Most car reviews get straight to the point. Sure, you’ll find a funny one-liner here or there, or maybe a string of sentences best described as a hallucination, but rarely are you just going to sit there cackling. Then there are car reviews you can never forget because they had you giggling from start to finish. What’s the most hilarious car review?
Now, I want to keep this clean. By hilarious, I’m talking about funny because the car was terrible, or just the article or video itself was just so fun. I don’t want to pick on any of our industry colleagues here, past or present. Admittedly, part of my goal here is to give myself some deeply entertaining reading material this weekend. But hey, I’m sure all of you will want something great to read, too!
I was inspired to write this after reading The Bishop’s excellent story about the worst Pontiac. The legendary John Davis is one of my automotive journalist heroes (I work for two others), so I watch each and every MotorWeek review that I can. Something I love about John is that he can always find something that he likes about a car, and it’s inspired me to live in a similar way. But the silly side effect is that when there’s a car that disappoints the MotorWeek crew, you probably remember it. The Pontiac T1000 was one of those cars, and you just have to read the Bishop’s piece on it. But here’s the video:
Everything about this review has me smiling from start to finish. The “Made In U.S. Of A” sticker on the trunk to the 60 mph time of 30 seconds had me practically on the floor. John just kicks the poor car when it’s already down, too. Again, you have to read the Bishop’s piece to get the full effect.
More recently, I found myself reading every single word of Car and Driver‘s “M5 vs. M5 Comparison Test” that was published on December 29. Honestly, when I saw this one pop up in my feed, I did a double-take. This story was a glorious, almost-serious comparison between a BMW M5 and a Kubota M5.
Everything about that piece is terrific, from the imagery showing the tractor chasing the BMW to the fact that it sounds like the Car and Driver team did some real tractor stuff. Even the spec sheets at the end are great. Here’s the line about how quickly the Kubota M5-111 can accelerate:
ACCELERATION
30 mph: as if
60 mph: never
Top Speed: 23 mph (mfr claim)
Here’s another snippet:
However, the M5-111 excels in categories that the BMW doesn’t even bother to contest. Its power takeoff rating, for instance, is a stout 89 ponies. Its hydraulic pump can flow 17 gallons per minute, and that system makes cool noises like “wheeeesh” and “KNNEEurrrrr.” The M5-111’s LA1854 front loader offers a maximum dump angle of 64 degrees. BMW doesn’t publish the M5’s maximum dump angle, let alone its attachment rollback time or cubic feet of heaped-material bucket capacity, stats that Kubota happily shares.
Perfection. Finally, I have to give a shoutout to Bob Mayer of TV station WTVJ in Miami, Florida. Back in the 1970s, he reviewed a bunch of the best that automakers had to offer, and his reviews are so great. He would talk about how so many cars were just huge, steaming piles of crap with a completely straight face and serious tone:
Jason wrote a whole story about this, lol.
So, I want more stuff like that to get me through my weekend. What’s the most hilarious car review you’ve read, heard, or watched?
Top graphic image: thecardsaysmoops/YouTube
There were several good ones that have stuck with me. The usually staid Consumer Reports was reviewing a Mustang equipped with a trunk lid spoiler. Somone with a wry sense of humor managed get in a line about how effective it is as the spoiler is capable of closing the lid at a standstill.
The next one was they got Ray Charles to drive a Peugeot 306 Cabriolet out in a desert; The looks on his face were priceless.
Final one: A group from C/D traveled to Montana or Wyoming and stopped for dinner and libations. There were stuffed heads on every square inch. When entrees arrive, one of the diners said, Wow! This a serious meat storm.” I had never heard the term before and laugh when I still do.
Back in the day, Car and Driver published the Moto Rooter spoof which tested a Trabant versus Chevy Caprice. The Caprice won every category except advertising which the Trabant maxed out.
The “Car of the Year” award went to…
the Trabant.
In the April 1993 issue of Car and Driver, you will find the Automotorcar Comparison Test, a comparison of the Mercedes-Benz 600SEL, Ferrari Testarossa, and Citroen “Large Saloon” against the Denbeigh Super Veritable, a car that never existed yet easily won the comparison due to its Britishness. A small sample of the lunacy:
Tabulating the Editors’ Ratings – of which the Denbeigh recorded a perfect score, natch – was as follows:
It was a perfect representation of C/D irreverence at its best.
Kinda surprised I haven’t seen Jeremy Clarkson’s video of the Reliant Robin.
Not a review in the strictest sense, but enough content to make the average buyer run the other way.
https://youtu.be/QQh56geU0X8?si=GfxhKYq7ijFNJ21T
“Good tires, but certainly not great tires.”
The review that ruined a career: https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2007/01/impala-ss/.
“The Super Sport allure (such as it is) rests solely upon the Impala’s Corvette-based pushrod V8. This small block mill generates so much horsepower (303hp @ 5600rpm) and torque (323 ft.-lbs. @ 4400rpm) that it launches the 3711 pound Impala like a ball of flaming garbage in a catapult.”
Poor guy got blacklisted pretty badly after that little quip. I hope it was worth it.
Back in 2003 at the beginning of the Clarkson, May and Hammond era of Top Gear, Rover would not let them test drive their new City Rover for the show. So May went undercover to a dealer……
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmO1OEupTGo
Not hilarious, but remarkably droll all things considered
“Crash Testing a Can-Am Car – we drive a Lola T160 at 11/10ths”
The Danville Incident – or how I bought a Lola T160 – by Charles Fox
https://www.virhistory.com/vir/69-jun/lola-art.html
Well droll isn’t right either, a great piece of writing though,