That headline has you intrigued, right? How is that particular car like a package of toilet paper rolls? It’s a question a child might ask, but not a childish question. It’s an important question, though, because the relevance of this car that hasn’t been in production for well over half a century and these shrink-wrapped packages of ass-wipes are both leveraging a strange pseudomathematical construct that is perhaps even more valid today than it was decades past.
To understand all of this, I suppose first we should be clear what the car is that we’re talking about here. I mean, I’m sure most of you have identified the car from that top image, though it did go by several names. The way it relates to toilet paper has to do with one of those names.
It’s a DKW, and this particular model was built between 1953 and 1959. It was originally known as the Sonderklasse, and also the F91, F93, and F94.
Oh, and it was also known as the 3=6.
It’s this name for the car that I want to focus on, because it’s the key to understanding why this two-stroke German car is related in any way to packages of toilet paper. Well, here’s why:
It has to do with how it’s named. The DKW 3=6 was named because of the belief – perhaps more like a marketing department wish – that it’s two-stroke three-cylinder engine was the equivalent of a six-cylinder, four-stroke engine:
That’s where the mathematical impossibility of 3=6 comes from. And for toilet paper rolls, the current baffling trend seems to be based on the same sort of wishful thinking mathematics: somehow, for nearly every brand of common asswipe textiles, there’s this idea that each roll of the stuff is somehow the equivalent to more rolls of “regular” rolls, whatever that means. So, on the packaging, we’re told that 9=36 or 24=96 or 6=24 or whatever.
I guess if you’re buying prison-grade toilet paper with sheets that are 1.5 atoms thick, then, okay, I guess I can see that, but since every major toilet paper maker seems to only sell “mega” rolls, the point kind of becomes moot, and we’re all stuck taking an extra moment to try and figure out just how many rolls are in a package since even if it says 36 on the wrapper, it’s actually a lot fewer inside.
Let’s get back to the car, though: is the claim even remotely true? Are three two-stroke cylinders the equal of six four-stroke ones? I mean, sorta, on paper, but in the real world? Less so.
Yes, a two-stroke engine has a power stroke every revolution of the crankshaft, as opposed to every other revolution like a four-stroke engine. So, purely in terms of power strokes to engine revolutions, yes, a three-banger two-stroke has as many as a four-stroke six. That’s true! And, for a given displacement, a two-stroke engine generally does create more power, no question.
But, when you’re advertising that your three-cylinder car is the equivalent to a six-cylinder car, some pretty significant liberties are taken. The DKW 3=6 had a 900cc engine that made 38 to 40 horsepower. Decent numbers for a 900cc engine of the era, but is it equivalent to a six-cylinder engine? Maybe it’d be better if there were 900cc sixes for sale, but there really weren’t. Displacement is still a thing, and even finding an inline six of, say, 2.5 liters is uncommon (commenters have reminded me this isn’t really true. Fine. Let’s say 1.5 liters?) DKW saying a 3=6 is comparing apples to some hypothetical orange the size of a grape.
Two-strokes also tend to lose more energy to heat, and, while using very few parts and being pretty nifty engines in a lot of ways, also pollute a hell of a lot more, are noisier, and, let’s just be honest here, a three-cylinder 2-stroke just wasn’t being cross-shopped with six-cylinder cars.
They’re still cool, though! Here, watch a period promo film just so you can get indoctrinated, too!
Really, I’m a lot more forgiving of the 3=6 exaggeration than I am of all these stupid toilet paper packs claiming to have like quadruple the number of rolls I can damn well see they have.
Also, in this age of AI and misinformation, I’d rather just keep false number equivalencies to a minimum. Sure, 6=24 or whatever is just about toilet paper, but how far away is it from 2+2=5 and counting the number of lights and all that mess?
Top graphic images: DKW; Cottonelle
Shouldn’t this be Morning Dump material?
Nothing wrong with an afternoon dump!
We had a dkw guru around here until covid hit. He had a mini scale auto union v16 racer powered by a mid mounted dkw engine. Without taking off my shoes I can’t do the math on the theoretical cylinder count to speed to number of seats ratio. It was likely fractional though.
