I’m a big fan of Antii Kautonen and the European-car-nut insights he brings to his stories (not to mention his excellent pop-culture refs), which of course includes his latest piece on fancy-spec small cars from across the pond. I’m reminded of a guy I used to work with who drove a 2020 Ford Fusion, which went for around $24,000 in base trim but was nearly $10,000 more with the “Titanium” spec options he chose. I teased him about it and how much more car he could have gotten for the money, such as a base Mustang GT. He was unmoved; 400+ horsepower meant infinitely less to him compared to all the luxuries his Fusion offered, and the EcoBoost’s 240-something horsepower was plenty for him.
And so, I’m sure Toecutter would have been on my side – and I did get a base Mustang GT, which, like the Fusion, is not a compact car, but you get it.
Toecutter
I like un-fancy small cars with deluxe engines, forget the interiors. We need more very basic subcompact two-seaters weighing under 2,500 lbs(preferably under 1,500 lbs), with big ass V8s in them and rear-wheel drive again, dammit!
Today’s Autopian Ask inquired about your long-haul tolerance, and in the comments you’ll find some truly impressive tales of moon-and-back driving adventures, including Canopysaurus’ tale. As he notes, the temptation to take a break is greatly reduced when one’s arrival time is a direct order. But at least he was in for a treat when he got there!
Sixteen plus hours from Sacramento to Albuquerque with just two gas n’ gos, followed by a six hour rest stop, then another 15 and a half hours to Jackson, Mississippi and a four hour break, capped off by a five-hour “dash” to Ft. Walton Beach, Florida because when the military says be there in no later than 48 hours, you don’t dawdle. Made it with time to spare and only a couple of “life passing before my eyes” moments.
Tong Thrower
…and then you were in Florida.
Canopysaurus
Worst part of the trip.
Sorry, Floridians.
I was reminded just how much of an American thing mega-mile trips are by Reece’s Pieces comment:
I would love to see a European version of this thread haha
Indeed, I recall our UK correspondent Adrian Clark once declaring us crazy for undertaking drives as long as three hours.
Mercedes teased how a “red box” (spoiler, it was a first aid kit) stashed in the CrossCab really came to her rescue, and not just for a minor boo-boo. I totally phoned in the topshhot by just putting RED BOX in there, which refers to something but isn’t even first-aid or boo-boo related. Nonetheless, TheDrunkenWrench got it, thank you DW.
I was disheartened to learn this wasn’t you getting saved by a now-defunct DVD rental kiosk.
Damn you clickbait headline!
As you should know, we start each day off, more or less, with Cold Start. CS often includes some kind of air-cooled VW content, as did today’s installment wherein Jason pondered from whence the Beetle atop the Cadillac below managed to get a rear wiper. Dodsworth saw the opportunity for a “Beetles have no power” joke, which I always respect as long as they’re creative (you passed, Dods):
I wonder if the wiper motor doubled the horsepower?
Meanwhile, Ishkabibble totally nailed how Jason’s brain works with his observation:
Torch:
Super Beetle mounted to the top of a 60 Caddy? Cool.
Windshield wiper on the back of the same Beetle? I MUST UNDERSTAND HOW THIS CAME TO BE
Thomas sprang the new BMW X5 on us today, and as expected, the comments were full of feedback for the design – positive and negative. I, like others, was particularly struck by the Xs-as-headlights detail, but not in a “those are cool” way. No, I was much more aligned with The Car Accumulator:
Is it just me, or do cars with X’s for headlights look like they’re dead?
Huja Shaw
Cartoon death mask.
EXL500
My very first thought
Mechjaz
Holy shit. I thought the headlights were you guys doing a Photoshop goof.
You were not.
Holy shit.
First Last
Oh no! Porky Pig’s been shot dead!
IRegretNothing, Esq, DVM, BBQ
Daffy took it way too far this time.
Data
Ho! Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
If you grew up on Looney Tunes, you don’t even need a YouTube link.
… But if you do need the YouTube link, I am happy to oblige:
Have a great evening, everyone!
Top graphic images: BMW; Warner Bros.
Again, with the tii in Antti‘s name? Doesn’t your content creation software catch this? What’s next? Are you going to start spelling Thomas’ last name Hyundai?
Sorry. I’m a little cranky this afternoon.
What the absolute F is BmW up to? Is there a prerequisite that the design team is effed up on ketermine laced with angel dust? Sadly the folks who brought us lovely 2002’s and three series class have descended into graphic novel absurdity. Get that fukin thing off my lawn!
