Home » Here’s Some Valiant Ute Wrenchspo For David: Cold Start

Here’s Some Valiant Ute Wrenchspo For David: Cold Start

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With David stuck on the Earth’s perineum down in Australia, desperately picking over the corpses of his two Chrysler Valiant Utes, I figured I should give him a bit of wrenching inspiration here. Or maybe it’s just taunting? I’m really not sure. This one is actually the Dodge-badged sibling with its rectangular headlights, but I think David will get the hint.

I’m pretty sure David can rock that hat, if that helps. And maybe the sheep.

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Let’s again take a moment to appreciate those lovely parallel-line turn indicators integrated into the body; such a great detail. I hope David spends lots of time bringing those back to their former glory. That should be job one.

Let’s take a look at David’s utes and their current condition, for reference:

David Utes

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Oh crap.

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James Colangelo
James Colangelo
2 years ago

Sheep…

Jakob K's Garage
Jakob K's Garage
2 years ago

Were there some kind of maximum distance between lights law in Australia at that time, since the headlights are placed that strange way?

Or was it, in true AMC/Jeep style, just where the holes were in the front panel behind the grille?

Squirrelcagerotor
Squirrelcagerotor
2 years ago

If DT exports one of these, he’ll be in direct competition with the mining folks in Pilbara.

Silent But Deadly
Silent But Deadly
2 years ago

Oi! I’ve a bucket hat just like that!!

And my perineum is suddenly a bit itchy…

KelleyGood
KelleyGood
2 years ago

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Silent But Deadly
Silent But Deadly
2 years ago

The image of David strikes me as a ‘proof of life’ ransom image. I wonder how he’s coping with today’s miserable weather?

Gary Lynch
Gary Lynch
2 years ago

With the weeds, David needs a few goats….

Dave Horchak
Dave Horchak
2 years ago

Just a thought
Europeans question us about calling football football even though you don’t use your feet. But how about them calling soccer football when they measure in meters?

Phuzz
Phuzz
2 years ago
Reply to  Dave Horchak

Honestly, we’d give you more shit about Aussie Rules “football” if the players weren’t all terrifying hybrids of rugby players and rabid kangaroos.

Ophidia
Ophidia
2 years ago

And those utes might be a serious infection of said perineum…

Robert Thornton
Robert Thornton
2 years ago

A little sanding and a paint job….

Chris with bad opinions
Chris with bad opinions
2 years ago

Whatever you do don’t look up rock the sheep on urban dictionary.

World24
World24
2 years ago

I always knew that the Chrysler Valiant ute existed, but a Dodge badged version did too?
Really?!

Corsican Brother
Corsican Brother
2 years ago
Reply to  World24

Yep, badge swapping existed back then. Exact same vehicles, all built by Chrysler Australia. The Dodge branded Utes and vans where lower optioned, known as “poverty pack” here in Oz. Still driving my 71 VG Dodge Ute daily.

Captain Zoll
Captain Zoll
2 years ago

I find it funny how they used dodge in Australia to sell both the basic fleet spec of the valiant ute, and the American-fullsize Dodge Phoenix, basically a luxury car.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
2 years ago

Worst comes to worst:

1) overinsure both cars

2) move move both cars into a gum grove and wait for the inevitable massive wildfire.

3) file claim

4) buy better Ute and ship it back to states.

4AGE_ForFood
4AGE_ForFood
2 years ago

The hat, and if we could also get some of that “collar up” action. (Collar demeanor is essential indicator of the situation.)

Acrimonious Mofo
Acrimonious Mofo
2 years ago

There’s definitely a bit of “oh shit” in that expression on David’s face.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
2 years ago

It’s like a forbidden fruit version of the Dodge Rampage.

Which reminds me of how the U.S. Ford Escort (which I still liked, but…) was nothing like the British Ford Escort.

