LIVE: David Sold A Nice Lady A Jeep And It Immediately Blew Up (She’s Fine, Jeep Isn’t)

I’m writing this blog right now–our very first LIVEBLOG–because my co-founder in this venture, David Tracy, who really should be on here helping to run this thing, just sold a Jeep Cherokee to a nice lady who came from out of town to get it, and now we find that the Jeep is billowing steam on the side of the road, stranding the nice lady and her regrettable purchase there.

This is a genuine shitshow, so we may as well get some clicks out of it at least, right? Also, we have a Full Disclosure policy here at The Autopian, so when we ourselves do stupid, unfortunate things or get weird rashes you can be sure that you’ll have a front row seat so you can really feel our pain and humiliation.

Very, very shortly after this picture was taken of David’s Jeep pulling out of the driveway, we know something caused the XJ to overheat, and the power steering–maybe the belt, maybe the pump itself–failed.

David has officially informed me he feels terrible this happened, and confirms that it’s both a buyer’s and seller’s worst fucking nightmare. David has also informed me that this is the same woman who sold him that perfect Land Cruiser that made it all the way to Seattle and back, and this is how David repays her.

Damn.

UPDATE 2:32 PM: I can now confirm that David has told me that this was his “nicest” Jeep Cherokee, and he was conflicted about selling it. Just let that sink in a bit.

This is another picture of the Nice Lady before the breakdown. Sources close to David have told The Autopian that she was once the owner of this same Jeep, prior to David owning it. The Autopian’s crack team of news analysts have asserted with a 78.4% degree of confidence that the Nice Lady likely does not look nearly this happy at the current time, at her current location.

UPDATE 2:35 PM: David seems to be attempting to remedy the situation, but reports on the ground are scarce.

UPDATE 2:37 PM: Motorists in the Troy, Michigan area have reported seeing a crazed figure trailing a cloud of iron oxide dust behind him darting among highway traffic, emitting a haunting wail of pain and regret. We have not been able to confirm these sightings.

UPDATE 2:40 PM: A search of recent correspondence with David via The Autopian’s internal comm system has found printouts of missives from David that state that the woman who purchased the Jeep is “wonderful” and “does not deserve this.”

UPDATE 2:42 PM: Autopian researchers digging into David Tracy’s financial records have unearthed possible evidence that the money paid for the Jeep may already have been spent on some other shitbox. We are unable to confirm these reports as of press time.

UPDATE 2:44 PM: COMMUNICATIONS WITH DAVID HAVE BEEN RE-ESTABLISHED

We have received an image from David’s implanted neck camera showing that he is in his Jeep J10 pickup and proceeding to the parking lot where the Jeep’s new owner has managed to park:

UPDATE 2:46 PM: Text communication with David has been re-established. Here’s a direct quote, which gives a good indication of Tracy’s current tenuous mental condition:

2:44

Got the guilts it’s crippling

2:45

She sold me an incredible Land Cruiser and what do I sell her in return? A heaping pile of crap

2:45

Oh God oh God oh God

At this point, David suggested he would fish around in the seats and floor of his truck to locate a rosary he thought he had there, but as of press time he has only located several stale french fries.

God could not be reached for comment regarding David’s plight, or his plan to use a rosary to effect a favorable outcome.

UPDATE 2:52 PM: Calls to the American Council of Churches as well as the American Dental Association regarding their positions on this still-developing situation have so far gone unanswered, though sources inside both organizations have confirmed that the unofficial policy is to distance themselves from David as much as possible during this time.

UPDATE 2:55 PM: A statement from David Tracy has been received at The Autopian Southeast Regional Office. The statement reads:

2:53

Something happened while it was sitting over the winter and I unfortunately the short test drive that I asked her to take wasn’t enough for her to wrangle the issue out

2:54

(static, indecipherable speech, possible sobbing)

UPDATE 2:56 PM: Black smoke was reported coming from the exhaust pipe. David says of this:

“[the black smoke] is very very bad news possibly indicating internal engine damage

2:43

None of this makes sense as it is a 4 l and I’ve never had a 4 l actually come apart”

UPDATE 3:03 PM: Communications with David suggest he is approaching the crippled vehicle, and is about to assess the situation in full.

Our source at the American Dental Association has formally requested to be left alone, and not to be “bothered with this bullshit anymore.” The Autopian has no intention of heeding this request at this time.

UPDATE 3:19 PM: David has arrived at the Cherokee’s location.

David has confirmed the worst, using the term “Code Red”:

“Oh shit!!!

3:08

Code red

3:08

Worse case scenario is here

3:09

I’m trying to be cool until Tracy leaves

3:09

Because I don’t want her to worry.

3:09

I’ll figure this out

3:09

But it’s over

3:09

This motor is done.”

Thoughts and prayers are requested, immediately.

UPDATE 3:25 PM: Still no response from the ADA.

UPDATE 3:33 PM: David has erected the mobile broadcast tower, and sent two videos over UHF frequencies:

UPDATE 3:51 PM: The normally bulletproof 4-liter straight-six seems to be toast. David heard what he thinks is a rod knock. Now he has to get this thing back home, somehow, where he does have an extra 4L that could be transplanted in.

David has proposed a possible cause:

I think it’s piston skirt

3:53

Typical 4.0 failure. When they fail, that is. Which is never. Why Jeep gods, why?!