“STROKE ME STROKE ME…..STROKKKKE” the music blares through the speakers as I violently nod my head fore-aft, my mullet moving like a rabid raccoon and my left hand making the rock on sign high in the sky out of my driver’s window. My right hand has two fingers on the wheel of my 6.6-liter 1979 Pontiac Trans Am V8 with the legendary screaming chicken on its hood. Feeling like a total boss, I slam the accelerator as the light turns green and…almost nothing happens. My bright yellow sports car accelerates gingerly and quietly through the intersection; an old lady in a Toyota Avalon blows my doors off.
This is the 1979 Pontiac Trans Am in a nutshell. It’s over-the-top design writes checks the car does not cash. Despite being well acquainted with the Malaise Era in American car history and how emissions regulations and high gas prices yielded all-show-no-go cars like this Trans Am, I still found myself surprised by the contrast.
[Welcome to Trade-In Tuesday, a weekly series where David drives a cool car that Galpin Motors is selling. Why am I writing about myself in the third person? Who knows… -DT]
I mean, look at this car. Everything about it exudes SPEED. From the huge hoodscoop touting the V8’s “6.6 Litre” displacement:
To the truly perfect mag wheels, that big chin spoiler, and that giant fender duct:
To that awesome trunklid spoiler to the dual exhaust to the sleek, hidden fuel filler between the wide, aggressive taillights:
And of course, to the screaming chicken:
There are very few cars in this world that scream “I’M FAST!” as loudly as the Pontiac Trans Am does, and yet, when you lift the door handle labeled “4 Wheel Disc” you don’t enter a blacked out, rock ‘n roll cabin with heavily bolstered sports seats and a funky shifter, you enter what feels more like a Swedish lounge:
Everything is brown, the seats give off a twead-suit vibe, the polished aluminum dashboard (edit: As reader LTDScott points out, this dash is called “engine turned”) is the same as was on my 1979 Jeep Cherokee, and the tall automatic shifter looks like it would be at home in a conversion van.
I don’t mind that, really. I like it when a car is sporty on the outside and be a bit more refined inside (my BMW i3S is similar), and I have to give the Trans Am high marks for general comfort. Those seats are great, those crotch vents lead to elite-levels of testicular comfort thanks to an AC system that blows cubes while probably robbing far too much horsepower from the engine, and the power steering is pure butter.
In truth, everything about the way the Trans Am drives is pure butter. The 6.6-liter (403 cubic-inch) Oldsmobile V8 — which Car and Driver described as a “basic utility desktop that [lends] low-end oomph to other basic utility devices such as Catalina and Bonneville Safari station wagon” — provides a nice burble at idle but when revved sings quiet, calming tunes while offering rather modest acceleration. The three-speed Hydro-Matic shifts cleanly and comfortably. The leaf sprung solid axle rear suspension and coil sprung independent front suspension provide a waterbed-like ride.
The Pontiac Trans Am is a personal luxury coupe of the highest order, and when looked at in that light, it’s a fantastic machine. It looks amazing on the outside and it’s extremely stylish and comfortable to drive. Will people probably pull up to you at a stop light to see if you’ve got the stuff to cash the checks being written by your bright yellow paint, your screaming chicken, your spoilers, and your big vents? Sure.
But pay those folks any attention. Crank up The Stroke, throw that Rock On sign out your left window, and just cruise like the badass you are in the most 1970s car of all time.
All screenshots: Griffin Riley
Ok, I am overqualified to comment on this one, as I have owned a 1979 Trans Am WS6 for the past 24 years.
Unless you got the W72 Pontiac 400 (this one’s an Olds 403, BTW, not a Pontiac 400), these were about as fast stock as your grandma’s Delta 88. GM knew this, and that’s why they made them HANDLE. This one has the optional WS6 package, which gave you all sorts of handling goodies, like wider 15×8 wheels, bigger sway bars, a tighter steering box, small subframe connectors, different suspension components, and the aforementioned 4 wheel disc brakes. It was actually rated the best handling domestic car of 1979 by some of the car mags back then!
These were best as “Day Two” cars, and there were aftermarket tuning houses that would turn your cash into performance. Someone did this with mine back in the day, so it has a few period performance parts that helped it hang with the older muscle cars.
Wow, Tony thank you for being here! An expert! I’ll pin your comment to the top.
I’m familiar with these as common used cars when I started driving and have driven quite a few of them, including 6.6 and 4.9 turbo variants.
I see these and expect your driving experience.
No matter what exterior styling you chose, every American vehicle from that period drove pretty much the same.
It’s s so damn beautiful, though! Inside and out!
This provokes so many questions.
Who trades this sort of car in?
What did they buy from the dealer?
Does this car get put on the lot, or just wholesaled out?
Are these kind of cars cool again? Or are they still redneck cars?
As a salesperson, how do you even value this sort of thing when it rolls onto the lot?
It’s the cleanest version of a tacky, over-the-top, crappy Malaise-era car. The fact that it’s a slow, poorly built pile is a given. Who is the potential next owner and why does it appeal?
Inquiring minds, and all.
You’re right. I need to get answers! Thank you for the great questions.
if it was fast, no one would be able to see how cool you look.