Mr.Asa
Mr.Asa
2 years ago

“Let’s look at David and his Utes!”
….
:Curb Your Enthusiasm Theme starts playing:

Man With A Reliable Jeep
Man With A Reliable Jeep
2 years ago

1.) Get the hat.
2.) Rock the hat.
3.) Shrimp on the barbie.
4.) Profit???
5.) GTF home.

Arrest-me Red
Arrest-me Red
2 years ago

A goal for David – A car on every continent of the planet. 🙂

Josh Jones
Josh Jones
2 years ago
Reply to  Arrest-me Red

He’s halfway to the feasible ones already… Shouldn’t be too difficult for him, right? haha

Arrest-me Red
Arrest-me Red
2 years ago
Reply to  Josh Jones

Maybe can buy the lunar rover to go exo-planet. 🙂

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JoanneAndres
2 years ago
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Parsko
Parsko
2 years ago

Step 1, weedwack.

Step 2, remove all spiders and any other death machines.

Step 3, investigate why the hood support is up, but the hood is not.

Step 4, lunch.

Taco Shackleford
Taco Shackleford
2 years ago
Reply to  Parsko

In Australia they call weedwhackers Whipper-Snippers, which is way better term.

SquareTaillight2002
SquareTaillight2002
2 years ago

Yes but the spiders down under are definitely “death machines”.

BAD EDIT
BAD EDIT
2 years ago

Even Australian rabbits are murderers.

BromBrom
BromBrom
2 years ago
Reply to  BAD EDIT

Most Americans don’t know this, but Australians who survive into adulthood are charged a special tax levy to fund the orphanages for the children of spider, shark and drop-bear victims.

Idle Sentiments
Idle Sentiments
2 years ago
Reply to  Parsko

Lunch for what? Better get steps one and two right if you want step four to be “for you” instead of “of you”.
Step three is a good call though, what is going on there?

HeyCharger
HeyCharger
2 years ago

That’s a VG-model, the model after Dave’s VFs. The square lights aren’t exclusive to Dodge-badged versions but were on all VGs except the VIP sedan.
Fun fact about the Dodge-branded utes, they had silver-painted bumpers and trim instead of chrome/stainless.

Seems pointless when every other vehicle in the range had chrome, surely that was more expensive to have a small percentage of bumpers and trim have to go through the paint booth instead of the usual process?

Captain Zoll
Captain Zoll
2 years ago
Reply to  HeyCharger

holden did the same paint-the-trim trick with the HQ tin-grilles, though they used white paint for whatever reason, which stands out way more.

Flyingstitch
Flyingstitch
2 years ago

“Earth’s perineum.” Jason, you never disappoint.

Also, did they extract that hat from a map pocket or something and stick it on the first rando they caught wandering through the meadow?

V8 Fairmont Longroof
V8 Fairmont Longroof
2 years ago
Reply to  Flyingstitch

I think he forgets he has readers from said ‘perineum’… ????‍♂️

SquareTaillight2002
SquareTaillight2002
2 years ago

The best things about Australians.
They like beer.
They are both fatalistic and optimistic.
They can take a good joke.

BoiledPeanuts
BoiledPeanuts
2 years ago
Reply to  Flyingstitch

Thanks Jason for broadening my vocabulary. I just googled perineum at the office.

It'll buff out
It'll buff out
2 years ago
Reply to  BoiledPeanuts

I’m afraid I did, too. Who says this site is not educational?

David Smith
David Smith
2 years ago

D.T., please don’t try to “rock the sheep”.

Man With A Reliable Jeep
Man With A Reliable Jeep
2 years ago
Reply to  David Smith

“David Tracy here, and I just found the HOLY GRAIL of sheep! Let’s check it out!”

SquareTaillight2002
SquareTaillight2002
2 years ago

Do Aussies dream of rusty sheep?

V8 Fairmont Longroof
V8 Fairmont Longroof
2 years ago

I think you might be confusing us with our Kiwi (New Zealand) cousins…. Then again, Rugby is an official religion there, so they can’t be all bad!

05LGT
05LGT
2 years ago

Some car maker needs to brand it’s BEV as the Sheep. So most of our phones can dream about it.

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