Home » The Place Where Brown Comes From: Cold Start

The Place Where Brown Comes From: Cold Start

Cs Brown

Have you ever been drinking a warm, rich cup of coffee, or eating a brownie or wad of cooked beef or a fistful of loamy soil or a chunk of hickory and wondered hey, where does brown come from? Of course you have; you’re a people. Well, my friends, wonder no more, because I’m here to clear up the mystery for you. Brown comes from what you see above right there, in that rich, brownery brownscape with the pair of 1970 Ford 20Ms. It’s the Grand Browntain, the fountain of brown off the coast of Umberia that provides the world with all the brown it needs.

Back in the 1970s, it was common to make pilgrimages to the Grand Browntain, as you can see in that picture. Often, as shown, people would bring dogs like Dalmatians there so they could be converted into browner dogs. This is partially why brown is by far the most common dog color, beating out the more natural greens and blues that would have dominated canines if not affected by the Grand Browning.

The Grand Browntain still exists, though access to it is much more restricted now, since scientists predict that if we keep extracting brown, it could collapse onto itself, forming a brown hole that will  – okay, I can’t go on. Let’s leave it there.

I’m not apologizing, though.

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41 Responses

  1. (To the tune of “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” except played by a polka band)

    Yo, listen up here’s a story
    About a little guy
    That lives in a brown world
    And all day and all night
    And everything he sees is just brown
    Like him inside and outside
    Brown his house
    With a brown little window
    And a brown chevette
    And everything is brown for him
    And himself and everybody around
    Cause he ain’t got nobody to listen to

    I’m brown
    Oompa da ba di
    Oompa da ba di
    Oompa da ba di
    Oompa da ba di
    Oompa da ba di
    Oompa da ba di
    Oompa da ba di
    I’m brown

    1. I’m brown (I’m really brown)
      I’m brown (brown on the ground)
      I’m brown (I’m really brown)
      How can you laugh when you know I’m brown?
      (How can you laugh?) When you know I’m brown?

      [Guitar solo]

      (apologies to Sir Paul…)

  2. Why is it that so many pictures from the 70’s have the same hue that is used to infer that a scene is taking place in Mexico in modern movies and tv shows? It’s like the world was fogged by some kind of iced tea ether that everyone had to waft through

  3. It’s like, how much more brown could this be? And the answer is none. None more brown.

    Also at a quick glance they appear to be standing on thick carpet rather than gravel.

  4. The last time I saw that shade of brown, I was on my knees scrubbing the carpet and telling my kid that she’s not allowed to feed the puppy cheese from now on.

  5. Combine some brown from the Grand Browntain and some water and you get some good gravy.

    …and I’ll wait if anyone catches on to that Simpsons deep cut…

  6. Anyone else noticed how the interior of the nearer car, seen through the windshield, seems to be vibrating? That was a big problem on these cars…. happened every time the upholstery got wet, or even damp, or sometimes just from high humidity like you might find near the shore.

    It was so common, they gave a name to the phenomena – “Brownian Motion”….

  7. I know it’s not the point of this post, but that coupe is really nice; very clean lines and the color-matched wheel covers… I’d drive that to the marina any day.

  8. Never apologize Torch!

    Unless it for leaving us hanging on the last installment (or 2) of “Torch & Tracy’s Epic Road Trip”.

    That you should definitely be apologizing for.

  9. I detect the work of The Uranus Corporation and their miracle polymer, Brown 25:
    “It has the strength of steel, the flexibility of rubber, and the nutritional value of beef stew. Brown 25, because things come out different from Uranus.”

  10. The sitting Dalmatian has that classic dog look of “Are you kidding me with this shit”. I know, I’ve seen it from my dog many times.

  11. These Fords are not British Fords; they have the wheel on the correct side for driving on the right side of the road. This picture is apparently from a Dutch brochure, not a Browntish one.

    1. Yah, they’re Ford of Germany products, before it merged with Ford of Britain to become Ford of Europe (I’m not making this up). They came together in about ’67 or ’68. The Mk1 Capri was the first FoE car, but design and development duties (were and still are) split between Dunton in Essex and Cologne in Germany.

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