My dad had a 25th anniversary C3 that was silver with white leather. Dead sexy, but lord was it a dumpster fire. It couldn’t keep up with my 77 280 Z
They used a similar Trans Am in Smokey & The Bandit II and ended up having to show some scenes of it with the camera sped up in order to make it look faster because it just could not keep up. Also, what Pontiac did to the nose (1977-78 was perfection) in 1979 makes me sad.
Ok, as a follow-up now that I’ve watched the video, just to clear up your Smokey & The Bandit references since I co-hosted a Reels & Wheels Podcast…
Smokey & The Bandit featured a 1977 Trans Am, and it was about a beer run where The Bandit and the Snowman take a bootleg shipment of Coors beer across state lines for big money. Along the way, he picks up Sally Field (Frog, who just left the son of Sheriff Beauford T. Justice at the altar), and one of the greatest car movies ensures.
In Smokey & The Bandit II, The Bandit and the Snowman are tasked with transporting an elephant. The Bandit drives a ’79 Trans Am, and yes, they sped the camera up to make it look faster because it was so slow. Everyone comes back for this movie and a terrible movie ensues.
Smokey & The Bandit III is best not spoken of, as Burt Reynolds didn’t want to show up so he just makes a cameo. The Snowman drives a 3rd Gen Trans Am that is sadly devoid of a screaming Chicken. This could have been a Good/Bad movie if the first script “Smokey IS the Bandit” had gotten the green light, which would have involved Jackie Gleason playing both the Bandit and the Sheriff.
I know these are slow as hell, but man, I still want one.
One can not over state how bad cars were back then. I remember 70’s-80s cars when they were new on the lots and tv commercials. We all knew they were garbage even if our xenophobia would not let us admit it.
Somewhere out there an Italian horn necklace, a bottle of Hai Karate, a pleather jacket and a pint of Southern Comfort are missing their ride.
70’s car, 80’s song
Right? I’d have thought Foghat’s Slow Ride might have been a good meta choice.
Deep Purple’s Space Truckin’ Or Highway Star would also work, hell, even Free Bird would be more appropriate
Radar Love.
Except that it came out before 1979.
To be fair, I’ll bet that’s how many ’80s teens first experienced ’70s cars.
Hey, at least it’s a pop culture reference we mostly got.
1979 car, 1981 song. It’s close!
I don’t agree with this being considered a personal luxury coupe. Go drive a Chrysler Cordoba or Ford Elite after driving this and you’d be singing a different tune. These were definitely slow, but for the era they weren’t bad and the Radial Tuned Suspension some of these got was pretty good. The true personal luxury coupes were wallowy.
The dashboard isn’t polished, it’s engine turned. I love that look on these Trans Ams.
I currently own the oldest car I’ve ever had, a ’79 Fairmont, and I apparently take for granted some features that are standard nowadays – I just bought aftermarket convex glass for the passenger side mirror because it’s not convex from the factory and makes it tough to change lanes.
At least you have a mirror there, my air-cooled Beetle didn’t even come with one. A cheap car today has Bluetooth and cruise and AC, a cheap car in the 70s didn’t even get a full set of mirrors. Only one of the sunvisors has a mirror as well.
My 1983 visors don’t swing. Drive into the sun or not at all!
My ’72 Delta 88 doesn’t have a passenger mirror either. Big block, air conditioning, and convertible roof? That it has. Whoever specced this car out back in the day certainly had priorities.
True, the passenger side mirror was an option on my car but thankfully the original owner chose it.
When I bought a Civic in 1998, passenger side mirror was an option on the base model. if I remember correctly, so was AC.
I need to do that for my passenger side mirror, but for parking. Did you just get a stick-on? I’ve heard that BMW used my cowls but I haven’t yet looked into it for Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear glass…
Yeah found cheap stick-on Burco glass on eBay.
Fancy, I did not own a car with a passenger mirror from the factory until I bought a 99 model year car.
David Tracy smiles
Rusty Jeep XJ whispers
Now dreams in i3
Great comment haiku
Thanks for poetic response
We’re better for it
Hey! Joe Dirt didn’t drive one of these! Rather, it was Kid Rock’s (almost too on-the-nose) Robbie. And his was the 6 cylinder model, memorably insulted later in the film.
(Yeah, I have a guilty pleasure love of the movie, I’ll always watch if I come across it)
Except Ms. Arquette’s character said it has a “little slant-six”, an error which took me right out of the scene 😀
Very well said. I love how unhinged this article is and that it offers no real reason for being, much like the car in question.
“I like it when a car is sporty on the outside and be a bit more refined inside (my BMW i3S is similar)”
That was funny 😛
As for the car I’d love to drive one, I am sure it would be an experience. The yellow colour is horrible though.
Pure butter!
I like boiled-egg yellow in little compacts like the VW Brasilia and Ford Escort, but on this Pontiac with the red/orange accents it’s atrocious.
Is this Pontiac Ptuesday? How did you find yourself behind the wheel of yellow glory, DT?
It’s Trade-in Tuesday!
You have GOT to let us know what they traded it in on!!
Dignity