Home » The Autopian Staff Can’t Figure Out How To Describe A Window Defroster And Jason’s Finger Is Fubar

The Autopian Staff Can’t Figure Out How To Describe A Window Defroster And Jason’s Finger Is Fubar

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RustyJunkyardClassicFanatic
Member
RustyJunkyardClassicFanatic
1 month ago

Anytime JT schools us on bugs, buses, and/or taillights is perfectly fine w/ me even if he…gives us the finger. Ha ha

Jdoubledub
Member
Jdoubledub
1 month ago

Have you ever thought about doing polling to get feedback from members on why they didn’t click on a particular article?

Also, getting an appointment for urgent care feels like an oxymoron.

Manwich Sandwich
Member
Manwich Sandwich
1 month ago

For that finger, I would have soaked it in hydrogen peroxide… especially after it got all pussed up.

In that puss-filled pic, I would have popped it, got out as much as I could and then soaked it in peroxide.

Then rinse it, dry it thoroughly and put on a bandage.

Stryker_T
Member
Stryker_T
1 month ago

Peter Vieira

Resisting urge to ask why finger is swollen

Jason Torchinsky

girl, I wish I knew

Peter Vieira

Get ready for puss

this made the leftover 13yo I still am inside giggle.

Grey alien in a beige sedan
Member
Grey alien in a beige sedan
1 month ago

“So, I may have jinxed Torch into getting his pee-pee crushed. I bet that would get him to urgent care.
Thanks for being a Member!”
Imagine now, that Peter swapped out a couple of words.

Into THIS:

“So, I may have jinxed Torch into getting his member crushed. I bet that would get him to urgent care.
Thanks for being a pee-pee!”

My inner-12-year-old-self is snickering uncontrollably now.

Tbird
Member
Tbird
1 month ago

Finger goo like that is likely the result of puncture. Were we using a wire wheel without gloves recently? Did you stick yourself with a burr in the yard?

Last edited 1 month ago by Tbird
No Kids, Lots of Cars, Waning Bikes
Member
No Kids, Lots of Cars, Waning Bikes
1 month ago
Reply to  Tbird

I think his only tool is chainsaw.

Banana Stand Money
Member
Banana Stand Money
1 month ago

Goddamn, Peter and Torch together in TFTS is like chocolate and peanut butter… so so good.

DialMforMiata
Member
DialMforMiata
1 month ago

“You could slam your dick in a drawer” will be my new Outlook signature. Should make those email chains… lively.

LarsVargas
Member
LarsVargas
1 month ago
Reply to  DialMforMiata

Especially so for the dickless ones who read it and can’t even participate.

Last edited 1 month ago by LarsVargas
Scott
Member
Scott
1 month ago

“Hmmmmm I’m listening”

Now, that’s effin’ funny! 😀

Dave from STL
Member
Dave from STL
1 month ago

Have had the finger goo thing several times over the years. Found that applying some solid pressure with the thumb or a non-swole finger tip from the first knuckle and sliding firmly along the bone towards the finger tip is effective at expelling the pus in a satisfying ribbon from the nail/finger intersection. Hit it with some dollar store triple antibiotic gel, wrap it with whatever’s handy and you’ve saved yourself the Urgent Care copay (and inevitable insurance dispute when they code your care wrong and you get an EOB saying you owe $700).

You may have to do this a couple of times if it refills, and it is important to get on it when it looks like Jason Finger Picture #1, but you get the satisfaction of doing the job yourself along with the rush of waiting to see whether you’ve managed to self-sepsis.

On a pus-related matter, a shady local night club called “Opus” recently lost power to the “O” on their sign. The family were making jokes about the implications of the lost letter until I pedantically pointed out that the “O”-less “Opus” actually spelt pus, the infection byproduct, and not the slang term they were referencing. All agreed that pus was the more likely result of a hookup with a patron of the establishment and family harmony was restored.

Last edited 1 month ago by Dave from STL
IanGTCS
Member
IanGTCS
1 month ago
Reply to  Dave from STL

Man american health care is a nightmare of billing and denials. If I went to an urgent care my cost would be the parking and the bill for any sort of medication I got at a pharmacy. Or medical device, when I broke my ankle I had to pay for the walking boot.

Chemodalius
Member
Chemodalius
1 month ago
Reply to  IanGTCS

It’s such a weird and arbitrary system. I live in the states and have really good insurance (like regularly get staff at doctor’s offices comment on it good). You have some people who have experiences like Dave, but then you have people like me who go to urgent care for a persistent cough, get like 10 things checked (including a chest x-ray) walk out with 3 prescriptions and my total cost is like $40 between the copay and the meds. Or my insurance company saying “oh never mind, you don’t owe anything, not even your copay, on that ultrasound” that we thought we were going to pay $300 for.

My theory is that my employer has a self-funded policy where instead of paying a premium they pay the insurance company to manage the claims, but my employer is ultimately paying for them, so the insurance company DGAF and just approves everything.

Phuzz
Member
Phuzz
1 month ago
Reply to  IanGTCS

The parking at my local hospitals is bloody expensive though. Park for more than an hour and it’ll cost more than a prescription.(which is £9.90)

DNF
DNF
1 month ago
Reply to  Phuzz

I am appalled that you put up with some of the charges I hear about.

CSRoad
Member
CSRoad
1 month ago

You guys put me right off eating breakfast.

I think a picture of something and a couple of random words is enough as long as the article is attributed to Torch, that’s a mouse click magnet.
Other people may require more like “I made brake lights for my Jeep and my head almost blew off.”, and some flashing brake light GIF as a topshot.