The bigger question is why do we need so much toilet paper? Just get a bidet and quit pretending you can get your ass clean with tissue paper. Also, I for one will never buy a car that tries to convince me that 3=6.
A bidet is a sign of a civilized human being. My toilet paper use is miniscule.
Ever use a public restroom only to find there was nothing to wipe with? In the US, those don’t have bidets. Toilet paper is better than not cleaning up down there.
Oh yeah, of course it’s better than nothing, but if a bidet is an option, it’s better than paper.
How is a raven like a writing desk?
I dunno, but I’d be willing to hear the answer if you give me a caw.
Yes, that is all very nice, but did it use VW headlights?
Oh, I’ve dug into this: https://www.jalopnik.com/this-might-br-the-first-car-to-have-the-iconic-vw-beetl-1846392097/
Great! Thanks 🙂
My late father, who was born in Germany, told me that people used to say that DKW stood for Deutscher Kinder Wagen.
Somewhere in a back room at Kimberly-Clark and/or Scott is The Last Regular Roll.
It was made sometime in the ’90s, guarded by the actor who used to play Mr. Whipple (except briefly at the height of covid when they shelled out for actual armed security) and is kept as The Standard By Which All Others Are Judged.
I thought that was kept in a laboratory in France and the one we have in the US is just a duplicate?
At this point it might be Mr. Whipple’s brain in a jar.
“And let me tell you, when I retired they had to hire FOUR bears to replace me!
The “two strokes = twice the power” assertion is indeed silly, sort of like saying an old 78 rpm record might be more than twice as loud as the now-standard 33-1/3.
I have to imagine the toilet roll sheet-count arms race has angered a lot of people with older homes that feature built-in holders too small to contain these overstuffed cylinders. Few things are as frustrating as having ripped open a 12-pack of bum paper only to realize they won’t fit and you can’t take it all back.
Wow – I didn’t expect to see all of this engineering stuff. I just figured you were going to tell us the car was really charmin’.
3=96 is the new thing, Charmin’s Forever Roll. https://www.target.com/p/charmin-ultra-soft-bath-tissue-septic-safe-toilet-paper-forever-roll-refill-1700-sheet/-/A-94661645
Math checks out. I’ll allow it.
They’re using Treasury Secretary math!
I’m just here to take a dump. I don’t want to do math.
They are when adding an aftermarket electric tachometer and all that matters is keeping track of how frequently the ignition coil discharges:
https://images-stag.jazelc.com/uploads/theautopian-m2en/SAAB_Dash-2048×1536.jpg
Really stupid naming and marketing. They should have called it something flowery/female, like Borgward did with the Isabella around the same years and same country.
But what can you expect from Audi?… 😉 –which kinda still does it, with their spupid numbers, 35 and such. It’s like with the motor oil W numbers, I have to get/read the explanation each time, but it doesn’t stick with me.
34hp and 120km/h is much like the VW (also same years and same country), which could reach those numbers with 4 cylinders and 1200cc, so the math is more 3=4, if you HAVE to use DKW “logic”.
They are really cheap, if you want one, as the old farts who used to like them are getting too old to drive. In a way the design is a mini version of the big BMWs of the time 🙂
To be fair, there is a persistent rumor that the Isabella got its name by accident. It is said that when asked how to label the test vehicles of the new Hansa 1500, Carl F. W. Borgward answered: “I don’t care, you might as well put Isabella on them”. That may or may not be what happened, but would fit the old man’s character.
Borgward was run somewhat amateurish, so like so many English brands, with high thoughts about themselves and not the greatest eye to the actual market, they had to go extinct.
Sad but oh so true. The same can be said about Glas. The result in both cases was the rise of BMW, who gobbled up Glas’s factory and Borgward’s customers.
The Goggomobil 200 was not only the first Glas car but the last to bear the name; because of grandfathered licensing laws many owners faced considerable friction to upgrade so there was still a market but BMW probably didn’t want to put their name on it.
Führerscheinangst (fear of taking a driving test – hence being limited to vehicles with a displacement of less than 250 cubic centimeters under the old laws) must be one of the most German words ever.
