After nearly a decade of radio silence and grand promises, the new Tesla Roadster is almost here. And my god, is it ever much, much weirder than imagined. For one, it looks completely different to the second-generation Roadster we saw roughly a decade ago. Think less Model 3 and more Lotus Esprit, with a wedgy silhouette and billionaire doors. There’s even a touch of Reventon to the general headlight shape, a bit of Diablo GTR to the front bumper, and a whiff of Testarossa to the haunches. However, what’s around back is even more interesting.
As shown in the absurd launch video, like the McMurtry Speirling the new Tesla Roadster is a fan car, capable of sucking itself down to the pavement even when parked, seemingly with enough force to hold it upside-down at a standstill. The fans work with an active rear wing to manipulate downforce on demand, with a low-drag configuration for high-speed running, a high-downforce configuration for track work, and settings in between. From Tesla:
Our multi-mode fan and ground sealing system acts as a downforce generator, pulling air out from beneath the vehicle. This provides enough suction to hold the vehicle upside down, even when stationary. Powered fans and active wings maximize traction and cornering speeds in all conditions, achieving massive downforce at zero speed. A next-gen steer-by-wire system offers incredible feedback in various road conditions. Activate Track Mode to lower the car and transform the suspension. High downforce or low drag modes can then be used as needed on the track.
The fans aren’t the party piece everyone will be talking about, though, and neither is the inboard suspension. The Roadster features a bevy of cold-gas thrusters aim to aid acceleration and, um, other stuff. The former, resulting in a claimed zero-to-60 mph time of 0.81 seconds. The latter, well…
On Tesla’s livestream, the marque showed the Roadster kickflipping over the entire Tesla range, including the Semi. No ramp, just vertical takeoff. Is that even legal? Actually, don’t answer that. Other stuff you need to know: A 230 MPH top speed, steer-by-wire, and targeted production in 2028. Still, zero-to-60 mph in 0.81 seconds alone would be insane. The quickest production cars on the planet right now take nearly a second longer. And flight? Flight? Really?
If this actually makes it to production as-is, it’s going to be bonkers. Elon Musk, wearing a T-shirt roughly two sizes too tight, just announced he wants to see it jump the Snake River Canyon. Tesla also claims to be targeting an eventual top speed of Mach 0.5, or about 383 MPH. Dozens more miles-per-hour than even the fastest existing machinery, and that’s even being generous and assuming the from-behind-the-balls measurement of a unidirectional run is used. There are plenty of reasons to be skeptical here. Skeptical of legislative approval, of the usefulness of the technology, of whether the Roadster will meet its lofty targets. It’s definitely warranted.
This isn’t the first time Tesla’s made grand promises, and a car with a vertical is perhaps the grandest yet. The marque’s light on information about how it’ll achieve its targets, how much it will cost, EPA range, and all that. But it can do a kickflip. Right. What we can say for now is that the first versions of the car will have the fan system, but will only have rockets at the back. Other axes of thrust allegedly come later, and are invitation-only.
In some ways, it’s like if Tesla took that Lamborghini bit from “Top Gear” literally. Invisible, lasers, can fly, etc. Of course the glass is tinted with copper. Of course Tesla claims the paint on the Roadster is optimized for space. Because that’s a real concern of most customers. Of course the seating position’s fixed like in a Ford GT, and of course it’s steer-by-wire like a Cybertruck. Come to think of it, steer-by-wire might be a benefit at high speeds, just slowing the ratio right down so the private equity guys who’ll buy these won’t immediately enter the nearest hedge backwards.
Even the concept of a rocket-assisted production car is very dumb. Sure, cold-gas thrusters don’t involve combustion and instead rely on pressurized inert gas to generate thrust, but is giving people the option to use them a brilliant idea? I mean, you’d draw some extraordinarily derisive gestures if you attempted to use them at the lights. Or in the McDonald’s drive-thru. And don’t get me started on thrusters beneath the car. That sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen, a real-life version of the vertical takedown from the “Burnout” franchise if used irresponsibly. Come to think of it, what would using it responsibly look like? Racetracks would generally frown upon it, airfields might not be happy, how many places in the world will give express permission to launch a Tesla Roadster straight up into the air?
