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Cold Start: Homina Homina Homina

Cs Fairlane500

It’s Monday, pals, and holy crap am I glad to see you again. You know what else appears very, very glad to see someone? This 1957 Ford Fairlane 500, which, from this image, appears to be leering so all-consumingly at that woman in the blue coat that it reminds me of that shockingly horny yet surprisingly well-dressed wolf from those old cartoons. You know the one. This guy:

Easy, easy, stop being so horny on main, dude. Get a grip.

Anyway, that Fairlane from that angle has all those key traits: bulging headlight eyes, a gaping open mouth with a bumper underbite, and an unhinged, hungry leer.

Be careful, lady. I don’t trust that car.

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25 Responses

  1. Torch, I know you’ve written at length about why a car’s “eyes” should be considered the headlights rather than the windshield a la Pixar.

    This silliness is precisely why.

  2. She has that smirk on her face, like either she went for a ride with her backdoor man, or she just got divorced and she is now single and ready to mingle.

  3. In my best 1957: What, can’t I give a dame a compliment? I’m just saying she looks nice is all. Now need for the broad to get all stuck up about it. Now let’s start drinking even though it’s 9:00am and nod approvingly while we read about civil rights protestors getting beaten by cops in the newspaper.

  4. You, and she only think Ford Fairlane there is looking at her, uh,uh, bum. However if you look closely, you’ll see that he is actually looking past her – no doubt at the pretty little T-Bird she drove up in.

    Putting a whole new positive spin on the “…You and the horse you rode up on…” meme

  5. Dang, Torch! I saw the illustration on the main page and my first thought was the wolf in Tex Avery’s classic MGM cartoon, “Red Hot Riding Hood!”

    Thought I was being all clever and stuff and you beat me to it!

  6. Is it just artistic license for an ad, or did they actually make tires color-coded to vehicles (the yellow stripe after the white wall) back then?

    Or is that the wheel? It’s hard to tell, but it seems plausible.

      1. I love how cars used to have wheels that were painted the color of the car, not just silver or black or white. Mercedes-Benz even painted the hubcaps to match the car.

        Of course now almost all cars are painted silver or black or white.

      2. Ah thanks. That’s what my rational side told me, but it was the ’50s after all so I could see Ford asking Firestone to whip up batches of multi-colored rubber (with varied degrees of success).

  7. I find myself wondering if I am the last generation to know the Looney Tunes and Merry Melodies cartoons. I grew up watching them on Saturday morning, the only time you could see cartoons ALL week. My daughter may have seen these on Boomerang growing up. My son who is 10 has no knowledge of these cartoons. He does love Scooby Doo, though.

    The Jetsons, The Flinstones, Pandamonium (ok, I threw that one in there because I remember it), Yogi’s Space Race, Grape Ape, Jabberjaw, The Laugh-a-lympics, etc. he has no clue. I bought Speed Buggy on DVD. He liked it. He wouldn’t even sit through an episode of Thundarr the Barbarian (also purchased on DVD and then they released the Blu-Ray; but I refused to double dip).

  8. That picture invokes some memories — around 1961-62, my dad bought a ’57 Fairlane 500. It was tan and white, a very striking-looking car. Those headlight “eyebrows”? Those were the first thing that rusted out, followed by much of the lower parts of the vehicle not long after. Something happened to the suspension because of rusting (sorry for not having the details as I was pretty young), and that was the end.

    My grandparents then gave my parents their ’53 Buick Roadmaster. While being really low mileage for an 11-year-old car, it lasted about a year as everything was dry-rotted.

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