Porsche is one of those companies that has a shockingly vast selection of branded products designed to allow the Porsche owner to remind everyone around them they are a Porsche owner without having to constantly verbally mention that they are a Porsche owner, which probably will happen anyway.
There’s over 300 officially Porsche-branded products on their store, mostly things like key rings and hats and watches and sunglasses, so so many sunglasses, and even some colognes and perfumes so you can, presumably, smell like a Porsche. I’m picturing that heady aroma of oil and gas and that funny horsehair stuff they filled the seats with on a ’60s-era 356, but I suspect it’s probably something else.
But there’s a series of official Porsche-branded products that aren’t on Porsche’s own site, but are absolutely official, and have perhaps even more status and clout than anything sold on Porsche’s own pages. They’re also the most cynical of all the Porsche-branded crap, I think.
They’re the SMEG line of Porsche-branded fridges and toasters and coffeemakers and other kitchen stuff.
Are you familiar with SMEG? They’re an Italian appliance company notable for their high-quality, well-designed products and a name that makes the inner 9-year old boy in all of us laugh, because, lol, smegma.
The name doesn’t refer to the revolting “cheese-like substance” as one of my junior high school health books stomach-churningly referred to it, but is rather an acronym for “Smalterie Metallurgiche Emiliane Guastalla,” which has something to do with metal enameling and not any gross human body by-products.
Anyway, SMEG is a big deal in the rich-people-toast world, and Porsche seemed pretty excited by the collaboration:
“At the heart of this collaboration lies a shared philosophy: to craft objects that are not only functional but also emotionally resonant. Porsche, with its legacy of engineering excellence and motorsport triumphs, and Smeg, renowned for its iconic appliances and Italian design flair, have come together to create a collection that is as bold as it is beautiful,” says Stefan Büscher, CEO of Porsche Lifestyle Group.
And, okay, great, but I can’t get past that most of this “collaboration” is just slapping a Porsche logo on SMEG stuff:
I didn’t even notice the Porsche logo there at first. And while the color there is referred to as “Carrera White” to tie into Porsche, it’s still a white fridge. Who the hell even looks twice at a white fridge? That’s the traditional color of fridges. White cars sometimes even get accused of looking like a refrigerator, and I’ve never once heard anyone say a white fridge looks like it’s a Porsche Carrera.
There’s a toaster and a coffeemaker. With Porsche logos. This feels very phoned-in. Also, what’s with this picture? Did someone ask to have breakfast in the hedge maze? And then demand that their valet back their early 911 in the maze, too, so they can stare at it while polishing off half a loaf of bread?
The red line is a little more fun, I suppose, and it’s “917 Salzburg red” and the gumball with 23 in it pays homage to the 1970 Le Mans-winning Porsche 917, so, sure, that’s fun. But this is the extent of the effort attempted in this “collaboration.”
The reason I’m so salty about these appliances I will never, ever be able to own is that I’ve seen other SMEG collaborations that, while still pretty absurd, price-wise, feel special somehow. Their collaboration with Dolce & Gabbana, for example, delivered appliances like these:
Holy crap, right? That’s a fucking statement refrigerator! And look at this toaster:
Okay, that’s a beautiful toaster. No question, that toaster would get my attention. And this mixer:
And, yes, the prices are absurd, but at least you feel like this is more than a logo-slap. And the thing is, Porsche already has a history with delightfully-designed kitchenware! A while back I wrote about some incredible midcentury painted plates the Porsche factory used to give away to big machers:
Porsche owns the IP to these designs; why couldn’t they have gone the D&G route and made some really striking toast-making tools and other appliances?
Wouldn’t something like that have been so much cooler than just a lazy logo and stripe? It’s not like the toaster accelerates faster or hugs a curve with more grip or even burns the Porsche crest into the toast; it does the same damn thing as a $30 toaster from Wal-Mart. So it had better damn well look cool.
Oh, and one more fascinating detail: when I tried to take screenshots of the SMEG site, the window would go black! At least on my Mac: if you hold down shift and the command key on that site, part of the key combination to take a screenshot, the screen blacks out! Those little punks!
I found a workaround, but, damn, SMEG, calm down.
Why won’t they sell me a new 944? I’ll take a 968 or a Cayman, if I have to, but a late 944 would be just perfect, it it wasn’t 30 years old.
I don’t know how far down my list of dreams I’d have to get before settling on a fucking toaster.
“These Are The Most Cynical Porsche-Branded Things You Can Buy”
I was expecting an article about their SUVs.
Give me a SMEG toaster with horizontal pop-up slots (like an old tape machine) mimicking the 944 pop-up lights and I’d be interested
I would suggest that my Porsche 991 (I don’t have one) shaped silicone ice moulds are just a tad on the cynical side. Though they are literally quite cool.
Porsche has done an almost better job of making their cars a lifestyle than even Ferrari. My old neighbor had a 996.2, a Cayenne Turbo S, and every Porsche-branded clothing they made. He was a relatively down-to-earth guy, except when it came to his Porsches and then he bathed in that “Porsche ownership is a lifestyle” Koolaid. I’m sure his kitchen will be full of those wonderful (not sarcastic, SMEG stuff is great) Porsche-branded appliances as soon as he sees them.
I always felt like a tool driving a Lotus while wearing Lotus branded clothing, and that was when I was working for them.
It gives off wearing-the-band’s-merch-to-their-concert vibes.
Smeg is in no way high quality. It’s just regular quality, which is fine.
But they are high on design, and that’s what people pay for. If they can get people to pay even more by writing Porsche on it, fine: Go market economy!