You know, I think it’s a combination of a couple of things.
For one, I believe it was Adrian Clarke here on the site who posted an absolutely withering takedown of that hideous new Mercedes that was just unveiled, the four-door GT with the God-awful interior (and, honestly, exterior). One of the points he made, and I’m paraphrasing here so my apologies to M. Clarke if I am a bit off from exactly what he said, was that Mercedes, in an attempt to grow their brand, essentially abandoned their old image (staid but impeccably well-engineered cars for moneyed drivers who wanted reliability, class, and refinement without the flash and jazz) to chase trends with the younger, Instagram-celebrity set. They’ve moved onto huge screens everywhere, new and increasingly-pointless “luxury” features, and over-the-top displays of ostentatious wealth inside, trying to court the younger set by, essentially, jangling keys in front of them.
I think BMW has done some of the same, actually, stuffing more and more “technology” into their cars without necessarily having a cohesive plan, because more stuff on the spec sheet means better car. Plus, the vehicles being sold right now with the highest margins are large, luxury SUVs with tons of pricey options, and there’s a sense, I think, that the people buying these things want the neighbors to know they got something good and can afford it, hence the flash.
The other thing I have thought for a long time is that, despite regulations for crash safety and so on being stricter than ever, designers have never had more freedom with form than they do now.
I remember reading something way back in, like, 2009, when there was all this hype about the return of the Camaro, in conjunction with the first big Transformers movie (God, were we ever so young?), and a designer or engineer who was being interviewed was very jazzed about these quarter panels. “These are the deepest stampings we’ve ever been able to do,” he said, referrIng to the 5G Camaro’s sharp, deep crease between rear fender and the slope of the back window, I think.
With all the new tools (CNC machining, hydro-formed stamping, electro-bullshitular machining and assembly) available to manufacturers now, we’ve long eclipsed the days of banging out metal panels on a pile of horse dung. You combine that with LED lighting that can be almost any shape, and there’s very, very few limitations to what a car can look like nowadays. Things that would have only been seen on concept cars in the 1990s and early 2000s are commonplace on cars today.
Freedom like this means you can do really awesome, unconventional things, but it also means that, if you don’t have someone over your shoulder saying “Okay, Chris, let’s tone it down a skoosh for production,” you can get into some truly wild places. Hence, the front end of the monstrosity in question.
I think we’re in a period of time that people will later look back on as a sort of “transitional” period in automotive design. So many new things are possible, and at the same time, aerodynamics and safety regulations keep silhouettes looking more or less the same everywhere. Designers go buck-wild on grilles and lighting, putting origami creases in body lines not just because they can, but because how else do you make a large jellybean-SUV look unique?
Mm, I’ve carried on too long again. Hopefully some of this was useful…
Great comment! Mental image I got of a techbro in a crib reaching up for the key fob mobile made me chuckle.
And because all this design freedom is so new, we’re still in the Jurassic Park phase:
I was going exactly there so thanks that you did first
I loved the term “electro-bullshitular.” I am going to share that with some engineers I know.
A company I worked for sometimes added sometimes bullshitular features on the software side. Sometimes to keep a big customer happy, sometimes on their own. But sometimes they also had the courage to tell a really big customer “No. We’re not going to do that.”
We lost that customer, but I honestly believe, saved the product/company.
Ok, so they dialed back the nostrils just as I’m almost at the point where I don’t really notice them (except one M&M blue local convertible), and now they want me throwing up a little in my mouth in response to the headlights.
I’ve read that the headlights are configurable and you don’t have to have the cartoon death Xs.
I hope so. But the people at BMW are stupid enough to wait for the first Mopf to rectify this abomination.
But, only if you pay the monthly fee
😉
Configurable just means its only a matter of time until someone hacks them to display a set of tits. Highbeams always on!
Re: long haul tolerance: we once had to drive the entire length of Denmark plus a sizeable chunk of Germany in a single day to get to the Nürburgring from Norway, due to some excellent planning. It’s 1000 km or 600 miles, which is already a lot, and we were in my cramped NA Miata on a hot day. It’s been ten years and I only have hazy memories of the road madness creeping in, roadworks after roadworks. One thing that helped was keeping the convertible tip closed to keep sun from beating on us and opening the zip-up rear window to let air circulate without the noise being deafening. I still can’t believe I did a huge, long road trip in that car (Helsinki to Nordkapp/North Cape to south of Norway to Nürburgring and back) and now I can maybe find three weekends in a year to actually drive the Miata again.
