Home » Just What The Hell Are They Going To Do With That Stuff?: Cold Start

Just What The Hell Are They Going To Do With That Stuff?: Cold Start

Cs Saabstuff1
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I think we’ve established quite well that I enjoy, perhaps with a mild and unashamed perversity, automotive brochure images that show trunks and cargo areas packed, often tightly and intensely. You’re not here to judge, remember. There’s a lot of creativity in these depictions of well-crammed cars, especially for the automakers that don’t rely on tidy sets of matching luggage. This 1978 Saab 99 brochure is a great example of that; just look at all the crap they have crammed back there! It’s amazing! Well, amazing and maybe a little baffling once you start looking at the stuff, which leads you to wonder just where the hell these people are going, and just what the hell are they planning to do when they get there?

Here’s let’s take a closer look at what’s in the back of that Saab. Computer! ZOOM and ENHANCE!

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Cs Saabstuff2

Okay, let’s try to do some inventorying here. What do we have: a watering can, some hose or perhaps electrical cable in a large coil, a television set, a couple of oars, I think a ladder, something with at least one wheel and a handle – is that a manual, engine-less lawnmower? There’s a tartan bag that could be a wheeled golf bag, but I see no clubs; there’s a plant, some sort of red cylindrical shiny thing, something that I think is a shelf? Then there’s, of course, a huge bird cage, with bird cages being oddly popular for this sort of thing. There’s what I think is an ornate lampshade, and possibly a lamp back there, a large orange-striped duffel-sort of bag, a long, light-wood something that could be furniture or maybe a sled, another light wood thing that could be a shelf or stand? There’s a white something that could be a colossal marshmallow or a life preserver, and a staff with a ring on top whose purpose I can’t even guess at. Blowing bubbles? Winding something up?

So, what’s the common thread here? What would you do with all this stuff? Should I be concerned? Is there a bird in there?

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Dodsworth
Dodsworth
1 year ago

The more stuff people cram into a car, the less they want to talk about. Hoarding.

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
1 year ago

“We are dropping this shit off at Goodwill”…And “no! the chainsaw is also going in the bin! now STFU!”….

Last edited 1 year ago by Col Lingus
Andy Individual
Andy Individual
1 year ago

I had a friend with a 99 and was always amazed at how well it handled given the huge rear opening and cavern. Somehow it was rigid enough even with that. Or perhaps our expectations were just so much lower in those days.

On a side note, Jason, were you one of those kids that coveted the x-ray specs advertised on the back of comic books?

Pizzapabpro
Pizzapabpro
1 year ago

Reminds me of this

Jambles Hamblepants
Jambles Hamblepants
1 year ago

If it’s like when my family drove went on a roadtrip in ours (which was traffic cone orange, not brown) they’re off to sit on the side of the NY thruway with a frozen transmission, waiting hours for a towtruck, while the road repair (replacement?) crew creeps ever closer. Then, once the road crew pushes the car a quarter mile up so they can continue paving, and the towtruck finally shows up, they’ll go home and catch their older siblings throwing a party in the house that was supposed to be parent-less all weekend.
Alternately, they aren’t leaving the driveway because someone (possibly me) jumped on the bumper too much and tripped the fuel pump safety switch.
I’ll have to ask my mom about the bird cage. I don’t think we ever had ours in there.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 year ago

Not a single Puffalump in sight. SMH.

MiniDave
MiniDave
1 year ago

Headed off to their summer cabin by the lake

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 year ago

The answer is clearly that they’re hoarders, bringing home yet more useless crap to stuff into their already overstuffed garage.

Dsa Lkjh
Dsa Lkjh
1 year ago

“There’s a tartan bag that could be a wheeled golf bag, but I see no clubs;”

It’s a shopping trolley. Old people use them to drag groceries back from the corner shop. My grandmother and all her friends used them, in that exact shade of tartan.

Petter hjalmarsson
Petter hjalmarsson
1 year ago
Reply to  Dsa Lkjh

Yes and in Sweden they are called “dramaten” as in pull food, but the fun thing is that the royal Dramatic theatre is also called Dramaten.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
1 year ago

You could fit a small child in that cage. That’s the way our parents transported me and my siblings.

Dsa Lkjh
Dsa Lkjh
1 year ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

Did you have a cage each or just taking turns to be in the one cage?

We used to fight over who got to ride in the trunk when we were kids. Sitting on an actual seat didn’t seem special. Either that or my parents were amazing at reverse psychology.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
1 year ago
Reply to  Dsa Lkjh

It started off with me, the oldest, in a single occupant cage, but morphed to more of an oversized crab trap for all of us as the family grew.

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
1 year ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

Coffee spit. Take your star.

