Most car reviews get straight to the point. Sure, you’ll find a funny one-liner here or there, or maybe a string of sentences best described as a hallucination, but rarely are you just going to sit there cackling. Then there are car reviews you can never forget because they had you giggling from start to finish. What’s the most hilarious car review?
Now, I want to keep this clean. By hilarious, I’m talking about funny because the car was terrible, or just the article or video itself was just so fun. I don’t want to pick on any of our industry colleagues here, past or present. Admittedly, part of my goal here is to give myself some deeply entertaining reading material this weekend. But hey, I’m sure all of you will want something great to read, too!
I was inspired to write this after reading The Bishop’s excellent story about the worst Pontiac. The legendary John Davis is one of my automotive journalist heroes (I work for two others), so I watch each and every MotorWeek review that I can. Something I love about John is that he can always find something that he likes about a car, and it’s inspired me to live in a similar way. But the silly side effect is that when there’s a car that disappoints the MotorWeek crew, you probably remember it. The Pontiac T1000 was one of those cars, and you just have to read the Bishop’s piece on it. But here’s the video:
Everything about this review has me smiling from start to finish. The “Made In U.S. Of A” sticker on the trunk to the 60 mph time of 30 seconds had me practically on the floor. John just kicks the poor car when it’s already down, too. Again, you have to read the Bishop’s piece to get the full effect.
More recently, I found myself reading every single word of Car and Driver‘s “M5 vs. M5 Comparison Test” that was published on December 29. Honestly, when I saw this one pop up in my feed, I did a double-take. This story was a glorious, almost-serious comparison between a BMW M5 and a Kubota M5.
Everything about that piece is terrific, from the imagery showing the tractor chasing the BMW to the fact that it sounds like the Car and Driver team did some real tractor stuff. Even the spec sheets at the end are great. Here’s the line about how quickly the Kubota M5-111 can accelerate:
ACCELERATION
30 mph: as if
60 mph: never
Top Speed: 23 mph (mfr claim)
Here’s another snippet:
However, the M5-111 excels in categories that the BMW doesn’t even bother to contest. Its power takeoff rating, for instance, is a stout 89 ponies. Its hydraulic pump can flow 17 gallons per minute, and that system makes cool noises like “wheeeesh” and “KNNEEurrrrr.” The M5-111’s LA1854 front loader offers a maximum dump angle of 64 degrees. BMW doesn’t publish the M5’s maximum dump angle, let alone its attachment rollback time or cubic feet of heaped-material bucket capacity, stats that Kubota happily shares.
Perfection. Finally, I have to give a shoutout to Bob Mayer of TV station WTVJ in Miami, Florida. Back in the 1970s, he reviewed a bunch of the best that automakers had to offer, and his reviews are so great. He would talk about how so many cars were just huge, steaming piles of crap with a completely straight face and serious tone:
Jason wrote a whole story about this, lol.
So, I want more stuff like that to get me through my weekend. What’s the most hilarious car review you’ve read, heard, or watched?
Top graphic image: thecardsaysmoops/YouTube
Murilee Martin’s review of the E63 Wagon that became a support car for a Lemons Checker Marathon and Plymouth Valiant impromptu road trip can still floor me on the 50th read:
https://www.caranddriver.com/news/a15358460/the-long-sordid-tale-of-our-road-trip-through-frozen-hell-with-the-best-and-worst-station-wagons-in-the-world/
More of a review of truck and suv grills. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YpuX-5E7xoU
I also like the BMW R1300GS Review. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mGqbm0NkQZk&pp=ygUYVGhlIGJtdyBSMTMwMEdTIGZvcnRuaW5l
And
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GpVMsqSW6pk&pp=ygUubXkgcnR3IG1vdG9yY3ljbGUgLSBob3cgZHVjYXRpIG91dC1nZXJtYW5zIGJtdw%3D%3D
I loved the old R&T April Fool’s reviews, with a special mention of the one they did for a sedan chair in 1983. They described the suspension as “hip bone connected to the knee bone, knee bone connected to the shin bone” etc. Hilarious stuff!
The cable car test “slingshot acceleration” when they grabbed the cable and kept the brakes on to stretch the cable, and “corners as if on rails”
I keep trying to track down the straight twelve XKE they tested, which was a real car, just before the E type V12 came out.
There were lots of them – IIRC the Greyhound bus review was good too.