However, one thing’s undeniable: This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen. It leaves the world with so many more questions than answers right now, and it’ll be fun seeing where some of those answers lead. Especially because what we all saw basically redlines the bullshitometer. What an absolutely unhinged thing. You can certainly accuse the new Tesla Roadster of a lot, but ‘being boring’ isn’t on the list. Either we’re looking at the next Veyron or the next piece of vaporware. Only one way to find out, right?
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Top graphic image: Tesla
I have serious doubts about the authenticity of the flight. Almost none of the shots of the vehicle flying feature something that even non-cold thrust systems exhibit: Icing.
If you make a fluid move fast enough, you reduce its pressure as well. If said fluid is at anywhere close to ambient, its temperature will drop. As well, you have a pressurized container and as that pressurized container releases the gas within, it too will get cold, which will drop the temperature of the gas it’s releasing. And even in relatively dry places, there’s still moisture in the air, and the “condensation cloud” in the jet stream and along the ground seems to suggest that there’s plenty of moisture. All this adds up to there should be chunks of ice and snow falling off the nozzles and the bottom of the car. The tank, lines to the nozzles, and nozzles themselves should be coated in neat white blobs. And they would be, if this wasn’t, at best, a very good special effect. Because to actually work, you’d need more than the car’s weight in thrust (Newton’s Third,) and that means a lot of gas flow, probably from very high pressures for a flight long enough to clear several vehicles and do stunts.
There’s also the closeup shot of the “takeoff,” where the stream appears to be exhibiting mach diamonds. Now, as a layman with an interest in aerospace, I don’t know if there’s another way to make those shapes at subsonic speeds, or if cold gas thrusters even can achieve such, but as someone who works with supersonic jets of water and garnet that cut steel, that would be deafening. It also would at the very least have blown the wipers off every single car parked underneath. And the field of effect should be much wider.
The math of the visuals just doesn’t work, and calling this a massive practical effect seems generous. I’d even suggest GenAI had a part in at least cleaning it up. For a guy who prides himself on his math skills, I sure would like to see the homework.
Exactly. This is, without a doubt, Elon trying to pass off Grok as some sort of great thing. I mean, it IS great… at fooling morons.
I felt like I was going insane seeing people talking about this “flight” today. At best, at best, it’s a (probably foam, but I suppose they could be lifting a real one) car that’s probably on wires (there’s a reason it’s so dark). What it certainly is not is a real car that was really launched by just those rockets. What the fuck are we doing? Why are people reporting on this as if an actual car actually flew with just these gas thrusters? The takeoff looks completely wrong for something with the weight of a real car.
Yeah, I’m trying to piece together some of the actual math on things from any “confirmed” stats, and it’s just difficult to see how any of the numbers can exist with each other. They said 600L of compressed gas. Note that the Miata trunk is 130L so the *internal* volume of the tank is more than 4x as large as the Miata trunk. Which of course needs multilayer metal and carbon reinforced tanks, airlines to all nozzles, controllers, and we probably have around 800L of total volume? This doesn’t include a compressor which is allegedly on board, or the tank cooling required if you are compressing on board. We are already approaching half the total volume of a BR-Z just in thrust equipment.
I suspect they are probably going to be limited by the boiling point of air, as the nozzles will narrow down to accelerate the gas further but that adds pressure. It’s probably going to come out close to 77K, where nitrogen turns liquid. I’m still not sure that will get them to the stated 80kN of thrust, but it’s worth noting that for a 1000kg mass, 10kN is all that’s needed to counteract gravity. But I don’t think I’m going to find that the numbers work at all.
Okay, I just saw the actual video and I think I now recognize the distinct smell of GenAI. And that few, if any of the “flying” stills come from that clip. In it the car barely clears the others and jets spit out at all kinds of angles, while in many of the stills it’s well away from the vehicles and higher than the Semi. If this was a physical stunt, you’d think they’d just take a bunch of pictures from the actual take.
