I’ve always been kind of fascinated by people who turn their cars into rolling platforms to proclaim one specific pet belief of theirs. It’s such an all-encompassing commitment; wherever you go, you’re broadcasting this one belief of yours, and cars are such extensions of our own self-image and personalities, it’s easy for everyone to assume that whatever it is your car is shouting about must be the biggest thing in your life. At least, that’s the impression I get when I see cars like these. And I’m definitely getting the impression that whoever drives the car in that picture up there won’t ever shut up about how important they think speed limits are.
I remember when I was a kid in the ’80s seeing this black Ford Escort GT absolutely slathered with stickers and a custom license plate, all of them crusading against the idea of anal intercourse. I wrote about that years ago at the Old Site, even. This car is giving me very similar vibes, a related sort of wild-eyed single-mindedness to a cause, only this time it’s the much more socially acceptable subject of speeding, even though, as the stickers tell me, one mile per hour over the limit.
Where does one even get so many bumper stickers that crusade against speeding? Are they custom made? Or is this a sub-genre of automotive scold culture I haven’t been so aware of, one large enough to support an ecosystem of bumper sticker options? Maybe? Anyway, I saw this first in this tweet, so, here, you may as well see for yourself:
I wonder how this person feels about speed limits. pic.twitter.com/0nVztc8Cu3
— CEO of Antifa (@CrazyWeeMonkey) May 8, 2025
I have so many questions. How did this person get like this? I mean, there absolutely could be a tragic backstory, where someone they love could have been hurt or killed by a speeding driver, and if that’s the case, then I suppose I’ll feel terrible. Because on some level, they’re not wrong; there is a reason we have speed limits, and, generally, we should probably abide by them.
That said, calling out one mile over? That’s ridiculous. Most speedometers aren’t even really accurate to a single mile anyway. Within five or so is fine. And there absolutely are times when someone going slower than the overall flow of traffic can cause plenty of dangerous situations; speed isn’t always the bad guy, here. Like anything on Earth, you can’t really expect everything to be so clear-cut.
And isn’t having a car covered in smallish text something of a hazard unto itself? This level of bumperstickery begs people to read it, and if they’re reading it, they’re getting close and not paying as much attention to the road, all of which feels a lot more dangerous than going, say, 41 in a 35 or something.
Also, let’s talk about the choice of car, a Chevy Bolt EUV. Most EVs are inherently pretty quick, and the Bolt is no exception. It’ll go from parked to 60 mph in 6.8 seconds, and its top speed is electronically limited to 93 mph, enough to get nailed for speeding anywhere in America. Why isn’t this person driving something with a lot less power? That Bolt makes about 200 hp; my daily driver makes 52 hp, and there’s plenty of places I simply can’t speed, though it sure is fun to try.
Do they use cruise control all the time, just to be certain? Like, are they setting the cruise at 35, then resetting it to 25 the second they see the school zone signs, then back to 35 and up to 45 or whatever, in a constant flow of setting and resetting? Or do they just have an incredibly well-trained foot and an eagle eye on that speedo?
Then there’s all of the non-driving related associations this display evokes. Does anyone think whoever drives this car is someone they want to spend any time with? And I don’t just mean you asked them to drive you to the airport and you’re running a little late sort of time – I mean, does anyone get the impression that this person might be a tad unbearable to be around?
That could be wildly unfair of me, but I’m thinking it, and I swore a solemn oath on a freshly-made corned beef reuben to share my thoughts with all of you. And I want to know what you think – does this besticker’d car make any of you sort of uncomfortable, too? Is it just me?
Let’s discuss.
I honestly don’t care if they drive the speed limit as long as they keep to the right.
There needs to be a bumper sticker limit.
There needs to be a bumper sticker *ban*. Though to be fair, as someone else pointed out, an excessive number of them gives you fair warning to stay the hell away from that car, because a crazy person is almost certainly in it.
Though Torche’s Noindabutt dude has to take the cake. I missed that one on the old site.
> Noindabutt dude has to take the cake
He doesn’t! In fact he strictly forbids taking the cake.
Me thinks he doth protest too much. I bet that dude actually has helium-filled heels…
“There needs to be a bumper sticker *ban*.”
I would get a bumper sticker stating my opposition to that ban!
LOL
I’ve always had plenty of bumper stickers on my cars (especially on my track car), although mine are usually funny (to me) to borderline offensive (for others), and none have anything to do with driving.
Years ago I did have a driving-related one that said “don’t be a left lane tampon, let traffic flooow!!” which I thought was funny, and, as usual, others found it offensive. When I sold the car I offered to take it off, but the buyer liked it and kept it 🙂
the limit is effectively how much space is on the car that isn’t used to see out of. that’s how they evolved into full vinyl wraps.
at a certain point, any message they want to convey will be lost, and it will just be clear that whoever owns it should probably take their meds
Still say if it’s called a bumper sticker, that’s only place you should put them.
