Most car reviews get straight to the point. Sure, you’ll find a funny one-liner here or there, or maybe a string of sentences best described as a hallucination, but rarely are you just going to sit there cackling. Then there are car reviews you can never forget because they had you giggling from start to finish. What’s the most hilarious car review?
Now, I want to keep this clean. By hilarious, I’m talking about funny because the car was terrible, or just the article or video itself was just so fun. I don’t want to pick on any of our industry colleagues here, past or present. Admittedly, part of my goal here is to give myself some deeply entertaining reading material this weekend. But hey, I’m sure all of you will want something great to read, too!
I was inspired to write this after reading The Bishop’s excellent story about the worst Pontiac. The legendary John Davis is one of my automotive journalist heroes (I work for two others), so I watch each and every MotorWeek review that I can. Something I love about John is that he can always find something that he likes about a car, and it’s inspired me to live in a similar way. But the silly side effect is that when there’s a car that disappoints the MotorWeek crew, you probably remember it. The Pontiac T1000 was one of those cars, and you just have to read the Bishop’s piece on it. But here’s the video:
Everything about this review has me smiling from start to finish. The “Made In U.S. Of A” sticker on the trunk to the 60 mph time of 30 seconds had me practically on the floor. John just kicks the poor car when it’s already down, too. Again, you have to read the Bishop’s piece to get the full effect.
More recently, I found myself reading every single word of Car and Driver‘s “M5 vs. M5 Comparison Test” that was published on December 29. Honestly, when I saw this one pop up in my feed, I did a double-take. This story was a glorious, almost-serious comparison between a BMW M5 and a Kubota M5.
Everything about that piece is terrific, from the imagery showing the tractor chasing the BMW to the fact that it sounds like the Car and Driver team did some real tractor stuff. Even the spec sheets at the end are great. Here’s the line about how quickly the Kubota M5-111 can accelerate:
ACCELERATION
30 mph: as if
60 mph: never
Top Speed: 23 mph (mfr claim)
Here’s another snippet:
However, the M5-111 excels in categories that the BMW doesn’t even bother to contest. Its power takeoff rating, for instance, is a stout 89 ponies. Its hydraulic pump can flow 17 gallons per minute, and that system makes cool noises like “wheeeesh” and “KNNEEurrrrr.” The M5-111’s LA1854 front loader offers a maximum dump angle of 64 degrees. BMW doesn’t publish the M5’s maximum dump angle, let alone its attachment rollback time or cubic feet of heaped-material bucket capacity, stats that Kubota happily shares.
Perfection. Finally, I have to give a shoutout to Bob Mayer of TV station WTVJ in Miami, Florida. Back in the 1970s, he reviewed a bunch of the best that automakers had to offer, and his reviews are so great. He would talk about how so many cars were just huge, steaming piles of crap with a completely straight face and serious tone:
Jason wrote a whole story about this, lol.
So, I want more stuff like that to get me through my weekend. What’s the most hilarious car review you’ve read, heard, or watched?
Top graphic image: thecardsaysmoops/YouTube
Jean Lindamood writing for Car and Driver. It was their second invasion of Mexico and Don Sherman’s leadership stranded them on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere at night. Jean wondered about being kidnapped by bandits and said, “I’m gonna kill you Sherman. One day the children and I will escape, and I’m going to hunt you down and kill you.”
Charles Fox (I think) of Car and Driver talking about Peugeot ownership. He was throwing in the towel and giving the car to a wrecking yard.
“I’m giving you my car.”
“Don’t want it. I got two and you’re my only customer.”
“I’ll come back at night and throw it over your fence.”
“My dog will get you.”
Chris Harris on Cars, before he became famous with TG, not so much reviewed, but declared love to his 1957 12 hp Citroën 2cv. He shows the dedication you need to get it up to speed, over the hills, etc. People actually bought a 2cv because of his video. https://youtu.be/HKp7BrfOpEU?si=NhccNcXYECAFRuAA
It’s not an article, but a couple of panels from a Car & Driver that show the difference between “oversteer” and “psychosteer”. A Google Image search for the latter will turn it up.
Those well captioned images have been making me laugh for ~30 years now.
Anything by Uncle Tom McCahill, possibly the first of the modern car reviewers. He sold the idea of independent road tests to Popular Mechanix magazine after World War 2. He invented 0-60mph as a test standard.
Tom had a really colorful turn of phrase. Borrowing from someone else’s compilation… On the 1957 Buick’s handling: “Like a fat matron trying to get out of a slippery bathtub.” On re-powering the 1955 Packards: “Changing to a V-8 was like Harry Truman voting Republican.” On the 1957 Ford’s build quality: “Rugged as an Irish riot in a Russian saloon.” On the effectiveness of the 1958 Chrysler Imperial’s air conditioning: “Cold enough to blue the lips of an Eskimo blubber collector parked inside a blast furnace.” On the 1956 AMC Rambler’s size: “As short as a Sing Sing haircut.”
