I’ve never liked the idea of calling a car a “guilty pleasure”; there’s no reason to feel guilty about liking a giant land yacht or a teal-colored ultra-nineties GM coupe or anything else that – who, exactly? – decided was something one should be ashamed of appreciating. However, there are sainted cars that, for some reason, I do feel guilty about not actually wanting to own myself.
It’s not like I don’t respect these icons. I’m well aware of why they’re vaunted machines, sort of like accepting that Brussels sprouts are good for you. Still, for whatever reason, I just don’t feel the need to spend virtual lottery winnings on one; maybe I want cheese curds instead. I want to want it, I need to need it, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love it. [Ed note: Did I just get Meatloafed? – Pete]
As a kid, I never liked riding in our air-cooled VWs, sticking to the vinyl cushions with no ventilation in summer while that frantic sewing-machine noise assaulted us from behind the seats. Making the Bug lower, sleeker, and faster does not increase its appeal for me, and since that’s the core of the Porsche 911, that might be the source of my disinterest. I fully understand the critical acclaim and fervor, and it’s crazy that I wouldn’t empty my savings account to get any kind of semi-tragic 911, but I just can’t, much less at the absurd sums being asked. Actually, the only 911s that can be had for remotely reasonable prices – the “fried egg” headlight ones – are the examples I kind of could actually see buying.
What’s wrong with me? Maybe it’s that I can’t see beyond the big, ugly bumpers of the 70s and 80s 911s and would rather just get a concurrent 928.
And the new ones? I parked next to a fairly late-model example recently in my five-passenger mid-sized SUV, and this latest 911 sort of dwarfed our Cayenne. It just seems absurdly large for a sports machine, regardless of its insane capabilities. No wonder some people I know who bought them soon traded to a Macan, a car they can drive every day and carry things in, or to a Boxster, which drove like they thought the 911 would, but doesn’t. So maybe I’m not totally alone?
The 911 makes ten times more sense than some Italian exotics, but they’re all bit too antiseptic and clinical to stir much emotion from me. I can’t think of another car that I respect and acknowledge more as being an outstanding vehicle that I have no interest in owning.
Oh, wait, there is one.
Even if you don’t love old MG and Triumph roadsters, it’s hard not to fall for the car that is supposedly always the answer: the Mazda Miata. I think it’s a brilliant creation, and on the right road and on the right day, a Miata is a joy to drive. Living in Chicagoland, though, such roads are a day’s drive away, and the weather is ideal only a few weeks a year, so Mazda’s cute sports car would serve little purpose for me. I know that my Chicago neighborhood Miata owner and superfan Mercedes Streeter would voraciously disagree, but at the same time I’d be curious to see how much she actually drives hers around this suburban wasteland.
On a recent business trip, Enterprise offered me a new Miata RF as a “free upgrade.” I squeezed in and sat for thirty seconds, realized that it was absolutely not going to be “the answer” for driving five hours while making calls on the highway, so I reluctantly got into a Camry instead. That’s most of my driving, but even outside of work, if I lived in Colorado or the backwoods of Tennessee, I’d probably want something brawnier. Don’t get me wrong; I absolutely get why the Miata captures enthusiasts’ hearts, but when it comes to Mazdas, I’d take an RX-7 all day long over the Miata. Crazy, I know.
Wow, that was therapeutic to get out, and you can’t hit me with tomatoes from where you are. How about you? What entries from a “greatest enthusiast cars ever” list do you feel decidedly “meh” towards, even if you have no idea why?
Top graphic image: Porsche
The Honda Kei pickups that are all the craze right now. Had the opportunity to drive one, it was fun zipping around a parking lot/some gravel. But the novelty of getting one of those things to/from cars and coffee I think would wear on me pretty quick. But again, totally respect it when I see them out and about.
I’m sure I’ll be crucified for this – and it’s not about appearance: Air-cooled 911s.
A buddy had acquired one – a late 80’s Carrera coupe – and let me drive it. Let me tell you, slogging that thing thru Hollywood traffic was more trouble than it was worth.
I soon realized that the car was under-geared – first gear was useless unless you needed to start up a steep hill while loaded with people and luggage. In other words, never. Starting in second was much more reasonable – so the car was effectively a 4 speed. Up on Mulholland, the car came into its own – and it did drive like a go-cart. Exactly like a go-cart – it was raw, noisy, harsh and just unpleasant.
I was quite happy to give him back his keys and return to my more powerful, spacious and comfortable Mercedes.
Anything with multiple carburetors.
Of those not already mentioned, a minivan. I simply don’t need that much car, but I can clearly see they’re the best tool for the job if you do.
The Miata is everything I love in a car- light, n/a, Japanese, great to drive, simple, comes in nice colors, cheap, manuals are plentiful… And every single one I’ve driven I’ve enjoyed thoroughly.