I can’t argue with physics that a crash at higher speed is a higher chance of injury, but judging by the fact that cars continue to exist, there is an acceptable trade off of safety and convinence that we accept as a society, I also do not trust speed limits to be an unerroring source of this, and to believe that to this extent I feel is weird.
A bit of a fun aside, I can confirm from personal experience the top speed of a Bolt is 92/93 mph, which I did not break any posted speed limits to achieve.
There are no posted speed limits if you remove all the signs the night before.
I like the way you think
Nobody dies from speed, they die from suddenly stopping
Tell me more about the Ruben. I’m a bit peckish…
This driver definitely works in Quality Assurance.
When someone has that many stickers on their car, the actual words are superfluous. The stickers themselves tell the world that they’re a crazy person. The words just tell you what flavor of crazy.
Yeah, pretty much, sticker quantity is a good barometer of crazy
Guarantee this bolt exclusively charges at 350kw chargers.
lol fuckin nerd
Until he was 30 he thought that the actual way you wash your hair was for someone else to stick your head in the toilet and flush.
Jason, allow me to introduce you to Nextdoor, aka Twitter for Karens. You’ll understand exactly where this car fits in the human taxonomy.
It would be a bolt euv from the west coast. It used to be the insight guys because they would run right at the speed limit or 5 under in the right lane hypermiling and almost get run over by truckers.
I’m not a “fast” driver, but there’s a reason why the law in Maryland requires cars to be able to exceed the posted speed limit by 10 MPH to be legally driven on a highway. Speed limits are set arbitrarily in most cases and sometimes a bit over is safer than sticking to the limit. When traffic is light, I hang out around the speed limit, sometimes 5 under, sometimes 5 over. Mostly I just go with the flow of traffic and try to drive safely, using the left lane for passing. This guy just needs to pull the stick out of his butt and focus on his own driving.
Reminds me of a car that was parked in my apartment’s parking lot one morning, a large black car with VAGINA written on the side, in three-foot-high pink letters. I saw it twice actually, that vagina car. I think I have a photo of it, maybe I’ll post it in the Discord..
Vagina is for lovers.
Would enjoy seeing that one.
Once again we agree.
This guy’s obsession with turn signals also puts him solidly in one of the darker sects of tail light worshippers.
And yet he chooses a vehicle with the worst kind of modern turn signal, red lens and low in the bumper.
Religion never made much sense to me, either.
Mom found a way to nag their teen about speed without actually being in the car. The only thing missing is a sticker that reads “HEY OFFICER! OVER HERE! TEEN DRIVER!”
You know they are one of those weird nerds that acts holier than thou and says things like:
“99.9999999% of travel is 40 miles or less, no one needs the extra range!”
“Why do people want 400 mile range EVs? MY bladder can’t handle that distance!”
“Why don’t people stop to PEEEEEEE!????”
They measure their car battery’s range in poronkusema.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/poronkusema
“What’s so bad about having to stop for 45 minutes at a time when you’re on a road trip? Grab some food, stretch your legs, hit the restroom!”
Because on the annual trip to Mee Maw and Paw Paw’s for Thanksgiving where people take off after getting home from work on the Wednesday before, the busiest travel day of the year, they want to get there ASAP.
And because it’s so busy, gas stations, airports, and charging stops will also be busy so that 45 minute charging stop is more like 90 minutes when you add in the time waiting in line to charge.
Also, I don’t think the weird nerds have ever heard of a rest area. They have rest rooms there.
So this is like the opposite of Crash, huh?
When driving during foreign travel, I make strict plans for zero interactions with police, so the rental Audi A5 I picked up in Denmark is my all-time favorite. Instead of cruise control it had a reasonably intuitive speed limiter that would keep you from exceeding the set speed no matter how little attention you paid or how you mashed the throttle. 120 kph in Denmark, 130 in Germany, 110 in Sweden, no problem.
I’ve always been more relaxed at home, but maybe, with Salvadoran prison apparently on the table, I should see about adding that feature to my daily…
Just use Tesla semi’s to drive on the road at speed limit. If you aren’t driving the limit it just put maneuvers you. If you are speeding it blocks you.
The Bolt is a bit of a surprise. Usually when a car is crating a rolling roadblock driving exactly the speed limit it’s a Corvette.
On my side of the continent – it’s a small Honda SUV
(I cannot remember the randomized letter nomenclature now)
Or a Subaru Outback or Forrester
Or a Lexus ES
God help us if it’s that light gold color. Cause we aren’t getting anywhere on time.
Guaranteed this is because he gets mad at people who get mad at him for camping in the left lane.
Which, I’ll add before I get any particularly sassy comments is STATE LAW in Washington. You are to keep right, except to pass.