Beyond the colorful commentary, Tom’s reviews were generally excellent and got to the heart of the car. Google him and read his stuff.
Car and Driver: Mustang versus Mustang
https://www.caranddriver.com/reviews/comparison-test/a15140573/1991-ford-mustang-car-vs-mustang-horse-comparison-test/
C/D review of the Crosscab: https://www.caranddriver.com/reviews/a15124729/2011-nissan-murano-crosscabriolet-test-review/
C/D Outlander Sport: https://www.caranddriver.com/features/a15127010/viva-la-personalizacion-modifying-a-2011-mitsubishi-outlander-sport-in-mexico-feature/
2011 was a good year for them, I guess.
https://www.caranddriver.com/features/a15127010/viva-la-personalizacion-modifying-a-2011-mitsubishi-outlander-sport-in-mexico-feature/
So many of these are going to be Car & Driver. It was a place of authorship first, and the results bore out the principle.
Did I love Sport Compact Car, Evo, Car, and Road and Track? Yes, of course. But, despite being a hardcore Honda tuning guy in the 90’s, Car and Driver was something special. Much like OG SportsCenter, it’s hard to explain just how much thought and craft went into that work.
Clarkson’s E60 M5 Review:
Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRwR1WH0rR8
Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnZVkdzXzFQ
Any of the old Car &Track reviews are great.
This is a classic…
https://www.curbsideclassic.com/automotive-histories/the-opel-kadett-asassination-by-car-and-driver/
Yes, that’s the one!
The one that sticks in my mind is opening of Clarkson’s TVR Sagaris review where TVR developed cars based on a customer complaining how dead he was and “owning a TVR was like owning a pet bear , all great fun until he tore your head off, which he would “
I really miss Dan Neil. I know he’s still out there, but I don’t read The Wall Street Journal, and I will never go out of my way to read The Wall Street Journal.*
When Dan was writing for the (easily accessible) Los Angeles Times, man those were the salad days. Dan was a breath of fresh air at the time because he was a skilled, knowledgeable, and hilarious writer, but he did not have any of the macho baggage of dinosaurs like David E. Davis (yes, I said it).
Come to think of it, I always liked Jamie Kitman for the same reason, although he was less overtly comedic.
*In addition to stealing my favorite automotive writer, WSJ also stole one of my favorite tech writers, Joanna Stern.
“Oh, please, don’t even start with accusations of cultural stereotyping. I’m from North Carolina. A telephone pole with a Camaro wrapped around it might as well be the state tree.”
I like Jamie Kitman and pretty much anyone from Automobile Magazine.
When it came out, my buddy wrote an article for the college newspaper: “Don’t You Go Buy a Yugo”.
There was a Car and Driver review of a Volvo station wagon. Probably a 740. it must have been around the mid 1990s. I wish i could remember the year or issue, but I sometimes thing about it and laugh. The author took a roadtrip in winter with a companion. They had a pistol. They slowly started driving each other crazy (sample line, paraphrased from memory: It wasn’t the sound of the breathing, it was the frequency). It was as if the author were channeling Hunter S. God I wish I could find that now.
David E. Davis on the Opel Kadett.
Anything by P. J. O’Rourke
Yes! Can I add anything by Peter Egan? Particularly his 1963 Cadillac adventure.
Months ago I stated Toyota using a hybrid program was far more intelligent than 100% EV. But now the fact 100% EV Is a failure and now Toyota is soaring high why are the people saying I was wrong when I said Toyota was on the right path?.
Another one from my teenage years:
https://www.caranddriver.com/reviews/a15133335/2004-dodge-ram-srt-10-road-test/
Brock Yates and John Phillips of Car and Driver (two guys who couldn’t be more unalike in personality) do a pseudo review of the Ram SRT10, in the style of an email exchange between the two discussing the pros, cons, and ridiculousness of a 500 horsepower pickup truck. Remember, when this came out, cars like the Supra and Mustang GT were sub 300 horsepower cars.
This devolves into the two equally exchanging personal insults while making a very relaxed effort to stay on the subject of the truck.
Through all the humor though, they manage to drop in every single bit of numbers information you would get in a press release, but it’s done in this long form conversation that is factual, funny, and never feels forced. Or at least it didnt to me.
Remember, I was a hillbilly kid that didn’t even have cable or internet, so I was still nearly a decade away from discovering the wit and banter of Top Gear. This was comedy gold to me. I probably read this review 4 times in its entirety.
Seriously read it. It’s great.
