Home » David Attenborough Narrating The Life Of An Autopian Author: Comment Of The Day

David Attenborough Narrating The Life Of An Autopian Author: Comment Of The Day

Screen Shot 2024 05 21 At 5.17.52 Pm
ADVERTISEMENT

Today I told you about what it was like using the Tesla Cybertruck’s bed for “truck stuff.” Since I — someone in the public eye who was famously single for an entire decade, wrenching on cars in junkyards over going on dates — mentioned my girlfriend multiple times in that piece, people naturally had to talk about that. Some of the comments were quite clever, including one written in the voice of Sir David Attenborough.

I’ll let DysLexus take it away:

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Imagine hearing this in David Attenborough’s voice:

“Notice how the male Autopian progresses through his daily routine. Following the guidance of his mate, he deftly gathers the necessary items of sustenance for the nest. Watch as he also is able transition seamlessly between different social situations following the cues of others in his habitat.

Oh, what’s that? We see that he has injured a wing while fluttering helplessly against the side of a large shiny foreign object that has stored his bounty.

Nonetheless, he carries on with aplomb. Just another day in the natural Autopian habitat.”

It’s absolute gold!

Hot on his heels is Sid Bridges with this gem:

Young David: Hello, future me. What are you up to?
David: I’m driving my Cybertruck to the grocery store to pick up some spinach and bland Cheerios with my girlfriend. Then I’m going to haul some plants and Ikea furniture around LA. The attention is fun, but I really can’t wait to get back to my i3.
Young David (drops wrench into a pile of rust on the floor): What?!

Too true; what has become of me?! Speaking of my old rusty-wrenching days, here’s another great comment from Mike Harrell:

ADVERTISEMENT

Maybe I’m spoiled from my years of living in Seattle but when it comes to self-inflicted vehicular lacerations I prefer the locally-sourced, individually bespoke, artisanal rust-through of my International pickup to the cold, sterile, mass-produced knife edges of this thing. Some experiences shouldn’t be rushed.

Man y’all are clever. That’s all I got; enjoy the rest of y’alls’ afternoons! I have to run three miles in preparation for a marathon my girlfriend signed me up for (she’s really trying to keep me alive; if only she’d seen the squalor I lived in before, she’d realize how futile this all is), and then I get to pull an all-nighter writing a review of the 2024 Ford F-150. Wish me luck!

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on whatsapp
WhatsApp
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on linkedin
LinkedIn
Share on reddit
Reddit
Subscribe
Notify of
27 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Juanmi82
Juanmi82
20 days ago

Good luck with the marathon. I’ve done 5 and can’t wait for the 6th. Keep in mind you’ll need to train MANY hours a week. Please don’t run in oil soaked trainers, find proper running shoes suitable for your shape and anatomy. Shower spaghetti are not suitable running top ups (do start trying different gels to check for funny after effects). Good luck again, cannot wait to see the AUTOPIAN running top.

Ben
Ben
21 days ago

I’ve done enough distance running my life to know that a marathon is not in my future. A half is the most I would even consider doing, and if I ever do it will probably be a good indication that it’s true love. I can’t imagine any other motivation that would convince me to do a race that long. 😉

Joke #119!
Joke #119!
21 days ago

 I have to run three miles in preparation for a marathon my girlfriend signed me up for (she’s really trying to keep me alive; …

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_marathon_fatalities

Oh, and Pheidippides says, “Hold my ouzo.” I bet his gf volunteered him for the job.

Last edited 21 days ago by Joke #119!
Spikersaurusrex
Spikersaurusrex
21 days ago

I was working with a trainer one time and he asked me what my goal was. I said I wanted to run a marathon. He said, “Just do the half. It’ll still hurt.”

Sid Bridge
Sid Bridge
21 days ago

Whoa… we’re going straight to full marathon?! I run 24 miles a week and I still don’t do those – half is more my speed. Just make sure you listen to your body and take it easy. It’s doable, but your brain is going to start wondering what the heck you’re doing to yourself.

Highland Green Miata
Highland Green Miata
21 days ago

Your girfriend signed you up for a marathon and you’re doing it? It must be love.

Balloondoggle
Balloondoggle
21 days ago

You’re going to try and run faster and farther than half your cars can drive?

I drive a boring SUV
I drive a boring SUV
21 days ago

Marathon? Don’t. Just don’t. One of the founders in hospital is more than enough. This would be like having the whole government travelling in the same plane.

