As you may have noticed, we’ve got the Stellantis Fever real bad here at The Autopian, and the only cure is what you’re seeing now: wild speculation! That, and maybe whatever antibiotics they usually use for a UTI. In looking at the big chart of future Stellantis, one particular draped future-car caught my attention more than the others: the one labeled GLH.
For those of you unaware of what the GLH is, or was, first off I promise I won’t tell anyone what an uncultured swine you are, and secondly, let me explain. The GLH (which was said to stand for Goes Like Hell) was a version of the Dodge Omni/Plymouth Horizon entry-level FWD hatchback that had been breathed upon and erotically massaged by none other than Carrol Shelby himself to create one of the ’80s most celebrated hot hatches.
What made the GLH (and the later, even hotter, GLH-S) special was, at least in part, because the car it was based on was so humble, as is the tradition of all good hot hatches. The original Dodge Omni/Plymouth Horizon started life as a “world car,” the Chrysler Horizon, developed by Chrysler Europe. A transverse-engined, FWD car, the Horizon was sold as a Chrysler, Talbot, and Simca in Europe, and in America it was sold as either a Plymouth or Dodge, and was the first true FWD/transverse-engined car sold by the Big Three.
Of course, early on Chrysler had to source 1.7-liter engines from Volkswagen’s Westmoreland, Pennsylvania plant, but they soon replaced those with their own 2.2-liter inline-fours.
The Shelby-modified versions made 110 hp, good for 0-60 times of 8.7 seconds, respectable for the time, especially from a little hatchback, then a GLH Turbo was available with 146 hp, and the later GLH-S with made a genuinely impressive 175 hp, enough to embarrass genuine sports cars that cost far more.
So, with some of that history out of the way, what are we to make of whatever is hiding under this sheet in the lower left here, from Stellantis’ bold plans to turn its fortunes around from earlier today?
Here, let’s zoom in. Computer! Zoom and enhance, sector 1, 5!
There it is, in the upper left: a new GLH. So what do we think this re-born hot hatch will actually be?
Here’s all that Stellantis’ head of American brands and North America marketing and retail strategy, Tim Kuniskis, had to say about it earlier today:
The big news though is that we’re going to be adding a true entry level performance vehicle, a gateway into the brotherhood of muscle. Think of it as the next generation of Hornet, but the way we should have done it the first time.”
This is especially interesting because it’s about as close to an admission from Stellantis about how they screwed up the Hornet as we’re ever likely to get. It also helps suggest what this “true entry level performance vehicle” is likely to be: most likely a compact crossover, which I suppose is the closest thing modern carmakers have to a hatchback.
Our own daydreaming designer, The Bishop, has imagined some possible re-born GLHs before, including this hypothetical EV revival:
I love the look of this, but I suspect an actual neo-Hornet-based one wouldn’t be quite so trim and hatchback-like as this.
Still, who knows? It’s free to hope, I suppose.
The last Hornet Dodge made was a re-badged Alfa Romeo Tonale, and was a sort of bloated, unreliable, and generally unloved thing. It’s been out of production since at least the start of this year and if we’re honest, no one has really missed it.
But it seems like Stellantis has realized this harsh reality, and, as Yoda once said, the greatest teacher failure is. I think just the fact that they’re planning on a new GLH is reason to be hopeful!
And, after all, when has Stellantis ever let us down, right?
Looks like an emp2 car. They could take the current Astra L call it’s a gli and would look dodge enough people would think its actually a dodge. Though at this point they might be better off just importing and selling it as a Opel Astra L.
That rendering of a concept GLH EV looks like a more attractive Ioniq 5, and I like it!
I am intrigued by their plans but can’t see myself considering any of their vehicles till they can prove they can launch without a myriad of quality issues.
so…a rebadged Alfa, right? Not going to get my hopes to high given the Hornet fiasco.
I absolutely hate Stellantis. But, they are pretty good at doing these things, and making pretty things. I will fully admit that. I’m intrigued by this like everyone else. I still have doubts about what it will be, and anything besides a car (aka CUV, SUV, pickup, whatever…) is going to be a disappointment to those who are looking forward to this. They will sell the obiligatory 2,500 of them to prop up the POS car that isn’t the GLH version, get the “internet points” awarded for doing this, and then forget this existed forever. Ala, SRT Neon all over again.
tldr; Stellantis, you still suck, please prove us (me) wrong.
