Home » Here Are Jason’s Slack Messages, With No Context, From Right Before His Aorta Crapped Out: Tales From The Slack

Here Are Jason’s Slack Messages, With No Context, From Right Before His Aorta Crapped Out: Tales From The Slack

Jason Slack Tales
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Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
4 months ago

The next meetup should be to fix one of Jason’s many broken cars for him.
Is the Beetle still down?

Doctor Nine
Doctor Nine
4 months ago

Glad you are recovering Jason. We miss you. Get well soon.

Lotsofchops
Lotsofchops
4 months ago

Didn’t know that about the Mormons, thank you Autopian I always learn something here.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  Lotsofchops

The sunlight ruins GODs favorite side dish. Green Jell-O salad.

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago

The Mormon GOD is a strange god.
Not as far off the rails as the Irish Catholic GOD for sure, but the two probably both stand in corners at religious parties, silently judging all the patrons.

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago

Why are you replying to me?
I thought we worked this out.
This is my space, you’re not allowed in here.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago

I’m not allowed?
Hahaha! Check this out…

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago

You’re the worst.

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
4 months ago

Who are you, me? Replying to your own posts is my bailiwick! I will not allow it!

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  Crank Shaft

It’s my shtick that only I, and for some unknown reason one other commenter, enjoys.

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Lotsofchops

Sand blows into Brigham Young’s potato salad ONCE and outdoor eating gets banned for centuries. Wild stuff, man.

Last edited 4 months ago by Stef Schrader
Lotsofchops
Lotsofchops
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

I figured he’d have blamed it on one of his wives. I think it was #52, she was always the fall girl.

Doctor Nine
Doctor Nine
4 months ago
Reply to  Lotsofchops

Well she was eleven when that started. She didn’t know how to defend herself.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  Lotsofchops
AlterId
AlterId
4 months ago

I was hoping that was about elderly, polygamous Hillmans imported by Plymouth, but unfortunately, it was not.

Last edited 4 months ago by AlterId
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  AlterId

There’re many different ways to interpret the holy scripture.
That’s kind of the problem with it all.
It reads like legalese at a used car dealership.
Yet people are so imbibed by the nonsense that they literally go to war over it.

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Potato salad with dill pickle, yellow mustard and sliced black olives…
As god intended of course.

And if you interpret the golden tablets upon which the religion was founded correctly, you will discover that it wasn’t sand that ruined outdoor eating for generations of the Mormon religions followers…

It was ants.

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago

Formicidae 3:12

But the word of the LORD was to them, “Precept upon precept, insect upon insect, Line upon line, line upon line of them, Here a little, there a little, The ants, Working for the devil did devour the spoils of the land.

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
4 months ago

BRB just starting a new Twitter account: No Context Torchinsky.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Brilliant!

When I was a teenager I took mental notes of the most bizarre sounding one off sentences I’d hear throughout the day.

I would write them all down, line by ridiculous line in a journal, simply labeled in sharpie, with the words “No Context” on the cover.

Where is that journal? I know I had over fifty pages of total nonsense in there because I numbered the pages myself.

I need to find it. Before someone else does and large men in lab coats show up at my door to take me away in a big white van.

Anyhoo… I guess what I’m getting at is that I basically invented (before the internet mattered) Twitter when I was fourteen.

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago

The bathing wipes are still up for grabs.

First David and his shower spaghetti, now Jason is bathing in bed.
What’s next? Is someone gonna start sleeping in their kitchen?

Spartanjohn113
Spartanjohn113
4 months ago

Whoever beat me to gifting the “Medline Toilet Safety Rails“, bravo! That’ll be a good story to tell at one of the Autopian Meetups. My prayers and wishes to Torch on a speedy recovery <3

LTDScott
LTDScott
4 months ago

This reminds me a lot of Garfield comics minus Garfield.

https://garfieldminusgarfield.net/

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
4 months ago
Reply to  LTDScott

Never seen Garfield minus Garfield, really sorry I clicked on that link.