The good old days.
In the early ’90s C&D took a fleet of AWD minivans to Prudhoe Bay Alaska, with a GMC Yukon as a chase vehicle. A John Phillips article.
My memory is fuzzy, but wasn’t Phillips also involved in the 1993 Paris Dakar with a nearly stock Grand Cherokee?
I’m not sure – I know he did the South American Camel Trophy? expedition in the ’90s. They may have crossed the Darien Gap? My memory is fuzzy too after 30 years.
Just went into the archives (a bookshelf with 30 years of C/D issues) and pulled the issue. It wasn’t Phillips, but Phil Berg.
I recall that article – would have made David Tracey proud.
Old RCR used to be good, the past couple of years Brian has taken a weird turn and he’s not as funny.
This Regular Car Reviews video of the PT Cruiser forever shaped my understanding of car culture. No joke, it turns into a Master’s-level English Literature thesis on postmodernism somewhere in there, but still one of the funniest reviews I have ever seen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoxqtnI4I4c
That thing Bob Mayer did to the Fiat Strada: popping the sheetmetal with his thumb to see how thin it was… I did the same thing to a Chevy HHR in front of the salesperson once. I remarked that the bit at the edge of the fender where it went under the hood felt like the actual heavy-duty tin foil I use to line my BBQ.
Jeremy Clarkson on the Vauxhall Vectra on Old Top Gear. 1996.
Absolute best review of a bland car…..ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ756HncddI
I’m one of those who can’t seem to overlook Jeremy Clarkson’s shortcomings as a human being in order to enjoy his reviews, but that was moderately amusing.
It was so disappointing to learn that he’s an actual jerk in real life and it’s not just a character he plays on tv.
This video is gold
I checked the comments and not one of you fuckers has mentioned me. Honestly why do I bother.
For the cuddles? I will say that for the record, I did think of you while reading 2004 C&D article of the Ram SRT and thought, Adrian would be in this roll, bickering with a co-worker. (I’d love it to be David, but I think he’s too sensitive and wouldn’t get the joke of it.)
I enjoy cuddles as much as my beloved Fifi does. Not at all.
See! you would be perfect for that type of article. Now how about a road trip from New York to L.A. with Jason in a diesel Jetta that both of you are sealed into?
That would be fun, but I’m not sure about the ‘sealed into’ part.
https://www.caranddriver.com/features/a15140960/the-nonstop-cross-country-volkswagen-jetta-voyage-archived-feature/
How about fused into a diesel Volvo 240 instead? Become one with the machine!
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/eKejbQWtNxI
Classic!
You should do it. Maybe a European version?
Torch was the one that did the article about pee catching devices on the old site, right?
Either way, seems like the right man for the job.
Surely you’d enjoy cuddling the mutfly. How can you not?
https://youtu.be/UIYy8nnsQRU?t=763
<3
I mean, Adrian and Jason already did that point-counterpoint on the VW Beetle.
True.
Your Sssangyonngg stuff is hilarious
Fuck you are needy.
I am a lot of things but needy is not one of them.
But if we publicly appreciated you it would compromise your artistic integrity. We treat you like shit out of love so that you can continue your important work as a curmudgeonly iconoclast.
Fair.
This retro review of the Yamaha RD350 is great, particularly my favorite paragraph:
Since most of its 352 pounds rest on the rear wheel, the 350’s front hoop enjoys pointing out interesting cloud formations under full throttle. The Habitually Dim still risk wearing it as a hat in the first two gears.
https://www.motorcyclistonline.com/great-bikes-70s-yamaha-rd350/
John Davis’s enunciation was primo.
Jaunty windbreakers too.
Autocar’s annual Christmas special, where they ‘road test’ a non-car, is always pretty good. They’ve done planes, trains, ships, tanks, hot air balloons, basically any sort of mechanical machine that moves that is not a car.
I have been binging Aging Wheels’ reviews of EVs and microcars and EV microcars recently. They’re all pretty great, but standouts include those of the Spira foam trike thing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJgGkRDyekU
and the Uncar, a 1980s EV funded by Carol Shelby with a manual transmission and a Gillette hairdryer plumbed in under the dash as the defroster.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyZd4_2unFM
I remember reading a review of the Strada in Car & Driver back in the late 70s. The first line was “Torch the sucker!” Reviewer did not like that car one bit.