You could fill a QOTD with just the best John Phillips submissions.
https://www.caranddriver.com/reviews/a15137235/2002-cadillac-escalade-ext-archived-test-review/
He was seriously so good.
That EXT review immediately jumped to my mind too.
That’s exactly the article that instantly came to my mind, and it is the correct answer. I’m just mad you beat me to it.
One of my personal favorites that’s not so much outright hilarious but more wryly smirking was Consumer Report’s short form, next-to-the-circles review blub for the SN95 Mustang – along the lines of simply “the continued appeal of this primitive rear driver eludes us.”
I’m sure it does, perhaps best to go back to ranking washing machines or canned vegetables.
As a previous owner of one of those, a GT convertible, I almost get where they’re coming from. It looked sick and sounded amazing, but mine had 140,000 miles on it, and other than that gorgeous body, shiny red paint, and the straight piped 4.6, it drove like a slammed 2wd S10 with a Rubbermaid interior held together by hopes and dreams.
Friggin loved that car.
I love how you just distilled being a car enthusiast into 3 sentences.
Hunter S. Thompson’s review of a Ducati 900SS, Song of the Sausage Creature is of course a classic, but I hope to some day track down Bare: Car! from the 90s UK comic magazine Deadline, a droll gag written from the perspective of someone who had no idea how to operate a car or how it should behave.
It isnt the funniest, but this one by John Philips of C&D absolutely caused me to buy this car.
https://www.caranddriver.com/reviews/a15124356/2012-ford-mustang-boss-302-test-review/
And then this line from another C&D test of the same car made me laugh
“Drop out of the gas, and the bellow retreats to staccato bursts of burbles and pops, the engine pulsing against backpressure like Zeus casually farting in his Olympian hot tub.”
That is exactly what it sounded like…
For a written article, PJ O’Rourke on driving a Ferrari cross-country.
https://www.caranddriver.com/features/a15142347/ferrari-reinvents-manifest-destiny-pj-orourke-and-a-ferrari-308gts-archived-feature/
Only God can make a tree, but only man can drive by one that fast. And if the lowly Italians, the lamest, silliest, least stable of our NATO allies, can build a machine like this, just think what it is that we can do. We can smash the atom. We can cure polio. We can fly to the moon if we like. There is nothing we can’t do. Maybe we don’t happen to build Ferraris, but that’s not because there’s anything wrong with America. We just haven’t turned the full light of our intelligence and ability in that direction. We were, you know, busy elsewhere. We may not have Ferraris, but just think what our Polaris-missile submarines are like. And, if it feels like this in a Ferrari at 130, my God, what can it possibly feel like at Mach 2.5 in an F-15? Ferrari 308s and F-15s—these are the conveyances of free men. What do the Bolshevik automatons know of destiny and its control? What have we to fear from the barbarous Red hordes?
It’s a classic for sure. A hidden gem that even O’Rourke doesn’t pick up on is that the Ferrari he’s test driving isn’t for some silly TV show as he thinks; it’s actually for the pilot episode of Magnum PI.
One of my first bosses had some O’Rourke on the bulletin board. When we broke something he would ape the writer in a half hour soliloquy – I can hear him ranting now… We built shells that had proximity fuses in the ‘40s. We built an atom bomb. We built an automatic gun sight. And these children that the managers send me can break one inch steel mixing blades while mixing a yard of concrete!
We also built the Norden bombsight…which absolutely SUCKED:
“Under combat conditions the Norden did not achieve its expected precision, yielding an average CEP in 1943 of 1,200 feet (370 m), similar to other Allied and German results. Both the Navy and Air Forces had to give up using pinpoint attacks. The Navy turned to dive bombing and skip bombing to attack ships, while the Air Forces developed the lead bomber procedure to improve accuracy, and adopted area bombing techniques for ever-larger groups of aircraft.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norden_bombsight
“Nevertheless, the Norden’s reputation as a pin-point device endured, due in no small part to Norden’s own advertising of the device after secrecy was reduced late in the war.”
Marketing makes reality, it’s the American way!
Of course when the alternative was literally committees of kamikaze pigeons maybe marketing propaganda was the best weapon after all.
I had no idea. I see why all the birds left Earth in a glorious mashup of birds are not real and Johnathan Livingston Seagull.
My parents were kind enough to gift me an annual subscription to C/D from 1978-1985. 13 year old me read this article, and immediately wanted to be an automotive journalist. Some of the paper press reviewers had such a knack for writing back then. My dad used to subscribe to Consumer Reports, which was dishwater dull.
The funny things is that even before that flag waving hyperbole was written Communists had some damn fine tech:
The Soviets took their naval reactor tech further than we did. It resulted in a lot more problems but some submariners dying were a risk their fearless leaders were willing to take. It’s how they won WW2 after all. And their titanium hulls were far less magnetic thus detectible with MAD.