I’ve driven from the UK to Nurburgring, about 500 miles, just to drive a handful of laps. At least I chose a 535i, so I arrived relaxed.
But as it was a £600 535i I arrived with no electricity, and had to get a push start every lap. They are a friendly bunch in the Nurburgring car park…
Americans drive for hours and they’re still in the same country. Europeans can go for a short drive and visit multiple different countries, and still be back home for supper.
I have to drive 8 hours just to escape my state!
I live in Michigan, which most people don’t think of as very big. But if I head north over the bridge, and then west through the UP, it will be over 10 hours before I get to Wisconsin.
I had an old friend with a saying: “The sun has risen, the sun has set, and I am still in Texas yet.”
For long-distance European dashes, my record is Berlin to Stockholm in my 328! wagon, only stopping for the Roestock ferry ride across the Baltic (perfectly timed for dinner on the boat). ~1100kms\650mi. Two drivers though. I wouldn’t want to do it in a Miata! Respect for that!
We left Berlin mid-afternoon and made Stockholm about dawn, grabbed a couple hours of sleep, went and picked up a friend in Upsala, then caught the overnight ferry to Helsinki for the Saab International Convention. 2011 – hell of a fun trip.
On the way to Roestock at speed, breaking in the new car properly: https://flic.kr/p/dSNzvp
Also did Budapest to Bologna in one haul with my Mother in my M235i in 2015. I did ALL the driving on that one though. That’s 900 clicks. Effortless in ze German Mustang. That thing was like having seven-league boots. That trip was ultimately Munich to as far south as Naples, then up across the Alps to Paris via Switzerland over the course of a month. Somehow I didn’t push her off a mountain, but it was a close thing.
650 miles is less than what I do on the second day driving between my summer and winter homes every summer. That’s Jacksonville, FL to DC (or southbound Edison NJ to Savannah, GA), about 750 miles depending on exactly where I stop for the night, usually Lawton, VA, just south of DC, but occasionally outside Baltimore which makes it more like 800. First day is 300 miles from home to Jax, I usually leave in the early evening, fourish hours to Jax if traffic is reasonable, five if it isn’t. The whole trip FL to ME is ~1700mi/2700km, and I do it in 2.5 days solo usually. I have done it in two, but that SUCKS. Longer if I have a codriver and we stop places and have fun along the way. In theory you could do it in a single day with a codriver (or a truly iron ass) but I am too old for that nonsense.
Sometimes being a man of few words pays off. Thanks!
My first thought with those specific X’s was the formerly-known-as-Twitter “X”. Given its’ well-known connection through ownership to a competing marque (not to mention said ownership’s being on record making a gesture that’d get him arrested in Munich) you’d think BMW’s Legal department would’ve seen sense even if Design didn’t.
BMW’s entire design department really should seek a different line of work at this point. Good grief, that’s hideous.
If it makes you feel any better, I saw a gigantic plushie Malort bottle at a bar tonight and thought of you. If you’re gonna drown your BMW design sorrows, you might as well drown em hard.
If it makes everyone else feel better, my gf sent me pictures of a GORGEOUS 1988 M6 just hanging out about town yesterday. BMW did used to have it, you’re not crazy (or at least not misremembering).
The ’88 CRX HF was 1,819 pounds. I think somebody’s weight expectations are a little off.
It all is.
Under 1500 lbs, with over 700 lbs of that just in the engine and transmission? How hard could it be?
In the face of a child that talks about DVDs like some discovered ancient text, I’m more than happy to cite the deep magic with another who was there when it was written.
Cite that deep magic!
I don’t remember what I was talking about with my niece the other day, but I had to start an explanation with “Ok, so phones used to hang on the wall”
It’s so funny to me when my kids have Lego “phones” that are just like … a single white rectangle. That’s not how phones are shaped! You need a receiver and a bulky base and a long, inexplicably curly cord!
LEGO considers such things “retro” now…
https://www.lego.com/en-us/product/retro-telephone-31174
I remember the first RedBox appearing in my neck of the woods and thinking, at the time, why would I go to all that trouble when Netflix will deliver the DVD’s right to my mailbox?
My thoughts were “BlockBuster is next to the grocery store, why would I not just go there?”