But I have zero interest in owning one. I have literally no clue why
This was my answer (Miata is always the answer, after all).
For me, it’s the size/proportions. It’s just too… dainty? I love the styling of them, especially the NDs, but it just looks like too much of a toy to me in person.
I have great respect for old regular economy cars that are daily drivers, and in good shape. Ones that accumulate the mileage taking you everywhere.
Old Corollas, Civics, Cavaliers…
It’s low-effort to ride a crapped out Impala/GrandAm that looks like it’s destined for Detroit – but it takes some real effort and perseverance to keep an economy car in decent shape and drive it every day. I don’t even care that 90% of those civics from the 90’s are lowered, and engine swapped – that’s some serious love for your economy car.
Totally prepared to be flamed for this one: I don’t want anything that isn’t modern.
I don’t mean brand new; I just mean I’m not nearly a good enough driver to want a car that when you say it “has character” you actually mean it has some driving characteristics that make it unique but also difficult when compared to something from the 1990s to now.
I’ve driven a C2 Corvette, a late 1970s Ford F100, and a 1979 Honda Civic; three cars that I think are awesome, and I love to gawk at them and definitely appreciate people who keep these in working order. I just personally prefer modern vehicles (and yes, I know that’s like Easy Mode, but that’s just how I feel).
I fully understand. Driving back from Road America on Saturday from the vintage races and followed a few classics trudging home on 94; realized that I loved looking at them and hearing them but was much happier with the A/C and stereo going at 90MPH in my 2009 200 Series Croozah.
No, I agree entirely, at least for driving on public roads. Drivers these days are so terrible and so distracted that I really would not put myself or loved ones in a car that hasn’t passed a crash test within the past decade or so. I’ve seen way to many stupid fatalities because some moron was texting, or watching TikTok, or just impatient that I know it’s simply a game of chance. You can be the best, safest driver in the world and have absolutely no control over an idiot running a light and t-boning you at 70 mph.
Also, modern cars are comfy as hell. Climate control, 7 way adjustable seats, and fantastic NVH advances are a godsend. My back has never felt better since I started driving our new car regularly.
Left field answer: Toyota Crown Signia. It’s a bit of an underdog, and I like underdogs. It looks more like a station wagon than most crossovers. It comes in brown. It gets good fuel economy, has decent space, and can tow a bit. It’s priced pretty close to ATP. But it costs more than I want to pay for a vehicle. But I respect the heck out of it.
Miata. Current house doesn’t have a garage to store it, winter removes about six months of driving opportunity, roads are fairly boring unchallenging slogs of blandness. I’ve driven one, they’re fun little cars and experiences unto themselves, but actual ownership would be wasted on me.
Most trucks. They’re awesome machines of usefulness, but most are just too much utility for my needs given the downsides of them as a single vehicle or would be too underused as a second vehicle.
Anything kind of upper end bespoke that doesn’t have much support locally in the semi-hinterland I currently live in. So, upper crust Euro/luxury cars, anything moderately exotic, a lot of electric vehicles that don’t have support locally (no, I am not flatbedding a car 200 miles for service). I see the engineering prowess of these vehicles and am impressed with what they can do, but man, I am not in a position to suffer their foibles.
Dodge Charger Hellcat Redeye
Philosophically, I am for what these cars represent on our roads. Absolute mayhem and jackassery distilled into vehicular form.
Every Charger owner I have ever met has a serious personality disorder.
I wouldn’t expect anything less.
Honestly, the Cybertruck. I like seeing them in traffic and enjoy seeing all the different wraps folks put on them and can appreciate the variety they bring to my commute and even respect Tesla for having the guts to produce something so damn different looking but I have zero interest in owning/driving one myself. They’re just too damn big.
I really, really wish Elon had taken the Cybertruck’s 1970s retrofuturism to its’ logical next step and demanded its footprint be limited to what it would’ve had if it were built on a VW beetle pan. That in turn would’ve required a lower (if proportionally taller looking) roof with a flat section even for a 2 seater.
Cybertruck would be a good answer if the first part of the question wasn’t there.
They are essentially refrigerators on wheels (according to my kids and I agree). They are also insanely expensive, wildly impractical, have a dangerous combination of mass and power, and can kill you while driving or while parked in ways that no other cars can.
I have lost interest in even reading much about wild 7 digit money one off hypercars. Great that they exist and all but I will never see one and most will be hidden in collections. Same for 8 digit historic race cars at auctions. Museum pieces that may as well be paintings or sculpture.
Just about anything that was expensive new. Don’t want the headache or fixing it. Exotics, luxury. The jdm hero cars. I’ve had my fill of European cars. Might drive one but don’t want to own anymore.
All of the quarter mile and horsepower warriors. Hennessey, Lingenfelters, Saleens and even Hellcats and CobraJets.
