Our very own Jason Torchinsky has done something very nice for a somewhat deep ditch. He gave that ditch a truck, and I hear that ditches love trucks! Look, our taillight man feels bad that he lodged a 1989 Ford F-150 into a ditch, but truth be told, I haven’t met an owner with an old beater of a truck who hasn’t gotten up close and personal with a ditch. Though, usually, I’m used to seeing the old truck make it through to the other side.
This was from today’s Cold Start and there’s so much to address here, including that bizarre canoe email. We really do get a lot of bizarre emails like that here. It’s one thing when someone sends you a nastygram, but it’s another when the person gets really specific about it. Though, for context, the sender is talking about this canoe:
I wished I saved the email, but back at the old site someone sent me a 1,000-word screed about how my vehicle collection proves that I’m hood rich. I’ve been thinking about that email a lot over the past two years and only today decided to look up what that person was on about. According to the irrefutable authorities of the Urban Dictionary, someone who is “hood rich” either lives a pretend luxury lifestyle or gets their money from illegal activity.
Look, as far as I’m aware, the Autopian is probably not illegal in most places. Also, have you seen my cars?
Jason didn’t just spend his day bangin’ ditches, but he also doomed us all by releasing some scary creatures, from COTD winner flyingstitch:
Driving your truck into the ditch was the least of your problems. That flame was guarding the portal to the Upside Down. Now we have demogorgons. Nice job, Jason.
That spawned this thread:
Given the canoe email and, well, everything else, are demogorgons really worse than the humans we already have wandering around?
Give them a week, and the demogorgons will realize the best way to torment us is by joining HOAs and any organization that has “Concerned Moms” in the name.
If you don’t understand the reference, I don’t blame you. It’s from Stranger Things:
Today’s Cold Start had a lot of comments that made me laugh today, so I’m going to give some honorable mentions!
Why yes officer, I use this truck to farm stories for my website. I believe these plates are valid.
It’s not really a farm-use truck until the Farm Use license plate gets a little wrinkled up. You’re official now.
Harris K Telemacher
A guy with the nickname “Torch” is putting out fires? I feel like there is a joke in there somewhere… Insert Archer gif “Damn, I had something for this!”
You fellas and fellettes are just too good. Thank you for making us laugh on this Monday! I hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Over the weekend, I learned that a Mercedes-Benz E320 can be a hateful block of German steel, but that you’ll have to wait to read about.
The comments section on that post was full of gold. I assumed COTD would come from somewhere in there.
Torch gave us so much material to work with. A truck stuck in a ditch, a forest fire, and an inappropriately personal attack over the condition of his canoe? I don’t think anyone even got to making jokes about the lizard.
When fellas interact fellettes using flechettes is it called fellatio?
Is a fellette related to a flechette? Or just armed with them?
As a fella I’d highly encourage arming the fellettes in any format. Give girls swords and whatnot.