Smeg do make some pretty sturdy gas stoves. I guess all gas stoves are, really, after all it’s just some valves and cast iron, nothing to go wrong…
Even though I’m also a Porsche (and Smeg) owner, I would never have Porsche striped/branded appliences at home: It’s a bit much and loud, isn’t it? Like having leather car seats for a sofa or an engine block for a coffee table.
I’m gonna play devil’s advocate in a way that almost makes me queasy, but if I had Jay Leno space and money, I could see having a Porsche fridge in my garage(s).
Then again, despite loving cars and racing, I take it pretty easy on merch purchases. A tasteful racetrack outline is one thing, a four-foot BMW roundel flag is something else.
I think we all would be a bit much and loud with Jay Leno space and money 😉
Gives off a “I-am-a-car-YouTuber” vibe.
Imma stop you right there, Jason, and point out that Chevrolet made the fastest refrigerator ever.
It was called the “Chevette with air conditioning” and used the same A/C compressor as the big V8 Chevys.
If Porsche wants to put their name on appliances they should have partnered with Toyota.
The only Porsche branded thing I own are my Porsches.
If that fact ever changes my wife has the right to smack the back of my head repeatedly.
Impressive. But I think the most cynical Porsche branded item you can buy is an $80k Macan with a VW 4-cylinder.
That SMEG mixer seems pretty genuine in comparison
Or maybe, pretty similar.
Those Dolce & Gabanna ones are really cool actually. I like that the mixer looks almost like a Dala horse.
“excuse me, sir, is your fridge running?”
“yes, listen to that engine purr.”
For some time, Porsche had a partnership with LaCie to make… external hard drives. And they were everywhere! It did not hit me until now how silly that was.
Hard drives can get up to 15,000 rpm’s. I see the connection
But since it was external and a cynical cash grab, I’m pretty sure they redlined at 5400 RPM. 😉
Excuse me, adding a racing stripe certainly makes the fridge go faster!
At least Porsche still makes most of their money of cars rather than branded tat.
https://store.ferrari.com
Someone posted a $229 Porsche sticker on our slack the other day. The manual transmission sticker. $229. A sticker. A 3 digit in price sticker.
A few years back we went to the Porsche Store on Rodeo Drive. Lots of tinnef there, like a bluetooth speaker made out of a Porsche Exhaust. Sweeeet…
The best was a pen that was like $400 or so, and it had this feature where in order to get the tip to extend, you literally “flicked” the pen, and the same movement to retract it.
The salesman said “they have solved the question of what to do when you only have one hand available to operate the pen” Evidently he wasn’t familiar with the .50 pen with the clicker on the end…
However, the 1980’s teenager in me LOOOOOVES the Porsche design sunglasses…
Porsche Design is a quite complicated matter. It was founded by the third Ferdinand (Alexander) Porsche of 911 fame and used to be independent from the then Porsche AG, which makes the cars. Yet they have always used the name “Porsche” and the well-known lettering, but not the crest. Since 2003, the company has been owned directly or indirectly by the new Porsche AG.
The old Porsche AG has evolved into Porsche Automobil Holding SE, which has been called a hedge fund that makes cars on the side and owns 53,1 % of Volkswagen AG, which in turn owns (the new) Porsche AG.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porsche_Design
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porsche_SE
The SMEG line of Porsche-branded products is the most honest line of Porsche branded products ever.
I too immediately saw SMEG and had a sensible yet juvenile chuckle. If half the reason you’re buying the product is for the branding, SMEG is… quite the choice.
Thank you Jason for saying what we were all thinking when it comes to SMEG.
Drew Magary mentioned the SMEG x Porsche collab in his 2025 Williams Sonoma Christmas list review, and nary a mention of dick cheese was made. I expected more from him.
https://defector.com/the-2025-haters-guide-to-the-williams-sonoma-catalog
In defense of SMEG: their appliances feel more substantial, the metal feels solid, and the paint on them is genuinely durable. I’m not defending the pricetag, but they far far better built than a cheap black-and-decker (though, both will boil water just as well – one just looks much nicer on the countertop)
And the 4-slice toaster being two extra-long slots rather than 4 regular slots is a gamechanger for quick breakfast options.
Want to toast a whole slice of rye sourdough bread? You can actually do that without needing to flip it or cut it in half
Want to toast a naan? Yeah, that’ll fit (you’ll have to flip it, though, because the slots aren’t double-deep, that would be silly)
… So, yeah, I can totally see Porsche making this a collab. And the plain black-line logo on the bottom is tasteful.
I’m right there with you – SMEG makes really nice and well-designed stuff, and I genuinely think this is about as tasteful as you can get for a tie-in with an auto maker. That said, I’d still rather have a non-Porsche SMEG appliance.
I now want a Peter Max designed toaster…or blender…maybe, a refrigerator. Lets see how that looks! But that table in the maze is also pretty cool.
Wait, I thought “smeg!” was an exclamation you used to replace other less socially acceptable four letter words when frustrated. Not the appliance but what a mere mortal would say upon receiving the bill.
Talkie Toaster.your chirpy breakfast companion, only cost $£19.99
“What the smeg does ‘howdy doodly do’ mean?”
“I toast, therefore I am!”
Porsche’s missing a real opportunity to partner a bathtub manufacturer.
And sell it next to the toasters?
I agree. Totally phoned-in collab. Your tie-in with the plates would have been so much cooler.
If it was a real Porsche collab, they’d offer a leather wrapped toaster plunger and deviated colored stitching for said leather wrapped plunger for $992.59
Custom color to match your tiles or kitchen chairs, $2k.