Mercedes: I guess we should write about the new SUV version of the Mercedes-AMG GT Four-Door.
Me: Ok, weirdo.
Jason: Why’s that, why’s that weird?
Me: She said they made an SUV version of the Mercedes-AMG GT Four-Door and she’s going to write about it.
Jason: She’s probably going to, because they just released it.
Me: Yeah, a weird sedan.
Jason: They made an SUV version of it and it look just as weird.
Me: Can you imagine?
Jason: Oh no… you don’t know.
Me: I don’t know… what?
Jason: You should probably just meander to the press site. Take a look… see if they did it.
Me: Dare I? Hah! You know what, I’m going to…for old time’s sake.
Me: Great practical joke, Jason, you got me to go to the press site….
Me: NOOO!!!
Me: GOD!!
Me: No, GOD, Please, No!
Me: No!
Me: No!
Me: NO!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
If you enjoyed this little bit of theater that’ll probably prevent us from getting a Mercedes press car anytime soon, getting invited to an event, or getting any pre-embargo information, please consider clicking this link and becoming a member![Ed Note: I kinda like it. -DT].
Top photo: Mercedes-AMG, NBC Universal
Bruno Sacco is spinning in his grave right now.
I see the taillights are still radioactive symbols. That’s not scary at all.
So they Subaru Outback’d the AMG GT 4 door? Hilarious! Just like everything in nature goes towards crab or weasel, everything in car becomes Subaru!
I’ll be nice here and say that the side view looks like an only slightly tarted up version of your basic crossover appliance. Otherwise, there’s nothing remotely positive to say.
I actually wouldn’t hate the front end if it was an ICE vehicle…but it isn’t, so all of the superfluous cooling is just for show and the grille is nothing but a (bad) fashion statement. The rear end is a crime against humanity. I’m sure they’ll sell maybe 7 or 8 of them to the Chinese oligarchs they’re literally begging to buy their cars and the whole project will lose Mercedes billions of dollars.
Brilliant! The collapse of the German luxury manufacturers is going to be studied for decades, maybe even centuries. It’s incredible to see them literally sprint headfirst into every single wrong decision possible.
Just as with the sedan version, I’m glad the taillights warn of the radioactive waste that made it mutate into this atrocious form.
Nah you’ll probably be fine.
This is fine. Everything is fine.
So tacky, the Chinese will LOVE this.
:puke:
A stinky rich version of me would buy it just to show I’m an idgafer…
It’s like they crossed the line of ugly to butt ugand now they have drawn another line to unspeakably butt ugly, which probably looks unbelievable in German
Ali G is back! This is the perfect vehicle for him in the correct color.
I saw it driving at night with camo on a couple weeks ago. Looked a lot better that way. I actually thought it was a Maserati, except one tri-star taillight on each side was exposed and a dead giveaway.
Those taillights are peak tackiness. Geiger is spinning around in his grave.
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me
A Mercede….Oops. Sorry to bother you Lord.
“Oh Lord, don’t you buy me…a Mercedes-Benz.
They’ve gotten so ugly, they must make amends.
Even Mansory looks at them…and says ‘what the heck?!?’
Oh Lord, don’t you buy me…a Mercedes-Benz.”
The only thing i like about it is the yellow paint.
Choosing a new car these days is more about subtracting the bad then adding the good.
I used to aspire to owning a German luxury car and have nearly bought one on several occasions. Now I’m looking at top trim midsized crossovers like “huh that seems sensible and I wont have to take a depreciation bath”. I’m not proud of this either. Let me be abundantly clear: it’s a huge fucking bummer.
I went from being a dood who’s owned three E30s, a Saab 900 Turbo, and a couple of Preludes, and who was absolutely certain his first new car would be a 3 Series, to being a guy whose first new car was a Crosstrek. That reflects worse on BMW than it does on me.
As of now my trajectory is looking like GTI-Kona N-hybrid Subaru and I agree. The only enthusiast-ey thing on my list is an R2.
For real, I’ve owned several old Bimmers, an e30, e46, and e28. Was recently at a BMW dealership because they had a clean used GR Corolla and I had been wondering if I’d like one enough to make a dumb financial decision. But I was wandering around the dealership while I waited for a salesperson, and I realized there wasn’t a single car there (M5 wagon! included) that I could see wanting to own even if I had the budget.
Fuuuuuuck that’s an ugly front end.
But weirdly I love the rear? Especially the triple tail light treatment.
I don’t hate it as much as I hate the car. The question is really “which is more egregious”
“AMG GT Electric 4 Door SUV”
That’s a proposterously long, convoluted name. Mercedes really should copy one of those companies that describes their cars using a string of alphanumeri- hang on…
What’s amazing is that, in such a large corporation, this design had to go through so many levels and levels of management approvals before seeing the light of day, and nobody in a position to stop it saw any problem with it. That’s actually pretty terrifying, to be honest
I think this may be more an example of each level of management ADDING their favorite little bits to it in order to approve it.
Right. That’s the craziest part. Should give shareholders shivers knowing that something like this could be given the green light.
Might get more clicks on the signup link if it’s not styled exactly like all the other paragraph text. There is zero indication that it’s clickable.
Perfect description. We’re 100% sure this wasn’t a mistimed Aprils fools right? Right? Wait this is modern Mercedes why am I even asking…
Eh, this looks better in the frozen dark gray that car and driver had pics of. Honestly it could be worse, it is going to be cheaper than the Cayenne Turbo EV, doesn’t have the double “xx” dead eyes of the new BMW X5 and that may be enough. I am interested in those new motors the 55 and 63 will have, maybe David can do a deeper engineering dive on them? (Should probably temper this take with the fact I have willingly purchased 2 separate BMW XMs, no longer have either)
To follow up one comedy show soundbite with another in response to Mercedes Benz:
[Bursts into laughter]
Oh, wait, you’re serious. Let me laugh even harder.
[Laughs even harder]
I like it. I like its honesty, for looking like the sh!t it is, and I like it as a huge warning sign for the character of the individuals willingly buying it.
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.