Are people just scared of being too close to the ground nowadays, is that why every car has to be a crossover that sits six inches higher than it needs to for no goddamn reason?
Look, I know we try, in general, to maintain a positive outlook here, and every car has its charms, though some make you look for them harder than others, but I am just so sick of everything being a small-mid-sized crossover. I hate the crossover body style. I have _never_ seen a single one that looked cool, sleek, stylish, or interesting. To a one, they’re half-melted jellybeans with origami faces, squinty headlights, and the leftovers of BMW’s disastrous “flame surfacing” styling creases breaking up body panels with neck-high beltlines.
Crossovers represent the absolute middle-of-the-road of every automotive metric, and as a result, excel at absolutely nothing. The high roof and center of gravity add weight and compromise handling, but the car-like chassis can’t handle serious off-roading or heavy hauling. The modest engine gets better mileage than a big V8, but not as good as it would in a smaller, lighter, more aerodynamic coupe or hatchback. The enclosed cargo space is better than a sedan, but not noticeably better than a station wagon and a far cry from a minivan or full sized van. And the performance may be “sporty” or “peppy” but no one makes a real sports car out of a crossover because why would you, it’s absolutely worse in every way that would matter for a performance car!
I don care if I sound like a cranky internet person here. I don’t care if this is the car-person equivalent of a tweet about how Nickelback is overrated or Marvel films have lost their touch. I know it’s probably the most pointless thing to say, but frankly, I have had a truly shit-horrible week, and I am taking it out here.
I hate crossovers. I hate that they have become the “default” car. I wish automakers would go back to making other types of vehicles, even as I know they won’t because crossovers make the most money, and every single thing we do in this stupid society has to be about getting the most money. Look what it’s gotten us. An endless wave of indistinguishable, high-riding silver-gray-white blobs pootling around barely getting 22 miles to the gallon with iPads instead of heater controls.
I’m sorry.
I hope against hope that the GLH is a proper hot-hatch and not another god-forsaken crossover.
You’re not alone. I want to get a BEV for my next vehicle when my Golf eventually becomes more trouble than its worth (still haven’t hit that point six years in though!), and the fact that the only “cars” available to replace it would be a Hyundai Ioniq 5 or a Tesla Model 3 is depressing. The Ioniq would be fine, but the lack of physical controls in a Model 3 would be a deal-breaker (never mind all the other issues around the company/ownership).
I completely agree, except I weirdly find the Chevy Trax, of all things, looks somehow ok to me. But maybe it’s just a case of being the shiniest of all turds.
Sorry pal, best I can offer you is a rebadged Compass with a GLH appearance package.
A much as I’m un fond of the current US leadership, dropping the fleet mileage standards gives cars a chance to make a comeback. After all, crossovers exist because of the loopholes in that law that were never corrected.
Yes! Completely agreed. I have no interest in SUV/CUV’s…I hate the term crossover. CUV’s are totally pointless and worse (less headroom, even uglier/stupid looking, etc). They are so overrated. I pretty much just realized I’ve never owned one. I’ve had 10 cars and yes, my wife has an SUV (CR-V) but don’t consider that as my “own” car. I know you were talking about crossovers, but SUV/CUV is all the same to me. The only exception was when I had a work truck they let me park at home, but that wasn’t even my vehicle. What’s crazy is I’ve never even had my own truck, and really want one. I’ve only had cars, and I still end up only looking at cars online. Well, also conversion vans! (old and new)
Also, older RV camper vans like Dodge Roadtrek, etc. for fun.
Crossovers suck!
I bet it’s the Attitude that they sell in Mexico with the turbocharged 2.4. They should be able to coax 300 hp out of it easily. I’m intrigued.
Is that the surviving relative of the latest gen Dodge Dart?
Nope. The old ones were either rebranded Hyundais or Mitsubishis. The current version is…. Chinese!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trumpchi_Empow
And I hate the damned name, for sure.
