Home » America’s Porsche 911 Is A Van And Pizza Is Definitely A Meal: COTD

America’s Porsche 911 Is A Van And Pizza Is Definitely A Meal: COTD

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The internet is full of hot takes. Should cars be banned? Is pizza a meal? Is Elon Musk the modern-day’s Henry Ford? Well, today, our Thomas Hundal had a spicy take of his own.

Thomas’ take was that the Chevrolet Express cargo van was America’s equivalent of the air-cooled Porsche 911. His take could be summarized as both vehicles were slow to adapt to the times and both vehicles were ridiculously optimized for their one job. Some people still found the take absurd, but A. Barth saw through it with this COTD winner:

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Editor’s Note: We editors warned Thomas that this take was too hot.

This is basically “a vehicle designed for a particular purpose evolves slightly over the years”. One might have a similar view on school buses, 18-wheelers, dump trucks, etc.

If my soup were the temperature of that take, I’d put it back on the stove.

Nemebean brought up some old saucy takes from the Lighting Site:

While a bit of a stretch, this take is not nearly as infuriating as the “Pizza is not a meal” or “Touch the cars” ones from the old site. Thomas is reasonably safe from needing skin grafts after reading the comments.

While we’re on the subject of those hot takes, pizza is absolutely a meal. In my eye, if you can get full on the food in question, it’s a meal. Yes, that means even for those weirdos who fill up on unlimited salad and breadsticks. I’ve even had pizza for breakfast on a number of occasions. Fight me.

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Since we missed a couple of COTDs, I’m nominating three comments today! For this morning’s Cold Start, Jason gave us a Clark airport tractor that looks like it could be a snail or a slug. I’m not sure that little guy has pulled a plane. It looks more like it could have been used for baggage duties. Also, weirdly, Piedmont Airlines still exists! Well, sort of. See, Piedmont was absorbed into USAir/Allegheny Airlines, which merged with America West Airlines, which merged with American Airlines.

The airline today that calls itself Piedmont started life as Henson Aviation. It was later bought by Piedmont Aviation and when Piedmont was under USAir control, Henson was renamed Piedmont Airlines. Today, Piedmont Airlines falls under the American Airlines umbrella and does business as American Eagle. So, there’s that.

Oh yeah, our second COTD nomination. Anyway, flyingstitch said:

Ah, snails. Reminds me of this rapid-fire exchange with my 4-year-old son, who is now grown and could go toe-to-toe with Jason in weird streams of consciousness. I had just tucked him into bed.

Him: Dad, why are snails’ eyes way up high?

Me: So they can see all around, I guess.

Him: Because they have lots of enemies?

Me: Yeah.

Him: Like French people?

That kid better become President or something one day. Have a great weekend everyone!

(Top image: GM, Lou Malnati’s Pizzeria)

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Ben
Ben
3 months ago

Yay, I made COTD! My life is complete!

I also love how the pizza take still gets a rise out of people this many years later, thus proving my point. 🙂

Bizness Comma Nunya
Bizness Comma Nunya
3 months ago

You lost me at the picture of Chicago deep dish…. arguably the worst style of pizza.

It’s more of a cheese-based casserole.

It takes an forever to make, never tastes better than an equivalent thin(ner) crust pizza using the same ingredidents, makes you feel like garbage, and is usally overpriced.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago

I only recently realized that pineapple is not why Hawaiian pizza is gross the Canadian bacon is. Replace it with pepperoni, toss on some jalapeños and you have a winning combo.

Last edited 3 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Michael Tucker
Michael Tucker
3 months ago

This is the correct take.

RataTejas
RataTejas
3 months ago

My go to is bacon instead of ham. Canadian bacon is ham. Fight me.

Thomas Metcalf
Thomas Metcalf
3 months ago
Reply to  RataTejas

All right bud. Meet me in the parking lot outside of Tims.

MasterMario
MasterMario
3 months ago
Reply to  Thomas Metcalf

Is that so you can apologize profusely for calling ham “bacon” and then buy him a coffee for the offense?

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago

Him: Dad, why are snails’ eyes way up high?

Me: So they can see all around, I guess.

Him: Because they have lots of enemies?

Me: Yeah.

Him: Like French people?

Those are their hands kid.

