. Sound like fun?
Friday’s runoff was a solid win for the little Fiat 500, with the Ford pickup taking second place. A lot of you bemoaned the Fiat’s automatic transmission, but the consensus seemed to be that it would still be more fun than the Prius. Oh, and there was a Mazda crossover thing as well. Can’t forget that.
I tend to look at these choices in terms of which one would complement our existing vehicle stable, rather than replacing one of them, and in that regard, the Fiat is the best choice. It would get better mileage than anything else in our garage, and it would be a lot easier to park too.
Remember the TV game show Let’s Make A Deal? The basic gimmick of it, for those who don’t know, is that you could choose your prize: Will you take the Hawaiian vacation, the jet skis, or “what’s behind door number three?” Sometimes it was something even more fabulous than the other two prizes, and sometimes it was something ridiculous, like a live donkey. You just never knew. We’re going to try something similar here. We’ll discuss two cars, like always, but there will also be a third choice that I won’t reveal until tomorrow. All I will promise is that the mystery cars will, in fact, be cars.
1990 Pontiac Bonneville SSE – $2,900
Engine/drivetrain: 3.8-liter OHV V6, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Marion, OH
Odometer reading: 51,000 miles
Operational status: “Runs and drives” is all it says
It didn’t seem like it at the time, and I remember hearing a lot of complaints from old-guard GM fans, but replacing the rear-wheel-drive B-body with the front-wheel-drive H-body was a bit of a stroke of genius. The H-body was lighter, more efficient, and honestly nicer than the old RWD car. Even better, it turned out to be a tank. These cars are possibly the best example of the whole GM “runs like crap forever” ethos. You don’t see as many Bonnevilles as you do Buick LeSabres, especially SSE models like this, which makes this one a little bit special.
The secret to this car’s success is the now-famous 3800 V6, which steadily improved over the years. This 1990 model makes 165 horsepower and will do so until the rest of the car rusts away from under it. The transmission is a Turbo-Hydramatic 440-T4, the precursor to the 4T60/4T60E, which holds up well as long as you keep clean fluid in it. This one only has 51,000 miles on it, which can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how much downtime there was in between those miles. All the seller says is that it runs and drives. One photo shows the dashboard with the ABS brake warning light illuminated, which is a bit worrisome. I seem to remember that the ABS module in some of these early ’90s GM cars is known to fail, and is either no longer available or ridiculously expensive.
The SSE is the top-of-the-line Bonneville, which means lots of buttons inside. The steering wheel center pad is a mass of buttons that control the sound system, with two small buttons on either side for the horn. I’ve always worried that if you aren’t familiar with the car, and someone cuts you off, you run the risk of blasting your stereo at them instead of honking. The interior is in good condition, but not great. For a sub-$3,000 car in this day and age, though, it’s pretty nice inside.
Outside, it looks pretty good, but since the SSE includes plastic cladding on the rocker panels that can hide rust, it’s worth looking underneath to make sure the metal is still sound. Also, it may be my imagination, but I think the rear is sitting a little low. The Bonneville SSE features self-leveling air suspension in the rear, and it can sometimes lose height when the engine is off. My old Coupe DeVille did the same thing, though it always did come right back up when the engine was started.
1994 Chrysler Concorde – $2,500
Engine/drivetrain: 3.3-liter OHV V6, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: New Lebanon, OH
Odometer reading: 165,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
After a dozen years of making basically the same car over and over again in different wrappers, Chrysler sought to wipe away all memories of the letter K with its new LH sedans. Sleek and aerodynamic instead of blocky and angular, these cars were a hit with critics and customers alike, and they made the old cars look positively ancient by comparison. This Chrysler Concorde is a second-year model, with a lot of small improvements like more power, and improved suspension and steering.
Two V6 engines were available: a pushrod 3.3-liter and an overhead-cam 3.5-liter. This one has the 3.3, which is rated at 161 horsepower. It’s mounted longitudinally, a design taken from the Renault-designed Eagle Premier that Chrysler inherited when it bought AMC. If nothing else, it eliminates most of the maintenance hassles found in a FWD car with a transverse V6 engine. We don’t get much useful information about this car; all the ad says is that it has been well-maintained and runs great.