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
1 year ago
Reply to  Dsa Lkjh

My Dad’s 96 could hold 4 boys easy. It was a different time, and world.

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
1 year ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

My Dad just made us ride in the trunk.

Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
1 year ago
Reply to  Col Lingus

You’re lucky. My mom had us just grip the roof rack.

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
1 year ago

After disposing of grandma’s body and taking all the valuables from her cottage in the woods, Annika & Sven knew that the neighbors wouldn’t suspect anything until the lawn was knee high at least.

By then, her life savings will have been withdrawn from the bank in Helsingborg, the birdcage will be for sale in an antique store in Stockholm, and the proceeds will be finding a new life in the Caribbean. They would be sad to leave their Saab behind, but apart from that it was the perfect murder.

Jakob K's Garage
Jakob K's Garage
1 year ago

Is there some kind of “smart” SAAB ventilation system, sucking exhaust gasses into the cabin? Otherwise strange with the bird cage, since it’s neither air cooled or rear engined (canary in coal mine)..

They’re probably going to the sommarstuga (vacation house) with all their crap. And look, it’s mamma driving, just SO swedish!

Besides from that I’m really torn between getting an old 900 with the many windows like this one, because it looks cool, or a “regular” four door because it has a nicer outer shape

Last edited 1 year ago by Jakob K's Garage
Jakob K's Garage
Jakob K's Garage
1 year ago

Whoopsidoops! I did it again with the capitalisation of Saab. Sorry.

Timohb
Timohb
1 year ago

Maybe scored big at a garage sale?

ES
ES
1 year ago

paddles, not oars, and the orange “duffel” is the bag for an inflatable canoe or raft. got me on the other stuff?

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
1 year ago

“…cages being oddly popular for this sort of thing.”

I don’t know that it’s all that odd. My ’67 96 also has a cage in it:

https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/49807021768_92a0112593_z.jpg

Harris K Telemacher
Harris K Telemacher
1 year ago

There’s what I think is an ornate lampshade, and possibly a lamp back there

It’s a major award!

Larry B
Larry B
1 year ago

Swedish orgies are weird.

Man With A Reliable Jeep
Man With A Reliable Jeep
1 year ago
Reply to  Larry B

It’s not really an orgy until someone brings a CRT television.

JerryLH3
JerryLH3
1 year ago

I think they’re saying it’s the perfect vehicle when you move and you were a little off on your guess of how big of a truck you needed to rent.

Taargus Taargus
Taargus Taargus
1 year ago

My 900 (obviously similar in form factor) was often packed solid like this moving back and forth from college. Can’t say a giant bird cage was ever involved though.

Jesper Andersson
Jesper Andersson
1 year ago

Everything you need to bring with you for spending 4 weeks of your vacation in your summerhouse out at the coast or at some of our uncountable lakes in the middle of the forrest.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago

“Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër? See the løveli lakes. The wøndërful telephøne system. And mäni interesting furry animals.”

BigThingsComin
BigThingsComin
1 year ago

Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti…

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 year ago
Reply to  BigThingsComin

Mei syister waas biiten by en moose

Soso Tsundere
Soso Tsundere
1 year ago

When I moved from Michigan to Oregon I packed a Honda Fit full of clothes, a tv, desktop PC, boxes of books and dvds, a Japanese futon set including tatami mats (they are great for your back and fold away nicely for smaller living spaces, also easy to clean and air out. Highly recommended), and several mid sized fans. I used to think that was impressive, but this Saab owned by a compulsive estate sale deal shopper has me beat.

Rollin Hand
Rollin Hand
1 year ago
Reply to  Soso Tsundere

I bought a futon when I was in school, and my 87 Integra hatchback swallowed it up with the hatch open only a little bit. Hatchbacks are awesome.

EXL500
EXL500
1 year ago
Reply to  Soso Tsundere

I came here to post that this looks like our Fit when we take our annual 3 week vacation.

Interrobang‽
Interrobang‽
1 year ago

Looks like Granny is moving herself and Tweety into her new young beau’s apartment.

Flyingstitch
Flyingstitch
1 year ago

You missed the final clue, right there under the watering can. That’s some kind of radio, which will be the driver’s only connection to civilization after he paddles out to the island in the middle of the water hazard on the golf course to begin a new life with his pet osprey, Ophelia.

Last edited 1 year ago by Flyingstitch
Nlpnt
Nlpnt
1 year ago

For that matter it’s a damn shame there was no wagon version of the 99/900 series.

Fjord
Fjord
1 year ago
Reply to  Nlpnt

You didn’t really need one – the standard hatch could haul a huge amount of stuff.

Ron Latva
Ron Latva
1 year ago

Just what they bought at IKEA?

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