Meanwhile, I feel like a moron for trying to decipher the photos in the article.
Oh, and 600L of N2 at 10000psi it self weighs 325kg… you know, about what 2 S52 inline 6 engines weigh. Just in compressed gas.
Yyyyyup.
Anybody want to make some easy money? Go to one of those sites that lets you bet on anything, and bet against anything this guy says will happen. This is the closest thing you’ll ever find to a “sure thing” in the world of gambling. There’s enough Elon fanboys out there to prop up the other side of the bet who have no issue losing their money betting on him.
I’ll admit the idea of a car that can do real Speed Racer Mach 5 jumps is very cool. But given Teslas entire business model is built on overpromising and under delivering I won’t be holding my breath. Never mind the legal implications…
Elon must need a stock pump to cover all the money he is slushing world wide to the worst people. This is nonsense and derivative nonsense at that. He will bankrupt tesla and spacex and anything else at some point and leave millions with the bag.
The demo was three separate cars. The “flight car” is a stripped out lightweight model with the thrusters under and on the side and the suction fan. The “speed” model with the thrusters on the back is somewhat lighter then the production. The demo that rolled out with the engineers was the production with a suction fan. Different models for different claims under one name.
So, it sucks and it blows. But does it swallow?
“And I’m gonna make a car and it’s gonna have rocket boosters on it and and it’s gonna go Mach .5 and um it’s gonna fly and it’s gonna be like so fast and and and um. and Fortnite and you can play Fortnite in it and Roblox and um it’s gonna cost like a BILLION dollars and um you can uh you can do kickflips in it and and um my ex-wife still won’t take me back and my kids won’t talk to me but um you can uh you can buy my car and it’s gonna fly and have rocket boosters on it and stuff and um I also hate it when kids get free school lunches but um my car can do like kickflips and stuff and go like really really fast.”
COTD
Aren’t concepts used to test out new materials or technologies? The whole point might not be whether this thing ever sees production (I bet no). But it might be that these cold air jets do serve some kind of practical purpose on actual vehicles some day.
It’s fun to watch in a dumb way. It’s disappointing in another way. Tesla just couldn’t make a fun, cheap little electric roadster. Just like they couldn’t find it in themselves to make a normal, useful pickup. Just like they can’t help giving you the option to make your turn signal emit farting noises. I’ve personally given up trying to understand.
Not impressed. None of this will be legal on any road nor will any Muskrat fanboy have the skills to perform any of this, if it even makes it to production.
We just watched a billionaire metaphorically jerk himself off, big whoop.
But it is boring. It is utterly banal, and unworthy of any serious discussion.
Why is it called Roadster when it clearly has a roof?
Why is Tesla?
The flying cars I have been promised all my life have finally arrived.
Automan, your new car is ready.
Doesn’t Roadster mean “no roof”? This is going to do what Starbucks did to the word “macchiato”.
There’s no way any of that flying thing is safe. I’ll be astonished if this gets approved legally in any way.
I guess this is a natural outcome when the biggest dork in the world is also the richest and doesn’t actually like cars.
I pity the staff member who has to read through these comments.
Don’t threaten me with a good time!
Wouldn’t want to be behind one when the fans are on. Roads are absolutely full of debris and loose stones and chips and.. stuff.
Would be useful to deter tailgaters, though.
Moreso than this car, i am way more interested in the power source that accelerates a car from 0-60 in under 1 second, allow the car to be parked upside-down and runs compressors for several gargantuan jet-packs – all the while allowing the car as daily transportation. Even if feasible, it sounds like a “one and done” gimmick.
I’m reminded of the urban legend about the guy who smuggles a JATO unit off of a military base and bolts it to the trunk of his Impala to make the fastest car in the world.
They apparently did that for the first Mad Max movie, the bit where The Toecutter’s car sends sparks shooting out the back before hurling itself sideways down the road.
