“We’re in!” my significant other just emailed me about Santa Monica’s “One Car Challenge” — something that I had probably — while focused on editing articles — unthinkingly nodded my head to a few weeks ago when she asked whether we should partake. I glance down to the body of the email and immediately grab a paper bag to calm my breathing; what the hell have I just done?!
The One Car Challenge is a car-hoarder’s nightmare, really. Just look at this:
Check out the details. From the city of Santa Monica:
What is the “One Car Challenge?”
The “One Car Challenge” is a groundbreaking pilot program set to kick off in November, to incentivize 200 Santa Monica residents to rely on only one car per household. This initiative is a part of Santa Monica’s ongoing efforts to reduce traffic congestion, promote eco-friendly transportation alternatives, and contribute to a more sustainable future.
If you qualify for the “One Car Challenge,” you’ll receive a weekly stipend for your commitment to using just one car during the challenge period.
Oh my god this is my nightmare.
How the heck is this man going to drive a single car for five weeks?:
Admittedly, I sold quite a few of the machines you see in the video above, but I have bought three since moving to California in January, so now I have these:
- 1958 Nash Metropolitan (non-operable)
- 1966 Ford Mustang
- 1979 Jeep Cherokee Golden Eagle (also non-operable)
- 1985 Jeep J10
- 1991 Jeep Wrangler
- 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee 5spd (other than acting as a cat nursery, non-functional)
- 2011 Nissan Leaf (operable for like 20 miles at a time)
- 2014 BMW i3
To be sure, three of those cars aren’t functional, but still! I have five awesome machines that I love to drive, and now I’m being limited to just one!?
Wait, not only am I being limited to just one, but BOTH my SO and I have to share a single car…Wait, which car? Did she already choose one?! Is it… oh god she didn’t…
Please car-gods, spare me from the pain of having to drive a Lexus RX350 for five weeks. It’s a fine car that she loves, sure, but as an enthusiast, it makes me die a little inside, and by week five, it’s possible that my wrenching superpowers will have withered away just like Hercules’ almost did when Hades gave him that potion as a baby. (Wait, didn’t he end up losing his superpowers over a girl?).
[Editor’s Note: David is specifically refering to Disney’s Hercules, the animated one, not necessarily any of the actual ancient Greek and Roman myths about Heracles/Hercules – JT]
Man I wish I hadn’t signed up fo — wait, a second. Hold on a minute! I just read this:
The program offers payments of up to $119.80 per week, totaling $599 per household over the course of five weeks. Imagine what you could do with that extra cash in your pocket!
Six Hundred SMACKEROONIES! I can buy another car with this! Bring on the boring luxury crossover. Let’s goooooo!