Jason Torchinsky is a national treasure. He has this unique ability to make every other post absolutely unhinged. Guaranteed, at least one post a week is going to talk about poop, and he will often go on incredible rants.
This week, Jason wrote about the sleep-inducing update to the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe. NC Miata NA:
First, and most importantly, fuck off, Little Tikes…
This is the automotive news I come here for.
Taargus Taargus:
Simultaneously batshit-unhinged, and 100% fucking correct at the same time.
TheDrunkenWrench:
Pardon my language, but what in the ever loving shitfuck is this? What absolute cockwomble of a bellend signed off on this monstrosity?
CampoDF:
I am just going to “enwhiten” all of my plastic kids toys like everyone else does – out in the backyard, languishing in the UV rays of endless sunlight.
Matt wrote a Morning Dump, ending it with a question about the worst vehicle for military use. Anonymous Person:
“The Big Question:
Which current production car would make the worst military vehicle?”In this case, Miata Is Also The Answer.
Jason also wrote about how car commercials used to have practical effects. One reader used Mad Max: Fury Road as an example of practical effects done well. However, as Phuzz pointed out, this has been a longtime misconception about the film:
Basically, all of the stunts in Fury Road were performed by real people with real vehicles (as numerous behind-the-scenes videos attest), but CGI was used to paint backgrounds into practically every scene.
(eg: before, after)George Miller is one of the few directors who always insist on real stunts.
Finally, Antti wrote about the Fiat 127 Rustica, which was built by Lamborghini. Trust Doesn’t Rust identified the iron in the irony:
We’re just going to gloss over the fact that Fiat named a car “RUSTica”?
I know there’s translations at play but, jeepers.
JDE:
Not as bad, but Toyota still calls their higher-end stuff Turds.
Spikedlemon:
No kink-shame, but Chrysler’s got a Scat thing going on.
Maybe related.
Twobox Designgineer:
And the Dodge EV’s artificial engine noise, Fart-Sonic.
Have a great evening, everyone!
Top graphic image: Little Tikes
I don’t find Jason’s articles to be “unhinged” at all, but simply rational, reasonable assessments of the many idiotic aspects of modern society with some mildly colorful language. And they are freaking great.
An what does google cough up when you type in fart sonic?
https://youtu.be/zze9JINHaHE
Well that’s about as unhinged as anything I can remember,
Which current production car would make the worst military vehicle?”
In this case, Miata Is Also The Answer.
Mazda USA just needs better lobbyist.
The Miata is the perfect vehicle for intelligence, surveillance and reconnaissance (ISR) in today’s urban warfare environment. This light nimble vehicle has a low profile for reduced visibility and signature. The Miata seats two, allowing for a driver and an intelligence/collections officer. The drop-top convertible is specially engineered to provide 360° visibility during high visibility daytime operations, or to provide all-weather capabilities, protecting crew and sensitive equipment during adverse conditions. The cargo capacity is sufficient to support specialized mission load-outs, whether Javelin or mortars for nimble anti-armor maneuver engagement, comms packages for command and control, or special sensors for intelligence missions.
In the event of contact with the enemy, the superior cornering and handling allow the Miata to get out of trouble even faster than it got into it; guaranteed to outrun any adversary military vehicle.
The Miata is truly the answer to the next-gen battlefield.
Now offered in Soul-Red camouflage.
Woo-hoo, COTD, I am honored. But also worried that being commended on a fart joke means that I’m not in a proper environment for positive moral growth here at Autopian. What shall I do?
Too late now.
Hey! Matte white is the hot new car color these days! Right along with matte gray and matte dark gray and matte light gray!
If I were megarich I’d consider kidnapping peoples’ cars and returning them to the same spot the next day with a colored wrap. I’d do the same with a bleached Cozy Coupe, except (with horror) I expect that they’re never allowed to go outdoors because they might get dirty, the same as those poor kids whose monster parents buy them.
Yeah – I was a late Gen-X and we honestly just ran wild over the landscape during the summer months. My 21 YO daughter never ever really had that freedom to just roam free.
Feral children, drinking from random garden hoses.