Looks like someone put a cybertruck in a crusher and stopped part way.
I assume Elon will be driving it when it jumps over the Snake River Canyon! Unless of course, it’s Veyporware…
Man, it’s like the Autopian commentariat just can’t let themselves have fun. How can everyone watch a bonkers video where a car drives up a wall, jumps into the air, and flips over a bunch of cars, and then say “I hate this, it’s stupid, there’s no real world application for this, etc.”
Did you all kill your inner 12 year old? This is the stuff I would do with Hot Wheels cars when I was a kid, and here it is, full size. I was grinning the whole time I was watching the highlight reel. I don’t really care if it’s dumb, I don’t own any Tesla stock, I gain or lose nothing from this reveal other than enjoying the insane stunts the car could pull. And I had fun. Have you guys never let yourselves enjoy stupid things?
So they made K.I.T.T. and that’s bad.
I do enjoy stupid things and certainly let my inner 12 year old come out sometimes. This was just stupid, though. Pure spectacle. I got as excited for this as much as I get excited to see the Robosaurus pick up cars and shoot flames. Which is to say, not very. What Tesla needs desperately is more substance and less Ringling Brothers.
Yeah man, it’s spectacle, pure and simple. If it’s not the kind of spectacle that gets your goat, then you do you I guess, but it’s hard to see how this wouldn’t at least make you smile. I don’t really care what Tesla needs. If this car somehow kills the company, oh well. I don’t have to think about that while I watch a car do flips. I can just watch a car do flips and let it be fun.
Some things are best left in the fantasy world. These have real world safety implications if it is ever let loose in public.
When I watch this video, I’m not thinking about the car’s future or its impact on real world safety implications. Why would I? What does that gain me? Does my measured concern as an anonymous internet commenter move the needle on whether this is unleashed on public roads? I’ll let the people who are paid to worry about that do the worrying, and in the meantime I’ll watch a car pull insane stunts in a controlled environment and enjoy it.
At some point we all have to grow up.
Sure man, but I don’t know how my position is any less adult than yours. This is a tech demo, I’ll have reasonable concern for safety if the regulators approve thruster jumping on the roads (they won’t). Basically, I’ll worry about it an an appropriate time. That time doesn’t have to be now, and I don’t think recognizing that is immature.
My inner 12 year old is very happy with the 6 boutique guitars in my basement and my car that makes fart noises. I have lots of fun! I just don’t think there’s fun to be had in supporting fascists that are stealing your personal information, increasing already historic wealth inequality, killing people in the streets, putting immigrants in concentration camps, dismantling democracy, increasing the cost of living exponentially, protecting pedophiles, incinerating brown people overseas because they’re bored, etc.
Hitler loved dogs and was a pretty decent painter. That doesn’t mean it’s cool to enjoy those aspects of his life and ignore the…you know, whole genocidal fascist deal. This is the same thing. If you want to separate the art from the artist or whatever and let your inner kid run wild with fascist stunts that’s your prerogative. The majority of us don’t, and for good reason.
They are just doing the “This thing sucks!” -> Literally the coolest thing ever! meme in real life.
Taking everything too seriously is a fantastic sign that you shouldn’t be taken seriously. Is everything about the Roadster sketchy, impractical, and almost certainly illegal? Yes. Is it cool as hell? Also yes.
World’s richest “man” is a carnival barker.
“They’ll fly.” “They’ll hover upside down.” “We think they’ll make the Kessel run in 12 parsecs.”
They could transform into mech suits and I wouldn’t buy one. Though I’m sure that’s on the technofascist wet dream horizon for “urban pacification.”
This isn’t a Tesla… It’s a Dyson.
It’s gone from suck to blow.
“Elon Musk, wearing a T-shirt roughly two sizes too tight, just announced he wants to see it jump the Snake River Canyon.”
If he’s the one driving, I’m watching with popcorn. Go for it.
All that, and they still haven’t figured out how to make the screen not look like an iPad velcroed to the dashboard.