I don’t live my life one quarter mile at a time but I respect the engineering and craftmanship, just not my kind of car.
Anything with more than 200hp? There’s a reason I just downgraded from a BRZ to a Miata, haha. Legitimately with the exception of overweight vehicles I just don’t see the point in having more power. If others want it that’s fine but it’s really not for me.
A fellow brother in arms!
My most powerful car is rated at 184hp and while I could use more, I don’t need more – so short of having that same car with forced induction for more power, why get more?
It’s like a motorcycle with over 75-100hp (depending on weight). You’re already faster than 95% of vehicles on the road, you don’t need more.
Yep, exactly the hp range I prefer for my bikes too, haha
In this like in so many other things, the answer is always Miata.
I love its nippy size, capable handling and deft match of power to weight. It all sounds perfect.
Until I want to do something besides drive.
I drive so I can go somewhere. Invariably, I want to go somewhere with Sweetie. Sweetie – and I, let’s be fair – both have stuff we either want or need to take with us. When we get where we’re going, we want to do things, often shopping, and that means needing some space.
A Miata, as delightful as I’m certain it is for all things drivery, is not fabulous at many things schleppy. That is to say, when I need to carry something more than just myself and my Sweetie, the Miata will likely disappoint.
And that’s why I’d love to take one for a spin – the Dragon is just an hour away from where I work – and then hand it back.
The Italian exotics will probably be this for most readers with salaries instead of trust funds, but I’ll add another: proper off-road cars like the Wrangler and (non-Sport) Bronco.
I don’t leave pavement often enough to ever need their off-road abilities, let alone justify tolerating their on-road manners and fuel economy. If I did buy one, anybody who does proper wheeling would rightfully deride it as a pavement princess. A soft-roader with good winter tires and mild 4×4 has got me through the worst winter storms we ever get where I live, plus it’s comfortable and efficient enough for a daily driver.
I’ll go out on a limb here and say the Cybertruck. Every time I make any respectful comments about it, my kids get actively angry at me because they hate it so much. I would never buy one because I don’t need it, I don’t have the money, and if I did have the money I would get a truck that did truck things better (electric or otherwise).
However, I still respect it because it looks so ridiculous. I feel like too many ideas for polarizing automotive design are struck down in committee (usually for good reasons), but we NEED those weird designs to get built every once in a while. It just makes life more interesting if you see a truck that looks like a giant polygon from the side (side note: Has anyone else noticed that viewed from behind, the Cybertruck looks EXACTLY LIKE A LASER PRINTER? Just me?).
Anyway, to sum up, I respect the design, my kids hate it, I don’t have the money, and wouldn’t buy it if I did.
And I will daily my Miata until I can’t, thankyouverymuch.
(Rejects Miata to drive a Camry).
Obi Wan: “It’s as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.”
I just dread in-car zoom meetings where half the time I hear “WHAT DID YOU SAY?? I CAN’T HEAR YOU”. Plus, Charlotte to Atlanta is not exactly a sports car drive. Regardless, the optics of such a switch are indeed disheartening.
Leaving out the obvious stuff like exotics, I wouldn’t own anything JDM (except R32 and R34 GT-R, and Mk4 Supra). They just don’t appeal to me.
Same with small hatchbacks and station wagons (call them what you want).
GTI and “hot hatches” in general.
I recognize that if you’re limited to owning a single car, some compromises are going to be necessary for universal usability.
Since that’s not a position I plan to find myself in, the virtues are lost on me and only the drawbacks remain.
So, actually this proves that Miata is always the answer?
I’ll second the Miata. Love the looks, love the ethos but I’ve never fit comfortably. Otherwise I’ll avoid expensive exotica because we’d be here forever. Citroen DS is on my list. R32 Skyline as well.
Corvette for me.
Yes, it’s now a world beating mid-engine supercar for a less ridiculous price. At the end of the day it’s still a Chevy, and the only owners that are probably worse are Ferrari guys, and Harley riders.
I would probably still own one anyway, but this is the closest to an answer I would have probably.
Corvette owners worse than Ferrari or H-D owners? You must really hate jean shorts, tube socks, and / or New Balances.
Read it backwards. Ferraristi and Leather Daddy Cosplayers are worse than the “I know it’s one of seven in these hideous option combinations, so I know what I have” team.
To me it doesn’t feel like a Corvette anymore. And for that, I would stick to C7 or earlier. Even C7 started to look non-Corvette to me.
For some reason, the hatred or dislike towards C4s makes me like them even more (and I never didn’t like them).
Anything “exotic”. Ferraris, Lamborghinis, McLarens – anything with weird doors and 5-figure service bills is a “I’m glad someone does that, and I’d love to drive one sometime, but I DO NOT want to own one” from me.