Have you ever been drinking a warm, rich cup of coffee, or eating a brownie or wad of cooked beef or a fistful of loamy soil or a chunk of hickory and wondered hey, where does brown come from? Of course you have; you’re a people. Well, my friends, wonder no more, because I’m here to clear up the mystery for you. Brown comes from what you see above right there, in that rich, brownery brownscape with the pair of 1970 Ford 20Ms. It’s the Grand Browntain, the fountain of brown off the coast of Umberia that provides the world with all the brown it needs.
Back in the 1970s, it was common to make pilgrimages to the Grand Browntain, as you can see in that picture. Often, as shown, people would bring dogs like Dalmatians there so they could be converted into browner dogs. This is partially why brown is by far the most common dog color, beating out the more natural greens and blues that would have dominated canines if not affected by the Grand Browning.
The Grand Browntain still exists, though access to it is much more restricted now, since scientists predict that if we keep extracting brown, it could collapse onto itself, forming a brown hole that will – okay, I can’t go on. Let’s leave it there.
I’m not apologizing, though.