Idk, I hope trumpchi makes it to the us just for sng. Trumpchi Xiangwang S7 has such a nice ring to it. Too funny for sure. Could be the new dodge stratus like that snl skit from 25 years ago. But I drive a Trumpchi Xiangwang S7. GAC Aion i60 seems a better value though.
Sounds like something that came out of the Beijing summit last week.
I’m anticipating a tepid lil crossover. Maybe with retuned EPS that feels heavy, and uprated springs so it feels “sporty”. Oh and the red badge others have mentioned, gotta get that on there.
It’ll probably be like the Neon SRT-4, fast, but do you see those on the road anymore? Nope. It’s like that. And that’s the way it is, with Stellantis.
Those were only made for 3 years though. And SRT forums say that 25k were made. So not a huge sample base, and god only knows how many got destroyed by those crazy yoots.
Do you see ANY Neons on the road today? Nope nope nope nope. Case closed.
It would be so awesome if it was a sub-3,000 lb car with a Hellcat’s V8 under the hood.
That’s the sort of demented stuff I dreamed of as a teenager. I really wanted to put a 1000 hp V8 in a Gremlin. Luckily, I didn’t have the money for such a harebrained scheme. I almost died enough times in my 140 hp Outback.
I’m thinking about mostly fuel economy. A lightweight streamliner could still get 40+ mpg highway with a Hellcat’s engine. No need to kill off the V8 to meet CAFE. So much is sacrificed on the alter of brand identify and goofy styling cues, neither of which make the car go faster, and both of which only add to its overall operating cost.
Cars should have some identity and styling, unless their identity/style is being utilitarian/minimal. Cars are personal and, to varying extents, a form of expression.
I have many frustrations with modern design trends/elements, but they’re more along the lines of “every website/app keeps increasing its corner radius and taking away options” stuff, or for cars, “bigger wheels and motorized door handles”. Stupid, pointless (I demand corners back) trends.
I don’t see the point in a Hellcat engine getting 40+ mpg in a <3000 lb sports car. That sounds stupid fast in a bad way. Using a smaller engine would be a weight reduction in itself and probably be much easier to control and use…not to mention surely having much lower “operating cost”.
The point of it is to put that sort of performance into the hands of the masses at a lower overall cost, without running afoul of CAFE. The engine will be under-stressed and will last a very long time as a result. And the car itself would be even more hoonable than a Hellcat(which is already very hoonable and street-takeover/sideshow friendly). When someone with a 350 credit score buys it, they might actually be able to afford to make the payments on it and not get it repo’d.
The 40+ mpg highway only happens if it has a CdA value similar to that of the VW XL1, or better. Being under 3,000 lbs vs ~4,500 lbs for the Hellcat, it might get mpg into the low 20s in the city.
Doesn’t have to be a sports car. I was thinking more sub-compact or compact sized sedan with a liftback. Use the same platform to offer a 70+ mpg hybrid option and an EV option at even more affordable prices, with the V8 functioning as the halo car.
It would be the inverse of the bloated modern Charger, which isn’t selling so great right now. The Charger EV is especially abominable. The buyer demographic of the previous gen Chargers do want the V8s back, which were killed to meet CAFE, and they seem to be increasingly weary of tech bloat and the new Charger is very bloated in that regard.
For all of their plummeting values, I think the previous generations of Charger/Challenger Hellcats are going to be worth quite a bit of money in the coming decades, at least the ones that weren’t abused. In the present, as gas prices keep rising, the values of Hellcats will keep plummeting. I’m hoping to be in a position to pick one up for a relative song in the future. I’ve already seen 1st gen Hellcats into the $20k range, and dropping!
We’re in deep “I’m not an engineer” waters here, but I’m under a strong impression that engines are supposed to have load, and that the things that cause engines to wear with time and use aren’t dependent on load outside of extremes.
A big V8 means more surface area on more parts rubbing against each other, thermally expanding/contracting…a smaller engine with fewer parts operating without being “under-stressed” would last longer.
For fuel economy, you’d surely be wasting fuel to keep the huge engine running idle all the time. For performance, the power just sounds completely unusable, and I don’t just mean that in a “you can’t actually drive fast on your commute” way, either.
