I Have A Tesla That Would Make A Better Cybercab Than The Cybercab

If you saw someone using a hammer to drive in screws, would it be rude to tell them that they’re using the wrong tool? Especially if you caught a glimpse of a nice, shiny screwdriver in their toolbox. You know their lives could be so much easier if they employed a better-suited implement they had at hand anyway.

I kind of feel the same way with Tesla. They are in the process of launching a purpose-built autonomous cab which seems a bit unsuited for that very purpose. At the same time, they have a slow-selling product that might make an ideal taxi. In fact, it might make a better taxi than the private vehicle it was designed to be. I’ll show you what I mean.

You Lookin’ At Me?

Many media outlets have given Tesla a lot of flak for their new Cybercab, the autonomous vehicle developed for driverless car service.

It’s a sort of cool-looking car, so much so that I suggested changing some of the proportions and details to turn it into a kind of Mustang-style Tesla 2+2 sport coupe. Here’s an animation of how I changed it:

The thing looks perfectly suited for this sport coupe task; far more so than it looks ready for cab duty. Tesla might have data to back up why they did it, but most observers are curious as to why such a vehicle only has two doors and no back seat, which really limits the usefulness of such a taxi. No, conventional wisdom is that a cab needs to at least have two rows to hold a minimum of five people. It also needs an immense weather-protected cargo area. The styling should be, well, nothing. It could be the ugliest car in the world, and if it still functioned well, nobody would care. In fact, if “ugly” made the thing distinctive, you’d know what you’re looking for when calling for one instead of with an Uber where you’re saying, “Is that a grey Mitsubishi or a Honda?”

We know this is true because of a product that debuted nearly seventy years ago and stayed in production virtually unchanged for 22 years. No, I’m not talking about the last Panther Ford Crown Vics, though they sort of prove the point as well. I’m referring to the car launched by the small Checker Motor Company in 1960 that most call the Marathon.

In reality, the “A9 Taxi” was the ubiquitous cab, while the Marathon (and similar Superba) was aimed at consumers (a market that turned out to be only a very, very small percentage of their sales). Regardless, that’s the name that stuck with the vehicle that makes up about half of the cars in any photo taken in New York City from the sixties, seventies, and early eighties.

The aesthetic was a sort of heavy-handed pastiche of late-fifties styling cues, and Checker didn’t change this flat-sided and almost Soviet-looking car significantly for the life of production. Fleet buyers loved this since repair parts were essentially all the same regardless of year, and the Checker’s simple design and durability were a huge selling point. Interior space far exceeded any typical full-sized similar-year American car. There was so much space in back that there was room in the rear footwells for a pair of “jump” seats to carry two more passengers.

Some time ago, I even looked at doing a more modern version of the Marathon to have been introduced when the original went away in 1982:

If that’s the template for a good cab, then the Cybercab we’ve seen so far seems entirely unfit for the job before you even consider its seeming inability to cope with bombed-out city streets on its low-profile tires. I did a concept for a Tesla taxi a while back that tried to capture the Checker ethos with a slab-sided style:

But there is one slab-sided four-door vehicle that Tesla already sells which can handle rough city terrain that might do the job of a cab as-is. Oh, and by “sells” I unfortunately mean that in an almost figurative way.

Too Big To Repurpose As Doorstops So Here You Go

It’s no secret that the Cybertruck has been a sales disappointment since its launch. Only 38,965 were sold in 2024, a number that dropped by 48 percent to 20,237 in 2025. Also, it’s been reported that a large chunk of those sales was to Elon Musk’s other businesses like SpaceX and the Boring Company. Sales for 2026 are on track for another decline.

Still, I’m not here to pile on with Tesla’s woes. The fact is, the Cybertruck in its current form might actually make for an ideal people mover, sharing many of the same qualities as the Checker. A never-changing and never-updated year-over-year sort of non-styling exterior? Check. Flat, featureless side panels? Absolutely, and they’re stainless steel, so they won’t rust, and you could possibly crudely bang them back into shape and not worry about paint. It’s a taxi – who cares?

The ability to crisscross Manhattan’s snow-covered potholed streets for years without falling apart? Well, it’s supposed to be an off-road vehicle, so it should do the job. Room for six? With some tweaks to the seats (and removing the steering wheel), that could happen. Also, if you want a big “trunk” for visitors at JFK with an insane amount of luggage, the Cybertruck has you covered.

You can see there’s a big video advertising screen on the front, which can also be used to let you know your cab is arriving:

Ah, but there’s a criticism that’s been leveled at the Cybercab recently due to some imagery inadvertently showing the issues of its usefulness as a cab for those with physical limitations. Our Jason Torchinsky commented on this in an earlier post.  I’ve seen a video showing a person getting themselves out of a wheelchair and talking about the virtues of the “butterfly” doors, but what about those who lack the upper-body ability to move themselves?

Honestly, many taxis are lacking when it comes to accommodating passengers in wheelchairs, but here again the Cybertruck-based Cybercab might have this covered. A TikTok video that came up on my search gave me an idea.

The video shows a woman with her wheelchair in the actual bed of the Cybertruck, which had me wondering if we couldn’t build some kind of enclosure over the bed to allow a wheelchair to fit in an upright position. We could remove the tailgate and install a lift where the tailgate was and include deployable lockdowns for the chair’s wheels.

I’ll include smoked-out side windows and call it the Cybertaxi XL, but considering what it looks like, I know it will get nicknamed the “Popemobile cab.” I’d consider removing the glass over the rear seat and back window so you could still converse with anyone sitting in the Popemobile cab (which would get a supplemental air conditioning and heat system).

Now, another advantage of the Popemobile cab is that Cybertruck taxis so equipped would have value outside of helping those with mobility challenges. You want to go to IKEA in Brooklyn and get some furniture back to Chelsea? Oh, and you don’t have a car, or just a Fiat 500? Use the app to call for an XL version. The rear glass doors open hydraulically, and that wheelchair lift can raise any furniture you need to drag home.

Yes, the Cybertruck is a rather large vehicle, but no more so than a Suburban, Expedition, or even a 1976 Ford LTD Country Squire like Sarah Jessica Parker famously owns and occasionally drives around Manhattan.

Sure, it looks kind of insane, but it does make sense. Also, don’t forget, I’m suggesting that only a small percentage of the Cybertruck taxis prowling though the five boroughs would have the Popemobile cab. The rest would be just essentially stock CTs with the driver controls removed.

Again, you know how many taxis used to be decommissioned cop cars? When SpaceX or The Boring Company is done with whatever they’re using their Cybertrucks for, they could take on cab duty instead of languishing on some auction lot.

Can The App Have Louie De Palma’s Voice?

If I need to summon a ride to get my family of four to LGA from the Bronx, I don’t want to have to call for two Cybercabs and pray that neither one bottoms out on some impassable Manhattan obstacle. No, The Cybertruck isn’t perfect, to say the least, but it seems like just the ticket for the harsh, unforgiving environment of the Greatest City on Earth.

All these silver pyramids cruising about would make Times Square appear to be the set for Escape From New York II or something. After years of looking out of place as a pickup truck doing pickup truck things, the Cybertruck might finally find its true calling in the world, crashing over curbs and sustaining hits from bottles thrown at its stainless steel skin on the streets of the Big Apple. To paraphrase Frank, it can make it there, even if it can’t necessarily make it anywhere else.

Top graphic base image: DepositPhotos.com