Kyle Brant
Kyle Brant
3 months ago

There’s a couple deli’s near me that literally serve breakfast pizza, bacon, scrambled egg, shredded American on pizza dough, its actually good, especially for $7

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
3 months ago

Hot takes ranked by fart production:

  1. Pizza absolutely makes me fart, regardless of which context it’s eaten in. Meal? Snack? Solid farts, either way.
  2. Drew’s cream cheese ranking at Defector COMPLETELY IGNORED THE BEST ONE, JALAPEÑO (or similar spicy pepper). Either way, cream cheese is okay fart fuel. Not a bowel-wrecker like pizza, but the potential is there.
  3. Express-as-911. You can fart in these vehicles, I guess, especially if there’s a change in altitude involved. That really squeezes out the ol’ toots.
  4. Getting hit by a bus. Did you know that a dying body toots as everything shuts down and decomposes? This is easily the worst way to fart, however, so I’m putting it way near the end of this hot take fart ranking.
  5. Touching the cars. You will hold your farts in out of sheer terror after you get chased out of your favorite car show/museum/whatever by large henchmen for touching the cars without getting the owner’s okay. This take ignored consent! Touching the cars is only fine with consent. Otherwise, you run the risk of never farting again, and then exploding because you’re full of farts.
Harvey Park
Harvey Park
3 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Wait I thought girls didn’t fart. Was I lied to?

JerryLH3
JerryLH3
3 months ago
Reply to  Harvey Park

I don’t know how to tell you this, but they also poop!

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
3 months ago
Reply to  Harvey Park

Oh yeah, some of us can out-fart and out-poop you dudes.

Mr. Regular is on the record saying that I’m the only person to ever out-fart him, haha.

RataTejas
RataTejas
3 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Sounds like a dairy issue.

Lack toes interolerances.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
3 months ago
Reply to  RataTejas

I do just fine with regular cheese on its own. Same with bread, so I don’t think it’s gluten. Whatever the combo in pizza is, though: RIP toilet.

Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago

Pizza is most certainly a meal. It may be the most delicious perfect healthy meal you can eat. Refer to your 4 basic food groups and the 4-4-3-2 portions required for your daily consumption. Fruit and vegies, meat and proteins, rice, and breads and finally dairy. Well pizza has bread crust, fruit sauce (tomato is a fruit), meats and vegies in ingredients add pineapple and anchovies you got more fruit and fish protein, cheese is more dairy. Heck have a beer or glass of milk and you are eating a super healthy meal.

CRX89
CRX89
3 months ago

I do not consider Chicago style pizza or chain pizzas to be Pizza. They are Pizza-adjacent products. They are however definitely a meal.

Last edited 3 months ago by CRX89
Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago
Reply to  CRX89

I agree i have 13 pizza places near me. Twelve offer only thin crust, the 13th offers hand tossed pan and is the best pizza i have had across the country, and it is relatively inexpensive compared to other quality pies. I used to say if it doesnt cost $20 or more it isnt a pizza.

Dead Elvis, Inc.
Dead Elvis, Inc.
3 months ago

I’ve even had pizza for breakfast on a number of occasions. Fight me.

I will, but only for the last slice!

Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago

Heck ive seen places with breakfast pizza eggs and sausage and cheese.

Dead Elvis, Inc.
Dead Elvis, Inc.
3 months ago

You’re so cosmopolitan. Just wow, really.

Geoff Dankert
Geoff Dankert
3 months ago

Cold pizza is a top-tier breakfast option.

A. Barth
A. Barth
3 months ago

Thanks, Mercedes! 🙂

Fun fact: pizza leftovers are much better when heated properly. Put them on a metal baking sheet and put them in the oven. Set the oven to 350 and let it start to heat. As the oven gets warmer, so does the pizza (though not at the same rate). When the oven temp reaches 350, the pizza should be at a good eating temperature and have a nice crispy crust.

This works for a full-size oven; a toaster oven would probably be better. Some people recommend heating pizza in a no-stick pan on the stovetop, but I don’t think that would melt the cheese effectively, even if you put a lid on the pan.

Knowonelse
Knowonelse
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

My approach is to fire up the cast iron skillet. Load the pizza into the microwave for about 45 seconds (one slice). Slide piza onto the skillet until the bottom is nice an crispy. You get both melted cheese and a crispy crust!

Mike F.
Mike F.
3 months ago
Reply to  Knowonelse

Bingo! That’s my preferred method as well. That crispy crust is sometimes better than the crust is when you first get the pizza

ADDvanced
ADDvanced
3 months ago
Reply to  Knowonelse

This is the way. Almost.

No microwave needed; just cover the cast iron skillet and the heat will reflect off the lid and melt the cheese.

Last edited 3 months ago by ADDvanced
chad Face
chad Face
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Cold pizza is better than reheated pizza. Fight me.

Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago
Reply to  chad Face

Depends but i am just wondering why you guys have left over pizza?

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago

Right!? Just eat all the pizza the night before and avoid this whole conundrum.

Last edited 3 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Laurence Rogers
Laurence Rogers
3 months ago
Reply to  chad Face

Agree, just get out of the fridge and it’s good to go

Thomas Benham
Thomas Benham
3 months ago

No, fridge is the problem. Fridge makes cold pizza, just leave it in the box and eat it the next morning. Room temperature pizza is the best breakfast. My wife is convinced I’m going to get some food-borne illness from 6 hour old pizza. If it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger!

Freelivin1327
Freelivin1327
3 months ago
Reply to  chad Face

Reheated is always better!

JumboG
JumboG
3 months ago
Reply to  chad Face

Since I work at a QSR Pizza joint, I can tell you that pizza reheated in the same oven it was baked in is most definitely better than cold. You only have to put it in for about a minute, too.

Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Well on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy they say in a frying pan with a lid. THEY ARE CORRECT.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago

They often are.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

I was skeptical of the stovetop thing myself, but it actually works great and is way faster than waiting for the oven to warm up.

Freelivin1327
Freelivin1327
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

I do this all the time…even w/ other leftovers…all it is, is heating it up…way better than microwave

MushroomGlue
MushroomGlue
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

100% reheat pizza in the oven, but also, Workshop/work tip; if you’re stuck with heating up your pizza in a microwave, due to limited work kitchen facilities, but you have access to a workshop, a bit of post-processing with a heat gun does a good job of re-crisping the pizza

MAX FRESH OFF
MAX FRESH OFF
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Convection toaster oven! 350 for 5-10 minutes works great for reheating pizza slices -the crust gets crisp and the cheese bubbly.

Peter d
Peter d
3 months ago

Giordano’s > Lou Malnati ;-).

And yes, pizza is a meal – especially Chicago style pizza. Now I am going to have to pull out a (Giordano’s) frozen pizza from the freezer and cook it up.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago
Reply to  Peter d

Giordanos DIY FTW!

Comes out perfectly in an iron skillet. Scale recipe for your own skillet’s size

https://giordanos.com/how-to-make-the-perfect-chicago-style-pizza/

(Do NOT recommend serving with Jeppsons Malort!)

Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago
Reply to  Peter d

Dude you were winning until Giordanos. Buy frozen pizza dough and make your own. Rhodes makes a good dough as well as many pizza places.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago

“Dude you were winning until Giordanos.”

I’m sorry you think so. I like it better than the Chicago pizza places in my area.

“Buy frozen pizza dough and make your own.”

I AM making my own, including the dough, using the Giordano’s recipe, hence DIY. I’m a cheap bastard so if I can make a pair of 10″ pies for about $4 worth of ingredients yeah, I’ll do that.

“Rhodes makes a good dough as well as many pizza places”

Are you talking about this Rhodes?:

https://rhodesbakenserv.com/pizza-and-calzones/

If so their product locator says its a no go for me, plus all their pizza recipes call for dinner roll dough. :/

I’m still happy to give it a try though. Hell I tried Jepsons. I blame Mercedes for that.

World24
World24
3 months ago

I’ve definitely ate enough whole pizza’s to say that they are, in fact, a meal within themselves.

Lokki
Lokki
3 months ago

Professional posturing pizza pendant here: pizza is a potentially perfect partake, for any meal, providing proper produce is heaped heavily hereon.

In fact:
https://www.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/2012/07/is-nutritionally-balanced-pizza-too-good-to-be-true

I have found this excellent; providing I substitute or eliminate all the bullshit stuff I don’t like.

A. Barth
A. Barth
3 months ago
Reply to  Lokki

posturing pizza pendant here

‘Pedant’, please. “Pizza pendant” perplexes. 🙂

Lokki
Lokki
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Buddy, I’m a swinger, not an intellectual….

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

posturing pizza pendant

Sounds like something Charles E. Cheese would wear to a hip hop show.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago
Reply to  Lokki

“I have found this excellent; providing I substitute or eliminate all the bullshit stuff I don’t like”.

Do you include the seaweed?

“Seaweed is used in the pizza’s crust to lower the dish’s sodium level.”