W124
W124
4 months ago

Edit: Nothing to see here, I missed the original article.

Last edited 4 months ago by W124
Slirt
Slirt
4 months ago

Praise Jeebus, Torch is on the mend; and so happy the GFM surpassed its very modest goal the first or second day! As said, ain’t no ‘Topian without Torch ????

Last edited 4 months ago by Slirt
Shooting Brake
Shooting Brake
4 months ago

Question: So Okay, so I am a member (Cloth membership) and all I see with this post is the image

https://images-stag.jazelc.com/uploads/theautopian-m2en/Jason_Slack_Tales.jpg

of this article.

Am I missing something here?
(It would appear, based on the comments here, that there is additional content that I am not seeing?)

Last edited 4 months ago by Shooting Brake
Mercedes Streeter
Mercedes Streeter
4 months ago
Reply to  Shooting Brake

There is! Let me get Matt on this.

Shooting Brake
Shooting Brake
4 months ago

Thank you!

Shooting Brake
Shooting Brake
4 months ago

I still cannot access the members only content, even though I am a paying member!

┗(・ω・;)┛

Shooting Brake
Shooting Brake
4 months ago
Reply to  Matt Hardigree

Email sent Matt.

Shooting Brake
Shooting Brake
4 months ago
Reply to  Matt Hardigree

They show in my “Sent” file as received by you. I still cannot access the members only content, even though I am a paying member!

┗(・ω・;)┛

Last edited 4 months ago by Shooting Brake
Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
4 months ago

Thanks for posting this Matt and thank you very, very much to all donors.

AssMatt
AssMatt
4 months ago

Yeah, but are we sure about the truck?

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago

I was amused by the idea of Torch mounting a .jpg to the car behind him, then realized the time stamps were in the opposite order. 😀

(Thank you for the link to the Amazon registry)

Dave
Dave
4 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

I was amused by the mental image of Jason getting out of whatever little thing he’s driving and approaching some random stranger in a car behind him and insisting that something (a roo bar?) be mounted to the front of their car.

NewBalanceExtraWide
NewBalanceExtraWide
4 months ago

“Fumbling the buzz” is going to be my euphemism for any heart condition now. It warms my cold dead robotic heart… I mean… fumbled buzz… to see the GoFundMe rising steadily. On the old site, there was an article about the relationship between a Chemex coffee maker and the Dymaxion car. That’s the kind of shit that makes me a member here. I mean, I read pretty much all of the articles, but Jason Torchinsky is why I’m here. No shade to anybody else, but it would not be the same without this level of weirdness.

AssMatt
AssMatt
4 months ago

Agreed about here for Torch. I wish I could remember which of his bits from the old site appeared as a preview just before the great AVClub exodus that prompted me to start looking for his byline…I hate to admit it, but were it not for GMG’s shameless cross-promotion tactics I never would have discovered Jason’s wit and wisdom!

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
4 months ago

Torch is the light that guides this site, for sure. Now I’m gonna go check out that gift registry…

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
4 months ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

Ah ha ha ha – Sally has a wonderful sense of humor! I couldn’t resist buying Torch a case of Liquid Death spring mountain water. You’ve already cheated death once little buddy – now you can drink to it!

Hurry on over so you can be the one to send him some ass-wipes or toilet bars!

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
4 months ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

Wut?

I am not buying him alcohol markers—I know how he is with forbidden fluids and such.
The toilet seat is a biggie: it’s important that he doesn’t bend for awhile. But I can’t: I’m flat tapped out. Not gonna whine: I’m just happy to be back at work—and next week will be better.

Someone please do step up on that.

Last edited 4 months ago by TOSSABL
MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
4 months ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

She has too! Look who she married! Without a sense of humor she probably would have killed him long ago.

Shop-Teacher
Shop-Teacher
4 months ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

Oh yeah, 100%!

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