They also took rocket tech further. The Soviets were launching closed loop engines in the 1960s. American engineers OTOH still considered them “impossible” right up to the 1990s when they were proven wrong with Russian warehouses full of those impossible engines. It wasn’t technology that kept the hammer and sickle from reaching the moon first.
The Soviets also the undisputed world leaders in phage therapy while the west stuck with antibiotics. Antibiotics are great…till the bacteria develop resistance. Phages OTOH change with the bacteria to overcome that resistance. For decades that tech was put down as “inferior” to western antibiotics but today its looking a LOT more interesting.
I think Bob Mayer’s R-body Chrysler New Yorker takes the cake – paint runs, leaking rear door, sticking door handles, every time he hit the brake the clock would turn off and lose the time and the map light would turn on
Or, his bustleback Seville one with the wall of text on the screen listing everything that failed during the week
Both were insanely expensive cars, too
Those are choice. Another personal favorite of the Bob Mayer collection is his take on the Fiat Strada. With highlights including “has gloss = good” paint, the fact that it wouldn’t start, and the steering wheel so far out of whack it blocked the speedometer, I found it amazing that he got through the entire review with anything resembling a straight face.
I just watched it for the like the 5th time. It only now occurred to me that for that entire test drive, Bob Mayer was thinking “don’t stall the car, don’t stall the car, don’t stall the car.” A true professional.
There was a Car & Driver article in the mid 90s (written by Larry Webster, if memory serves) that covers the installation of an aftermarket supercharger on an SN95 Mustang GT.
I can’t find it, but I seem to remember lots of hyperbole, Larry injuring himself (not seriously), and a wicked result at the end.
Any of the old Road & Track spoof reviews get my vote. I remember them mostly in the April editions, but a quick search shows they were all over the place.
From the folks over at the autosport.com forums:
1962: San Francisco Cable Car
1963: London Bus
1964: Morris Major-Mini-Minor
1965: None
1966: Gresley A3 Pacific Locomotive
1967: Sopwith Camel F.1
1968: Electrophant
1969: Greyhound Bus
1970: Mercedes Benz GT (Garbage Truck)
1971: (January) Jaguar XK-EE 12
1972: Goodyear Blimp
1973: Hop Rod Pogo Stick
1974: Maserati MT-3 Bicycle
1975: Cal Poly Rose Parade Float
1976: None
1977: Arrow JP 770 DW Roller Coaster Car
1978: Quantu-Motion Motorboard (motorized skateboard)
1979: Soarmaster C5A Commuter Special (motorized hang glider)
1980: Willis Flyer (laydown go-cart)
1981: Budweiser Clydesdale 8-Horse Hitch
1982: Route 66 “road” test
1983: Sedan Chair
1984: Kenworth W900 Aerodyne
1985: KSC 554,756 Hardtop (Space shuttle hauler)
1986: Pontiac 0-77 Excitement Hot Air Balloon
1987: Six Italian Urban Electrics (Bumper cars)
1988: Queen Elizabeth 2 versus Concorde
1989: None
1990: North American Mustang P-51D
1991: Hover Dynamics RX2000 (Hovercar)
1992: Runyan Racing 20DT (Dog sled)
1993: JPL Rocky IV Microrover (Martian surface rover)
1994: Three Great Subterrainean Transport Systems (London, Paris, and Tokyo Subways)
1995: America 3 (America’s Cup Yacht)
1996: Indiana Jones Adventure Troop Transport Ride
1997: 1958 Porsche Junior (Tractor)
The list should be as follows:
1. All Regular Car Reviews videos.
2. Everything else.
Two great examples. Note that they are very NSFW.
https://youtu.be/hoxqtnI4I4c?si=TP0b_AvxrgK0uOHr
2004 Chrysler PT Cruiser: Regular Car Reviews
https://youtu.be/s7vUfHW157k?si=pSDgJ23nQiCrgsrm
1980 Ferrari 308 GTSi: Regular Car Reviews
For some reason I missed the Ferrari but the PT Cruiser one is True Art.
I just can’t get into Regular Car reviews. I really want to like them, but after about 5minutes the constant shitting on everything just wears me out.
I was going to say, I’d be disappointed if somebody didn’t mention him. Yeah, he’s got his up and down videos, but it’s got the Deadpool “totally serious one moment, horrifically irreverent the next” shtick pretty well down.
And, while often dark, some profound bits of insight that extend far beyond cardom.
I’ve wavered on him over time. I do think he can be very wry and funny, and I like that he is a champion for cars that do a good job of getting you from A to B.
But sometimes he’ll have a ridiculous meltdown over the most prosaic thing, and it’s not all performative. And besides, how seriously can I take a car writer who is an honest-to-goodness furry?
*Real Fart*