I’ve never liked the idea of calling a car a “guilty pleasure”; there’s no reason to feel guilty about liking a giant land yacht or a teal-colored ultra-nineties GM coupe or anything else that – who, exactly? – decided was something one should be ashamed of appreciating. However, there are sainted cars that, for some reason, I do feel guilty about not actually wanting to own myself.
It’s not like I don’t respect these icons. I’m well aware of why they’re vaunted machines, sort of like accepting that Brussels sprouts are good for you. Still, for whatever reason, I just don’t feel the need to spend virtual lottery winnings on one; maybe I want cheese curds instead. I want to want it, I need to need it, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love it. [Ed note: Did I just get Meatloafed? – Pete]
As a kid, I never liked riding in our air-cooled VWs, sticking to the vinyl cushions with no ventilation in summer while that frantic sewing-machine noise assaulted us from behind the seats. Making the Bug lower, sleeker, and faster does not increase its appeal for me, and since that’s the core of the Porsche 911, that might be the source of my disinterest. I fully understand the critical acclaim and fervor, and it’s crazy that I wouldn’t empty my savings account to get any kind of semi-tragic 911, but I just can’t, much less at the absurd sums being asked. Actually, the only 911s that can be had for remotely reasonable prices – the “fried egg” headlight ones – are the examples I kind of could actually see buying.
What’s wrong with me? Maybe it’s that I can’t see beyond the big, ugly bumpers of the 70s and 80s 911s and would rather just get a concurrent 928.
And the new ones? I parked next to a fairly late-model example recently in my five-passenger mid-sized SUV, and this latest 911 sort of dwarfed our Cayenne. It just seems absurdly large for a sports machine, regardless of its insane capabilities. No wonder some people I know who bought them soon traded to a Macan, a car they can drive every day and carry things in, or to a Boxster, which drove like they thought the 911 would, but doesn’t. So maybe I’m not totally alone?
The 911 makes ten times more sense than some Italian exotics, but they’re all bit too antiseptic and clinical to stir much emotion from me. I can’t think of another car that I respect and acknowledge more as being an outstanding vehicle that I have no interest in owning.
Oh, wait, there is one.
Even if you don’t love old MG and Triumph roadsters, it’s hard not to fall for the car that is supposedly always the answer: the Mazda Miata. I think it’s a brilliant creation, and on the right road and on the right day, a Miata is a joy to drive. Living in Chicagoland, though, such roads are a day’s drive away, and the weather is ideal only a few weeks a year, so Mazda’s cute sports car would serve little purpose for me. I know that my Chicago neighborhood Miata owner and superfan Mercedes Streeter would voraciously disagree, but at the same time I’d be curious to see how much she actually drives hers around this suburban wasteland.
On a recent business trip, Enterprise offered me a new Miata RF as a “free upgrade.” I squeezed in and sat for thirty seconds, realized that it was absolutely not going to be “the answer” for driving five hours while making calls on the highway, so I reluctantly got into a Camry instead. That’s most of my driving, but even outside of work, if I lived in Colorado or the backwoods of Tennessee, I’d probably want something brawnier. Don’t get me wrong; I absolutely get why the Miata captures enthusiasts’ hearts, but when it comes to Mazdas, I’d take an RX-7 all day long over the Miata. Crazy, I know.
Wow, that was therapeutic to get out, and you can’t hit me with tomatoes from where you are. How about you? What entries from a “greatest enthusiast cars ever” list do you feel decidedly “meh” towards, even if you have no idea why?
Top graphic image: Porsche
I love how vintage luxury cars look. I mean pre-(first world) war rolls royces, Bugattis and Cadillacs. I also love how people feel when they look at them, staring at them like giddy kids. The idea of having an 8 liter engine that makes like 45 horsepower is hilarious to me.
However, i get antsy at the idea of driving anything with a non-standard shift pattern, and obviously, without syncromesh. Prior to the wide adoption of the familiar clutch-brake-gas pedals and H-pattern manual transmission, cars had some janky setups. If you look up a video of what it’s like to drive a Ford Model T you’ll probably agree its like rubbing your belly and petting your head at the same time. The first mainstream car with the current driving setup didn’t come until 1922. Syncromesh also wasn’t adopted widely until the 1950s.
Even living without automatic brake-hold and rev-matching seems like a drag.
I guess I could learn how to drive these incredible classics, just like I could probably learn how to shift a Porsche Carrera GT without nuking the clutch. However, I fear my lizard brain would get them mixed up after driving any regular car, and i could end up rebuilding a 100 year old transmission, or worse, in an accident.
All convertibles. Like most people (really, we are the majority) I like to have a nice solid roof above me when I drive. Less wind, less noise, less skin cancer, no feeling of being stared at, no empty drinks cans thrown into my car (does a 2CV look like a trash can?), no pedestrians spitting at me (England is such a lovely place to live). I got raged at by people for not taking the hard top off my Elise, like I was somehow hurting them by enjoying my car my way. I’m very happy for the people who enjoy it to be convertiblists, I love seen S2000s, Elises, MX5s and SLKs zipping about with smiling people in them, and TVRs broken at the side of the road, it makes me happy. I just don’t want to do it myself.
All VWs. I just don’t get them. VW is Germany’s Nissan. Why would I want a VW when I could have an old BMW instead?
I would like one of my neighbours to have a Corrado, because I like how they look, but I don’t want one, not even one with the V6 in it. Not least because it is just a V6, albeit a significantly cheaper V6 than normal, and not some sort of magical “almost an in-line” six that VW fans get super aggressive about.
I’m also off hot hatches, despite having had an AX GT and an Astra GTE back in the day. I tried to want a GR Yaris, and I get excited when I see one, but I don’t want one.
That said – I hated MX5s until I drove one, then I kept the one I bought for 7 years, despite hating driving with the roof down. They are great to drive. I should keep trying different cars.
any Euro cars
VW GTI
BMW
MINI
German cars in general tbh. Just no interest.
XKE, Porsche Speedster, 60’s Lincoln Continental Convertible, same era Tbird Convertible.
Corvettes. From the C4 forward it was the definitive high-powered everyman’s sports car. They’re beautiful, reliable, fast, sound great and handle well for their size, but with great power comes tall-ass gearing, and I just can’t be trusted with a car that makes great engine noises but can only hit redline legally in 1st. I’d simply wreck my driving record chasing that sound.
I love the sound of a V8 with a hot carb, but most cars with one are too fast to be fun on the road and heavy enough to obliterate brakes/tires on track at a rate I just can’t keep up with.