I’ve never liked the idea of calling a car a “guilty pleasure”; there’s no reason to feel guilty about liking a giant land yacht or a teal-colored ultra-nineties GM coupe or anything else that – who, exactly? – decided was something one should be ashamed of appreciating. However, there are sainted cars that, for some reason, I do feel guilty about not actually wanting to own myself.
It’s not like I don’t respect these icons. I’m well aware of why they’re vaunted machines, sort of like accepting that Brussels sprouts are good for you. Still, for whatever reason, I just don’t feel the need to spend virtual lottery winnings on one; maybe I want cheese curds instead. I want to want it, I need to need it, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love it. [Ed note: Did I just get Meatloafed? – Pete]
As a kid, I never liked riding in our air-cooled VWs, sticking to the vinyl cushions with no ventilation in summer while that frantic sewing-machine noise assaulted us from behind the seats. Making the Bug lower, sleeker, and faster does not increase its appeal for me, and since that’s the core of the Porsche 911, that might be the source of my disinterest. I fully understand the critical acclaim and fervor, and it’s crazy that I wouldn’t empty my savings account to get any kind of semi-tragic 911, but I just can’t, much less at the absurd sums being asked. Actually, the only 911s that can be had for remotely reasonable prices – the “fried egg” headlight ones – are the examples I kind of could actually see buying.
What’s wrong with me? Maybe it’s that I can’t see beyond the big, ugly bumpers of the 70s and 80s 911s and would rather just get a concurrent 928.
And the new ones? I parked next to a fairly late-model example recently in my five-passenger mid-sized SUV, and this latest 911 sort of dwarfed our Cayenne. It just seems absurdly large for a sports machine, regardless of its insane capabilities. No wonder some people I know who bought them soon traded to a Macan, a car they can drive every day and carry things in, or to a Boxster, which drove like they thought the 911 would, but doesn’t. So maybe I’m not totally alone?
The 911 makes ten times more sense than some Italian exotics, but they’re all bit too antiseptic and clinical to stir much emotion from me. I can’t think of another car that I respect and acknowledge more as being an outstanding vehicle that I have no interest in owning.
Oh, wait, there is one.
Even if you don’t love old MG and Triumph roadsters, it’s hard not to fall for the car that is supposedly always the answer: the Mazda Miata. I think it’s a brilliant creation, and on the right road and on the right day, a Miata is a joy to drive. Living in Chicagoland, though, such roads are a day’s drive away, and the weather is ideal only a few weeks a year, so Mazda’s cute sports car would serve little purpose for me. I know that my Chicago neighborhood Miata owner and superfan Mercedes Streeter would voraciously disagree, but at the same time I’d be curious to see how much she actually drives hers around this suburban wasteland.
On a recent business trip, Enterprise offered me a new Miata RF as a “free upgrade.” I squeezed in and sat for thirty seconds, realized that it was absolutely not going to be “the answer” for driving five hours while making calls on the highway, so I reluctantly got into a Camry instead. That’s most of my driving, but even outside of work, if I lived in Colorado or the backwoods of Tennessee, I’d probably want something brawnier. Don’t get me wrong; I absolutely get why the Miata captures enthusiasts’ hearts, but when it comes to Mazdas, I’d take an RX-7 all day long over the Miata. Crazy, I know.
Wow, that was therapeutic to get out, and you can’t hit me with tomatoes from where you are. How about you? What entries from a “greatest enthusiast cars ever” list do you feel decidedly “meh” towards, even if you have no idea why?
Top graphic image: Porsche
Buick Regal TourX
Probably wouldn’t get one now but those still look great.
Lots of cars I respect but wouldn’t want to own. But off the top of my head:
–The Rimac Nevera… insanely fast. And I’d argue that it’s too fast for street use.
-C8 Corvette. It’s a great performance bargain and it looks great… but it has such a high performace level, you can’t really stretch its legs in any legal fashion on public roads. Plus, no manual. Yeah manuals are slower. But if I was buying one for myself, I’d want the manual because it’s fun.
-Classic muscle cars with big block V8 engines. Yeah they’re cool. But I wouldn’t want to live with the dreadful fuel economy and how the power is often more than the chassis was designed for.
-Fancy old/rare luxury cars like Duesenbergs. Expensive to buy, expensive to operate, expensive to fix. If you want to own one of these and actually drive it regularly, you pretty much need to have a good relationship with a good classic car mechanic or have your own staff the way Jay Leno does.
-Rotary engined cars. They’re cool. They’re neat to drive. They are also temperamental gas guzzlers.
After sitting in a newer vette I really hated the driving position. It felt like the car was 30 feet long and it drove me crazy not knowing if i was about to hit something. Probably because I have always owned smaller cars or suv’s.