One concession Chrysler did make to more traditional tastes is the availability of a split bench front seat and a column-mounted gear shift, and this car has that option. One other throwback that this particular car has is a CB radio. Does anybody besides truckers still use those? The interior looks like it has held up well over the years, and those seats look really comfy.
It looks really good outside, in a very ’90s shade of green. As with the Pontiac, the lower plastic cladding can hide rust, so look carefully under the rocker panels and along the bottom of the doors to make sure everything is in ship-shape. It looks like this car was garaged, so as long as they kept it clean, rust shouldn’t be much of an issue.
Mystery Car – $?
All I’ll tell you about today’s mystery car is that it is another domestic four-door sedan.
So, we have a doggedly reliable GM sedan that’s low mileage but a little rough around the edges, a Chrysler “cab-forward” sedan that looks to have been well-kept, and … something else. Are you dissatisfied enough with the other two choices to gamble on an unknown? Will I be really mean and choose something horrible, or give you an even better option? You’ll have to come back tomorrow to find out.
A604 vs 4T60? Bonneville, no contest. My aunt had a Concorde of that generation, it ate 3 transmissions before she got rid of it at 140k.
Bonneville for me. I always loved how this gen looked and with the low mileage, it gets my vote.
I’m fairly risk averse. I have experience with the two known options. I always found the cab forward cars super comfy.
Never take the mystery door!
I like the LH better, but didn’t they have major transmission issues? I don’t care enough to confirm, so reluctant Pontiac.
Voted for the Concord out of nostalgia for my old 1997 Intrepid ES with the 3.5v6. That thing punched way above it’s pay grade in power, handling and family hauling. Finally sold it at 200k miles and regretted it immediately.
This hit my nostalgia sweet spot since my Dad owned both of these cars (although his Bonneville was an LE with way fewer buttons and no side cladding. I was too young to ever drive the Bonneville but my Dad liked it well enough and it was pretty comfy despite the flat bench seats in front and back. I was of driving age when my Dad had the Concorde and I remember driving it and expecting a luxo cruiser but feeling underwhelmed by what turned out to be a long dashboard attached to floaty steering and an underpowered six.
My Dad passed away four years ago but if he was still alive today he’d be uniquely qualified to choose the winner between these two.
I’m betting the mystery door hides a 70s AMC Matador sedan for $9900 because the seller thinks it’s a “collector’s item” despite the mismatched body panels.
Concorde, all day.
I used to own one and it saved my life in an 11-car pile up on I-81N in PA while heading home to Utica NY for the holidays.
All of the other 10 cars crashed on a section of black ice on that evening (Christmas Eve) on that Interstate. The 4 cars in front of my Concorde and 6 behind me. The Chrysler somehow found traction, due to its long wheelbase, and ABS’d its way to a safe spot on the shoulder as mayhem unfolded around it in the form of twisted metal and banged-up humans (only small injuries).
When the State Troopers arrived on the scene the first Trooper said:
“Who owns that Chrysler and why is it parked in the middle of the accident scene?”
“It’s mine, sir. The accident happened around it and I can provide witness testimony.” -SWG
A family of four with two young children were heading up to the Poconos for a ski holiday when their Acura MDX (3rd car out of the 11) slammed into the concrete median and deployed the curtain airbags. They were a little dazed, but not hurt and they were standing on the side of the Interstate (with their wrapped Christmas presents and suitcases) watching their Acura being loaded onto the tow truck when I offered to take them to their destination in the Concorde.
I mean, it was Christmas Eve in a snowstorm; the type of setting out of a movie script.
They gratefully accepted, loaded the whole family and luggage/gifts into its massive trunk and backseat (dad was in front with me) and we set off for their rental cabin in the mountains.
When they got off, the wife made a remark about “accidentally” leaving something in the back seat (it was $80) and told me that I saved their vacation, their Christmas, their family from having to stand on the side of the Interstate waiting on a ride, and that she’d be sending a Facebook friend request my way.