I mean, they were manufacturing Isettas at the time. They may not have wanted the world to know they were building two, or three actually counting the 600, microcars.
BMW bought out Glas more than 5 years after they stopped making the 600 and Isetta, using money the Neue Klasse had earned them to get the added capacity they needed because of the Neue Klasse.
That’s right. ‘65 or ‘66? They really wanted the timing belt-overhead cam tech, but the factory was the more lasting acquisition
The version I heard was that the project development code was Isabella and the name stuck even though the launch brochure called it Hansa 1500 Mark II.
The other rumor is that the development money earmarked for the 4 door model went to the coupe because Mrs. Borgward wanted a Karmann-Ghia and Karl didn’t want her to be seen driving a competitor’s product but had to keep her happy… even if it meant losing the taxi market (at least outside of Bremen which allowed 2-door sedan taxis for that reason) and pissing off a likely good number of his export distributors.
To call Carl F. W. Borgward’s leadership style idiosyncratic would be an understatement. Offering two kinds of Isabella convertibles (one based on the sedan, one on the coupé, both built by Deutsch) would have been mad enough for a company five times the size of Borgward. Both were incredibly beautiful, though.
As per my father (who was a DKW man before migrating to Opels), the 3=6 wasn’t meant to imply that it was the equivalent of a six-cylinder, just that it ran as smoothly as a six. Which, I have been told (by the aforementioned father), was true. It was all about Laufkultur.
DKW slogan: 3=6 because that’s the way we roll.
There is no more “regular”, there is only MEGA (enshitification).
it’s just a new version of the Cola Wars. Just stupider.
I was painting a larger picture then just butt tissue. Modern life is now mega shitty for 99% of the population who don’t have 9 figure net worth.
While companies spend bank telling us everything is better.
I’m going to get a fleet of these. I will have my own 3=6 Mafia.
This combination in the ad was pretty funny.
immediately followed by
Parking at the top of the steps must be at a premium.
“Your office is on the 35th floor. Who has time to wait for the elevator?”
“even finding an inline six of, say, 2.5 liters is uncommon”…I can walk out to my garage and find an inline 6 with 2.5 liters on my TR6!
I was gonna say, in that era that was the standard size of an inline-6. Hell, even into the early 2000s the 325i was one of the more common inline-6-powered models and displaced 2.5L.
Common in the US – but in the old countries most BMW sixes were 2.0L’s.
Smaller displacement inline sixes were not particularly unusual back in the day. 1.5L-1.6L, 1.8L, and 2.0L were pretty common. The Triumph six was sold many times more in 1.6L form in the Vitesse and 2.0L form in the aptly named 2000 (and Standard Vanguard) than the big hairy-chested 2.5L version in the TR-5/6 and the hottest version of the 2000.
Why do I feel like I just read 4 Cold Starts in one day?
1=4
Wait…4x the content for the same low monthly membership?! It’s too good to be true!
DKW’s Tinder: Trust me… it’ll get you pregnant just as much as a 10-incher.
Is the Charmin MegaRoll (that requires a special dispenser) equivalent to, I dunno, a school bus?
ugh. give it another year and it’ll be 1 SUPER MegaRoll = 3 MegaRolls
They will still all be too narrow for dispensers or use.
The company will say it hasn’t changed.
I don’t know if the advent of the MEGA-ROLL means that we shit more now or just that we’re too lazy to change a roll. Either way it isn’t great.
1 Charmin MegaRoll = 0.05 football fields, or 84 Tacos Bell Grande*
*After which you’ll need approximately 0.35 football fields.
It’s like English currency pre- “Decimal Day“.
Can’t link it for you but the Tor’s Cabinet of Curiosities on pre-decimal currency is a good deep dive.
I don’t know if I’d go that far—35+ years of BMW 2.5-liter sixes would like a word. Contemporaneous to the DKW, the entry-level six-cylinder Mercedes displaced 2.2 liters; the basic single carb 220a put out 84 HP, while the uprated 220 S put out 99 (single carb) or 105 (dual carb).
I can count the number of similarities on my 12 fingers.