As well as PA
And lots of other states. Which would have included FL, but our asshat Governor Puddin’ Fingers vetoed that bill last year.
There’s a certain schadenfreude in watching Meatball Ron’s career implode that’s tempered by the rest of the supermajority in the state legislature somehow being even worse.
At leas they aren’t licking his ass anymore, so there is that.
Slightly off topic: when I sent for my birth certificate from Florida they sent me one with a misspelled word. They misspelled (drumroll…..) Florida. I’m apparently from “Floridu“. Maybe I can get deported to there.
They definitely misspelled that…
They forgot the “h” at the end.
Same with Oregon. It’s not the fast lane, it’s the passing lane. I try to adhere to that rule, though it’s tough sometimes, when there’s an endless line of RVs in the right lane, perhaps heading up a mountain pass.
Hopefully, this guy will pass soon.
There’s absolutely some selective interpretation of laws where they love scolding people about exceeding speed limits, but refuse to acknowledge “KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS” as enshrined anywhere.
Plenty of drivers down in Victoria are like this, because of their extreme number of hidden speed cameras and basically no leeway if you are even 2km/h over the limit. Overtaking seems to only happen on freeways at excruciatingly slow pace.
Once they get north of the border into NSW they all seem to rediscover the right pedal, since our fixed and mobile speed cameras must be clearly marked.
There is a similar situation between the states of Michigan and Ohio here in the US. Ohio has far mor draconian speed enforcement via mainly the state police. No cameras, but they will track you from the air. Michigan, on the other hand, is pretty much the opposite. I maintain that there should be an automated waving green flag at the border on every highway crossing into Michigan. People IMMEDIATELY drop the hammer.
Much like hitting the “derestricted zone” signs on the Autobahn. Like the scenes in Star Wars where a line of spaceships leap to hyperspace once they hit a certain point. There is a road leaving Berlin where the speed limit goes from 50km/hr to infinity – it was *impressive*.
California and Oregon has a similar situation. California is just keep it under Mach 1. Oregon is don’t go a mph over the speed limit.
My daughter got a photo radar ticket in Oregon for 31 in a 25 on a wide three lane one way street.
I had the cruise control set at 85 in California one time, saw CHP in the rear view mirror, moved over one lane and they cruised on by.
That sounds stressful, who among us hasn’t slightly pressed the gas pedal and found out they were speeding unintentionally.
Absolutely, when I drive to Melbourne I usually take one of our cars that had cruise control for that reason.
On the outskirts of Melbourne there’s something like 5 speed cameras in less than 2 miles, cheeky buggers
This reminds me of what Jeremy Clarkson said about average speed cameras. Something along the lines of “how could it be safer if you have to constantly stare at the speedometer instead of watching the road?”
An old VW Bus seems like a much more appropriate vehicle for this person.
Also, do they drive the speed limit no matter what? Like, during an ice storm they’re still cruising at 55 because “speed limit?”
They probably drive the speed limit none of the time. 55 means 52 when they are paying attention, but 48 uphill and they start braking at 51 downhill to avoid going to fast.
This might be an unfair judgement, but I am going to assume this person is absolutely tedious in conversation
Constantly googling or Wikipedia “fact checking” with umm… Actually….
Reminds me of this gem from Torch’s days at the old lighting site: https://www.jalopnik.com/1845467/west-coast-port-shipping-declining-tariffs/
Was Torch cosplaying as Brownell?
Shit that’s the wrong link. Here’s the right one: https://www.jalopnik.com/here-it-is-the-worst-homemade-bumper-sticker-ever-1832022492/
Much better 😉
Also, how did you find that? Those clowns don’t even have a search function any longer. I remember that post but apparently my DuckDuckGo-fu is lacking.
I had it bookmarked in my browser with a bunch of other stuff I like to revisit every so often.
I’m totally cool with this as long as the owner stays the hell out of the left lane. Left lane is for crime!
You know they don’t
I’m going to also guess that they don’t use on-ramps to build speed, and expect to cut into 65mph traffic going 30
This is my personal hell living in SoCal. The freeway traffic in the right lane is doing around 70, and if I can’t get up to speed because some dingus wants to slow roll the on-ramp it impacts me (almost literally) way more than them since I’m the last car in the slow motion conga line of frustration.
Whew! Run on sentence.
Not a chance. He 100% clogs up the left lane like a particularly stubborn turd that just won’t flush and congratulates himself for all the lives he’s saving the entire time.
If you open the source image, there’s another sticker that says “If I’m doing the speed limit, why do I have to move over and let you break the law?” so your intuition is correct.
And this is why God gave us a middle finger. Praise God.
On the 6th day, god created cutting off left lane campers. On the 7th day he rested.
People should start slow rolling this guy when he’s in the left lane. I mean pass him on the right, get in front, and then slowly start decreasing the speed while he’s behind you.