Last edited 1 month ago by CSRoad
Nlpnt
Member
Nlpnt
1 month ago
Reply to  CSRoad

The Torchinsky Diet.

Rafael
Member
Rafael
1 month ago

Jason can join Life of Brian now as DIGITUS INFECTUS. Or maybe this is his Harry Potter spell, for those who think Python is just a language.

Rafael
Member
Rafael
1 month ago
Reply to  Rafael

BTW, is it getting any better after the second treatment?
Also, will Jason share more pictures of his stigmata? Asking for a friend.

Lincoln Clown CaR
Member
Lincoln Clown CaR
1 month ago
Reply to  Rafael

He has a wife you know.

Taargus Taargus
Member
Taargus Taargus
1 month ago

Thanks for being a member!

Had me dying after that final exchange.

Peter Andruskiewicz
Member
Peter Andruskiewicz
1 month ago

Yea, Pete’s really crushing it there!

MikeInTheWoods
Member
MikeInTheWoods
1 month ago

Crushing it, in drawers.

Ricardo M
Ricardo M
1 month ago

I’m just glad I’m not Jason’s Member

Kevin Rhodes
Member
Kevin Rhodes
1 month ago

Hope Torch is recovering – that looks unpleasant.

I had a weird one like that. When I was in Jr High I got stung by a bee at the base of my throat. For 40 years I had a less than pea-sized lump there. That over the course of about 3-4 days randomly turned into a golf ball sized and very angry looking lump! Did a teledoc appointment with my doc (he being in Maine, me being in Florida), who said “get thee to urgent care right damned now”. Which I did, they lanced it and drained an astonishing amount of gunk out of it. The theory is that the bee left it’s stinger behind, which after all those decades got infected. Weird crap happens to bodies now and again.

Parsko
Member
Parsko
1 month ago

I was able to skip the gross picture in CS, but you got me here. Thanks. I’ve got 48 more minutes on the train before I can barf.

Parsko
Member
Parsko
1 month ago
Reply to  Parsko

Oh, and there is some wife joke that would get me kicked out of here buried in all this somewhere.

Piston Slap Yo Mama
Member
Piston Slap Yo Mama
1 month ago

All the punning aside, how did that gnarly infection even happen???

Gah!

Nlpnt
Member
Nlpnt
1 month ago

I just hope it didn’t involve taking a chainsaw to the Changli, again.

JurassicComanche25
Member
JurassicComanche25
1 month ago

Twrench foot, finger pus, battery saws….

Can I get a job here, since your healthcare seems to be quite good?

Totally not a robot
Member
Totally not a robot
1 month ago

Don’t forget Mercedes’ knee issues with the dirt bike and the impalings.

On second thought, maybe this workplace is cursed.

Jonathan Hendry
Member
Jonathan Hendry
1 month ago

The gastrointestinal gas supply may be compromised but the bacterial infection gas supply is ready to take up the slack.

Tekamul
Member
Tekamul
1 month ago

That finger looks like something Stan Winston would put together. Lance, soak, repeat.

Inthemikelane
Member
Inthemikelane
1 month ago

“You could slam your dick in a drawer” “Hmmm I’m listening”

That made me snort laugh.

Life’s short; drive fast!
Member
Life’s short; drive fast!
1 month ago
Reply to  Inthemikelane

I put my dick in my drawers every day 🙂

Mercedes Streeter
Mercedes Streeter
1 month ago

Yes, but do you slam it into them? lolol

Squirrelmaster
Member
Squirrelmaster
1 month ago
Reply to  Inthemikelane

After a stressful day, that line absolutely broke me and I laughed much harder than I probably should have at the thought.

Spikersaurusrex
Member
Spikersaurusrex
1 month ago

The problem with your headline was it referenced the 912E. Nobody but car guys know what that is, while everyone knows what defroster, HVAC controls, etc. mean, even if that might not be how they refer to them.

Canopysaurus
Member
Canopysaurus
1 month ago

Man, everything’s digital these days.

Dodsworth
Member
Dodsworth
1 month ago

What forking icehole designed the Porches’s defroster controls? Sun on the beaches! Let ’em complain about that!

A. Barth
A. Barth
1 month ago

My bawlderized version

I believe you meant bowdlerized. 🙂

And I suspect Jason can undergo a relatively new procedure to connect his pyloric valve to one of his other digits. There is hope!

Mechjaz
Member
Mechjaz
1 month ago

You really let urgent care have all the fun. Get a little diabetes blood poke needle and jam it right in the tensest, hottest, goopiest part. Bite down on a hank of rope, squeeze the rest out. Revel in the filth your body can produce for a moment then hose it down with bactine, let it air dry right quick, cover with band aid and Neosporin.

Get an E-bike
Member
Get an E-bike
1 month ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

That does sound a bit like Jason. A DYI repair. He could even use a little duct tape.

Last edited 1 month ago by Get an E-bike
Needleroozer
Member
Needleroozer
1 month ago
Reply to  Get an E-bike

Every time I see the DYI typo, I read it as, “Do Yourself In.” Might be a little bit of an overreaction in this case but certainly fits the spirit.

Alpscarver
Member
Alpscarver
1 month ago
Reply to  Get an E-bike

Or he uses batteries and chainsaws

Jonathan Hendry
Member
Jonathan Hendry
1 month ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

The little spring-loaded needles ones may not poke deeply enough.

Space
Space
1 month ago

Push pin works for larger infections.

Jdoubledub
Member
Jdoubledub
1 month ago
Reply to  Space

Treating or giving?

Space
Space
1 month ago
Reply to  Jdoubledub

Yes

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