Gotta go with anything with Joe Isuzu vs the competition. Isuzu shot for entertaining value
They were aiming for memorability since they were advertising nationally, including markets they wouldn’t have a dealer in for years.
And, even later, having no car dealers whatsoever in any US market.
David E. Davis’ review of the BMW 2002, https://www.caranddriver.com/features/a15126456/1968-bmw-2002-review/. Not overtly hilarious, but the examples are brilliant:
Also, his comments about the crappy Blaupunkt radio in the 2002 that actually got him fired from C&D because Blaupunkt was an advertiser in the magazine:
I really can’t pick one, but I could spend hours watching the YouTube channel Curious Cars. Bill really knows his stuff but also mixes it up complaining about birds, the weather, his “friends” and more.
“Today’s review is gonna be quick. 30 minutes, tops. Tops!” Then he proceeds to go on for 50 minutes.
I have to mention the classic Car and Driver review of the Chevy Chevette where I believe Brock “The Assassin” Yates coined the term “ahitbox”.
Brock Yates – the OG. I loved him
I remember reading a review if the early ’90s Geo Metro in a magazine. They recommended getting the manual transmission. They wrote that if you bought the automatic version, expect to be outrun by glaciers and asthmatic garden pests.
I laughed about that for months afterward.
Then I ended up getting a 5-speed Geo Metro a few years later and was perfectly happy with the acceleration in a slow-car-fast kind of way. 🙂
edit: What’s with the !Awaiting for approval icon next to my post?
Yeah, that “awaiting approval” thing happened to me yesterday, no idea why.
The autos on those Metros were like, what, 3 speed I think.
I’ve had a post or two like that. I suspect some words automatically trigger automoderation. Mine contained the word “Nazi.”
Edit: sure enough, using that word again here marked the post as “Awaiting for approval.”
$0.02 says the word after “garden” in your comment caused the moderation flag.
This review is pretty hilarious at times… fast forward to 4:50 and watch the front tire as he goes around a curve:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbGK7lSmP28&list=PLs1uddv0AOKci88vwcvWP6DC8oAntSwjF&index=7
What I love about reviews of this time period is the jaunty music. They’re driving objectively dangerous machinery, but to this incongruously upbeat amusement park soundtrack. Now, as things are ever safer, we feel the need to inject fake peril into everything via dramatic music, etc.
That’s an easy one to answer for me. This comparison review of the Polestar 1 and the BMW i8 is not only a great review, it has the funniest moment I’ve ever seen in a car review and it makes me laugh every time: https://youtu.be/EQ_tzvWMCLs?si=3_MmZzplmH7QhTWY&t=341
“Voila! It’s as easy as that!”
LOVE Throttle House!
LJK Setright… and go.
Loved everything he wrote. It was always marvelous. A vote for Russell Bulgin also.
Bulgin was the greatest to ever do it. I have a terrible habit of pestering people I meet who worked with him to tell me all about what he was like. There is usually alcohol involved so I don’t remember what was said, condemning me to repeat the whole debasing process.
Clarkson’s review of the Nissan Sunny was Clarkson at his absolute best. “Why on Earth did they call it the Nissan Sunny? There’s nothing sunny about it at all. It should be called the Slight Drizzle, the Mildly Overcast… the Nissan Average British Weather.” This went on and on, highlighting everything wrong or just boring with the car… but it happens to be the fastest accelerating car on the planet! After a good 10min or so of slagging off the car, he repeats the statement about being the fastest accelerating car on the planet, gets out of the car and says “I’ll prove it to you.” The camera cuts to the car being attached as payload to an enormous trebuchet, which proceeds to fling it into the next county. “There you go… zero to 150mph in just over a second!” And walks away
And how they rusted away up here in Sweden with our generouse use of roadsalt….
1980 Cadillac Seville Elegante Diesel Counterpoint:
If the Seville is the answer, I obviously misunderstood the question. —David E. Davis, Jr.
I came here to say this. An all-time banger.
One of my favorites is from Automobile magazine, Feb 1987, David E. Davis, Jr. is quoted regarded the 3.2 911 Carrera: “It scares me. I run at about six-tenths, coast into corners, always edgy. The clutch is heavy; the steering is heavy; the shifter is vague; it cries out for anti-lock brakes. Someone ought to tell all those 911 enthusiasts that it’s actually a lot easier than this in the Eighties.”