Home » Here’s Some Valiant Ute Wrenchspo For David: Cold Start

Here’s Some Valiant Ute Wrenchspo For David: Cold Start

Cs Valiantute

With David stuck on the Earth’s perineum down in Australia, desperately picking over the corpses of his two Chrysler Valiant Utes, I figured I should give him a bit of wrenching inspiration here. Or maybe it’s just taunting? I’m really not sure. This one is actually the Dodge-badged sibling with its rectangular headlights, but I think David will get the hint.

I’m pretty sure David can rock that hat, if that helps. And maybe the sheep.

Let’s again take a moment to appreciate those lovely parallel-line turn indicators integrated into the body; such a great detail. I hope David spends lots of time bringing those back to their former glory. That should be job one.

Let’s take a look at David’s utes and their current condition, for reference:

David Utes

Oh crap.

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43 Responses

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  1. Step 1, weedwack.

    Step 2, remove all spiders and any other death machines.

    Step 3, investigate why the hood support is up, but the hood is not.

    Step 4, lunch.

          1. Most Americans don’t know this, but Australians who survive into adulthood are charged a special tax levy to fund the orphanages for the children of spider, shark and drop-bear victims.

    1. Lunch for what? Better get steps one and two right if you want step four to be “for you” instead of “of you”.
      Step three is a good call though, what is going on there?

  2. “Earth’s perineum.” Jason, you never disappoint.

    Also, did they extract that hat from a map pocket or something and stick it on the first rando they caught wandering through the meadow?

  3. That’s a VG-model, the model after Dave’s VFs. The square lights aren’t exclusive to Dodge-badged versions but were on all VGs except the VIP sedan.
    Fun fact about the Dodge-branded utes, they had silver-painted bumpers and trim instead of chrome/stainless.

    Seems pointless when every other vehicle in the range had chrome, surely that was more expensive to have a small percentage of bumpers and trim have to go through the paint booth instead of the usual process?

  4. Were there some kind of maximum distance between lights law in Australia at that time, since the headlights are placed that strange way?

    Or was it, in true AMC/Jeep style, just where the holes were in the front panel behind the grille?

  5. Just a thought
    Europeans question us about calling football football even though you don’t use your feet. But how about them calling soccer football when they measure in meters?

    1. Yep, badge swapping existed back then. Exact same vehicles, all built by Chrysler Australia. The Dodge branded Utes and vans where lower optioned, known as “poverty pack” here in Oz. Still driving my 71 VG Dodge Ute daily.

      1. I find it funny how they used dodge in Australia to sell both the basic fleet spec of the valiant ute, and the American-fullsize Dodge Phoenix, basically a luxury car.

  6. Worst comes to worst:

    1) overinsure both cars

    2) move move both cars into a gum grove and wait for the inevitable massive wildfire.

    3) file claim

    4) buy better Ute and ship it back to states.

  7. It’s like a forbidden fruit version of the Dodge Rampage.

    Which reminds me of how the U.S. Ford Escort (which I still liked, but…) was nothing like the British Ford Escort.

        1. I think you might be confusing us with our Kiwi (New Zealand) cousins…. Then again, Rugby is an official religion there, so they can’t be all bad!

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