One of the greatest characters in modern auto journalism was Kristen Lee’s “Fancy Kristen.” Kristen had this magical way of turning boring hyper luxury car news into something exciting by satirizing how the ultra-wealthy might react to said news. Click here for a glorious taste. A reader just reminded us of those old days.
Jason wrote a Cold Start about the knobs in a 1934 Voisin Mean. Mighty Bagel:
I was actually going to buy this car but then found out that the leather seats were from adult ostriches and not the more preferable baby ostriches (much softer with finer graining) so decided to pass.
FndrStrat06:
Okay Fancy Kristen, we see you.
Jon L:
The first one is clearly Plankton from SpongeBob. The second turns on the krabby patty grill. The lightning indicates you are ready for a krabby patty. The sprayer is for extra ketchup. Swirly is for extra mustard.
Parsko:
The spiral is the one you activate as you drive by other people who are rolling their eyes at your wealth. It sprays a cloud of deadly poison behind you as a punishment for their poor.
Highland Green Miata:
Since the car is French, clearly the spiral is the escargot warmer.
Rad Barchetta:
Now listen, 007, your new car is equipped with a water spray, tornado generator, lightning bolt emitter, and cockroach ejection system. Standard kit, really. Do bring her back in one piece this time, hm?
Nlpnt:
“What does the bolt emitter do?”
“Pull it and a Chevy Bolt ejects from the boot. It’s for when you get far enough from Car Week the Voisin no longer blends in.”
“Does it have any special features?”
“Yes, Bond. At the insistence of this site’s chief engineer, it’s been fitted with a range extender. (Q opens the hatch to show a campsite generator held in place with zip ties and a drive belt going into holes cut in the floor to parts unkown but possibly directly to the rear axle) Pull to start, only operate it with ALL the windows down and wear ear protection. You’ll find noise-canceling headphones in the glovebox.”
Balloondoggle:
The last one summons Gene Wilder to sing “Imagination” for you when you drive through a tunnel.
Thomas wrote a Morning Dump that ended with a question about if you own a car from a dead brand. Username Loading….:
TBQ: Yes I have purchased from a brand that no longer exists in the US. Parts are a bit difficult to find but otherwise there’s no big issues.
Wait, I’m being informed that Mitsubishi does in fact still sell new cars in the US. Nevermind.
Have a great evening, everyone!
Woohoo!
People keep telling me Mitsubishi’s dead but I’ve seen more new Mitsus on the road since the Evo was discontinued than I had at any time since they were branded “Colt Imported for Dodge/Plymouth”.