Making a BEV (or even an EREV) on the same platform would just give you an awkward conversion EV instead of using the advantages of an EV-native platform. That’s an architectural leap backwards for BEVs.
And “EV-native advantages” include, for example, packaging. In this case, the default packaging for a disproportionately huge engine would make that even worse.
It would be nice if it had the same kind of head room for front and rear seat passengers that the old Omni/Horizons had.
This will likely be, in a reversal of fortune, the more expensive version of one of those cheap Chrysler crossovers. This is strange and kind of sad, but Chrysler is Plymouth now.
Welcome back, Caliber SRT4!
I was thinking the same thing. When it comes to smaller cars, the domestic part of Stellantis seems to, at best, be able to only offer cars that either perform or that look good.
GLH = “Geaux Lack Hornet”
(Too bad it won’t be a 208)
Their goal should be: “Here are the GR Corolla and the CTR; Beat them.”
Sadly, it will not be.
Their goal could be “here is the Civic and Corolla hatch”, it’s all far too high of a bar for Stellantis on these shores.
Don’t forget the K4 and Impreza!
As the former owner of two Omni GLH’s I am intrigued.
Growing up in the 80’s, I feel like everyone knew someone who had an Omni. Good times. I love the Bishop’s rendering and would buy that right now.
“The big news though is that we’re going to be adding a true entry level performance vehicle, a gateway into the brotherhood of muscle”
Oh for fucks sake; the “brotherhood of muscle”?
That dog whistle just confirms that I am not the intended audience.
You don’t wear a giant white or gold tone watch and sunglasses on the back of your head?
That’s been their branding for so long I don’t think they can ever try to be something else. They’re stuck with it.
I would love it if they offered a middle finger to the “middle finger to the 21st century” crowd.
Corvette owners with white New Balance and Hawaiian shirts. They will ask current customers what they want as opposed to try and get different customers. Focus groups and all
Sounds like a sidequest in Fallout.
Please don’t be another SUV with a cool red badge and black wheels.
(It’s going to be an SUV with a red badge and black wheels isn’t it?)
Don’t forget the red hash marks on those black wheels!
And make sure the calipers are painted red.
And plastic cladding. So much plastic cladding.
It’s just a lightly reworked Hornet turned into a hot crossover variant using a historic trim badge that hasn’t been used since the Horizion and Omni days
If these draped-car graphics are based in reality, it’s a CUV. The hood is Durango-height, not Charger-height.
Last Thanksgiving I rented a perfectly fine base level Toyota Corrolla and it had the minimum required amount to tech required by law. The GLH should be just as basic, no funny stuff, just fast stuff.
One can be optimistic about the car, but the language used to describe it approaches the horseshoe-like intersection of natural deodorants and podcast-fueled testosterone replacement abuse. Here’s hoping it has functioning emissions controls.
The sphincter is a muscle.
COTD
Seconded COTA
Comment of the annum? We’re not even halfway through the year yet.
Comment on the Anus
I was told spelling didn’t count on the test..
And a gateway!
They could do the Opel Corsa GXE. 278hp and an alternative to Golf R
That appears to be an EV.. The Brotherhood of Muscle only wants starter and wiper motors…
No alternator?
You mean turbo?
Even by Stellantis standards that’s a crazy direct shot at the previous leadership (not pictured above)
Yeah in the corporate world a public statement like that might as well be a drive-by.
Better be a proper hatchback and not some shitty SUV. Also, it needs to be about the size of a Wendy’s potato and seat four while powered by a twin-turbo high output hurricane.
Anything less than that will be met with an incredibly lukewarm reception.
Be prepared for tepid tapwater.
That’s the Stellantis way, my friend.
I see you’ve driven a Crossland.
tepid bongwater?
This is the company dropping 777 hp into pick ups and used to hand out hellcats for way too cheap, I can only hope they will be irresponsible and actually drop an HO hurricane into a sub 3000lb hatchback, but alas, that would step on the toes of their bigger profit margin vehicles too much. Thus we will have the Hornet, again, but with a few more hp probably.
I really hope it is a hot hatch and not just a fiat 500.
Why? If Abarth was given a chance to breath on it, you’d have no complaints. It would be a proper hot hatch.
yes, I was more thinking of the nasty jeep versions.