Home » The Real Taillights Behind ‘Taillight Ruiners’: Cold Start

The Real Taillights Behind ‘Taillight Ruiners’: Cold Start

Cs Taillightruiners

Many times I’ll be walking my genetically-engineered ambulatory ficus down the street, when I’ll be approached by a breathless, excited person. “You’re the guy from the Taillight Ruiners commercial!” they’ll scream, pinning me to the ground, knees on my shoulders. “Tell me,” they often continue, “what kind of taillights were used in that logo?” At this point their face is usually inches from mine, their unblinking eyes boring sight-holes in my face. Since this is clearly a concern of many, many people, I’m going to reveal the truth now.

First, if you somehow haven’t seen this ad from the early 2000s, here it is:

The Taillight Ruiners chain used to be all over Southern California, but I think they’re all gone now, replaced by cheap DIY taillight ruining kits you can get online. Nobody really appreciates the value of a professionally-ruined taillight anymore.

Anyway, the taillight used in that goofy animation is from a 1974 Lancia Beta coupe. Please, spread the word so people stop accosting me.

Also, in that ad you can see the roofline of my old Volvo P1800, my wife’s old Buick Skylark (which had an already broken taillight we sacrificed to make this), our old Rabbit convertible, and an extra taillight from my Beetle.

I show this goofy thing like once every six years. You’re welcome.

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28 Responses

  1. The voice of the balding guy doing most of the speaking sounds a lot like Rich Evans from Red Letter Media (they review and make fun of movies/tv shows).

  2. Hahaha. Thanks for this, Torch. You’re an absolute weirdo and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Speaking of weirdo things… Any Mack Hardigraw stuff coming in the nearish future?

  3. Aaaaaaaaa….I cannot unsee this, I just cannot. Watched it to the end though, and I think I want to watch it again just to see all the vehicles that Torch mentions in the story. There is definitely a “taillight” theme running through his life. Love it!

  4. another satisfied customer here from years ago.
    ya those DIY kits are junk.
    I was thinking of getting my headlights done too, but they didn’t have enough techs with requisite skills.

    1. In ages past one could go though life thinking you were alone in your interests.
      Now with the Internet you can gain the security of knowing you are not alone, there may be dozens worldwide. It is not surprising this guy is on YouseToobe, I can see he’d be a hit at “The Reflector Bar”.

  5. I ordered a DIY kit it was just a roll of red duct tape and a rock. Funny thing that rock was related to my pet rock. Both were from the Granite side of the family.

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