Pisco Sour
Pisco Sour
21 days ago

Marathon?? Well at least if your cars break down, you’ll be able to just run home.

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
21 days ago

I love it – so far we’ve had David Attenborough narrating the taming of your kittens and now David Attenborough narrating the taming of you!

A. Barth
A. Barth
21 days ago

I have to run three miles in preparation for a marathon

You know what supposedly happened to the first guy to run a marathon, right?

We would prefer not to have a repeat of that event. 😮

Best of luck to you and please keep us apprised!

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
21 days ago

So you’re chasing after a vintage New York Taxicab?
Or an 8 door Aerobus?

That’s the only Marathon this Autopian understands.

Jb996
Jb996
22 days ago

If my significant other signed me up for marathon, it would mean that they were trying to kill me!!

Joe L
Joe L
22 days ago

I want my life to be narrated by Werner Herzog, but I think Attenborough is a fine choice. It’s like narration by Winnie the Pooh.

“The bear, inexplicably dressed in only a shirt, has just dropped his treasured ‘hunny’ into the 100-acre forest floor below. Oh, bother.”

Actually, that might be better as Herzog.

Taargus Taargus
Taargus Taargus
21 days ago
Reply to  Joe L

Winnie the Pooh’s song/monologue in front of the full-length mirror is basically my theme song.

Knowonelse
Knowonelse
21 days ago
Reply to  Joe L

“Oh bother” said the Borg after assimilating Pooh.

A. Barth
A. Barth
21 days ago
Reply to  Joe L

For the longest time – until today, actually – I thought Werner Herzog was the name of the guy who played Andrei (Russian diplomat) in The Hunt for Red October and the other… diplomat who claimed “Diplomatic immunity!” in Lethal Weapon 2.

Turns out that guy was Joss Ackland. He died last fall at the age of 95.

Taargus Taargus
Taargus Taargus
22 days ago

*spit take covering monitor*

MARATHON!? (In all seriousness go for it, but dude (incoming unsolicited advice), stretch stretch stretch. I did a half marathon for the first time last year and it was tough keeping the nagging overuse injuries at bay.)

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
22 days ago
Reply to  David Tracy

Berlin marathon? Is that one where you eat sausage and drink beer every mile until you pass out, projectile vomit, and/or die?

Taco Shackleford
Taco Shackleford
22 days ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

I’ve done that! But I wasn’t running. Just sitting on a couch. Does that still count?

Gee See
Gee See
22 days ago

Don’t forget 43km in lederhosen.. imagine the chaffing.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
21 days ago

Totally counts.

Torque
Torque
21 days ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

The ONLY (so far) marathon I’ve run was the Rock & Roll in San Diago. B/C somewhere between the 18-20 mile mark is where the majority of people bonk, I had some friends meet me around mile 19 with a beer, which I chugged and kept going.
I think it helped at least a little for my mental state. I can’t imagine it was an actual performance booster, in that regard it probably slightly hurt me, it was still a memorable and fun moment.

Reminds me in the early days of the Tour de Fance riders drank wine along the route bc at the time people thought the wine would “give them strength” 🙂

Last edited 21 days ago by Torque
Mechjaz
Mechjaz
21 days ago
Reply to  David Tracy

Holy crap that’s only 4 months. That’s a lot of miles. You’re gonna need a serious and suspiciously injury free montage.

A good rule for me in cycling, and when I used to be able to run **before the injuries got me**, is not to do more than half your weekly total in a single ride/run.

It’s not perfect, idk what pros do, etc and whatever, but I’ve never found myself gassed or stranded by my own lack of preparation following that rule.

Nowadays I can’t do jumping jacks, run, jump rope, or the soft tissue in my ankle will feel like it’s being filled with glass. Anyways, good luck, and safe running!

Taargus Taargus
Taargus Taargus
21 days ago
Reply to  David Tracy

I see that you do your marathon prep timeline is similar to Project Cactus timeline. It can be done. Basically have to train yourself up to 20 miles and have faith you can crank out that last 6 on game day.

A friend ran that one and said Berlin was a blast (for marathons anyway).

Doug Kretzmann
Doug Kretzmann
21 days ago
Reply to  David Tracy

walk early, walk often.. finishing a marathon isn’t that hard, it’s trying to do it fast that hurts.. look at the Galloway method.
I’ve lost count of the marathons I’ve run, do remember the 19 ultramarathons (over 30 miles) though..

Not run Berlin, but my friends who have say it’s fast and well supported, should be a lot of fun (for marathon runner values of fun).

27
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x