A few days later I received it, accompanied by a message remarking about how incredible that Concorde was to be the only car out of 11 that crossed the same patch of ice, on the same highway, at the same time, that didn’t lose control.
I’ve had 161 cars but only one that saved my life and also saved Christmas for a certain family. I still think about that car often, 13 years later.
St. Stephen to the rescue.
Okay can I change my vote to the Concorde?
That convinced me to vote Concorde!
Having learned to snow drive in the mountains with an 88 Bonneville, I can attest that it too is excellent in snow and ice. I think the FWD of that era – weight on the front wheels, modest engine power, and good balance – were underrated for traction and predictable handling.
I’d rather play The Price is Right shit box showdown today…..
I bid tree fiddy for all 3 cars Drew.
Can I also have the blonde with the big hooters too?
I like both of the choices for today but, since one is GM and the other is a Chrysler, I’m gambling the 3rd is a Ford Taurus.
Though I just realized it might actually be a Ford Five Hundred. Crud, I think I screwed up.
I’m committing apostasy by not voting for a 3800. That said, the Mopar has been driven and maintained. All the rubber on that Bonne is one hard stare away from disintegration. And it’s a nightmare to replace.
Column shifter plus very 90s green is too hard to resist.
I was going to vote for the Chrysler,but what the hell,give me the mystery shit-box.
I like this new format! I don’t really like either option today, but I’m two chicken to take what is behind door 3 for this round.
Bonneville would be my choice but too many headaches – ABS, possible suspension, will need every piece of rubber under the hood (that doesn’t seem to match the rest of the car), dent in the left rear corner and the blems up front – seems to have been parked using the braille method. Surprise me with a Caddy!
I’d take the Concorde if it weren’t for the exciting “mystery car” option. But I want to see what the mystery car is, so let’s go for that instead.
The Pontiac is a cockroach, immortal but unappealing.
The Chrysler is peak 90s bounce-back Mopar, before the “merger of equals” sucked the life out of them. Those cab-forward designs were pretty nice. If it lasts six months, you’re money ahead vs car payments.
No mystery – I’ll take the Concorde.
Poncho. That thing will probably outlive me.
The Bonny is sporty, while Chrysler has the front bench seat. Chrysler suxxx, but so does a transverse V6 like GM uses.
Cross your fingers and hope the mystery is an I4 LOL
My father claims to have known someone who hit a tree trying to adjust the radio using one of those steering wheel embedded radio controls.
Breaker Breaker good buddy you got your ears on. This here is the rubber ducky and Im here to tell you I think think you can keep the hammer down on that Concord longer than that Bonneville. So after stopping at the next choke and puke I’m going to ride off into the sunset just let me know if there are any smokies on my route.
Pontiac. The Chrysler is fine, but I enjoyed a Bonnie once before and would do so again.
Boring vs boring vs probably boring but maybe not.
I chose option three. “Domestic four-door sedan” could be a mint-condition ’60s land yacht or a CT5 Blackwing…
I don’t have anything against either of the two cars shown above. Both seem like decent transport boxes for the money, but neither have any positive selling points for me. Frankly, I don’t think I would be losing big if I pass on these cars and end up with the rotting carcass of a ’93 Tempo.
If it turns out to be a CT6 Blackwing, I would tip my hat to Mark owning all of us this round.. but nah, he’s way too cheap for that – its gonna be a Tempo GL
Giving him a lot of credit thinking it will be a “GL”.. lol
A 1994 Chrysler Concorde with the 3.3l was my first car! I bought it from my parents for $500 after the A/C broke, it was a light metallic blue with a blue leather interior and a factory Infinity stereo with nice composite Infinity speakers. The terrible transmission had been replaced long before we got it, and it served me trouble free from 2004 until 2007, making many drives between Minnesota and Michigan, delivering untold amounts of pizza, and was generally unstoppable in the snow. I replaced it because I “needed” a Comanche, and it got sold to people who turned into a race car of all things- a local track ran a V6 FWD class, and apparently the 3.3l Concorde/Intrepid/Vision were very competitive in it.