Home » The Court Orders You To 15 Minutes Of Straight Hooning: COTD

The Court Orders You To 15 Minutes Of Straight Hooning: COTD

E39court
ADVERTISEMENT

My wife works a difficult job. She works every day to help keep the poorest people in Illinois from losing their homes, from getting discriminated against, or from ending up in a jail cell. This type of law is not lucrative, so she doesn’t have the money to drive expensive German sedans like the big-name attorneys out there. She’s also a one-woman shop, so she’s constantly driving all over Illinois to represent clients in all sorts of cases. This means her cars have to survive a brutal duty cycle. Currently, she’s on track to drive 40,000 miles this year.

Back at the end of last year, her beloved BMW E39 wagon started misfiring so bad that she had to park it. Sheryl found herself in a weird place. She could drive one of my cars, but my wife has a reputation, one notorious enough that people vandalize her cars fairly regularly. She’s so infamous with some Illinois city governments that police know her car and her face. So, driving one of my cars might bring unintended consequences my way. Anyway, the car is fixed now, but one of the problems is that you can’t weasel your way out of court by saying your BMW is misfiring today.

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Or, what if you could? Mechjaz made us smile with this:

“Your Honor, the defense request a brief recess to flog their whip in accordance with good ownership practices as well as continued dependability in transportation to and from this Honorable Court.”
“Granted. We’ll take 15 minutes to hoon this bitch up and turn the tires into smoke. Don’t come back until you’ve been sideways, and in accordance with courtroom decorum, make sure you wipe up any spilled dabs of oppo.”

Meanwhile, if you’re a European specialty vehicle builder, the Fiat Ducato Back-To-Back gives you a chassis cab or a cutaway front, but without the rest of the chassis. These vehicles are delivered to builders as conjoined twins. Two joined Ducatos are about as large as just one van, which makes shipping easy. These vehicles weren’t meant to be stuck together forever, but what if they were? From V10omous:

Italian Quadrasteer = guy in the other cab turning his wheel.

ADVERTISEMENT

And Rad Barchetta:

FIATAIF

This morning, Jason wrote about cars with metal-sounding names. Geoff Buchholz has a story related to this:

I think I’ve posted about this before here … but at our wedding last December, our priest, knowing what a car guy I am, began his homily by joking that God owned a Plymouth — because of the passage in Genesis in which He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in His Fury.

The priest also gave me a Hot Wheels car, which was pretty rad.

Have a great evening, everyone!

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on whatsapp
WhatsApp
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on linkedin
LinkedIn
Share on reddit
Reddit
Subscribe
Notify of
15 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
TOSSABL
TOSSABL
15 days ago

*Before hooning, make damn sure your oil pump nut is wired.

-trust me on this one, people: it gets pricey if you don’t !

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
16 days ago

Can you hoon while going straight for fifteen total minutes? I can see how hooning for fifteen straight minutes would be cool.

Captain Pedant strikes again! 😀

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
16 days ago

Dangit!! I thought for sure I had COTD locked up with the story about my cat losing all the fur on his butt!

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
16 days ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

Tbh, I was pulling for you. I like to think that because I didn’t do my usual projects ‘n’ physical labor routine I just made so many comments it was statistically likely I’d get something in the mix.

I meant to ask, did the hair grow back eventually?

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
15 days ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

Yes, it did. Ralph was fine, eventually.

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
15 days ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

Nekkid cat butt story?
I missed that—which article is it on?

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
15 days ago
Reply to  TOSSABL

The one about the Fury wagon.

10001010
10001010
16 days ago

And they also try to tell us that Jesus drives a Honda because he speaks not of his own Accord but I’m fairly certain this is a misinterpretation. I just don’t see him driving anything other than a green VW bus.

My Goat Ate My Homework
My Goat Ate My Homework
15 days ago
Reply to  10001010

I mean, the Christian bible has a whole book about Genesis. I haven’t read it but I’m guessing it talks about their high initial value and JD Power awards.

Nlpnt
Nlpnt
15 days ago
Reply to  10001010

Satan is constantly flipping used Kias. You keep hearing about people who sold their Soul to the devil.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
16 days ago

Thanks, Mercedes!sedecreM ,sknahT

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
15 days ago
Reply to  Rad Barchetta

I’ll admit it took me a second to get it—but then I was rooting for your comment

Jb996
Jb996
15 days ago
Reply to  TOSSABL

I’m slow. I still don’t get it.

Jb996
Jb996
15 days ago
Reply to  Jb996

Oh, it’s an anagram of FIAT! I finally got the hint.

My Goat Ate My Homework
My Goat Ate My Homework
15 days ago
Reply to  Jb996

It’s a palindrome made by connecting the word FIAT to itself backwards with a common T. Like how those two Fiat trucks are connected to each other (one backwards).

15
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x