My kids grew up as the town was gradually taking the monkey bars out of playgrounds and replacing them with those dome things where they can barely get their feet off the ground. Luckily they got to use the monkey bars for a while. After that they climbed trees.
My 5 year old daughter used to fling herself headfirst down the slide, and the other parents would freak out. I would tell them that I was teaching her risk assessment.
I’m a late boomer that grew up on a farm. When I was about 8 my friends and I made a flame thrower out of a pressure tank a third full of diesel and pressurized to 250 psi.
I think the only reprimand I got was about the 250 psi being excessive for the plumbing parts we found in the junk pile. Then I got stuck using the propane weed burner what was a residential propane tank on a trailer that would throw a 15 foot flame and make you uncomfortably hot in a second or so even though the torch was on the end of an eight foot wand.
My grandfather used to tell stories about when he was a child in Pennsylvania during the oil boom in the 1890s collecting all the empty nitroglycerin cans and getting the last few drops from each until he had about a half pint bottle of nitroglycerin which he would carry around and play practical jokes by putting a few drops on the trolley tracks or door knockers.
Of course my grandfather had already outlived a lot of his contemporaries who died from childhood illnesses, farm accidents, or transportation mishaps, and most of the adults had been through the civil war.
Disease and accidental death was a not quite as big factor when I was a kid too and my parents went through the depression, WWII and Korea.
I raised my children in Brooklyn. Letting them go wherever they wanted in NYC seemed vastly safer than growing up on a farm.
Suburban childhood. But past a certain young age we had bikes and may be anywhere within a 1.5 mile radius of home with no contact. The pool, the park, the woods, someones house. Take your trunks and towel with the pool tag and few bucks or so for a snack. Be home for dinner.
Yeah, bikes go anywhere, and we had “limits” which were at first just this block, then two bocks in the four directions, then no limits. As you say, be home by suppertime. At night it was come in when it gets dark, other than playing hide and seek on the block.
The rusted out Camaro, a case of beer and a bonfire in the woods phase of growing up in the burbs was what I was worried about. Before that the city and the burbs are about the same.
I occasionally marvel at the fact no one died during our antics on the farm, but then I remind myself that periodically someone _does_ die* and the only reason I can even consider this is that I did survive. The ones who didn’t aren’t around to talk about it.
*The child of someone I knew in high school just died in a UTV accident on the farm, and something like this seems to happen every few years. Consider this a PSA that UTVs are dangerous. See also: Andrew Collins from the old site.
I am told that my beloved Ford 8n tractor, my candidate for the most perfect machine ever made, is incredibly dangerous,
After considering all the times I almost died driving one, for example getting all the times I got whacked in the face by a walnut branch and almost scraped off the tractor while using a flail mower or brush hog. That would definitely not have been an open casket event.
My dad, who was a kid in the 30s in NYC, said he and his friends would sometimes go out and ride the whole subway system all day.
Once my son came game a bit late because he saw a bunch of people on the A train with surf boards and wondered where they were going.
My daughter is gradually taking all the ferries in NYC. She’s an adult but still the NYC ferries are great.
They’re fun. I say that though only having taken ones to Governor’s Island, which is a visit I recommend. I’m not sure how many of this summer’s exhibits and events are still around at this point.
There’s a ferry from pier 11 near Wall Street to the Rockaways that’s pretty cool. Lower Manhattan, past Coney Island to Rockaway Beach. Bring a surfboard!
Matte greige as well. Everything is flesh tones.
The flesh tones of someone that has been at the bottom of a lake for a few days in some cases,
🙂
Woo! Thank Mercedes!
On one hand I got a CotD 🙂 on the other hand, I was kinda being a “well actually” sort of dickhead 🙁
The duality of
manan Autopian.Technically correct is the best sort of correct.
I don’t see the issue here.
FartSonic sounds like some sort of DeviantArt account with drawings I don’t want to see 🙂
FartSonic had several big dance hits in the late 90s.
Like their hit single Closing
your anusTime?That was a different band. FartSonic featured some sort of electronic organ / kazoo sound with various air horns and siren noises mixed in. You know, typical late 90s dance stuff that may sometimes crossover to stadium anthems.
Mostly in the electro-dub-house genre.