If so maybe just use straight MSG instead:

“The flavor-enhancing property of MSG was discovered in 1908 by Kikunae Ikeda, a chemistry professor at Imperial University of Tokyo and founder of Ajinomoto. He isolated the substance in a seaweed that for centuries Japanese cooks had been using to make food taste better and found that it was l-glutamate.”

https://pubsapp.acs.org/cen/whatstuff/stuff/8130sci3.html

Steve Schriefer
Steve Schriefer
3 months ago

Heck, cold pizza is the ultimate breakfast food.

Silent But Deadly
Silent But Deadly
3 months ago

I’d have gone with garlic buttered snails, scrambled eggs, toast and champagne myself.

Lokki
Lokki
3 months ago

“I’d have gone with garlic buttered snails, scrambled eggs, toast and champagne myself.”

Hmmm hard to tell if the Frog here is supposed to be sitting on the plate or in front of it…

(It’s still okay to make fun of the French isn’t it?)

Fred Fedurch
Fred Fedurch
3 months ago
Reply to  Lokki

(It’s still okay to make fun of the Surrender Monkeys isn’t it?)

FTFY

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
3 months ago
Reply to  Fred Fedurch

Just a reminder: if it weren’t for the French support of the American Revolutionaries, we’d still be a British colony.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

“Just a reminder: if it weren’t for the French support of the American Revolutionaries, we’d still be a British colony”

Baja Canada.

Collegiate Autodidact
Collegiate Autodidact
3 months ago
Reply to  Fred Fedurch

Repeating a comment I made in an earlier post so it’s an oldie but a goodie:
“Oh, geez, not that tired old trope about the French being surrender monkeys, never mind that it was actually the government (& the Church) that capitulated & that the French people had a strong and fierce underground resistance which many people, including Churchill, credited as being one of the most important and decisive factors in the Allied victory over Germany.”

A. Barth
A. Barth
3 months ago

I think it’s less about historical [in]accuracy and more about the Simpsons episode where Groundskeeper Willie was a substitute French teacher for some reason (budget cutbacks?). He greeted the class with “Bonjour-r-r-r-r-r, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys!”

Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago

Totally agree but the Maginot Line was set up to defend against WW1 Attacks not WWII. And the french underground did do more behind the lines than an army at the front would have done. And the French suffered more than any for resisting after the nazi take over.

Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago

Now we know where that silent but deadly comes from.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
3 months ago

This take slots right under pizza in the Hot Take Fartability Rankings. Eggs are solid fart fuel.

Dead Elvis, Inc.
Dead Elvis, Inc.
3 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

TTD (not Terence Trent D’ Arby, in this case) is an idiot.

Meet Dave Jensen
Meet Dave Jensen
3 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Mix in some pureed Brussel Sprouts if you want some alone time.

Last edited 3 months ago by Meet Dave Jensen
Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
3 months ago

gosh, I wanna go to YOUR brunch

Freelivin1327
Freelivin1327
3 months ago

I’ll never understand this when compared to hot eggs/bacon/sausage, pancakes or waffles…especially w/ coffee!!!

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago

I’d go Monte Cristo sans ham with some homemade cranberry sauce for dipping
and a perfectly fried egg.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago

Happy Father’s Day weekend y’all!
I’m gonna definitely spend some time washing and waxing my shitboxes in honor of my late father. Gonna choose Boston for the soundtrack. He’s a good dad, just can never show up on time.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago

My favorite lesson about cars he taught me?
Glad you asked.
He pulled into the driveway one day in the first really new car my family had ever owned. A brand new car!? As we all stood around admiring this 91’ Protege he pulled the keys from the ignition and purposefully scraped a long groove in the driver’s side door with them.
“So I don’t have to worry about it getting scratched” he explained with a grin.

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
3 months ago

Aw, man…for once, I don’t have words.
I both smiled & choked up a little.
I’m going to go walking with mine tomorrow. Maybe ask him what vehicle he took his license test in, what his farm chores were in 10th grade—then just listen.
Here’s to Dad

JJT554
JJT554
3 months ago
Reply to  TOSSABL

I get to see mine (and Mom!) next week. He’s 93 yrs old, I’m so thankful I can still spend time with him. (Them)

EXL500
EXL500
3 months ago

The good luck dent…I know folks who did similar.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago

Having owned a ’91 Protoge I can assure you it was just a matter of time before the paint flaked off anyway.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

Many years later that protege became the first car I owned. Left it on the side of the road somewhere in Arizona when the transmission gave out with 280k on the odometer. Paint was fine.
Funny thing is he got the Protege because he was too tall for the Miata.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago

“Gonna choose Boston for the soundtrack.”

Smokin!

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
3 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

We never agreed much on music. Boston was our middle ground.

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